This Ain't the Golden Years

Chapter 34

December 25, 2058 (1:08 am.)

I hate waiting. The kids said that they had twenty houses before they hit Ollie's and that was about 45 minutes ago. Linda doesn't want to come and Jai claims that someone has to watch the kids, even though most of them are asleep.

I guess it's just me and Iris…what the…

Why is Jai tied up with Christmas Garland? And is that a gag around his mouth?

Iris!

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Location Wally and Linda West's House
Date: December 25, 2058

Wally: Iris!

Jai (irate): Mmmfff…!

Iris: What?

Wally: Did you tie your brother up?

Jai: (GLARES) (Translation: As if I did this myself!)

Iris: It's the only way I can make him come with us.

Jai (after untying himself): I don't want to come with you!

Iris: Fine, then I'll tell Rex that you were too chicken to.

Jai: As if I care what Stewart thinks. He can't even get a girlfriend.

Wally: Come on Jai, we need a responsible adult to come along.

Iris: Yeah, do Dad and I look responsible to you?

Jai: (incoherent muttering)

Wally: Hey, it's the phone!

Iris: Terry!

Jai: I'm not going!

Linda (sighs): Why can't we ever have a quiet Christmas?

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Location The roof of Oliver and Dinah Queen's House
Date: December 25, 2058

Terry: What took you guys so long?

Jai: (Grumbling.)

Iris: Jai tried to run away instead of coming with us.

Wally: We tackled him somewhere in Russia.

Jai: (incoherent muttering)

Rex: He looks a little pissed.

Jai: For the record, I could be in bed by now.

Wally: Come on, its Ollie's house. It'll be fun.

Jai: Fun is not running around the world at nearly 2:00 on Christmas morning!

Rex: (In silent agreement but won't admit it.)

Terry: Maybe we'd better go ahead and do this before they hear us.

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Date: December 25, 2058

Oliver Queen's version

I knew something was off when I heard footsteps on the roof. Dinah was fast asleep next to me as I slipped out of bed to check the house. The grandkids were already asleep, but our kids were both up…well…Elissa was still up. Ethan, my beloved son, can sleep through almost anything.

Anyway, I was waiting with my trusty bow and arrows for the intruders to make a move. That's when I nailed the first two in the chests as they tried to break in.

Turns out it was Rex and Terry.

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Date: December 25, 2058

Wally West's version

Can you believe Ollie slept through it? Dinah was waiting for us in the living room with their daughter, Elissa. She managed to blast Rex and Terry with her Canary Call before she realized it was us.

I zipped into their bedroom to wake up Ollie, who was asleep the whole time. He practically levitated three feet into the air after I woke him up. Then he threw some pillows at me.

We couldn't wake Ethan up though. He's still snoring from his bedroom.

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Location Oliver and Dinah Queen's House
Date: December 25, 2058

Wally: (Laughing)

Ollie: It's not funny! I was awake, I swear I was!

Wally: You didn't look awake to me.

Ollie: I was pretending!

Dinah: Okay dear, you were just pretending.

Ollie: I was.

Elissa Queen: Sure you were Dad.

Ollie: I was!

Iris: Anyway, Terry and Rex have your presents.

Rex: Dinah gets some jewelry.

Ollie: What do I get?

Terry: Coal.

Ollie:…Really?

Dinah: Don't tell me you're actually happy about that.

Wally: I got more than you.

Ollie: Whaaaat? That's not fair!

Wally: (Laughing.)

Ollie: How does he get more coal than me?

Jai: He did more bad things.

Ollie: Oh yeah, well I'm going to get more coal next year, you hear that Wally?

Wally: Yeah right, I'm getting more.

Dinah: Great, now we have a contest to see who can get more coal.

Jai: Dad thinks they should use their coal to scare the Council.

Ollie: Really? That's a great idea!

Wally: Let me…

Rex: Uh…we got to get going. We still have some more houses.

Terry: Yeah, we still have to hit Bruce's.

Rex: I wonder how Matt and Kai-ro are doing?

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Location Z'onn Z'orr
Date: December 25, 2058

Matt: What's taking them so long? We finished half an hour ago!

Kai-ro: ZZZzzzzzz

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Next stop: Bruce Wayne's House

Editing note: I originally had Ollie's daughter's name as Emily. However, I realized that earlier in this story that he already had a granddaughter with that name. Because of that, I changed her name to Elissa.