SingMyLullabySweet666: Hello everyone and Happy Holidays…. I hope you all are enjoying yourselves and having a wonderful Holiday Break from school and/or work.

Bakura: Well, you're certainly in a good mood tonight (1:12 am on Dec. 24).

SingMyLullabySweet666: (grins) It's the holidays! I'm just happy to have such a long break and then a three day week when I go back followed by another week off….. (exemption from exams….)

Ryou: Right….. Maybe you should focus more on the story than your own life….

Yugi: That would be nice.

SingMyLullabySweet666: Yes, right, right…. Anyway, this is the first final chapter in this fan fiction….. This chapter is the depressing ending…. You know, where things don't turn out so well. So technically, this is chapter 9.

Bakura: Just get on with it!

SingMyLullabySweet666: Right. Ummm…. There really isn't much to say besides, enjoy the chapter.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh in any shape or form. I also do not own the song lyrics. The song is sung by Three Days Grace and is rightfully theirs.

Chapter Warnings: Angst, Cursing, Self-harm, Drinking, Suicide,

Chapter Ratings: R

Notes

Regular Story

Italic Thoughts

Bold Change of POV & Song Lyrics

Gone Forever

(Normal POV)

The world seemed to slow down as the season of winter, of the dead, fell upon everything like a thick blanket of foreshadowing, of death. It blanketed the earth it thick folds, grasping every inch of once green and casting it forever into oblivion, making it wait for spring to fall upon them once more. The forecast was gloomy, overcast with a light drizzle, which, according to the ever changing news, was to turn into a heavy down pour within the matter of hours and the chance of snow was possible for the air was cold. So cold that frost had begun to cling to the edges of window panes and car windshields, dancing upon them and stringing themselves into tiny ice webs, the patterns elegant by chilling. People who had decided to brace the weather and had ventured out were bundled up with thick winter jackets and overcoats, hoping that it would help protect them against the dropping temperatures, though it was all in vain.

Those who had decided to stay indoors had turned the heat on and placed logs in their fire places, hoping to keep warm. Many succeeded, but others had huddled together against kin as the cold air seeped into their homes through small cracks, invading their personal space like an unwanted pesticide. It was inevitable to try and escape the cold for it was every where and some people seemed to except this and embrace it with open arms.

The world was dying once more. The trees had already lost their leaves and the grass had stopped its growing for the time being. Children refused to leave the warmth of their homes and the streets were desolate, empty. Cars had failed to start and the owners were forced to call in sick, some grumbling that the bills were stacking up and had to be paid, while others were thankful for the time off and happy to be able to spend it with the kids.

Though the town looked like it had been inhabited for years on end, there was one place on the outskirts of town that looked especially dead during this time of the year. Some would venture there on purpose, paying their respects to the ones they lost, by accident, purpose, or by their own choice. Others had went on walks, no destination in sight but found them at the gates of the cemetery, like some unknown voice or presence and brought them there like they had a purpose to be there. Many came to remember and some came to forget. It was a world all its own.

There was one figure that had stood out, for the silhouette itself was foreshadowing, almost creepy in a sense. The figure was not that tall, but taller than most found on the streets at this time of the day. The figure was definitely a man, thought he possessed such curves that at first glance, one could mistake the figure for a woman. He had long black hair that rested just above his buttocks, ever though it was tied in a high pony-tail. He was wearing a black trench coat that hugged at his body like a second skin, though he was wearing some sort of shirt underneath. He's thin legs were clad in loose fitting jeans, the color was black, and his feet were encased by what appeared to be biker boots. He was standing at the head of a grave, looking at it with a forlorn look in his eyes, eyes that were so dead, so lifeless. His smooth and plump lips were set in a saddened frown. He looked like death, standing there at that grave, drenched from the rain and shivers racking his body but, looking at his face, he had seemed to pay not heed to the cold or his soaked clothing.

His lips moved, almost as if he was trying to speak to someone, someone that really wasn't there. Sadly, no words came out and the only sounds that followed were the hissing of the wind as it engulfed the man standing at the grave. Not much long afterwards, the man feel to feet before the grave, tears of grief and misery leaking down his pale cheeks before they slipped of his sunken face completely and were absorbed by the ground.

The cry of, "Ryou," rang through the air and the figure flinched, as if recognizing the voice but made no other motion to acknowledge the spiky haired teen that had ran to his side.

Don't know what's going on

Don't know what went wrong

It feels like a 100 years

I still can't believe you're gone

So I'll stay up all night

With these bloodshot eyes

While these walls surround me

With the story of our life

(Ryou's POV)

It's so cold, though that is to be expected. The world is dying again and winter is setting upon us once more. My favorite time of the year…. When everything is dead and lifeless…. When the trees have lost their green and now face the world so bare, so exposed. Their branches seem to be reaching out for something, probable the warmth that it is denied at this time of the year. Probably… Most likely….

I love this time of year…. It reflects my inner emotions… My emotional rollercoaster…. My turmoil. I don't know why but I haven't been able to smile in months… Not since…. Yeah, sometimes I wish I knew why I was so dead on the inside and I probably know why. I guess I'm either to afraid to admit it to myself, that or I'm too ashamed. Yeah….. Probably…. Most likely.

I hate to admit weakness but Ra, I miss him. I miss all of them. They shouldn't be the ones buried here in this cold cemetery, six feet down in the cold hard ground. It isn't right! They all had lives to lead, people on this earth that loved them and they possibly loved back. I destroyed it! All of it! I broke their hopes and dreams; it was I who crushed their hearts and feelings and threw it in their faces like was nothing. I broke the strongest men that I have ever known in my life and caused them all so much turmoil and pain and suffering. I didn't mean too…. But I did it anyway, without a care in the world. I did it… No one else but me.

I killed them…. All of them. I'm a fucking monster, a real piece of shit. I don't deserve happiness. I don't deserve to live life to its fullest. I don't deserve to breathe, hell, I don't even deserve to live, but I'm still here. I still made it. I won, they lost, simple as that. It feels so wrong but damn it, what the hell can I do to fix what has been done. If I could have don't you think I would have already? I would have happily thrown away my mere existence for everyone's sake. It would have been simple, so simple…. I'm a cold, uncaring bastard who deserves no better than to be ran through a wood hipper or something of the like. I deserve to have my hart ripped viciously from my chest and I deserve to be walked all over, the same way I did to all of them. Damn it! I'm a real piece of shit.

Damn you, David! Damn you to fucking hell, you prick. Why the hell did you have to do this to me? Why did you waltz into my life like a Ra damn prince charming and try to sweep me off my feet? Why didn't you give up? What the hell were you thinking? I tried to tell you some many fucking time that I wasn't interested, that I didn't deserve your love, but you didn't listen! You persistent bastard! Why didn't you listen to me? What the hell was going through your fucking mind? Now look at you! Buried six feet underground and having your daughter in foster care because you had no family…. I bet you wished you had listened! Right? You fucking bastard! Why did you have to make me feel again? Why did you make me fall in love with you and then up and die like that? What the hell is your problem? Now…. Now your dead and there is nothing I can do about it, nothing. I wish…. I wish I could go back in time, to our last meeting to make you not leave… To make you stay with me, hell, I would have even let you fuck me if it meant that you weren't going to leave. But I can't and that's what hurts the most. Damn it, I was so close! I was going to tell you that…. That I loved you…. That I love you…. That I'm fucking head-over-heels, madly in love with you….. But I won't get the chance. Never again…. You prick, you promised! You said you would never leave me, and what do you do? You up and die on me….. Damn it!

I guess… I guess I should tell you that the family in the other car made it out of the accident, though they too lost something special. The little girl was admitted to the hospital with a concussion and a broken finger, but other than that, she was completely healthy and very talkative the next day. Her name is Katie and she's eight years old, her birthday was the night of the accident. She wants to be a dancer when she grows up; favorite color is red because she thinks it symbolizes love and passion, funny how it can mean so much more. She's a lot like Lori, smart, bright… The girl will go far in life…. That is, if she doesn't get caught up in the tangle of lies that is known as love.

The wife was emitted for a broken ankle and the baby she was carrying was born premature… It died later on that night. It was a boy, his name was Eric Davis Spalding. What kind of name is Spalding anyway? The kid was only seven hours, forty-three minuets, and eleven seconds old when he died…. But who's counting? The wife was devastated and had to be tranquilized because she was freaking out and scaring the other patients with her screaming.

The father was fine. He was able to walk away from the accident. He was treated for minor injuries, like bumps and bruises. Though you could tell he was grieving for the loss of his child, but he didn't seem to blame you… none of them did. The father had come up to me and had introduced himself. His name is Justin Spalding. He's a medical technician…How ironic is that? Anyway, the man had wanted to know if you were okay, but at that time, you were in the ICU. I had told him that he needed to fuck off and worry about his wife and child. He was silent for a few moments before nodding and walking off.

You, on the other hand, had a limited amount of time to live. The doctors said that you had a ruptured lung, a facture to the skull as well as pressure build up and a concussion, a few broken ribs, and some bruises…. The doctors said that you didn't have that great of a chance to live, since you weren't wearing your seat belt. They said that you had a small chance of living…. But I guess you decided that there was nothing left to live for… You had your daughter, but I guess you needed something more, something only I could have given you. I had stayed at your bed side until it happened… I remember it as clear as day…..

(Flashback)

I feel so, much better

Now that you're gone forever

I tell myself that I don't miss you at all

I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better

Now that you're gone forever

The room had been that disgusting white that I hated so much and everything was so clean and sterile. Everything was so organized and neat that I had had a feeling of panic was over me because everything on the outside forces was in control, the thought was enough to break me to tears alone.

You were lying on the bed, so motionless, like a doll. There was a long oxygen tube inserted into your mouth and disappearing down your throat and into your lungs, feeing it the air that it was being denied, that you couldn't supply yourself. They had to shave off your hair in order to fix the facture on your skull and to remove the building pressure. You had a bandaged wrapped around your chest, not so tight that it was painful, but just tight enough until the doctors were sure that you would make it through surgery in order to repair the damage that had been done. So many wire were sticking out of you that you could have been mistaken for a robot, all connecting to something different, monitoring something that was important, something that I didn't understand. You had yet to move a muscle but I still sat there, hope the only thing that kept me there. I left your bed side once and that was to piss, but I came back. Nothing in Heaven or Hell could get me away from your bedside, nothing.

It felt like centuries and with each passing hour, the hope that I had had diminished more and more until I finally broke down and cried. A passing nurse had seen me and came in the room, asking me if I was alright. I turned to her and gave her one of my most deadly glares I could muster up at the time before hissing in a cold tone, "Does it fucking look like I'm alright, you fucking whore." She yelled at me and told me that if I couldn't be respectful then I was going to have to leave. I flipped her the bird and told her to go fuck herself. She huffed and then stormed out of the room. I know she was trying to help but I couldn't stand the thought of someone seeing me so helpless, so broken.

I turned back towards you and out of the corner of my eye; I saw your hand twitch. I would have missed it had I not been paying so much attention to you for the twitch was so small that many would have missed it. I sucked in a deep breathe and turned my eyes towards your, which were blinking open. For a moment, I thought you were going to okay, but it was only for a moment. I reached out in a haste and grabbed your hand… It was so cold, almost like you were already dead. Tears were in my eyes as you turned your head toward me and a moment of recognition passed through them. I was so happy that I burst into tears. You weakly clenched my fist and I felt that I had to tell you…. Tell you that I was in love with you and that you couldn't leave me.

I had opened my mouth to begin speaking when your heart monitor began to fluctuate. It began to beat faster and faster and I felt my time with you slipping away. I felt my chance to tell you my feelings slipping away. I was paralyzed for a moment before I leaned down and placed a tender kiss on your forehead.

Pulling back, I whispered, "I love you."

Your eyes twinkled with merriness for a brief moment before they fell shut once more and the steady sound of the heart monitor filled the room. A nurse and doctor rushed into my room and the nurse pulled me away from you. I was too in shock to know what she was saying to me. The world around me was spinning and the words mingled with one another, sounding like mumble jumble then nothing else. The nurse placed a hand on my shoulder as I stumbled over my own two feet before shouting out doctor. I know that I had passed out from the shock and grief and the last thing that I saw was the guy from the accident running up to me and catching me before I had time to hit the ground.

(End of Flashback)

Yugi said that the man had taken me to a the lounge and had laid me out on one of the couches. He had bought me some water and asked on of the nurses for a rag, which he received in record time according to Yami. Yugi said that he had taken care of me until he and Yami had arrived at the hospital. Yami said that when he had talked to the man, he said to tell Ryou that he sent him his deepest apologies for his loss. I thought, at the time, that the man was naïve and stupid for caring for a person who was associated with the man that had killed his new born baby. Yami said that I should thank him taking care of me and in later months, I did. He and I are now good friends, with me being invited over to their house on more than one occasion. I was like an adopted son and they treated me with a high level of respect and kinds, something that I don't deserve. They never mention David, for fear of hurting me and breaking my heart all over again…. What heart I keep asking myself?

They came to your funeral, and the little girl, Katie, she cried. She was bawling tears and later, after all was said and done, she walked up to me and gave me a great big hug. She had asked why you had to die and I told her that that was how life worked. That some people weren't as lucky as others. I ate dinner over at their house that night and I think, if memory serves me correctly, I had spent the night. A few weeks later, they had invited me over for lunch, then a week later they invited me over for a barbeque, and finally, a few days later, they invited me over for come company. I must admit that it feels nice to know that someone cares about me, it really does, but I don't deserve it. I don't deserve such kindness and hospitality.

Sometimes, I wish I was dead, that it had been me that had ran out of the house and had gotten into that car. I wish it was me who had driven wildly into the night. I wish it was me who ran the light and had smashed into the other vehicle. I wish it was me lying on that pavement, watching as the darkness consumed the corners of my vision until nothing was left but vast emptiness of a blackened void. I wish it had been me to die that night, lying to helplessly in that cold hospital room with all of those machines hooked up to me. Damn it! Why COULDN'T it have been me?

My heart feels so heavy in my chest and I gasp to breath. My knees are quivering and in no time, I'm kneeling in a puddle of mud in front of David's grave, sobs racking my body and tearing leaking from my dead, brown eyes. I pound my fist into the soft earth and raise my head to look at the tombstone. I read the words that were etched in stone once more, "David Spence 1985-2006: A father to his little angel and a lover to his soul mate. May he find internal happiness and peace at last." I had had that engraved in the tombstone, in hopes of making me feel better about the whole ordeal but it did nothing to sooth my aching heart.

"Ryou!" the cry echoed throughout the darkened world and it brought me out of my depressing thoughts and back to reality. To the world that was dead once again, to the cold that was seeping through my thick clothing and attacking me like some sort of plague. Back to the soaking clothing that clung to my body and where some of my sensitive skin began to grow a small rash from the irritation. I looked up from my place and turned around, only to stare into curious and sorrowful, purple eyes. It took a moment for recognition to set in and when it did, I got up off my knees and turned to face Yugi, a sneer in place, though it didn't look at all intimidating due to the tears stains that ran down my face.

"What do you want, Yugi?" I asked, though I had no interest in him what so ever. Yugi stopped a few inches before me and placed his hands on his knees, gasping for air. I waited for a minute or two before he looked at me with a smile.

"Joey said that he saw you walking towards the cemetery when he passed you on his way home. I thought, since I was close, that I stop by and see how you are doing." Yugi said and that child-like tone of his irritating me to no end.

"I'm fine," I hissed out before turning away from him and back to the grave. The pause was tension-filled and the silence was thick, you could have cut it with a knife. I continued, though my voice was barely above a whisper, "Now, leave me be."

"Ryou…." Yugi sighed and placed a hand on my shoulder, hoping to comfort me that only three people had managed too…. But they were all dead.

"I said I'm fine, Ra damn it. Now leave me the fuck alone, you stupid ass wipe." I growled out dangerously and shrugged off his hand. Yugi looked surprised by my reaction before he once again sighed. He forcefully turned my body so that I was facing him, but I get my eyes on everything but the small fry standing so determinedly in front of me.

"Look Ryou, I understand that you're going through some hard times and that you feel so alone, but that's no reason to push everyone away. We just want to help you through this, like what we did when you lost Bakura and Mailk. We were there for you and we still are. You can come talk to us. Yami is always willing to listen, so is Tristan, Joey, and heck, even Kaiba will listen to what you have to say, and you know you can come to me anytime you like, day or night. Call me if you have to! Just, just don't push away…." Yugi said desperation in his voice and tears of grief in his large purple eyes. The sight almost made me cry, but instead… I laughed. Yugi stood there in shock as I laughed like a lunatic, my hands clutching my stomach from the force. After a while I had settled down and had turned my attention to Yugi.

Now things are coming clear

And I don't need you here

And in this world around me

I'm glad you disappeared

So I'll stay out all night

Get drunk and fuck and fight

Until the morning comes out

Forget about our life

"Yugi……poor, innocent, little Yugi. You don't get it do you? You are dense, aren't you? You can't grasp the fact that I don't want, nor need, your fucking help. So, stop trying. Your pity is overwhelming and a complete waste on me. Why can't you just grasp that I want you to leave me the fuck alone? Is it really that hard? Am I speaking a fucking foreign language to you? Ra, you really are pathetic. Now, I will tell you for the last Ra damn time that I don't want your fucking pity or your Ra damned help. Do I make myself clear?" my words where clear and to the point. My voice was hard and demanding, leaving no room for protest. Yugi seemed to have given up because he nodded his head in defeat before lowering his eyes to the ground. I smiled and stretched my muscles before pushing past little Yugi, ready to get the fuck away from that place.

"You miss him greatly don't you?" asked Yugi, causing my feet to halt in mid-step. I turned my head so that I could see his slouching figure out of the corner of my eye.

"What was that?" I asked and cursed myself for the crack in my voice. Damn it, I will not show weakness in front of this bastard.

"You miss him…. Admit it! You miss David!" Yugi yelled, his small voice sending shivers of recognition done my spine. He turned toward me and his eyes were hard with determination. I turned to face him completely once more, a scowl on my face.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I sneered in defense. That little fucker… How… How the hell can he read me like a fucking open book? The little shit… he… He doesn't know what he's talking about… I don't miss him. I don't miss him…. I don't miss David…..

"You're angry at yourself because you never got the chance to tell David how you really felt about him. You never got to spend those long hours of romantic nothings with him… You're pissed at yourself because you think it's your fault that he's dead…." Yugi growled out. I was shocked speechless for the first time in a while. I… That's…. It isn't true…. Stop! Yugi continued, "You wanted to tell him that you loved him, that you had always loved him, for time in-fact, but you never got the chance. Now that he's passed on, you know that your chance has come and gone. You're pissed at yourself for not telling him sooner because, in your mind, you believe that he would have still be here, that he wouldn't be six feet under the ground….." Yugi paused again, waiting for me to reply but no matter how many times I opened my mouth to tell him that he was wrong, nothing came out but a small squeak. Stop…. You don't know what you're saying… I don't miss him. It was his fucking fault… The bastard should have been wearing a seat belt. He shouldn't have been speeding…. It's not my fault…. It's…..my…. fault….

Yugi continued, "You're so pissed off at yourself that you can't see what is really happening. You keep pushing everyone away, like we mean nothing to you. I don't know if that is the fact, or if you're afraid of hurting someone else, but the real fact is that you're scared…. Scared to death that you may cause another death. You don't want to stain your hands with anymore blood…. I have news for you, you didn't kill anyone. None of them died by your hands… Bakura was killed by a drunk driver. Mailk was murdered and David died in a car crash… All of the incidents had nothing to do with you…. You're innocent Ryou, innocent."

I'm…. I'm innocent? I didn't kill anyone…. NO! That's a lie. I did kill them… I killed all of them. Each incident had everything to do with me. I pushed Bakura to run into the street…. I killed him. I pushed Mailk and David away like they meant absolutely nothing to me…. I killed them! I did it… Not the drunk driver… Not some gangster out on the streets…. Not some car… I did…. I killed them… I killed my lovers! I did! I did! I did!

"You're wrong Yugi," I whispered as I brought my eyes up from the ground to lock with his. I smiled depressingly before finishing, "I killed them. I did…. Not the person that was driving the car that night. I had killed Bakura, not the drunk driver. I had told Bakura that I was cheating on him with Mailk for the past two years. I broke his heart and I made him run away to escape all the lies. I made him run into the street with hope of killing himself… I did it. Not the drunk driver… He was only a small part of the whole game.

"I killed Mailk too… I pushed him away after Bakura died. I won't look at him. I won't speak to him… Hell, I couldn't stand to be around him at times. In the back of my mind, I blamed him for the death of my yami, of Bakura. I told myself, at the time, that if he hadn't seduced me, then I wouldn't have been in the mess I was in. I wouldn't have fallen in love with him. I was disgusted at myself…. And at him. I pushed him away! I had yelled at him that night, calling him all kinds of names, despicable names, whore, killer, murderer, bastard, slut, bitch…. All kinds of names. He ran away, to escape the pain, the betrayal. I forced him out into the night, the dangerous night. He was found raped and dead the next morning. I told everyone that he was on his was to a store, which I don't remember…. I lied to you all…. I was already in deep shit with you all from the death of Bakura… I couldn't let you know that I had killed Mailk too… But I did, not the thug that was looking for a quick fuck… No, I did. I killed Mailk…." I whispered my voice barely able to be made out above the howling of the wind. Yugi stared at me, the emotions in his eyes flashing, raging like a thunderstorm.

"Ryou……" Yugi whispered, his voice breaking with something unknown to me. I smiled weakly at him for moment before it died, vanishing from my features in the matter of mere seconds.

"I killed David too…. He had come over to my house, wanting to know if I was okay. He took one look at me and panicked…. Did you know that I liked to cut? I think it heals the pain, only for a little while…. Anyway, he and I got into a heated argument that night. He was beyond pissed at me because I was forcing away everyone… Because I was breaking and wanted no one to know. He said that I liked to bottle up my emotions… I do, oh, how I love to. I hate weakness… Bakura… He hated weakness…. I couldn't stand to be weak. Still can't to tell the truth. He stormed out of my house and I was indifferent for a moment… But I followed him. I couldn't stand to lose him… But I did. I killed him because of my own ignorance… I killed him because I pushed him away, because I was too afraid to love again…. I told him, at the hospital, that I loved him when he awoke for that brief moment. He seemed happy to know…. Then he let go. I guess…. I guess I was too late.

"What difference does it make? He obviously didn't love me enough to hold on. So, I don't miss him! I don't give a flying fuck about that bastard. I don't love him, no, not anymore. He told me he loved me but he didn't hold on… he let go. I guess me loving him back wasn't enough… So, fuck that bastard. I'm glad… I'm glad he's dead, that he's gone forever. Good riddance!"

I feel so, much better

Now that you're gone forever

I tell myself that I don't miss you at all

I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better

Now that you're gone forever

After I had spoken, I turned and ran as fast as I could from Yugi and the pity… the lies. I could hear Yugi call my name but I didn't care to stop. I reached my car in record time and quickly threw myself inside before turning the car on and speeding off down the road. The rain pattered on my windshield like rock as I sped down roads and alleyways, only trying to get home and away from everything. I ran through stop signs and red lights, paying no heed to the blaring horns and curses from pedestrians as I drove wildly down the road, taking corners at high speeds, never once dropping below seventy.

When I pulled into my driveway, I came within in centimeters of smashing through my garage door, though whether I would have cared was a no brainier. I jumped out of my car, after shutting it off and placing on the emergency brake and putting it into park, and ran into my house, slamming the door behind me, clicking the locks into place. I panted and slid to the floor, my eyes wide with grief, tears gathering at the corners. I tried to push back the sobs but in the end, they came out and I was disgusted at myself for braking.

Damn you Yugi! What the hell were you trying to prove? Are you trying to make me see the errors of my ways? Are you trying to rescue me from myself? Do you want to make me realize that it was all an accident and that I had nothing to do with their deaths? Is that what you were fucking doing? You bastard! You know I killed them! You know it! You blamed me for Bakura's death; I could see it in your eyes, the way you turned away from me, the way you left me in the dark like everyone else. I could tell you blamed me, but you won't admit it. I know you did! Admit it to yourself you little freak!

I'm not innocent! I'm not! You're wasting your time, all of you. I'm beyond repairable. I can't be fixed, so stop trying. Stop wasting for time on a poor, piece of shit like me. Worry about your wedding, your life. Worry about something important, like your education, whether or not you're going to stay in college. Something important… not me. I'm not worthy of your love, your worry, your concern, I'm not worthy of anything.

This pain that I feel… I have to get rid of it. I have to make it go away, make it disappear forever. I don't know how to, though. I don't know how to ease the pain, this braking feeling that is sweeping through my body like the plague. I have to rid myself of it… I….

"I need a drink…." A say to myself, my voice just a whisper in the cold house. Standing up, I walk through the hallway until I reach my kitchen. I look around for a moment before walking to the cabinet and opening it, pulling out a body of whiskey. Wasting no time, I open it and down a quarter of the body in no time. The taste made my eyes water and my insides churn, though the heat that swept through my body made up for the unpleasantness. Pulling the bottle from my lips, I look around my kitchen once more, looking for the dagger that I had thrown away from me about a week ago. Spotting it, I hurry over and pick it up off the floor, some of the whiskey spilling out onto the tiles from having been tipped to far. I stare transfixed at the dried blood on the sharp blade, my thoughts drifting back to the first time I had used it.

Sighing, I carried the knife and myself into my still-trashed living room and plop myself on the soft, leather sofa that was sitting in the corner of the room. I raise the bottle to my lips and down another third of it, wanting to ease the pain in my heart quickly, cursing when it wouldn't disappear. There's a voice inside my head, taunting me, and I don't want to listen to it, but it won't go away. It keeps getting louder and louder, edging me to the brink of insanity. The hand that is holding the dagger tightens around the handle, shaking from the tension.

Come on Ryou, you know you can't drink away the pain; you've already tried that method… and failed.

I raised the bottle my lips again and gulped more down, hoping to make the voice shut up, but it didn't work. The voice in my head only got louder.

Why are you prolonging it? You know you want to cut so badly, so why don't you? In the end, you always do.

"Shut up," I growl out and raise the bottle to my lips once more. "I wish you would just shut the fuck up."

You can't make me. I am you. Your little voice that makes you do things you don't want to do. You can't shut me up. Not with that drink, no…. You know there is only one way to shut me up. You're just too pathetic to do it. Worthless.

"I'm not pathetic, nor am I worthless!"

On the contraire my little friend, you are completely worthless. You can't do anything by yourself; you always have to have your little friends help you. You are completely useless. You can't do anything on your own. Always relying on others to do what needs to be done. You can't ever get rid of your own pain. You rely on a drink to do that. What good can you do?

"Shut up! You know nothing about me!"

No! I won't shut up! And as for not knowing you, I know everything there is no about you. I know that you blame yourself for their deaths…. That your friends think you're insane…. Completely insane.

"Shut up!"

NO! You know what, you are insane. You talk to yourself, and scream at a voice inside your head, something that isn't even real. No wonder your friends can't seem to look at you. They can't stand you. You have no one left. No one wants to be around you, because you'll only kill them as well.

"Yugi…."

Is only trying to ease his own guilt. Why would anyone want to fix you? You're completely broken. You just won't admit it. David killed you. You know it! It killed you inside and you just don't want to admit that you let yourself get to someone else. That you killed him too…. You killed him. It's your entire fault.

"It was an accident. He hit another car. It had nothing to do with me… I didn't kill him…."

Yes it is. You pushed him away! You caused him so much trouble for himself that he couldn't stand it and he ran away. You killed him! You forced him to run away from you. You made him get in that car and leave. You made he speed. He just wanted to get away from you as quickly as possible. You killed him! He didn't want to leave, but you made him. So, it's your fault he's dead!

"I…. killed….. him…."

Yes, you did and all your little friends blame you. For everything. You killed all of them and they know it. They can't stand to look at you, a murderer. A cold blooded murderer.

"I'm not a murderer!" I raise the bottle to my lips, but to my displeasure, the bottle is empty. I throw it against the wall opposite of me and watch as it shatters into pieces, raining down onto the plush carpet. I unconsciously grip the handle to the dagger tightly, my breathe coming out in pants.

You are. Admit it and it will all be over. It will all end. Just admit it to yourself and end it. Use the dagger in your hand to end it all. Silence me. Just a two cut and it can all end. The pain, the loneliness, the depression, me. All you have to do is admit who you are.

"I…. not a murderer. I didn't kill anyone….. I…."

Admit it! You want to, I know you do. So why not? Are you afraid of what you are? Is that the problem?

"No."

Then it isn't hard. Just say, 'I'm a cold blooded murderer.' That's all you have to say. Just five little words. It's not that complex.

"I'm….. a…."

That's it! Admit it! Scream it to the world.

"But…. I didn't kill….."

Stop lying to yourself. You know what you did. Admit it. Just say the words and everything will end! Admit it!

"But….."

ADMIT IT!

"I'M A COLD BLOODED MURDERER!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. My hands were clenched in my hair, pulling at it. My head was raised upwards and my eyes were wide, pupils dilated. I screamed until I was out of breath. My whole body was tense and when I was over, I slumped to the floor.

First time you screamed at me

I should have made you leave

I should have known it could be so much better

I hope you're missing me

I hope I've made you see

That I'm gone forever

Good……

"I did it. I'm a murderer. I killed them all. I was selfish. I pushed them away and forced them to run from me. I hurt them until they broke. Now it's my turn. I, Ryou Bakura, killed them all. I am a cold blooded murderer." I said, finally defeated. My voice was small and weak and tears were streaming down my face. Sobs shook my shoulders as they erupted from within. I was finally defeated, finally broken.

That wasn't so hare, now was it? That's all you had to do, admit who you are. Now you can end it. Now you can let go and end the pain that has been haunting you since Bakura died. You can end it all, right now, right here. Just use the dagger. That's all you have to do. You should be use to it by now. Just two quick, deep cuts and it will all be over.

"It… It'll all be over?" I questioned the voice, my voice weak and vulnerable. I felt like a child again, asking my mother for permission and reassurance.

Yes, everything that has haunted you will end. You won't hurt anymore. The pain will vanish and you will be able to live again.

"But I don't want to die." I chocked out, the fear building up inside of me felt like it was going to explode. I could hear the voice chuckle inside my head tauntingly before it spoke.

Don't think of it as dying. Think of it as being set free. You'll be free again and won't be chained down by the pain that you feel. You'll be able to be happy again. Think of it as rebirth.

"Rebirth? I……"

You'll be able to see Bakura again……

That was all the reassurance that I needed. Within moments, I had my jacket off of me and thrown somewhere else in the room. My hand tightened around the handle even more as my breath became shaky. I took a moment to stare at my previous cuts. They litter my arms, some criss-crossing over older ones that have healed over. Some of the cuts had scarred over already, while others were scabbing and just beginning to scar.

I took a deep breath and placed the tip of the sharp blade to my wrist. A wash of fear hit me like a ton of bricks and for a moment there, I really thought about backing down. I really didn't want to die, but I could never pass up the chance of seeing Bakura again.

I had been hoping that his spirit had gone back to the ring when he had died but it was only a dream. I had sat in my house for days waiting for Bakura to emerge from the ring unharmed and smiling at me. I always kept it close to me at all times and wore it in the shower. I refused to take it off, even when I went to bed. Yami said that it was an unhealthy habit and that Bakura was gone for good. That even though he had been sealed to the ring, he was gone for good this time because he had gotten his own body, that the seal had been broken when his soul was transferred. He said it was hopeless. I didn't listen to him but in time, his words became more true. Finally, I had placed the ring in the dresser and never looked at it again. The ring…….

I jumped up from the floor and dropped the dagger to the ground. It landed with a soft thud. Ignoring it, I ran out of the room and down the hall. I grabbed onto the end of the banister and swung my body in a u-turn before charging up the stairs like someone was hot on my tail. I turn to the left and ran until I reached my bedroom. I raced in and over to the dresser that had held the ring inside it for five years. I opened the dresser and rummaged through the junk.

What are you doing?

Even though it was merrily a voice, I answered, "I'm looking for the ring. If I kill myself, I want it to be the ring that kills me." The voice was silent for a few seconds before speaking.

Why?

"I like to think of it as Bakura getting his revenge on me. I want it to be him that kills me, even though the ring doesn't harbor his soul anymore, I still think of it as a part of him. I want it this way." I explained to the imaginary voice and for a moment, I thought I had truly gone insane.

How thoughtful of you.

And now it's coming clear

That I don't need you here

And in this world around me

I'm glad you disappeared

I finally found the ring at the bottom of the drawer, under piles of junk. I pulled it out and wiped off the dust that had clung to it. I walked over to the bed and examined it. The ring's shine hadn't faded in all the time that it had been in the drawer and the pendants that hung down from it were as sharp as the day I had received. Smiling happily, I pressed my finger to the tip of one of the pendants and smiled as a small drop of blood surfaced.

Unfolding my right arm, I placed the tip of the pendant to my wrist and pressed hard. Blood sweep out of the small hole and I smiled. This was going to work. I sat there for a moment and watched the blood run down my wrist before falling to hard wood below my feet.

What are you waiting for? You haven't backed down, have you?

"No…." I whispered before placing the pendant back to my wrist. Taking in a shaky breath, I pressed hard once more. I dragged the tip downward, hissing as I did so, until it reached my elbow. Blood began to pour out of the wound in heaps. The pain vanished within seconds after the cut and for some reason, my heart felt lighter. I switched the pendant over to my other hand and did the same, cursing as my skin tore open and pain washed up through my arm. When the act was finished, I placed the blood stained ring around my neck. I examined the cuts that I had made while I waited for the darkness to claim me. They were deep and on part of the cuts, you could see the white of my bone. Blood poured from the wounds in rivers, caking my pants and the carpet in red stains.

Not long after I had made the cuts, I began to feel dizzy and light-headed. Lying back, I rest my head against the soft cover of my bed, the coolness of it felt good against my skin. I sigh as if I were in heaven. My mutilated arms rested beside my head and I could feel my blood against my scalp, caking my hair in the red substance. Before long, the edges of my vision began to blacken and the world was spinning out of control. My breaths were coming in gasps and I could hear my heart beat in my ears. Still, I could hear the voice mockingly call out to me.

"Ryou!"

Afterwards, the world finally went black.

(Normal POV)

It was a rather cold and dreary day, the wind blowing harshly and the sky seemed just a little darker than usual. The graveyard, unlike the rest of the town, was filled with people, all standing around in a small circle. Many were dressed in black but there were a few who wore dark blues and other depressing colors. The funeral had been going on for a little more than an hour and everyone looked cold, their bodies shivering and huddled together to get some heat from their neighbors.

As the minister finished speaking, he had asked if those who wished to pay their last respect to step forward. Many people had formed a line, each walking forward and placing a rose of various colors on the casket, most of them were white, the deceased's favorite rose. When the line had finished, the casket was lowered into the earth and was covered with dirt. The group of people that had been standing around the grave had begun to disperse, but only a few remain, even after it had started to rain.

"I miss him already." Yugi said his eyes were red and swollen from his tears, his voice raspy from the sobs.

"We all do, Yugi." Yami answered and the group nodded their heads sullenly. Their eyes were downcast and their features were set in a depressing frown.

A pair of golden rose up from the grave and looked around at everyone, examining them, especially Yugi. Yugi looked like a complete wreck. He was crying softly into Yami's chest, his hands clenching the fabric of his shirt. He looked a mess from his sleepless nights, complaining to Yami that the sight of Ryou had always haunted him in his dreams. He had been the one to find Ryou and called for an ambulance before calling Yami. When the ambulance arrived at the scene, they had done everything within their power to keep their friend alive. They quickly rushed him to the hospital, but it was all in vain. They had pronounced Ryou dead at the hospital at 4:31 a.m. on December 9. Yugi had fainted from the news and the others had looked shocked. Now, a week later, Ryou was buried next to Bakura, where he belonged.

Joey spoke, his voice quite, "I still can't believe he's gone. He was only 22."

The others agreed with him, all not believing that their friend had committed suicide. All of them blaming themselves for not being there, for not trying to understand his pain. All of them felt as if they could have done something, anything to help Ryou, all believing that he would still be with them if they had just listened a little closer.

Finally, half and hour later, the group left, all not seeing the ghost of a figure sitting on the graze, eyes downcast, hair as white as snow. The figure raised his chocolate brown eyes and reached for the others as they left. Sighing, the figure looked up at the sky.

"I though you said I could see Bakura again…." The figure whispered to the voice he knew was there. The voice chuckled darkly before answering…..

I feel so, much better

Now that you're gone forever

I tell myself that I don't miss you at all

I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better

Now that you're gone forever

And now you're gone forever

And now you're gone forever

I lied…….

SingMyLullabySweet666: Well, that's it. That's the end of the story. I really hope you all enjoy it. I thank everyone for reviewing the chapter and for sticking with me. You all have really made this story worth writing. I would like to send a special thanks to Dark Magician Girl Hikaru for sticking with me for so long! Thanks girl!

Review please!