SingMyLullabySweet666: All righty then my fellow friends and reviewers. This is chapter number 4 on this story! Yay!!

Fans: About time too. We have been waiting forever.

SingMyLullabySweet666: I know, I know…. I'm sorry and I'll try to update faster.

Fans: Promise?

SingMyLullabySweet666: I promise and Eike will do our lovely little disclaimer.

Eike: Again?

SingMyLullabySweet666: Yes again….. If you do then I promise to make a story for Shadow Of Destiny. It will be staring you and Homunculus.

Eike: Fine, but you have to make it the way I want to have it.

SingMyLullabySweet666: Agreed!

Eike: Sing doesn't own Yu-gi-oh but does own Ryou's boss and his daughter. Please don't sue!

SingMyLullabySweet666: Here a few things you need to know:

Italic: Thinking

Italic : Song

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You hold the answer deep within your own mind

Consciously, you've forgotten it

My life has lost its meaning and I only live with regret. Nothing matters anymore and all I have to thank is my self. I have driven everyone away from me with my new found coldness. They ask me what's wrong and I push them away not want anything to do with them. I refuse to open myself up to anybody, no matter who they are and what authority they have over me. I will not be hurt again. I don't want to feel the heart ache that I feel as of know grow stronger. I have hurt for more than 5 years and now the ache has finally began to dull somewhat. I'm not saying it isn't there, I'm just saying it died down a little but every time I think about him, and I hurt once more. I can't stand it, I want this pain to forever be over with but it will never leave me empty hollow shell of a soul that remains deep within this body. I want to leave and never return…… Is it too much to ask to have just the smallest amount of peace for once in these five long depressing years. Please, I don't want to hurt anymore.

Ryou sat on his cold hard wooden floor as an unpleasant but not unwanted storm clashed loudly outside his bedroom window. The lighting lit up the sky as thunder followed in pursuit of its fellow comrade to seek havoc in the dark night. As the rain began to fall from the heaven above, Ryou stood and walked over to the window, peering out into the world that has forgotten all about him and his growing pain. Nothing matter to him anymore, not his friends, not the Ra be damned wedding plans, not anything. The growing pain and depression grew stronger with each passing minuet. Ryou looked away as tears of sorrow and regret began to build up behind the harsh dull orbs of chocolate brown.

Stepping away from the window, Ryou slowly left his quite confinement and descended the stairs slowly as if they were going to break under any sudden movement. As he entered the living room of his three story house, a heavy sigh left his lips and escaped into the chilling night. Seating himself on the leather clad Lazy Boy chair, Ryou began to think once more.

If I were to kill myself and end it now, would anyone care? Of course not, why would someone care about me when you killed the two closest things to you? Nobody cares about me or my pain, they only care about each other. I'm left all alone in this bitter cold world to fend for one's self. If they cared, if my so called friends cared, they would have helped me forget my pain of losing Bakura and Mailk a long time ago but they just don't care. Why? Why am I left alone with no one to hold me when I cry?

Another heavy sad sigh pressed itself through Ryou's lips. This is all he had to come home to, a man empty of feeling with empty dreams to an empty house with empty happiness. Nothing would ever be the same now that his lovers were gone. Could he even call them lovers or were they just a pawn in his life to take his frustration out on? Were Bakura and Mailk nothing but sex toys? Ryou frowned as the very thoughts passed through his mind. No! They weren't sex toys and they weren't anything to him…. They meant something, they meant everything to him. A tear fell from the burden eyes and rolled down his cheeks.

The sound of the doorbell echoing through the hollow house brought Ryou back to reality of the world and how it was against him. Letting out a dangerous growl, Ryou stood and composed his self before walking over to the stain art glass door. Not bothering to see who he was opening the door to, Ryou unlocked the bolt and opened the door. David and his daughter Lori stood there, the young girl shivering slightly in her knee-high dress. Ryou stepped aside and aloud the two into his home the provided them with the warmth they needed. David shook Ryou's hand lightly before turning and walking into the living room with Ryou in tow behind him.

"What are you doing here, David? It is, after all, my day off." Asked Ryou in a non to caring tone. David shrugged and smiled slightly at Ryou as he glared to him.

"Can't I come by and see my client doing? I mean you have been slacking slightly on the job and the dope won't sell itself, you know. You and I both need the money, I need it more than you do because from the looks of things, you seem to be doing just fine my friend." David replied in the same cold tone Ryou used with him. It was true that David needed the money more than Ryou did because he had to take care of his daughter and him at the same time. Since David's wife left the two of them on their own since Lori was a year old, money for the two had always been tight.

"Then if I'm slacking so much, get another fucken shit head to help you deal the crap. If you don't want that then get the fuck of my case, David. I haven't had any peace in a while and I getting sick of everyone telling me what the fuck to do!" sneered Ryou as David flinched slightly. Ryou looked over to Lori who was staring down at her feet in silence.

"Don't use that language in front of my little girl, Ryou. I can easily cut you from my team and make sure you never find another job like this again. If you want that then keep going by all means but if not then I suggest you stop now while your ahead." David said with harshness and ice hanging on every word that came from his mouth. Ryou only shrugged causing David's temper to shorten dramatically.

"What do you want, David?" asked Ryou with less harshness than before but it was still there and still very visible. David shrugged and looked over to Lori who was now looking at a painting hanging on the eastern wall.

"Guess I came by to see if everything was alright. You seem somewhat tense and depressed by something. Care to tell me?" questioned David, the anger and hate clearly gone and was replaced with slight concern in the emotionless voice. Ryou shook his head signally that there was nothing to talk about. David sighed and turns to looked at Lori once more.

"Sweetie, do you mind going someplace else while I talk to Ryou alone?" questioned David as he picked up Lori and took her into the next room. He placed her on the couch and gave her the remote to the T.V. and left her to watch whatever she felt like watching. Walking back into the living room where Ryou was waiting and sat back down once more.

"Alright, Ryou, spill. I know you're hiding something and I want to know what it is. If you are going to work for me then I need to know what the hell is bothering you." David said with full seriousness in his harden tone. Ryou rolled his eyes before thinking of what he could say to him. He trusted David but he didn't open himself to his friends, why should he be any different? Well, the fact that David was his closest friends it did seem reasonable to understand why David was concerned for him.

"David, you wouldn't understand it." Ryou said hoping David would just leave it at that and leave. It didn't seem to work when a dark look came over his friends face causing him to flinch lightly.

"Try me, Ryou." Answered David in a demanding voice. Ryou sighed and looked away for a moment then back to David's emotionless face.

"Alright then. Tell me, David, why did Carol leave you and Lori to defend by your selves against this cold harsh world? What did you do to make her so pissed that she would just up and leave?" questioned Ryou causing David to come completely confused. David glared back at Ryou and his eyes harden beyond what it should when your normally angry with someone.

"Why the hell do you want to know that? That, Ryou, isn't any of your fucking business." Answered David, trying to avoid the subject as much as possible.

"You wanted know what was bothering me. For me to know that you would completely understand what I'm about to say to you, I have to know! What did you do to hurt your daughter's mother?! Just answer the fucking questioned!" shot back Ryou as his anger became like a dam ready to break at any moment.

"Find, I was in love with some other person whom I refuse to give to name of. She found out and was so heartbroken that she just up and left me to deal with Lori. The damn bitch took every ounce of money I had saved up in the bank. I hate her for life!" spat David with venom at every word that came from his mouth. Ryou sighed and took a deep breath before he began.

That's the way the human mind works

Whenever something is too unpleasant

Too shameful for us to entertain, we reject it

"Okay, then. So I guess you will understand where I am coming from but I must say, what happen to my lover is much worse." Ryou began looking David in the eyes. David nodded and waited for Ryou to continue the story he knew he wasn't going to like. Ryou summed up the little courage left within himself and began again, "I, too, loved someone but not in the way he thought I did. My lover's name was Bakura and at the beginning of the relationship everything was going find until I began to fall in love with my best friend, Mailk. When I found out Mailk loved me back, I began to grow distant with Bakura. I would leave for weeks on end just to be with Mailk, leaving Bakura alone. As time progressed, I began to fuck Mailk and Bakura all together. I would tell the both of them that I was in love with them and told the two of them of how much I loved them.

Soon, Bakura began to question what I was doing and where I was going all the time. I kept telling him that I was with Yugi, helping with some new evil that had arrived on this Ra forsaken planet. I always told him that I would be back and then we would spend as much time as he'd like together. As I would leave, I never went to Yugi's house and instead went to Mailk's house. Once there, I would proceed to tell him how much I loved him and then later on at night, fuck him.

This all ended on August 12, 1999 at eleven in the morning. The guilt of lying to Bakura had finally caught up with me and drove me to tell Bakura what I was doing. So, I drove for three straight hours to my house with Mailk. As we arrived I could feel the tension in the air but I continued as planed. No much later I had finally broken the news to Bakura and he was so heartbroken that I couldn't look into his eyes. He jumped up out of his seat and ran. I called for him to come back but he didn't listen. I ran after him and when I caught up to him, Bakura was standing in the middle of an intersection. As cars passed him they would honk their horns and shut for him to move, I could only watch from the side lines in fear. I called out to him and when he turned and looked at me, I could feel hope in my heart. As he began to come toward the sidewalk where I was standing, a drunk diver in a jeep speed down the same lane Bakura was in and hit him dead on. The jeep later smashed into a light post. Bakura was pinned from the waist down. He was alive but as soon as they move that jeep he would die. When I reached him, he opened his eyes and smiled slightly before apologizing for all the wrongs he said he committed when the truth is, I should have been the one apologizing. Not more than ten minutes later, I was holding Bakura in my arms and told him I forgave him and if could ever forgive me. He died in my arms, never giving me the answer if he forgave me or not. So, I will, for the rest of my life, be waiting for that answer." Ryou said as a few tears leaked from his pain-filled eyes. David was shocked and could only mover closer to Ryou and try to comfort the hurting teenager.

"I didn't know, Ryou, I'm sorry for pressing the subject. If I had known it was that bad then….. God, I'm so sorry." David said as a sadden and guilty look came over him. Ryou shook his head and shoved David from him.

"I'm not finished yet, David. Not much longer after Bakura had died I received a phone call from the local sheriff's department. The call was about Mailk. They told me that Mailk was found dead on October 3, 1999, which was only a month and nine days from the first death of my other lover. They later informed me that Mailk was raped in a back alley way where he was found and that cause of death was from blood lost and strangulation. I had Mailk next to Bakura. After the death of Mailk, I basically shut down to the world around me. I didn't care what they thought of me and I turned into what Bakura was before we feel in love, a cold heartless bastard that you see today. I lost contact with everybody not wanting to be bothered and wanting to be left alone to mourn over Bakura and Mailk. You know what, David, I'm beginning to think I deserve all the pain I'm being put through. I'm beginning to think that no one really does care about me and if I died. The scary thing about that is, that's exactly the way I want it." Ryou said as he finished the story on how he became so cold and distant from the world around him.

"Ryou, don't you dare think you deserve any kind of pain. You did nothing wrong to deserve this." David said and Ryou threw David off him and onto the ground.

"Didn't you hear a fucking word I said? I killed the only two people I cared about in this fucking Ra be damned world and all you can say is I did nothing wrong? I know plenty of things I did wrong you fucking asshole!!" hissed Ryou through clenched teeth. David pushed Ryou away from him and stood up. Brushing off the dirt that had collected it self on his clothing he called out to Lori who came bouncing into the room. Quickly telling her to go wait in the care, David gave her the keys and turned back to Ryou. When he heard the car start up, David smiled.

"Take this week off, Ryou. I will not take no for an answer either. Don't worry, I will pay you for whatever Jessie sells. Trust me, Ryou, you need this time to collect your feelings and plus I want you to be in a good mood when your out selling the shit and not scaring off our buyers." David smiled and stepped closer to Ryou who looked on with suspicion.

"I also would love to take you out for dinner sometime. What do you say, Ryou, would you go on a date with me" questioned David, completely catching Ryou off guard. David took advantage of this and leaned in and placed a kiss to Ryou's lips. David pushed passed Ryou's closed mouth and teeth before kissing him deeply. Ryou's body betrayed him and moaned as the kiss deepened. David reached his hand under Ryou's shirt and lightly brushed his nibble. Ryou moaned and broke the kiss with David. "I'll take that as a yes. I'll pick you up Saturday night at six-o-clock sharp." David said and left Ryou to himself.

Oh Ra, what have I done? I could not have given into the kiss, that pleasure. How dare my body betray me and love the attention it was getting! How could I? I betrayed Bakura again; again with the pleasure that somebody else could bring to me and I actually liked it. This is why my love is dead! This is why I had to bury Bakura six feet under the cold hard ground next to my sister and my mother! This is why I can never love again!

Ryou heaved a heavy sigh and allowed one lone tear to roll down his creamy pale flesh and onto the carpet below his bare feet. Looking up at the ceiling as the old grandfather clock stroke the beginning of one in the morning, Ryou staggered off to bed with much weighting on his thoughts and heart. As he reached his aphotic and bleak bedroom, Ryou silently allowed the tears of confusion and frustration to roll down his cheeks. Throwing himself onto the bed, Ryou kicked off his boots and buried his face halfway into a small fluffy pillow before a scream of pure anguish ripped throw his entire body. Ryou shook with heavy sobs and misery. Nothing seemed right anymore, nothing would ever go back to the same no matter how much he wanted it.

I can't take it anymore! I want this anguish; this pain; the feeling inside of my shattered heart to end! I want it all to go away and leave me in bliss that I so much want but do not deserve. Ra, why are playing such cruel trick on my heart? I don't know what to do anymore. Why don't you let me be with Bakura already? Am I being punished for what I did by you making me live without him. Ra, I love him so much and I killed him! Why? Why did you allow me to kill him?! You bastard……… No…… I'm the bastard, I killed Mailk and Bakura; I killed them both…I allowed them to fall from my grasp and die, I hurt them so much before killing them! I didn't mean to hurt them…I don't want this anymore. I don't want these feelings that have been revived when David kissed me! I don't want to hurt anymore…I don't want to kill……………

These were the last thoughts of Ryou as he faded into a never ending void of pain and suffering; of nothing but darkness and the scream of Bakura as he was hit by the jeep that one faithful day. The day when his world ended and his heart shattered into a thousand of anesthetized pieces. All the unwanted memories that were pushed to the most hidden part of his mind that only Yugi, Yami, and now David knew of. Bakura was one of those people who knew and so was Mailk but he killed them…. They were no more……. He killed the two just like he killed his mother and sister……. He was a cold blooded murderer.

Day Break

The sun hadn't even begun to rise from the west when Ryou slowly and groggily opened his wearily and pained filled lifeless orbs of chocolate brown. Stifling a yawn, Ryou stretched and groaned in an unfashionable way. Sitting up with his legs tucked under him and his rear sitting on the back of his legs, making look as if he were at church praying to the holy and heaven. Untucking his legs, Ryou pushed himself closer to the edge of the bed and rested his head in his hands that were resting on his legs. Sighing in content, Ryou stood on his slightly shaky legs and carefully with caution walked over to his bedroom window. Why was there to be afraid of, right? Simple, his reflection. It was mired and tainted just as he was with the blood of his two dead lovers. As you know his once pure white alabaster hair was now an evil midnight black with blood red highlights. He no longer looked like the once pure innocent light that he was to Bakura and that was what had scared him to death about his reflection. He now looked some what like Bakura when he first met him; cold, uncaring, isolated from everyone and everything.

"Come on, Ryou, it's only your reflection. There is nothing wrong with it….. nothing to be afraid of." Ryou said to himself as he allowed himself to harden once more, hiding from the cruelty of the world and from the people who lived in it. He, Ryou Bakura, was afraid of nothing, not even death. In fact he welcomed death so much that if his friends found out he would automatically be sent to the mental institution. Growling dangerously, Ryou pulled back the satin red velvet curtains and looked long and hard out into the dark winter night.

Shaking his head once to rid himself of an up coming headache, Ryou briskly walked over to the stereo on his bedside dresser and turned it on. Not liking the station it was on, Ryou quickly turned through the channels until he found one. Stopping on the station 98.3, Ryou heaved a sigh again and allowed the station to play on and on while he began his daily routine. None of the songs so far had caught his attention causing a threatening growl to erupt the morning. Simple Plan came on with Welcome to My Life that seemed to fit with Ryou's attitude and life just fine. Nodding his head in approval, he gathered his cloths into a small basket just beyond the bathroom door. Walking back to the dresser with the stereo, Ryou opened the first drawer and pulled out a black tee shirt, not really caring which on it was. Then he pulled opened the very bottom one and pulled put black baggy cargo pants to go with the shirt.

Ryou lifted the long-sleeve shirt over his head and threw it in the basket on the other side of the room. Lifting his arm slightly, Ryou studied the markings that were made by one of his kitchen knifes, the knife he used often to relieve himself of his pain. Diverting his eyes, Ryou pulled the tee shirt on and then began to unbuckle the belt of chains and spikes before allowing that to easily slide off his thin waist. Ryou unbuttoned and unzipped his pants before pulling them off and throwing them to the waste basket with the other dirty cloths. Pulling on the cargo pants Ryou walked over to the closet and opened it, all the while disposing of the belt to the empty bed. Grabbing the black leather jacket, Ryou pulled it on; covering the scars that littered his arms.

"A man's character is his fate" murmured Ryou with great annoyance lingering in every word that he allowed to leave his mouth. Turning to the doorway of his room he listened intently as if he heard someone within his house. Cautiously creeping to the staircase hallway, Ryou listened carefully, not wanting to miss the next noise. Leaning over the railing slightly, Ryou peeked into the inarticulate cold house.

Nothing… How utterly strange. I could have sworn that I heard someone downstairs just about now. I had better make sure that there isn't a single soul besides my self in this damned house! Whoever shall be within these walls shall die the most painful death imaginable! How dare someone violate what is clearly mine and will always be mine…… even if it wasn't mine at some point.

Switching on the light to the hall way, Ryou casually walked down the abandon staircase and searched his surroundings for any sign of unrecognizable life. Hissing through clenched teeth in disappointed meant of the family room, Ryou quickly walked through every room not finding anything. Halting suddenly in front of the office, Ryou listened closely for something. There! A sound so soft and barely audible by the mortal's ears, the sound of keys clanking against the keyboard as someone type with great speed as if they had had years of practice.

Growling a dangerous growl as the keys stopped and the sound of a chair moving slightly. Ryou threw opened the doors and entered with out much care but his guard was on a high level and his caution not yet forgotten. The room its self is what had caught Ryou's interest. Nothing had been moved except the chair and the windows on the far wall remained closed and sealed off to the storm that had begun to rage outside. Ryou stood in consternation before slowly walking over to the computer. The screen had been turned on and a document was opened up under two files, one of them being the internet and the other under Microsoft Word. Pulling the chair back some, Ryou sat down shakily and grabbed hold of the cordless mouse. Clicking on the internet file down at the bottom, Ryou looked in apprehension as the window maximized to reveal sickening images of his dead lover's crash. Page upon page of nothing more than unrealistic photos of Bakura's body, the car, and the drunken bastard that had hit Bakura. Everything that Ryou had tried to forget was displayed on the screen causing forgotten memories to come flooding back to Ryou's sealed off mind of hatred and anger.

"No……" whispered Ryou's small vulnerable voice in repugnance as he chocked on a silent sob. Tears of memories and pain and grief tricked down his ivory colored skin causing tear stains to mare his face. Moving the mouse up to the Close button in the far right hand corner, Ryou maximized the Word document. Ryou's breathing began to come in short ragged breaths and his pupils to dilate into nothing more than slits making him look as if he were caught in on-coming traffic, about to be killed by some speeding big rig.

In all-caps were thick bold letters displaying a message written to him. In thick bold letters was a message that would haunt him for the remaining of his non-meaning existence. The message that would plague his nightmares and his memory, that burn into the neatly sorted files of his brain; a message that would haunt him, driving him into insanity. In thick all-cap bold letters was the message 'LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME! YOU KILLED ME,YOU BASTARD! YOU KILLED ME! YOU KILLED ME! YOU KILLED ME! YOU KILLED ME!......' The words 'You killed me!' played over and over again, forming a never ending list of those three words that would forever plague him with guilt and hatred towards himself. All it took to drive him completely made was three little words that shattered all hopes and dreams and would forever lie within the very back of his mind and push him to the edge. His sanity rested in those words that would ever so soon push him to the unknown.

We erase it from our memory

But the imprint is always there

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SingMyLullabySweet666: This chapter will be two entries long because I feel like it. Plus, it'll keep ya'll on the edge of your seats.

Eike: Not to mention she is evil and likes to see her reviewers suffer.

Ryou: She sure does…… Seems to me like she likes to have her characters in pain and suffering too.

SingMyLullabySweet666: Are you criticizing me?

Eike: Maybe…..

Ryou: I guess you cold say that.

SingMyLullabySweet666: You guys are totally unfair. Why do you have to gang up on poor little ol' me?

Eike & Ryou: Because……

SingMyLullabySweet666: Oh never mind! Anyways….. REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!