1SingMyLullabySweet666: Hello everyone. Sorry I wasn't able to update sooner. I had a lot of things to do over the summer and I also started school August 29, 2005. I get a lot of homework and I need to take care of school work first then my writing. Anyways, how many of you all (in high school) have Diver's Education? I do and boy is my teacher strict. Anyways, enough of that….. On to the story.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Yu-gi-oh in any shape of form. I also do not own the song Understanding which belongs to Evanescence.

Warnings: Thoughts of suicide, language,

Italic thoughts

Bold italic Song lyrics

You're not Alone

So cold. Everything is so cold. It's dark… I can't see anything. What happened? I can't remember anything. Where is everyone? Why can't I move? It's so cold. Freezing. It's as if ice encased itself upon my naked broken body and won't leave. It's wrapped me in its embrace and will not let me go no matter what I try to do. It won't leave me along. This… This darkness won't leave either. What happened to me? Am I dead? Was I killed? Did I finally reach my sanity's end and commit suicide like I should have done so many times before. That's what I deserve at least… The pain that I feel now is proof enough that I was punished. I can feel it. The pain. Its so mind numbing and there isn't anything I can do about it. Why can't I wake up? Why is it so cold and dark? Where is everybody? Do they care? Are they going to let me die? But I don't want to die just yet. I want to apologize to Yami and Yugi for hurting them all those time before. I want to say sorry to Dave for being an asshole and not trusting him like I should have done. But most of all, I want to beg for forgiveness from Mairk for taking away his lover. I never meant to do that. I didn't mean to kill Mailk….. It just happened and I can't live with my self anymore. Mairk I am so, so sorry that I killed Mailk. I didn't want that to happen. It is my entire fault. I never meant to. I swear it. I'm sorry.

Ryou's unconscious body lay in the darkened alley way where Johnny had left him. His broken form had ceased to stop bleeding and the rather large crimson pool of velvet blood grew by the passing minuet. His clothes laid in ruins next the stilled form. The once black hair was tainted with dried crusted blood and the alabaster skin paled ever further from the blood loss from the open wounds. Shallow gasps for breathe could be heard through out the alley way yet no one cared enough to check it out. No one was around anyway at three in the morning on a school night. This is where Ryou laid for many seconds, minuets, and hours. No one knew where he had gone. And frankly….. No one cared. At least all accept one person.

Dave sighed as he threw his car keys into the small hand weave basket that sat on a small table in the entrance way of his home. He dragged his tried body to the living room only to be greeted by a rather annoyed looking babysitter and a sugar-high child. He stifled a small chuckle before paying the girl her due and showing her to the front door. As he closed it and turned back to the living room, his daughter came bouncing out into the hallway. She smiled up at her father before running at him and throwing herself into a hug. Dave smiled and returned the hyper active's embrace. As he pulled away, Lori frowned before tugging at her father's hand. Sighing, Dave allowed his daughter to pull him into the living room and push him down onto the couch.

"Spill it, daddy. Something's bothering you and I want to know what." The child's small soft tone carried a sense of authoritarian in it and Dave had to chuckle at that. His daughter had picked that up from him since he did it to all of his friend's and clients. Lori pouted and lightly punched her father on the arm for laughing at her.

"Sorry bout' that baby, didn't mean to upset you. Anyways, nothing is bothering me." Dave lied, not really wanting to explain to his six year old child about what all happened on his date. It wasn't something she was ready to hear nor did he want to tell her what an asshole Ryou had been. She liked Ryou a lot and always bugged her father to visit him whenever they had time on their hands. The girl only punted further but gave up as she received a stern look from her father.

"Young lady, you should be in bed at this time. You have school tomorrow." Dave said as he picked up the six year old and carried her down the hall to her bedroom. Placing her under the covers, Dave placed a small kiss on Lori's forehead before saying goodnight. As he left the room, he left the door cracked just in case she became scared during night or had to go to the bathroom. Dave sighed and looked at the clock which read 12:30. Walking over to the phone, Dave picked up the receiver and dialed Ryou's number. He knew he shouldn't have walked out on his date with Ryou but in truth be told, he felt like killing Ryou at that very moment. After four rings from the other end, Ryou's voice mail picked up: "This is Ryou and I don't fucking feel like answering my damn phone right now so if you leave you name and number I might get back to you. If you are a salesman, fuck off." Dave sighed and hung up the phone and sat staring at the wall in front of him.

It isn't like Ryou to turn off his cell phone no matter what. He always has it on him and always answers it when I call. Maybe it's because I walked out on our date that I set up and not him. I guess he still must be angry but still… He would at least answer to cuss my out or something like. sigh This is too much. Why did Ryou have to be such an ass when all I want to do is help him from the pain that he is dealing with? I know that it isn't easy to lose the one you love. I lost my girlfriend but that must be nothing compared to the terminal of suffering Ryou was sent down. He lost his mother and sister only to lose his boyfriend and lover. I only want to help and he has to get mad and pissed at every little thing that I say. I hate it! All I want to do is love him and have him open up to me but I guess it's too much to ask for. I know that somewhere under that mask there is a caring Ryou that wants out so he can once more live.

The small grandfather clock that was tainted a dark drown color with golden trimming truck three rings signaling that the morning had already begun it's rise over the mountains. David blinked his eyes and cleared his mind and sighed. Picking up the phone once more he called Ryou's cell phone but still there was no answer on the other end. It unnerved Dave greatly. Maybe something happened to him but what? Howling out in frustration, Dave stood up and walked over to the small dust covered table and snatched his keys. Looking down the hall to his daughter's room, Dave sighed before running out the front door and down the small set of stair in the front of their house. Racing to his car like his life depended on it; Dave unlocked the automatic lock and climbed in the front seat. Quickly and shakily he started the engine that roared to life in the quit town of Domino. Putting the clutch in drive, Dave slammed the petal to the floor and raced down the deserted roads frantically trying to find the love of his life even though Ryou was always so blocked and iced over.

My love for you still grows

This I do for you

Before I try to fight the truth my final time

Ryou groaned as he stood on his unsteady legs and tried to walk over to the front of the alley way. He spent most of his time lying on the ground before he finally decided that he needed to get out of there before Johnny came back for another go which he most defiantly didn't want to happen. His entire body felt as if it were burning from the inside out with each pained laced step he took. It hurt like hell but he be damned if he gave up now. He's been through worse than this. He may have lost something here but not before he lost the two most important things in his entire life. He may have lost his will and faith in everything he once believed in. He may have died inside knowing that all he was was an object of pain and suffering. He may have lost all hope in humanity that evening and he even may have lost the will to live; to survive in the cruel world but that was nothing compared to losing the loves of your life. It meant nothing next to destroying the only thing in the Ra-be-damned world that actually gave a flying fuck about you and your life. It meant nothing next to killing his two most prized treasures. The pain he felt was nothing compared to the one that had been eating away at his soul and devouring everything last strain of sanity he had left.

Ryou struggled along and when he finally came to the entrance of the alley way, Ryou sighed in relief and thanked Ra that no one was around. His ears perked, however, and a sudden stream of melody music that made its way from the mouth of the alley as he moved himself further and further to the entrance. Looking to his left, Ryou followed the flow of music until he came to a small object that left off the melody as it vibrated across the cold hard concrete. Dropping to his knees in pain, Ryou reached for the cell phone. Groaning and hissing in pain, Ryou grabbed hold of the object before flipping the phone open and with a rough, weak but still cold and iced over voice said, "Hello?"

"Oh god Ryou! Finally you answered the damn phone. Where the hell are you? Are you alright?" questioned the worried voice on the other end. Ryou sighed before leaning against a dumpster that sat to the near right of him. As his bleeding head came in contact with the cold icy metal Ryou let out a groan before finding a comfortable position for his sexually abuse ass.

"Where the hell are you Dave? I need a ride." Ryou spoke as coldly as he cold muster at the moment. Dave huffed before telling him that he was on his way to get him but the problem was that he didn't know where the hell he was. Ryou sighed before looking around him. Spotting two signs that intersected each other, Ryou told him the junction before hanging up. Pulling himself to his wobbly feet, Ryou continued his way the junction to wait for Dave. Ryou groaned as pain laced itself through his weakened body once more as he rested against one of the signs on the street. Ryou took in his surroundings but as the world started to spin out of control around him, Ryou closed his inanimate eyes before collapsing onto his knees. Ryou tried to stand but once more fell to the ground below him. Sighing, Ryou sat with his back to the sign and waited for Dave to pick him up.

Looking up to the heavens Ryou smiled slightly. The rain has ceased to stop while he was unconscious and seemed to pour down even harder than before. Removing the tinted sun glasses, Ryou watched the ran beat down on his broken form. Coughing, Ryou leaned forward onto his hands and knees before he couched up the blood that had lodged itself into his lungs.

Damn it all to hell. Look what you got yourself into this time. You so fucking pathetic; weak. You got yourself raped but some asshole off the street like a god damn common whore. Ra damn it what the hell is wrong with you? Son of a bitch! I fucked up this time didn't I.

Dave quickly speed through the streets of their home town. His corvette screeched through turns and picked up even more speed through straight away streets. Never once did Dave let off the acceleration pedal as he speed through the city of bitch black. Nothing to guide his was but the headlights on his vehicle.

Cursing himself quietly as he continued forward in the black void, Dave began to slow down as he neared the intersection Ryou had described to him. Well, more liked barked at him then hung up but that wasn't an issue right now. Pulling off to the curb, Dave switched on this high beams, hoping to spot the ravened hair teen faster. As the lights swept through the darkness that surrounded him like a hungry monster ready to devour anything in sight, a figure came into view. Gasping at the broken form that limped closer and closer to his car, Dave could feel tears pricking at the back of his eyes threatening to fall forth. His passenger door opened up and Ryou climbed inside with his everyday mask in place at full force. Dave looked over his friend and chocked on a sob. Ryou looked horrible. His cloths were torn in varies places, Ryou's hair was a mess and dirtied with mud and pebbles from the road, scraps and bruises littered his skin that was visible and a blacked eyes was starting to stand out on his pale face.

"Ryou," Dave chocked out but was cut off by a dying glare from his friend. Ryou was in no mood to talk but Dave couldn't let this matter go. He need; wanted, to know who did this to his lover and what exactly happened. I called him my lover even though he isn't. God is this what all have always wanted from Ryou. To love him?

"Dave, just take me home." answered a very disgruntled voice of Ryou as he turned to stare out the window. Dave nodded and put the car into gear before speeding off once more into the harsh, unforgiving night.

We're supposed to try to be real

We feel alone when we're not together and that is real

Ryou looked over to Dave as they pulled into the driveway. His friend looked so lost in thought that it seemed to drive a dagger of regret and pain through his heart. Ryou gave a grunt before getting out of the car and walking to his front door. Looking back he saw Dave climb out of his car as well and walk up to him. Stopping just inches away from Ryou, Dave wrapped his arms around the thin waist and pulled the other closer to him. Leaning forward, Dave claimed Ryou's lips in a passionate kiss. It was tender enough to scare away Ryou but strong enough to have the desired effects that he wanted. Ryou moaned into the passion he had been craving ever since Dave first kissed him. Ryou's eyes slid shut and for a moment he could relax and his thoughts of betrayal to his lovers were gone but when Dave pulled away, Ryou's world crashed once more. Ryou looked at Dave an smiled slightly... This is what he needed; what he wanted. Pulling Dave into yet another deep wanting kiss, Ryou pushed his body closer to the taller man and moaned once more.

I've missed this affection; this love for so long. I don't know if I can hold out. I... NO! I can't do this! I won't let myself! This is wrong and it's going against what I said. I will never love again! I won't! I can't! I'm not allowed to love after what I did to Bakura and Mailk! I won't! I promised myself that there was no love in my future, that I did not deserve to be happy after I killed both of my lovers! I CAN'T DO THIS!

Ryou shoved Dave away from him and allowed his cold mask back into play. Dave looked confused but didn't press the matter. Instead, Dave turned back to his car and got in. He stole a last glance at Ryou before putting the Corvette in reverse and pulling out of the drive way. Once on the streets, Dave sped off into the harsh lonely night once more. Ryou felt tears well in his eyes but pushed them away harshly, scowling at himself. Turning abruptly, Ryou opened his house door and slammed it shut behind him. Walking into the kitchen, Ryou picked up the knife that was tainted with his life essence and threw it into the sink as he passed it by. Grabbing some cleaners and a mop, Ryou set to work on cleaning the blood off his floors. While he worked on making his house spotless once more, Ryou seemed to be moving in a mechanical way; as if his soul and abandoned his body and left off somewhere else; somewhere peaceful. It was as if his mind watched from a stained tainted glass that encased it in its darkness.

When Ryou finished cleaning his floors, he set off up stairs and toward his bathroom. Walking into it, Ryou stripped himself of his battered clothing and turned on the knob to the shower. The large brass showerhead rained down upon the white tiled stall floor. As the water warmed, Ryou looked around his bathroom taking in the features Bakura came up with. The floor was tiled a deep midnight black that stopped at the entrance to the bathroom and the door leading to his walk-in closet. Two large glass mirrors hung solely overhead of the sink that was made of black and silver marble with mahogany cabinets . It stretched from one end of the bathroom wall to the large crimson tiled bath tub. The bathroom walls were painted a rich and deep crimson with gold edges on both top and bottom. Ryou smiled at the Bakura's decorating taste and he had to admit that he loved the colors even though at the beginning he was furious when he learned of what happened to his bathroom. Turning back to the to the shower, Ryou stepped inside and closed the golden door. Standing under the spray of steaming water, Ryou closed his eyes and allowed the water to try to wash away the memory of what had happened.

Opening his eyes, Ryou looked over his body before quickly grabbing for the soap. Ryou set to work on washing away the smeared blood and semen from the earlier events. After he was done with his body, Ryou worked on de-tangling his black hair and ridding it of his blood. Half an hour later passed by as Ryou scrubbed once more at his body to try and rid any evidence of what had happened. Sobs racked his body and tears streamed down his eyes before finally giving up and sliding down to the floor below him. Howling out in pain, disgust, rage, and betrayal Ryou curled into a fetal position and sobbed into his arms.

Can't wash it all away

Can't wish it all away

Can't cry it all away

Can't scratch it all away

An hour had passed before the sobs finally ended and the tears a distant memory from his mind. Ryou picked himself up off the floor and turned the knob to the shower to off. Stepping out of the stall, Ryou picked up a towel of the rack and wrapped it around his slim waist before stepping over to the mirrors. Ryou studied his reflection for a quick moment then walked into his walk-in closet before entering his room. Ryou walked over to the dresser and grabbed a pair of silk boxers. Pulling them on, Ryou climbed into bed and shoved his head into the pillow. Wanting nothing more than sleep to claim him, Ryou closed his eyes but as he did the loud phone rang. Picking his head up out of his pillow, Ryou reached over to the phone and picked up the receiver.

"Hello?" answered Ryou as he lied on his side to get into a better and more comfortable position on the bed.

"Hey Ryou it's me, Dave." came the reply of Ryou's desires as well as his never ending nightmare. Ryou froze before growling out.

"What the hell do you want!" barked Ryou's demanding voice as he glared at the window to the left of his bed.

"I just want to know what the hell happened tonight?" asked the angered voice but Ryou ignored the question.

"None of you god damn business what the hell happened tonight. You don't need to fucking know every god damn detail of my fucking life!" Ryou snorted back through clenched teeth. Ryou could her Dave sigh in anger before continuing.

"I want to know what the hell happened." Dave said through his end of the phone. Ryou growled out in frustration. Why the hell couldn't Dave just drop the subject?

"Why the hell do you want to know?" questioned Ryou in his steeled voice. Dave once more signed into the phone.

"Because I god damn want to, okay!" answered Dave.

"Why?" came Ryou's defense. He really didn't want to explain to Dave that he lost his strength and allowed some total stranger to rape him.

"Because I need to know!" Dave bit into the phone as Ryou continued to push for his reason.

"Why the hell do you need to know David!" Ryou shoot out in pure rage as Dave continued to press the matter.

"BECAUSE I FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOU! GOD DAMN IT, I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! Damn it, I love you and if you are hurting I want to know why. Tell my Ryou, please. What happened tonight?" was the answer Dave gave him. Ryou grew speechless at Dave and just stared wide eyed at the window. Ryou didn't know how to answer Dave back so he did the only thing that came to mind. Ryou cried once more as a wave of pain and guilt washed over him. Dave, who heard the painful sobs, began to grow worried.

"You don't need to know Dave. You don't need to know." Ryou sobbed into the phone as the painful memories washed over him. Johnny's last words rang through his head like a church bell would through a crowed city. Omae wa ore no mono da Tears of angered leaked out from the corners of Ryou's lifeless eyes. He couldn't handled the conversation and quickly ended it by pulling the phone line from the phone.

Lying beside you

Listening to you breathe

The light that flows inside of you

Burns inside of me

Hold and speak to me

Of love without a sound

Tell me you will live through this

And I will die for you

Cast me not away

Say you'll be with me

For I know I cannot bear it all alone

Ryou got up from the bed and walked back through his closet and once more into his bathroom. Walking over to the sink, Ryou reached into the basket that was located in the center of the two sinks and grasped hold of the razor handle. Ryou lifted the razor eye level and turned it slowly to the right then left all the while examining it. Ryou placed the razor to his forearms before pressing down hard. Gliding the razor across his forearm, Ryou watched as the wound began to bleed. Smiling slightly, Ryou pressed over the same wound and once again glided the razor across. The wound stung with horrible pain and Ryou bit back a scream. The wound which had been dug deeper now spilled blood from the opening. Pressing the razor on a different part of his forearm, Ryou repeated the slashes and dug deep into his skin. Ryou wasn't satisfied until his entire right arm was caked in blood. Sighing in content, Ryou put the razor down and wrapped the wound in gauze to stop the bleeding. Stumbling back to bed, Ryou passed out from the blood loss and fell face first into the mattress and pillows.

You're not alone, honey

Never, never

Can't fight it all away

Can't hope it all away

Can't scream it all away

It just won't fade away

Can't wash it all away

Can't wish it all away

SingMyLullabySweet666: Well, sorry it took so long and I hope you liked it.