CHAPTER EIGHT: SO LONG, FAREWELL

Holly pulled back, horrified. "I have to go." She said hurriedly, standing up and backing away from the couch, and the bewildered criminal genius sitting on it.

"Holly –" Artemis began, grabbing her elbow as she turned away from him.

"Don't touch me!" Holly snapped, and Artemis pulled back as though he'd been burned.

"Holly, I –"

"You what, Artemis? What can you possibly say?"

Artemis was silent, which Holly took as her cue to leave. Nodding curtly at him, she seized Mulch from a circle of girls, and dragged him out the door by his bowtie. Watching the pair leave, Artemis finally answered Holly's question.

"I can say I love you."

Over the next few weeks Artemis tried everything he could to stop himself thinking about the dance and the kiss, and the ensuing drama. He threw himself into the most difficult maths problems in the world, wrote sophisticated and inaccessible internet papers, and generally was lost to the world. He even tried doing him homework. However, whenever he surfaced from an interval of particularly deep contemplation, Artemis would invariably look at his notebook and find his last eight lines of equations were written in unfortunately non-mathematical characters that repeatedly spelled out the word Holly; or discover that his last paragraph of evidence was written in Gnommish and had more to do with the psyche of female elves than nuclear physics; or realise that his English reading assignment actually had a happy ending and his book report was based on an incorrect hypothesis.

It took Butler a total of about one day to know that something was wrong with Artemis, but considerably longer for him to work up the courage to ask about it. One day, however, after bringing his employer his fifth cup of Earl Gray in two hours, Butler paused near the door and enquired, "Artemis, is there something wrong?"

Artemis sipped his tea and replied with typical serenity. "No, nothing at all. Why do you ask?"

Butler shifted uncomfortably. Talking feelings wasn't his strong point. "It's just that since the dance you've been little…intense."

Artemis brow creased as he looked at Butler. "Haven't I always been intense? I am, after all, a genius."

"Well, yes, but…five cups of tea in two hours? And you're distracted. All the time."

"Distracted?" Artemis gave a dry chuckle. "Distracted in what way?"

Butler shrugged. "Distracted in the way of someone who just put seven teaspoons of sugar in their tea."

Artemis looked at the silver teaspoon in his hand and placed it carefully back in the sugar bowl. "I promise, Butler. If there is ever anything wrong with me, you will be the first to know."

Butler nodded uncertainly, and decided to try one more time. "Artemis, if it's about a girl, you know I'm here anytime. Just don't let it turn into an obsession, if you know what I mean." He gave Artemis a significant look, which Artemis received with a raised eyebrow.

"Believe me Butler; there is no girl. And even if there were, I would have no tolerance for pining after her. For one thing, that would be a terrible cliché, and for another, it would be a waste of my time and my genius."

Sighing, Butler accepted defeat. "Well then, what are you doing that requires five cups of tea?"

"I am merely planning a paper on philosophy and chemistry, which proves that love is purely a figment of the human imagination. An emotion we try to induce, under the illusion that it will somehow bring great happiness. It is an idealized, unrealistic standard, and I intend to prove that in fact it is purely imaginary."

Butler raised an eyebrow. "Good to see that that imaginary girl hasn't affected your outlook on life and love."

Artemis scowled and ignored him.

Butler shook his head, collected the tea things, and left Artemis alone. Even genii were susceptible to hormones. Although, he decided, he didn't think he'd mention it to Artemis just then. The Irish criminal mastermind would probably set out to prove that certain elements of his brain made him different from the rest of teenage life, and placed him above such useless things as puberty.

When Butler had left, Artemis turned back to the keyboard, his paper already formed in his mind. Then, for some reason, he paused; his fingers a fraction of a millimeter above the home keys, apparently suspended deep in thought.

Changing his mind suddenly, he opened a new window and started typing.

Sitting in the Ops Booth, Foaly started from a short nap as the computer informed him that he had an email. Sitting up, Foaly was surprised to see that it was from Artemis. Naturally suspicious, he ran it through seven different virus detection programs. When it came up clean, he was naturally even more suspicious. Opening it cautiously, his eyes widened, then blinked several times, then were rubbed vigourously as he read the letter.

Dear Mister Foaly,

It may (or may not, depending upon your powers of deduction) surprise you to know that I have become exceptionally fond of Captain Short in the time since I, most regrettably, abducted her. This fondness I know to be extremely inappropriate, yet this did not prevent me from acting upon it several weeks ago at a dance which Captain Short attended. On this occasion I made my feelings clear, but was rebuked by the Captain; I regret to say that this has by no means lessened the intensity of my feelings for her, but I am obliged to respect her wishes and not pursue the issue further.

However, I must express my desire to at least talk to her one more time, and if her feelings are the same as they were at the dance, I wish to say goodbye. It is here that I must request both your assistance, and your discretion concerning the issue outlined above. I realise you owe me nothing that would let you find this wish reasonable, but I implore you to consider it anyway. If you will tolerate my appeal, I ask you to arrange for Captain Short to be at Tara at midnight on this coming Friday. No confirmation nor negation in reply will be necessary, as I intend to go regardless.

Yours &c.

Artemis Fowl II

Foaly shook his head in admiration. The mud boy was audacious, that was for sure. But did that mean that he was going to help him? It was an interesting dilemma. On the one hand, he really, really didn't want to do anything to help his least favourite human. On the other hand, Holly had actually been looking rather depressed lately. In fact, Foaly was not entirely sure that she was as indifferent to Artemis as he had been led to believe.

But then on the other, other hand, if Root found out that Foaly was involved in any way with the situation, Foaly would be fired before he could say 'just wanted to help.' Similarly, if it all went pear-shaped and Holly found out he had interfered in her personal life, she would never forgive him.

Foaly chewed his lower lip. Definitely a dilemma.

Three days later, Artemis waited under an old oak tree at Tara. He still didn't have any idea what he was doing. Butler was waiting several metres away, Artemis having filled him in on what had happened at the dance after sending the email to Foaly. At the moment, Butler was making sure that if anyone attacked Artemis he would be close enough to snap their neck, whilst also being far enough away from his charge for him to feel some sort of privacy.

It was fifteen minutes after midnight, and Artemis was beginning to lose hope, when a shimmering patch of air solidified into the shape of Holly's Melder Unit hologram, albeit now wearing the black LEP stealth suit and reflective helmet.

"Holly," said Artemis, smiling with relief. "You came."

Holly slid her visor up with a pneumatic hiss . "Yes, I did." She removed her helmet.

Artemis had spent almost the whole of the last three days thinking about what he would say if Holly actually came to meet him, but now that she was here he didn't have a clue what to do. Holly had no such qualms.

"Foaly said you wanted to say goodbye."

Artemis was surprised. "Foaly said…yes, I did want to say that."

Holly shrugged. "goodbye, then."

Artemis shook his head. "No, Holly – I simply ask you to honestly answer me one question."

Holly raised an eyebrow. "One question."

"You must swear to tell the truth."

Holly nodded, smiling slightly.

"How do you feel about me?"

Holly was silent for a long moment, a moment that felt like eternity to Artemis. "I don't know why, but I love you, Artemis."

Although this was exactly what Artemis had hoped to hear, there was something in her voice that made him hesitate. "But…?"

"But it can't happen. We'd be breaking laws that haven't even been invented yet."

Artemis looked at the ground, then back at Holly, getting a hold of himself. "You're right, of course." He extended a pale hand. "Sworn enemies again, then?"

Holly grinned, taking his hand and shaking it. "Was that a joke, Artemis Fowl?"

Artemis shrugged, making Holly laugh outright. "All right, sworn enemmmph!"

Artemis had pulled her towards him and kissed her before she could finish talking.

"Goodbye kiss," he said breathlessly, when he was done. Holly scowled at him.

"Try that again and you'll find yourself kissing a tree with a concussion."

"Oh, indeed?" Artemis raised an eyebrow at her. In response, Holly jammed her helmet back on and slid the visor down. Then she shielded and activated her wings, floating several feet above Artemis' head.

"Goodbye, Mud Boy."

Artemis looked up. "Goodbye, Captain Short."

So what do you think of the new ending? Kinda corny?

I should say thankyou to Raserei Hojo, because it was his/her (help me out here) review that made me re-read that last chapter and start writing again for the first time in AGES. Also, thanks to Linwen, for nomming this for an Orion. I'm flattered, so thanks heaps!

BTW, I'm back! Alot's been happening, which is my excuse for not posting .:coughorstartingcough:. my new story yet. But I live in New York now, long story short. And I'm having to do most of grade 11 again, even though I already finished it in Oz-land. But whatever.

I'd like to say a special G'DAY! to all those who country I now share. Thankyou for having me!!