Author's Note:
Well, school is interesting. Hope everyone else is having fun xD
Disclaimer: I don't own this. I came up with everything you don't recognize from the books. But that's it. Heh.
And… just read and review xD
Oh yeah, I should explain something. If there's a line break, like this: -------------------- followed by a lot of words in italics, followed by another line break, its either a flashback or a dream. So the love potion is happening now. Just to let everyone know.
And the whole line break/italics/line break/more Italics thing is just showing a time separation in the flashback… sorry if it confuses anyone.
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Horace Slughorn looked grimly at his NEWT Potions class, front row, as he readied his papers for a lecture.
Stephanie Jones. The girl had a slight tendency to go crazy and add the most random ingredients to a potion. Ashton Fitch. That one had the unfortunate tendency to moon over Black. Sirius Black, the man in question. Had the unfortunate tendency to goof around. Lily Evans. Now there was a nice girl. Quiet, rule-abiding, brilliant potions student… she was going to make something of herself, as long as she stayed away from some of her friends…
"Professor, Professor!" Cai Brown said enthusiastically, and Horace groaned.
"Yes, Miss Brown?" He asked patiently.
"What are we doing in class today?"
"Well, we're-"
"Could we go outside?" He glared at her for interrupting, and Lily elbowed her friend.
"No, Cai," She whispered, "You asked that yesterday and he said no. So stop asking."
"Right," Cai replied loudly, "So, your plans for us, Professor?"
Horace rolled his eyes, but informed them of his plan to lecture on the Aging Potion, before allowing them to try and re-create it themselves.
"Boring!" Cai admonished. Lily looked slightly shocked while the rest of the class, with Slughorn included, rolled their eyes. "Now, Professor, I have a brilliant idea that will shock, amaze, and astound you."
"You do?" Slughorn asked, raising his eyebrows. "Oh, and five points from Gryffindor, as usual."
"Of course," She replied off-handedly. "But I am a genius, after all. I pose a question. What would Lily and/or Remus be able to do if I messed up a potion?"
"Most likely fix it with an antidote. As usual."
She nodded. "Yes, but what if they didn't know how to create the antidote."
"There is hardly a potion that Miss Evans, or Mr. Lupin for that matter, do not know how to remedy."
Cai smiled. "Ah yes, but there is one. Well, probably more, but the first that comes to mind is that illustrious Love Potion, Senor Slughorn. We've never gone over that antidote, sir."
Horace Slughorn pondered the options. Teaching Cai Brown an antidote for a Love Potion was just asking for trouble. Teaching anyone the antidote for a Love Potion was just asking for trouble. However, it could prove useful, for…
All right, maybe he just didn't want to lecture on a potion that almost none of the class would pay attention to. He was the best teacher, after all.
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Lily looked down yet again at the vial of clear liquid in her hand. "Cai, I can't believe you managed to convince Professor Slughorn to let us make this."
Cai grinned. "Ah, you have many doubts," She scoffed. "But I always come through in the end."
Lily rolled her eyes, but kept look at the vial. "Now, the only question is how are we going to get Alicia to drink this?"
She chuckled. "Leave that to me, fairest flower." Looking at Lily, she asked softly, "Do you want me to not call you that?"
Lily pretended to not know what she was talking about. "Hmm? Excuse me?" Cai sighed, but pulled Lily along to the Gryffindor Common Room, where Alicia was sure to be.
"Oy! Alicia!" She yelled as they entered the room, "Where in Merlin's name are you?"
The girl stood up from her seat, and ran over to them. "What? Why do you need me? Did Sirius ask you to find me?" Cai laughed, and grabbed the vial from Lily's hand.
"Drink this."
"Why?" She inquired. Lily sighed. Trust Cai to just hope that everything would fall into place, and march in here without any sort of plan.
"Er…" Cai looked around the room, as if searching for inspiration, and finally looked back at Alicia. "Petey over there got me this bottle of some drink, and I can't figure out what flavor it is. Could you help me decide?"
Alicia looked at her strangely. "Why don't you just ask Peter?"
"Well… because then he would get offended."
"Well, no offense to him or anything, but I'm not drinking that. You don't know where he's been." Lily heard the portrait door behind them open, and turned to see who it was.
Of course, She thought, Like it could be anyone else. A grinning James Potter was looking at her, and beckoning for her to come closer. Turning back to Cai and Alicia, Lily heard that the former was still trying to get the latter to drink the potion. I've got time.
She walked over to James, who looked questioningly at the two girls.
"What's going on?" He asked.
"You don't want to know," She informed him, and proceeded to watch Cai try and shove the potion down Alicia's throat. "Oh dear," She mused, "Alicia's not going to like that."
Which was true. Once Alicia had managed to wrangle free of Cai's grasp, she proceeded to hit her over the head multiple times.
James laughed. "All right, I won't ask."
Lily smirked. "Why did you want to talk to me?" She inwardly cursed herself, as this would probably prompt a hundred invitations to the Valentine's Day Ball, but James just simply told her,
"Minnie… Professor McGonagall asked me what we were going to do about music for the ball. Seems we left it off the list."
Lily started, and then remembered. "Oh James, because of your stupidity and incompetence-"
"Hey, who are you calling stupid and incompetent?"
Lily glared at him. "Might I remind you of a certain statement spoken by you? 'Wait, we're not talking about pie?'"
James chuckled weakly. "All right, continue. But I just got confused. And I honestly wasn't paying attention. I was staring… out the window!"
She looked at him strangely. "James, there was no window."
"Eh, it was a good try."
"No, it wasn't."
This was threatening to turn into one of the usual arguments by the two, so James tried to get them back on track. He didn't want to be known as the one to ruin the Valentine's Day Ball before it had even begun.
No, he wanted to be known as the one who pranked it. But there is a big difference.
For instance, in the first situation Lily would blame him, and never go out with him.
In the second situation, she would blame Sirius. And himself, but Sirius could cover for him. And there would be a slightly greater chance that Lily would go out with him.
"Lily, about the music?"
"Er… how about…" She proceeded to look around the Common Room, presumably for a bit of inspiration, and James decided to take matters into his own hands.
"How about I just take care of it? I'll find a band, and write up a song list. It's the least I could do after it being my fault that we didn't come up with music in the first place."
She smiled, but winced as she heard a crash from the other side of the room. Looking over, she saw Cai chasing after Alicia. "Sounds great, James, but I'd better go help Cai. I'll talk to you later, all right?" Without waiting for a reply, she caught up to the blonde girl, and succeeded in slowing the other girl down.
"Hey Alicia," She said loudly, and the girl turned to look at her.
"Lily!" Alicia shrieked. "Good thing you're here! Cai started to go crazy, and-"
"Hah!" Cai said triumphantly. "I know how I can get you to drink this." Not paying attention to Lily's groan of dismay, she barreled ahead. "Sirius said to drink it. Its his favorite flavor of… drink. Yup."
Alicia then snatched the bottle out of Cai's hands, and chugged it down.
Cai looked apologetically at both the girls. "Love potions, always react the same."
"Always?" Lily asked, narrowing her eyes.
"Er… well, from what I've heard. And I'm being serious!"
"Sirius?"
"NO!" Lily and Cai shouted. However, the last sentence had come from the man himself, who was trying to hide from Alicia. Cai saw this, and said cheerfully,
"Oh, don't worry about Alicia, I've given her Lily's antidote. She should be right as rain in… well, now. But seeing as Lily is ready to kill me, I'll be vacating the premises. Maybe see James about a quidditch practice." She ignored shouts of, "Cai, there's snow on the ground!" and left the room.
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A somewhat angry Cai Brown and a disgruntled James Potter sulked in the Gryffindor Common Room the next Saturday. After a few minutes of poking each other in the shoulders, followed by poking random first years who had the unfortunate luck of sitting near two seventh years on a Hogsmeade weekend, they slouched down in their seats.
"Lily." They both muttered, and started chuckling.
"What did you do this time, Jimmy?" Cai asked him.
James rolled his eyes, both at the nickname and the question. "I pranked a Slytherin, that's what. They deserved it, too! They were a fifth year, so it wasn't like I was picking on a 'poor defenseless first year' again." Noticing Cai getting a bit more annoyed by the fact that James was rambling on and on, he cut it short and sweet.
"Well, to make a long story short, Lily told me I wasn't allowed to go down to Hogsmeade for 'extremely bad behavior'. And she lectured me for at least fifteen minutes on how I should be setting a better example, being Head Boy and all." He smiled. "Like that'll ever change anything."
Cai chuckled. "I got the lecture too. 'Cai, I've known you for years, but this Love Potion was one of the stupidest things you've ever done! Stupider than trying to play quidditch in that blizzard, stupider than trying to become best friends with the Giant Squid when I wouldn't talk to you for a week…' It went on and on. Turns out I've done a lot of stupid things in my life. Who knew?" She shrugged.
James looked curiously at her. "Love Potion? Where was I for all this?"
Cai grinned. "No clue where you were. It's all Sirius' fault, actually."
"Really?"
"Really really." She informed him. "He was getting tired of his fan club, so he asked me to help him to make an anti-love potion."
James raised his eyebrows. "He asked you?"
"I know, but no one else would help him."
"And you thought, 'What the hey? Doesn't matter that in fourth year I blew up the dungeons!'"
"That was fourth year, Jimmy!"
"Cai, you almost blew up the dungeons last week as well."
"Almost, but not quite. There's a difference," She told him proudly. He just rolled his eyes, and motioned for her to continue.
"Well, it all started like this…"
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Sirius Black gracefully fell onto his extremely squashy armchair.
"My life is over," He uttered dramatically, and everyone around him rolled their eyes.
"Really, Sirius?" Remus asked, and the raven-haired boy nodded.
"Really really. It's destroyed. Kaput! I'm going to have to hide in a hole."
"Why?" Lily asked.
"Why? I'll tell you why. That." He muttered, pointing across the Common Room to where a group of fifth year girls was standing.
They were also pointing to him and giggling, which was what was unnerving.
"What did they do this time?" Ash asked, sighing.
"Asked me for a pair of my boxers." Sirius informed them. "Bet it's for a voodoo doll or something."
"Like they'd want to kill you," Stephanie told him.
"No, but they would want him to fall in love with them," Peter put in.
Cai tripping over the edge of the carpet on her way from the floor to a chair put a halt to their conversation, but it was quickly restarted when one of the girls held up something that looked like a T-shirt.
With Sirius' face on it.
"See!" He cried out. "It's terrible!"
After a few minutes, Ash muttered, "Well, it's a good thing Love Potions aren't allowed at Hogwarts. Otherwise you'd only be able to eat in the kitchens."
Sirius started. "Kitchens? Ashey, you're a genius!"
She looked a bit confused. "What, are you going to only eat in the kitchens from now on? Because, just so you know, the rest of us are going to eat in the Great Hall." Ash looked at Peter, who had just ambled out of the portrait. "Well, most of us will still eat in the Great Hall. Peter might go to the kitchens with you."
"As if," Sirius scoffed. "No, the kitchens made me think of Herbology. Which made me think of Transfiguration. Which made me think of Minnie, which made me think of essays. Which made me think of detention, for not writing said essays. Which made me think of Slughorn. Which made me think of the kitchens, again, but then made me think of Potions. And then, I decided to become a genius."
The rest of the group looked at him blankly.
"I'm going to make an anti-love potion!"
Stephanie put her hand to his forehead. "Do you have a fever?"
"Nope, I'm absolutely spiffing. But it's genius!"
"What, making an anti-love potion?"
"Of course!" Sirius insisted. "They won't hate me… they just won't love me! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!"
"Uh, Sirius, smart is spelled with an 'A'." Remus informed him.
"Didn't I say that?"
"No." The group duly reported.
After a few moments, Stephanie asked, "Why didn't Ash saying 'Love Potion' make you think of an anti-love potion?"
He shrugged. "Who knows? My mind is a very scary place. So, does anyone-"
Ash immediately stood up. "Sirius, let me be the first to say that I despise most of your fan club, and wish they would disband or something, but I'm not helping you with them. Again. My parents are still mad about last time."
"But Ashey, I swear the nifflers weren't supposed to get into Minnie's jewelry box!"
"And the Doxies?"
"A complete accident! How was I to know they would like the draperies in the Divination classroom?"
"What about the-"
"We get your point, Ash," Remus informed her. "Continue with your refusal to help."
"Certainly, Remus. I'm out." With that, she went up to her dormitory, quickly followed by Stephanie.
"Sorry, Sirius, but no dice."
"Lillers?"
"Nope."
"Remmy?"
"No way."
"Fine!" He said with a huff, and buried his face in a pillow. "I hope you all enjoy my suffering," He informed them, his voice slightly muffled. "I'll die, and you'll be dancing around eating cake."
"Apple pie, actually. Which reminds me, I've got a Charms essay to do."
Lily looked at him strangely. "Sometimes I believe you've been hanging out with Sirius for too long." Remus grinned, and then got up to go to the library. "Wait for me, though. I've got to finish my Defense Against the Dark Arts essay, and you would be a lot of help." As they left, Sirius proposed his question to the only other seventh year occupant left in the Common Room.
"Hey Cai…"
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"Honestly, I feel like one of those witches in those muggle films," Cai said, peering over a smoking cauldron.
"They make movies about us?" Sirius asked.
"Yes," She sighed, "If you had paid any attention in Muggle Studies…"
"You didn't pay attention either," He pointed out.
"You're right," Cai said cheerfully. "Remmy told me. But I can't believe that the potion was in the book!" She pointed to a soot-covered page in a greatly abused Potions textbook.
Besides its general occupation as a textbook, it was also used as a shield (hence the soot), a pillow, a weapon, a quaffle, a table, and… well, its uses were endless.
"I know, we're really lucky that it was right there," Sirius said excitedly. "When you threw the book at the wall, it just fell open to the page!"
Cai grinned. "We're just two lucky geniuses, aren't we?" After a moment, the two started laughing. "We should probably stir the potion now, or something to that effect." She peered at the page. "If you can read through the soot, I think it says to stir clockwise three times."
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"Why didn't you just use Scourgify?" James asked. Cai shrugged.
"Didn't think of that. But on another matter… I got a Potion right!" James chuckled, and then remembered something.
"Oy, I've been daft. Stay right here, and we'll be at Hogsmeade in a jiffy." He ran up to the seventh year boy's dormitory, and came back down a few minutes later carrying a piece of parchment and something slightly silvery in his hands.
"Voila!" James told her. "Let's go."
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Lily sighed as they wandered through what seemed to be endless rows of dress robes. Sirius had dragged off Peter and Remus to Honeydukes and Zonkos, while the remaining girls were looking for robes to wear to the Valentine's Day Ball.
"How about pink?" Ash asked Stephanie, and the latter grimaced.
"Too cliché. How about lime green?"
She sighed again. I really shouldn't have told Cai and James to stay in the castle. Knowing Cai, she ripped a hole in her old robes, and James probably forgot his robes at home. She started. James? When did he come into my thoughts?
When you decided you loved him, A voice answered.
Shut up! She replied. I do not-
"Hey Lily, what do you think of these ones?" Ash interrupted her thoughts, holding out a gold colored robe.
"Well-"
This time someone calling her name interrupted her.
"Lily! Lily Evans!"
"Oh no," She groaned softly, "Don't tell me it's James."
"It's not," Stephanie said.
"Well, honestly, you don't have to lie. James," She started to yell, but when she turned around she was surprised to see someone about her height, with blonde hair perfectly spelled in place, instead of someone a great deal taller than her, with black messy hair.
"Hullo, Lily," The boy said.
"Er… Hello?" Lily somewhat asked, a bit hesitantly. Looking over at Stephanie and Ash, she mouthed 'Who is he?' They both shrugged in reply, and Lily turned back to the boy, who was now shaking her hand enthusiastically.
"I'm Gilderoy. Gilderoy Lockhart."
"Oh," Lily said unenthusiastically. "That's great. Um…"
"You're probably wondering why I came to talk to you, correct?" Lily smiled.
"Yes, actually, I was. You see-"
"Well, I'll tell you," Gilderoy said, ignoring the fact that Lily was trying to speak. "It all started over the summer, but you wouldn't want to hear about that. To make a very long story short, would you go to the Valentine's Day Ball with me?"
Lily froze. After a few moments, she spoke. "Er, listen, Gilderoy, I'm really sorry, but-"
"All right, so I'll meet you at seven at the Ball?" He eyed the robes in her hand. "Look, I'm wearing forget-me-not-blue. You might want to put that gold set back and go get a pair to match."
"But-"
"It's all right. Sometimes girls just need a little push in the right direction. It's fine. Oh, this is going to be so much fun."
It seemed as if Gilderoy was not listening to her.
"Excuse me, but who do you think you are?"
"Gilderoy Lockhart, Hufflepuff Fifth Year," He said, cocking his head to the side. "I already thought we went over that. Oh, and don't wear those shoes. Here, if you come with me we can find you a nice set of robes, some jewelry, and a great pair of shoes to match my outfit…" He babbled on and on, and Lily looked helplessly at Ash and Stephanie.
Great friends I have, she thought, as she saw the two girls laughing so hard they were almost falling over.
"Lily? Lily? Have you head a word I said?"
She snapped back to the conversation at hand.
"Look, Gilderoy, I hate to say this, but-"
"Don't worry, Lily, I'm honored to take you to the ball. It'll be a lot of fun!"
Lily was practically seething. "Look, I don't want to be rude, but-"
"Oh, you want to know how my summer went? Absolutely spiffing. In fact, I'll tell you the entire story. You see, my mother has a brother who lives in Alaska- dreadful place, really. Very cold. But I was staying there for a month or so-"
"You see, I can't-"
"And then there was a wolverine attack!"
"I really don't want to-"
"And so I spent my entire vacation with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines."
"Did you-"
"Did I kill any? Of course! They kept trying to attack my cousins, what would you do in a situation like that?"
"SHUT UP!" Lily finally bellowed. Seeing that she had Gilderoy's attention, she took the initiative. "Look, Gilderoy, you're a great guy and all, but-"
"I know, aren't I amazing?"
"Would you shut up and listen to me? I don't want to go to the ball with you."
"Well, of course you do!"
She grimaced. "Nope, don't want to."
"But-"
"Sorry Gilderoy, but no." Lily then turned to walk away.
"But you didn't hear about the time I helped Sir Godfrey-"
Ash and Stephanie at this point were lying on the ground, gasping for air amidst hundreds of robes. Lily glared at them, but helped them up before walking out the door.
"Lily-"
"SHUT UP!" She bellowed, but it turned out this time to be a person she had banished to the far reaches of Alaska.
Or just the Gryffindor Common Room.
"Cai! James!" She said happily, and took their arms, nearly dragging them to Honeydukes, ignoring faint calls of 'Lily!' from a very confused Hufflepuff.
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So… yet another chapter xD
Anything you recognize from Napoleon Dynamite… not mine xD
Only four reviews? –tear-
FanFictionFantom: The love potion thing is happening now… hence most of this chapter xD Don't worry, a few people were confused about that.
Ashey: Yup, no excuse whatsoever.
And now that I've written another chapter… you need to work doubly hard on Felix! –cackles maniacally- Muhahaha… I'll shut up now xD
But… Gilderpoleon! xD
Tuttleh: Lol, yay xD And I won't put you with the rat. Scouts honor.
Course, I was never a scout… but let's just go with the flow, aight? xD
Tantan: I know! What is a fanfic without Sirius? A bad one, at best xP Just kidding, everyone who didn't put Sirius in their fics xD Lily will tell her everyone about her parents soon… and I'm not sure if she'll go to the wedding or not. But the wedding will be after they graduate, to let everyone know xD
So… that's it! Review, please!