A great and heartfelt Thank-you to Sapho's Daughter and Token for your stunning and uplifting words. We have come to the end of this journey and I thank you so much for reading!

Jellicos

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Chapter seven: Bittersweet Salvation.

You find it odd that your back is hurting so, until you open your eyes and realise it's resting on the hard concrete floor. Pulling yourself up from your resting position you realise you fell asleep. Looking at the clock on your office desk you wonder how you even got an hour of time alone in this building.

It's when it dawns on you why you fell asleep in the first place that you feel the world crashing in on you at full speed. The feelings your body was too exhausted to deal with then come barging though the door and snatch you from the sweet state of unawareness.

You remember. Your body would never forget the weakness it felt as your vocal chords lent their services to your heart. You told her you loved her and she left, walked out your door and in her wake you lost your reasons.

The air around you suddenly seems too thick to breathe and you lungs are cracking from the lack of oxygen flowing through them, yet you can't find it in you to care. You know your life shouldn't revolve around her, that somehow you'll survive the pain and your legs will keep carrying you through you every day life. But the pain is so close to your heart right now that to think of things beyond it seems unreasonable at best.

Somehow you manage to stand and brush the dust of you suit. Not because you care, but because you have responsibilities you can't forget just because you feel sorry for yourself. And that's exactly how you've chosen to characterise your feelings right now. Because you know heartbreak, you've been there before, but it's never been like this and you have decided that it can only be because of self-pity. And in that light you refuse to wallow, but rather bury yourself in your work.

Thankful for the little mirror in your bag, you fix your tear swollen eyes before opening the door that leads to the outside world, and her. You don't know how seeing her again will affect you, and right now you don't want to think about it. Frankly, you don't want to think about anything that has to do with her, you are tired of hurting.

Instead you decide to hide in the comfort of the shimmering lights in the room of deadly choices, knowing there won't be a human in sight at this time of the evening, but maybe it will give you a break from your painful thoughts.

Instead you find your breath catch in your throat as you notice her hunched over frame folding itself over the large dark table, her feet planted firmly on the ground while her body seems to be motionlessly fleeing the chair and instead throwing itself over the flat surface of the overly varnished desktop.

You can't do this, not now. The sting behind your eyes lets you know it won't take much for your hurt to leak from your eyes. So you turn; the sight of her so vivid in your mind that the solid doorframe jumps up on you and stops you with a much too loud sound. You can hear her head snap up from its resting place and you quietly utter a word of fright and panic.

"Kate." Your heart starts beating at the softness of her voice and you hold on to the blasted doorframe for support as you hear the rustle of her attire indicating her body's advances towards you.

"Don't." You plead, not sure she understands the full dept of what you are asking her not to do. You will your limbs to start moving, to run, to flee, but your muscles seem to have transformed by her voice and now you are left with no option but to fight her off with your cracking words.

"I… I'm sorry." She whispers from right behind you and you bite your lip hard as to redirect the pain from your chest to your face, to force your body's focus on the bite and not to release the wetness from your eyes. It takes a while before your mind registers her words, it has been too busy focusing on her proximity and scent and the soft crack in her voice.

Something starts to move within you and without asking your permission, your body turns to face her, unsure of how to handle the declaration of her words.

You see her face now and you turn angry at your eyes for fooling you into thinking she's been crying. There's a delicate hint of redness under those piercing greens that you wouldn't have detected if she wasn't standing so close.

"I didn't realise." She says again, and now you start to understand. She didn't understand how you felt, it wasn't that she didn't care, and now she feels guilty. You know her well enough to know she hates that feeling more than most, and now she's waiting for you to tell her that she didn't do anything wrong, she wants you to lift the burden of her conscience off her chest and carry it for yourself. You tell yourself you don't mind because you don't care. Not anymore.

"It's okay." You tell her but speak to the floor, almost laughing yourself at how unconvincing you sounded. But all thoughts of humour are lost as you feel her palm against your cheek.

Your body is ever the traitor as it leans against the touch and your eyes flutter shut even when you silently yell at them not too. "Please…" You whisper for her to stop as your body continues to undermine your argument.

"It's not… I… I couldn't tell you… I didn't want to see…I…" Her stuttering catches you more off guard than any of her previous uncharacteristic behaviour and it gets through to your eyelids who open up for the light around you and let the sight of her face crash against you. You can only stare as you identify the thin line of water running down her right cheek.

"I love you." You never thought those words would ever have that effect on you, but something within you cracks open and you tear yourself away from her, not able to hear anything but the blood pumping in your ears.

"You...bitch!" Your voice roars through the soundproof room as your mind clouds with rage and you can't see the shocked expression on her face. "How dare you?!" Your anger is muffled by sobs and you have to lean your hands against the flatness of a table in order to stand somewhat upright. "You…can't… can't toy with me…like this…" You plead heart wrenchingly through your desperate cries of unrestrained sorrow. "How…" You can't utter words to ask how she can play you like this, how she can expect you not to break at her manipulation.

So you fight as she pulls you up from the table, you try to hit her chest as she forces you into her arms, but you relent as she wraps her body around you and holds you while you shake, your tears staining the jacket of her suit and your hands creating wrinkles in it as they grasp at it, holding on for dear life.

"I love you." She whispers in your ear and you keep fighting her without letting her go.

"No… no…" You breathe your thoughts over and over again, forcing yourself not to believe her as your head shakes against her neck. But your hold on her shoulders tightens in a desperate attempt to keep her close though you know she can never get too close, perhaps not even close enough right now.

"I love you." Her breath tells your ear again and this time your voice cannot utter any mantras of self-salvation. Instead you use all your remaining strength to push her up against the wall, your hands feverishly searching for the skin under her blouse as your lips slam against hers in a despairing search to feel her. As you sense her resistance, your panic grows.

"Kate…" She gasps your name as her lips tear from yours and you feel their loss immediately. "No, this isn't…" Her words get cut short by your fierce attack of her neck and the loud groan emanating from the back of her throat. You could never get enough of those sounds, or the taste of her skin, and you know that losing this connection with her now is terrifying you. You need to feel her, know she's real. "Stop." Your mind suddenly clears as her arms grab yours and firmly push you away, yet not letting their grip of your wrists lessen.

"CJ… please…" You plead needily and you see the sadness in her darkened eyes. "I need you." You feel her grip soften and her eyes show her momentary relentment before her head gives a single shake.

"Not here, not like this." She tells you and somehow her voice gives no room for argument. Yet you're not sure what she means, you can't remember her ever objecting to the manner and place in which you've done this before. "I want to do this right." Her eyes find her shoes and you know it's because of the slight absurdity of her statement in your situation, yet you can't help the muscles in your face that pull on the corner of your lips as you realise what she's saying. "Come home with me." She whispers before she looks up and your smile transfers itself to her now slightly swollen lips at the sight of your face. "I want to take you out." She blushes slightly as she again averts her gaze, but her smile doesn't fade and neither does yours. "And if you'll let me, I'd like to make love to you tonight." Her words are spoken so softly you can barely make them out, but as they reach your ears your body swells until it bursts in a soft chuckle tainted by previous tears.

"I'd like that." You whisper back as your thumb and forefinger cup her chin to force her eyes to mirror yours.

"Yeah?" Her hopeful eyes search yours for confirmation, and in case they missed it you offer extra reassurance.

"Yeah." You gently press your smiling lips to hers as you feel your chest rise under the pressure of the bubbles inside. You keep smiling as your head falls to just below the crook of her neck and you sigh in relief as you feel her exhale and wrap her arms just a little bit tighter around you.

Because you do care and you do feel, and right now you've never been happier for it. You know there is more talking to be done, and more hurt in the future. You know it's not going to be this simple and these won't be the last tears you shed because of her. But as you once again hear the air from her lungs whisper her love in your hair, you know it will all be worth it in the end.

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I hope you enjoyed the story; the rest is completely up to your imagination :) Thank you.

Jellicos