Summary: It's Chester vs. Sheen in a brutal T.L.C. Match! There are no count outs and no disqualifications! The only way to win is either pin your opponent, or make him submit!
Disclaimer: It's in the first chapter, for those who care.
Bell rings
Chester comes out firing, throwing wild lefts and rights, some of them actually connecting. Sheen is stunned, but decides to roll out of the ring to get his breath back. While there, Chester sneaks up behind him and cracks him on the back with a wicked chair shot! "What a chair shot! Sheen has a history of back problems, how will that factor into this Goddard?" Wanda asked. "Well, the last time I talked with him, Sheen told me that he had gotten his back fixed, and underwent months of rehab just to get ready for this contest." Goddard replied. Sheen stumbles around to the makeshift announcers table, Chester right on his heels. Chester grabbed Sheen and slammed his head into the table. Sheen went limp, making it difficult for Chester to get him back into the ring.
Chester quit trying, and instead jumped back in the ring and started to taunt Sheen, who was beginning to regain his senses. Sheen cautiously reentered the ring, and was greeted with a stiff scoop slam for his trouble. Sheen grabs his lower back in agony, Chester rolls back outside and grabs the chair that he used in the first place. He raised it, but when he swung, Sheen ducked and the chair bounced off the ropes and cracked Chester right between the eyes! Sheen saw his opportunity, and quickly covered Chester, but only got a two count to show for it.
Sheen stalks a still dazed Chester, waiting for the right moment to strike. Upon finding it, he grabs Chester, and plants him with a series of textbook belly-to-back suplexes. Chester grabs the back of his head in agony, while Sheen goes back outside and grabs a table from underneath the ring. "Oh this can't be good! What could be running through the devious mind of Sheen?" Wanda called. Sheen slid the table into the ring, set it up, and set Chester up on the top rope. Chester fought back, and the two are teetering dangerously on the top turnbuckle. Chester got the upper hand, under hooked Sheen, and dove off, driving Sheen with a brutal power bomb! The two crashed through the table with a sickening thud, complimented by the splintering of wood.
HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! yelled the crowd. "Oh my GOD!" Cosmo yelled, "What a move by Chester!" Wanda cried. Goddard didn't say anything, his ears covering his ocular sensors. Neither man moved for a few seconds, but since Chester was the aggressor, he came to first. He covered a prone Sheen, but Sheen got his foot on the bottom rope at the last second. "The crowd is definitely into this one!" Cosmo called, noting the crowd's response to every move in the ring.
Chester, for whatever reason, decided to go to the outside and grab a ladder! He took a couple of shots at Sheen with it, both of them missing as Sheen ducked out of the way. Sheen then took the lead and dropkicked the ladder back into Chester's face! Chester lay prone on the mat, with a trickle of blood running down his forehead. Instead of covering Chester, Sheen decided to pose to the crowd. This allowed Chester the opportunity to rest, and it paid off. While Sheen posed, Chester hit him with a nasty low blow. Sheen doubled over in pain, which Chester took advantage of, hitting a brain scrambling DDT.
The two lay in the middle of the ring, while the crowd chants: THIS MATCH RULES! over and over again. Sheen is the first to his feet, and drags Chester up by his hair. Sheen lands some decent punches, before grabbing a chair, looking for the homerun swing. Chester, who was barely able to stand, summoned enough strength to spin kick the chair back into Sheen's face! "Good god! What a move! It was reminiscent of R.V.D.'s "Van Daminator"!" Goddard called. Now a trickle of blood was flowing out of Sheen's forehead.
Both men are down again, gasping for breath. The crowd is going crazy. Chester is up first and drops an elbow into Sheen's sternum. With Sheen curled up in pain, Chester bounces off the ropes and delivers an impressive leg drop ala Hulk Hogan. Chester went for the win, but only got a two count. Chester is beside himself at not getting the win, and decides to argue with the referee. This allows Sheen enough time to recover and sneak another table into the ring.
Back in the ring, Sheen spins a shocked Chester around and nails a short clothes line. "What more can these two do to each other?" Wanda asked. They were about to find out. Sheen took down the table and slid it to the outside. After setting it back up, he brawled some more with Chester, who was bleeding pretty bad. Sheen threw Chester back outside, and followed after him. The two fought hard around the ring, spit, snot, and blood flying with every punch.
Sheen got the upper hand with a devastating Tombstone Piledriver on the entrance ramp. With Chester nearly out of it, Sheen went under the ring, and pulled a fifteen foot ladder out from under the ring! "Oh god, what could Sheen possibly want with that?" Cosmo wondered as the crowd buzzed with anticipation. "If he does what I think he's gonna do, Chester is as good as dead!" Goddard yelled, standing up on his hind paws. Sheen grabbed Chester and threw him on the table. Chester however, refusing to go out like this, fought back and got up off the table.
The two traded more punches, both young men teetering on the brink of exhaustion. Sheen appeared to have the upper hand after a series of kicks to the midsection. He threw down a chair, and set Chester up for a pile driver, but Chester blocked it, and back dropped Sheen onto the blue protective mats. As Sheen stumbled to his feet, Chester took advantage and drove his head into the chair with a DDT. "Shades of Tommy Dreamer with that DDT by Chester!" Cosmo cried.
Chester, seizing that opportunity, threw Sheen onto the table, then gazed first at the ladder, then at the ring. "Now Chester is getting sick and twisted thoughts! What could he be planning?" Wanda asked, sitting up higher to get a better view. Chester folded up the ladder and slid it back into the ring. He set it up and started to climb. "Oh God NO! If he does this, he will kill Sheen!" Cosmo cried, seeing where Chester was going with this. Once perched at the top, Chester pointed to the crowd and pounded his chest. "No, Chester don't do it! It's suicide!" Wanda yelled.
Chester set up, and dove off the ladder, sailing gracefully through the air, and landing smack on top of Sheen, breaking the table into a million pieces. "OH MY FREAKING GOD!" Wanda shrieked, "WHAT A 5 STAR FROG SPLASH!" Cosmo shouted, "That's it, Sheen's DEAD!" Goddard called. "Will someone stop the damn match?! Enough is enough!" Wanda yelled, genuinely concerned for the well being of both young men. Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Holy Shit! the crowd chanted. The referee, not knowing what else to do, slid out of the ring. First he checked on the two, then, noting that Chester was laying on top of Sheen, counted the 1-2-3.
"Here is your winner of the match: CHESTER MCBADBAT!"
"There aren't any winners in this match! That was sickening!" Wanda cried, genuinely concerned about the two young men. The referee called for medical help for both men. Within seconds, EMT's were on the scene, placing a neck brace on Sheen, who seemed the worse for wear. Chester managed to stand, and the referee raised his hand as the crowd went wild. Sheen was placed on a stretcher, while two EMT workers helped Chester to the back.
"What a match, and we are just getting started!" Cosmo said. "Yes Cosmo, now, while the ring crew is cleaning up this god awful mess, we once again go backstage to Sheldon Dinkleberg, who is with a special guest. Take it away Sheldon!" Goddard said.
Backstage
"Thanks Goddard. I'm standing with Timmy Turner, who is what the three young ladies will be fighting for in the Main Event tonight. Timmy, what are your thoughts on tonight's main event?"
Timmy strokes his chin for a moment, gathering his thoughts, then he begins to speak. "Well Mr. Dinkleberg, I honestly didn't want this match to take place. I like all three girls, but I know I can only have one. I was hoping that Trixie, Tootie, and Cindy could settle this non-violently, but since they can't…I'll be cheering that all three escape without serious injury."
Dinkleberg nodded, taking that in. "So is there a particular lady you'll be cheering for tonight?"
"Not outwardly, but those who really know me will know who I am cheering for. I'm confident that the girl I want to win will. I just hope that after the match, there is enough for me to love."
With that, Timmy walked off, heading for the locker room that the three (for whatever reason) shared. "I guess it's safe to say that the girl who wins will be the one Timmy likes. Back to you guys at ringside!" Again, Dinkleberg walked off camera, and we see Mr. Turner growling "Dinkleberg!". However this time, Mrs. Turner is holding him back from pummeling the unsuspecting man. "Come on dear, it's not worth it." Mrs. Turner said, dragging him off by the collar.
Back at Ringside
We return to the three shocked commentators. "That last match was as violent and brutal as you will ever see, in my humble estimation." Wanda said, going over her notes. "It was Wanda, that was a Main Event caliber match, how can the rest of the card compete?" Cosmo added. "Well, it seems the crew is done cleaning up, and the next match is about to begin!" Goddard called.
Over the P.A. we hear the song "Milkshake" by Kelis, signifying the arrival of the most soulful female resident of Retroville. "The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is the B.F.F. match! In this contest, there are no count outs, and no disqualifications! Introducing first: Born in Brooklyn, New York, Cindy Vortex's B.F.F.: LIBBY FOLFAX!" Libby walked down to the ring, wearing skin tight jeans and a yellow t-shirt, with a determined look on her face.
As soon as Libby is in the ring, The Black Eyed Peas' song "My Humps" starts up, and down walks her opponent. "Her opponent: From Dimmsdale, California, Trixie Tang's B.F.F.: VERONICA VERDANT!" Veronica, clad in a mini skirt and white tank top, struts down to the ring, more then a little overconfidence showing in her eyes.
"This should be a great hardcore match! We will keep you posted on Sheen's condition as it becomes available to us. All we know at this point is that he has been rushed to a local medical facility for tests." Wanda said. "The two beautiful ladies are in the ring and we are ready for a war!" Cosmo shouts, drool seen running down his chin. Wanda sees this, and smacks him on the back of the head. "Get your mind out of the gutter and on this match you idiot!" She shouts.
A/N: Chapter 3 is in the books! The next chapter will contain this match, and a possible backstage interview with A.J. (that is, if Mr. Turner doesn't get his hands on Mr. Dinkleberg first!) Read and review please.