This Ain't the Golden Years
Chapter 26
Location: Justice League Watchtower
Date: December 19, 2058
Mission: Question Baiting
Terry: I don't know how Bruce expects me to find out what Ollie and Wally are up to. They won't tell me this time. You got any ideas Mr. Sage?
Vic Sage: Have you tried spying on them?
Terry: Ollie's too smart for that.
Vic: Yes, which makes this all the more troubling.
Terry: I know they're doing something big, but I don't know what.
Terry: (Makes a dramatic show of thinking hard.)
Vic: (No response.)
Terry:…?
Terry: What are you looking at?
Vic: I'm studying some observations of mine. Helena doesn't believe me when I tell her that there's a possibility that Santa Clause actually exists.
Terry's Inner Thought: You crazy old man.
Terry: Santa isn't real.
Vic: Why not?
Terry: (raises an eyebrow)
Vic: How do you know he isn't? Think about it, what percentage of the League has been and currently does consist of aliens, meta-humans and other supposedly mythical beings?
Terry:…
Terry: Good point. But how do you explain the flying reindeer then?
Vic: Shining Knight had a flying horse.
Terry:…
Vic: Oh, and exactly how many Leaguers have the ability to fly or teleport?
Terry:….
Vic: See?
Terry: What about the ability to visit every child on earth in a single night?
Vic: There's a little thing called time zones. It's not night time at the same time all over the earth.
Terry: Oh yeah.
Terry: I guess that makes sense. But I never got any presents from him. All of my "Santa" presents were from my parents.
Vic: I have some theories on that.
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From: Helena Szasz
To: Dinah Queen
Date: December 20, 2058
Subject: The Santa Conspiracy
In case your husband is wondering, yes, Q is definitely being driven insane by trying to figure out what the Terrible Two are going to do on New Year's Eve.
Oh and the reason for the subject heading is that Vic thinks that Santa might be real. He actually managed to convince Terry McGinnis of all people too. The kid was trying to worry Vic by telling him what Wally and Ollie might be up to, but instead he ended up falling victim to Vic's twisted mind.
Vic started telling him his Santa conspiracy theories. By the end, Terry was actually asking questions. I think he now honestly believes what Vic told him.
Bruce is going to kill Vic.
Helena
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Location: Gotham City
Date: December 20, 2058
Specific Location: The Batcave
Bruce: McGinnis….what have I told you about listening to the Question?
Terry: But how do you know that Santa isn't real?
Bruce: (Sighs and rubs forehead)
Bruce: McGinnis…
Terry: Well?
Bruce: If Santa Clause was real, don't you think that with all the technology and superheroes running around, someone might have found him by now?
Terry:…
Terry: It could be a…
Bruce: It's not a cover up. It's not a conspiracy. Never listen to the Question.
Terry: Look, I'm not saying that Santa's a nice guy. I mean, how can you trust a guy who knows if you're awake or sleeping?
Bruce: I'm not going to discuss this.
Terry: Maybe he's a pervert who likes little kids…
Bruce: Terry! Enough!
Terry: According to Mr. Sage, Santa's a sadistic Nazi who forces the elves to work as slave labor.
Bruce (warning): McGinnis…
Terry: Did the CIA knock him off or something?
Bruce: This conversation is over. Get to work.
Terry: Maybe Santa's an alien…
Bruce: (GLARE)
Terry: Fine. I'll shut up.
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Excerpt from the Personal Journal of Bruce Wayne:
Date: December 20, 2058
I've added Charles Victor Szasz to my "List". I've ranked him number three after Wally and Ollie. What the hell must I do with Terry, lock him in a closet? Why does everyone feel they must imprint their bad influences upon my son? Granted, none of them know yet that he is biologically my child, but that's not the point. He's my protégé and student.
I suppose if worse comes to worse, I'll let Shayera or Diana "train" him for a week. He obviously no longer fears me, so I must find other sources.
I also can not find what Ollie and Wally are up to. My research leads me to conclude that those hooligans are up to something. Since they did not even tell Terry their plans (or so he claims), I'm worried. I know these two 'children' and I cringe at what they might do.
I need to figure this out before it's too late.
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December 20, 2058
Operation Question Baiting failed! Vic Sage AKA the Question AKA the Kook brainwashed Terry!
If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.
Terry did tell me by the way that both Vic and Bruce are obsessed with finding out our "plans". I can't wait to see their faces when nothing happens.
To make them even more scared, Ollie went and "secretly" bought several boxes of some really rank, cheap perfume.
They're a little worried about what we're going to do with it. I don't know what we'll do with it after New Year's.
Ollie and I also made a show of secretly "planning" our prank while we were around John and Shayera. I whispered "Dancing Girls" really loud and Ollie pretended to quietly shush me.
I never knew that psychological warfare could be so much fun.
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Location: The Stewart Home
Date: December 21, 2058
Shayera: Terry, you can't believe everything that Vic tells you.
John: In fact, most of the time you can't.
Rex: I don't know, I think he has a point.
John: Not you too!
Rex: Who says that there can't be flying reindeer?
Shayera: If Santa was real, we'd have…
Terry: He could be hiding.
Rex: Maybe he's a shapeshifter or something.
John: For God's sake, Santa is not…
Terry: Maybe it's J'onn!
John: J'onn is not Santa! Santa is supposed to be hundreds of years old for crying out loud!
Shayera: Calm down John.
Rex: Maybe it's like on that Tim Allen movie, The Santa Clause.
Shayera: That's only a mo…
Terry: Maybe it is J'onn. He can shapeshift.
Rex: And fly.
Terry: And teleport.
Rex: Become invisible.
Terry: Go through walls…
Rex: And he's telepathic. He'd know if you were naughty or nice.
Terry: Or even if you were awake or sleeping.
Shayera: Boys…
Rex: Don't forget Z'onn Z'orr. It's that ancient Martian City in Antarctica.
Shayera: That's in the Antarctic, not the North Pole dear.
Rex: But that could be where they got the North Pole idea!
John: I can't believe this! J'onn is NOT Santa Clause!
Rex: Maybe not J'onn necessarily. It could be a secret society of Martians. That's why we've never found him.
Shayera:…
Terry: Or maybe it's…OREOS!
John: What?
Rex: That's right! He's addicted to Oreos!
Shayera: 'Oreo' cookies!
Terry: So? They're still cookies!
Rex: That's it! J'onn HAS to be Santa!
John: FOR THE LAST TIME! J'ONN IS NOT SANTA!
Shayera: Lord give me strength.