Disclaimer: I...don't own nothin', an' I cannot lie... You other readers cannot deny... please tell me you got that... //dances randomly// I really got to stop listening to the radio
T'anks: Many thanx to Remy for correcting me on the correct way to start a subject-adjative order sentence in Cajun...I think I'm gonna go bang my head against a wall and try to beat the last twenty minutes of French lessons out tho... To my reviewers, I send you each a Fried Monkey (Chunky Monkey Ben and Jerry's ice Cream with crumbled KitKats, cayenne and, if you so desire, Red Hots...ever so good, but keep the milk nearby1...) This chapter is short, I know, but more is coming. I promise, it will be finished… eventually…
Hear All About It!: I apologize with many bows/curtseys/kowtows (I draw the line at groveling...) for not updating earlier. I've been so ridiculously busy with school I haven't had a chance to sleep, much less write. And then Christmas vacation turned into a work-a-thon... I never was very good at making excuses. Mainly, I've been working on Angels Path, and wasn't really in a 'funny' mood. Don't expect much of anything super soon. As for the bear, it has decided it likes the trailer I provided, per our agreement, and won't leave... something about wanting a good place to hibernate...
As announced in Angels Path, I will be starting to add footnotes and reader review answers at the bottom of my fanfic, just 'cause I luv ya'll. I'm also experimenting with several new formats for the chapters, which is likely to just be a weird me thing, but any feedback would be appreciated!
Chapter Four - Gurgles, Growls, and Yowls
The group of young mutants were still huddling together as what was perhaps the most terrifying sight of their lives hurtled towards them. Magneto, Mystique, Apocalypse, Logan on a bad day... at least they washed on a regular basis. The sow skidded to a stop just before reaching them, seemingly unsure of how to proceed when her prey was refusing to cooperate. She snuffled absently, rearing on her hind legs to roar again. She topped even Remy as she balanced unsteadily on her hind legs before crashing down with both front paws. Rearing up again, she repeated the warning before woofing loudly, small eyes darting in turn to each mutant as she bobbed her head.
Jubilee squeaked and clutched the nearest thing as the bear swiped the air again, obviously readying herself for another charge. The firecracker's unexpected lunge brought about a domino-like reaction as she blindly reached out and wrapped Kurt's tail in a death grip.
Kurt was intent on Kitty and the hulking beast before him, besides trying to mentally recite what he was sure would be his last Hail Mary2, when Jubilee's small hand connected with what was likely one of the most sensitive parts of his anatomy. His instantaneous impression was that a bear cub had somehow sneaked up behind them, wriggled its smelly way to his bottom, and calmly bitten his tail off at the base. He yelped shrilly, and teleported blindly, trying to rid himself of the pain. Jubilee, shocked into letting go by Nightcrawler's shriek, stumbled backwards and tripped over Rahne.
Wolfsbane below yelped equally loudly and indignantly as Kurt reappeared in a tree branch directly above the sow, turning in tight circles as he tried to inspect his butt to see what he was certain would be a bleeding stump. The bear looked directly up, taking her attention off the group for a moment to blink confusedly at the weeping blue mutant above her as Kurt found his tail and held it, irrationally happy it was still intact and momentarily forgetting even Kitty in his joy. That moment, however, was all it took for the entire group to be forcibly catalyzed.
Rahne, appalled at being unceremoniously squashed and forced out of her playing-dead role, abruptly changed back into a girl, grabbing Rogue's ankle. Rogue, flinching automatically away from all contact, phased entirely through Kitty and into Jamie. Jamie multiplied, a unanimous squeak of terror arising from the crowd of multiples as the original stepped on the fainted Amara's stomach. She responded with a brief flare of flame, lighting Remy's pants on fire, before groaning in partial consciousness. Bobby, still frozen to the ground, choked in fear as Remy abruptly began to scream obscenities in French and tried to put himself out by slapped his ankles against Bobby's. The flames smoldered as the ice around the blonde's feet melted, leaving Remy with burned ankles and Bobby at least partially free. He swung his arm wide to catch his balance from having suddenly liberated feet, flinging it through Kitty's face and into the blur that was Pietro. Still in his high speed mode, Quicksilver dodged the blow and then overcompensated back, running directly at the bear before he or anyone else realized what was happening.
Lance, the only one to escape the domino effect of his teammates, yelled and lunged to his feet, an ominous but familiar rumble beginning as he saw the danger his friend was running too. Even Kurt, still above the group with the bear watching him, looked down at the solid thump of Pietro hitting a bear rib at high speed.
The sow grunted as she jolted sideways from the impact, opening her eyes wide, temporarily unsure of what to do. The thought, so far as bears may have thoughts, was apparent in her eyes.
Once minute you're happily terrorizing a bunch of stuck-up pinkies, and the next you can't breath because they threw something at you...
Jubilee squeaked again at the grunt and finally let loose the energy building in her hands. An explosion of paffs whirled around the campsite, blinding everyone except the bear, who had turned her head away from the group to examine the unconscious Pietro. Up on his branch, Kurt tried to tuck, drop, and roll on an eight inch branch as a paff hit his highly flammable fuzz. Bobby managed to work his feet completely free just in time to stare stupidly at the still glowing hems of Remy's jeans and freeze his feet to the ground. Remy, whose swearing had just trickled down to an almost appropriate level, started up again with a new level of frenzy.
"Mon Dieu, ce baiser le groupe stupide est incroyable! L'un jour je mets mes cartes dans mes bottes! Brotherhood, ici je viens!3"
Another rumble as Avalanche hid behind a tree knocked most of the Jamies over, one of them landing on the recuperating Amara and another three tangling with Rahne. Rogue also fell, catching herself on hands and knees and cutting her hands. At the smell of the blood, however faint it was, the sow swung her head back away from Pietro. Still growling, she began to advance until Remy, having finally remembered that he could, in fact, charge anything, snatched Kitty's compact from her trembling hands in a moment of solidity. Charging the blue round shape, the Cajun thief flung it as hard as he could at the stalking behemoth. It exploded just before hitting the bear, and she promptly and confusedly sat back on her haunches. Kurt, startled, fell out the tree and landed with a loud thud on top of Pietro. At this the bear had had enough. Explosions were one thing, being hit was another, but occasional brimstone-smelling blue mutants falling from the sky? Not to mention the high-pitched keening of Kitty as she fell to her knees.
"Like, this cannot be happening to me!!"
Snorting, the large black furry shape turned and hurtled back into the bush where she came from. The cubs, after their initial squalling, were silenced. The eleven remaining mutants stared at each other, then looked about them. Each tried to take stock of their fellows as swiftly as possible.
Kurt was singed from head to foot, holding his tail gingerly and ignoring Pietro, who groaned on the ground, holding his head.
Rogue stood with her mouth open and her eyes nearly crossed as she tried desperately to gain some sight back. One of Jube's fireworks had passed within an inch of her face.
Kitty was still wailing, but had turned to beat on Remy, who was too busy trying to defend himself against the distraught Shadowcat to notice his feet had finally thawed.
Bobby, Jamie, and Rahne were all ducking as the half-blind and now mostly conscious Amara threw random fireballs. Lance, who had finally gotten up the courage to peek out from behind his tree, flattened himself in his prior position when a flame came perilously close to taking his nose off as the Nova Roman sneezed from pure fury4, misaiming her fireball behind her. Pietro had slumped back on the ground after an initial glance around, certain that he was still stunned and somehow hallucinating.
"Wha' the hell is goin' on here?"
Logan charged back into the clearing, claws out and teeth bared. Sniffing the air, he growled menacingly. Bobby froze his feet again, unfortunately just in time to for the last of Amara's fireballs to explode against the tree next to him. Wincing, the sound of ice streaming from his hands to the smoldering tree was unnaturally loud in the now graveyard silent patch of ground. The students glanced every which way except at their teacher, whom Rogue was still squinting to make out.
"Gumbo?"
Remy released Kitty's wrists, breaking from their stricken tabloe and coughed. "Remy c'n explain dis... somehow..." He tried smiling at Logan, earning him a flinty glare from the Canadian. "Uhh... y'wan' some oatmeal?" The nervous thief picked up the overturned breakfast and waved the cook pot about indiscriminately, neatly sailing it through Kitty's head. Logan closed his eyes.
"Blue?"
"Mr. Logan, zere vas zis bear, and eet tried to eat us..." Kurt, still hugging his tail, shuffled as Logan opened his eyes again only to glare intently at him, the German's accent becoming more pronounced under stress. Rogue sighed theatrically as she stepped forward.
"Logan, ah can explain. We were all covered in food, y'see, and when this bear came out'a the woods, we had ta protect ourselves." She smiled, blinking her green eyes innocently, and watched Wolverine melt slightly. "Ya see, if it weren't fer Remy, we might have been eaten." Gambit puffed himself up slightly at the Southerner's praise, only to deflate when Logan placed a fully recovered glare on him.
"Oh, goodness."
Scott and Jean looked around the clearing as they followed Logan. Blackened craters randomly pocked the dusty surface from Jubilee and Amara, not to mention the twisted bits of metal, all that was left of Kitty's compact, lodged in the ground. A mirror shard shimmered from its perch in a tree trunk. Scott actually opened his mouth to say something, only to snap it shut when Rahne abruptly shifted back into her human form and shoved a hand up Jamie's shirt.
"Rahne! Show some manners..." The prepared speech on respect died on Jean's lips as Wolfsbane triumphantly waved the recovered magazine. It was a true mark of everyone's trauma that the only result was a feeble sputter of paffs on Jubilee's part.
Logan flexed as he stood tensely and sniffed the air again. The women perked up slightly, much to the male x-men's dismay. Bobby was the first to speak.
"Mr. Logan," he began, a whining tone in his voice drawing the feral attention of his hero, "I'm stuck."
The rest of the mutants giggled uncertainly, breaking the tense silence. Logan drooped, his head and shoulders hunching, before straightening unexpectedly.
"Right, everyone star' cleanin'. Now. I wan' t'hear all about it later." The students started to move around the camp, cleaning what they could. Kitty took the cook pot from Remy, rolling her eyes at his unconcerned shrug.
"You are like, so totally stupid."
Seeming to feel that this summed all behavior, past, present and future, of the Cajun, Shadowcat stomped off to the fire. Once there, she yelled imperiously for Amara to 'come, like, light this, like, dumb thing'. Kurt followed her like a lost puppy, carefully sitting so as to spare his tail.
1 Milk is the best thing I've ever found for overheating of the taste buds, even better than ice cream. Discovered that when a certain Cajun bud //coughgurgleRemycough// fed me gumbo without a warning... puck //sticks tongue out//
2 Catholic prayer for protection, I think... anyone out there know for sure? I believe the Our Lord is forgiveness...
3 "My God, this stupid group is unbelievable! The one day I put my cards in my boots! Brotherhood, here I come!" Pardon my French... in more ways than one... Many and gracious thanks to my own lovable Remy for checking my translation //swoops, glomps, hugs, kisses, and then runs madly from an irate Vina// If you can translate French give me a shout so I can hug your feet.
4 Have a friend that does this. Get her angry, and she'll sneeze you to hell and back. Some reflex thing, like yelling when someone scares you, but much weirder.
General Apologies for not updating sooner... and thanx for the reviews. They gave me an entire plethera of warm fuzzies that are now rampant in my room...
beanrox: Well, Wolvie didn't quite save the day... he was much to busy raiding my fridge actually... long story //sighs// Still, thanx much for the review, and hope you like this next chapter. Sorry the update took so long //begins to duck and weave, just in case beanrox decides to throw something//
kittycatslegacy: I would like to steal your name. Too bad it's taken... Yes, the bug thing will be fully explained NEXT chapter - I'm bad, I know. Know what you mean about Gambit; I love Rogue, in fact she's one of my fav characters, but I could never see her letting anyone close, much less anyone else like Remy wanting to be close if it meant some serious floor time. Hot cocoa and wookie cookies to you!
theauthorwearsprada: Actually wore Prada the other day. Killed my feet... thought I'd let you know, don't let the significant other talk you into wearing something that makes you as tall as him when he's 6'3"... //becomes brisk// on to your fab review. Thanks for the hokey pokey scene like - hope Amara and Jubes live up to your expectations this chapter. And //cringes// so many people wanted an update... and I didn't update... //hides face in pillow// Still loves your review
Morgaine of the Faeries: Yeah, it has got to be three a.m. again. I still have to triple check your name to make sure it's right after I type it. Maybe next time I'll think of cut and paste after I start thanking you for your wonderful reviewing skills. Remy... ah, Remy, where can I begin. Rogue in my fic, by the way, is a little closer to the Rogue in the movie if you will - still the bad-ass goth like Evolution, but softer than her. Liked the chocolate, but you can have the gall bladders back... not that I don't 'preciate it, but luv, have you ever seen a gall bladder//shudders// Here's some M&M's to soften the return ;-)
j.l.: Glad you like, and here's the update! Keep up with the reviewing
shadowcat47: Luv you! You were the first and scarily fast reviewer for last chapter... promise to be the same this one? Pretty please? Glad you liked, hope to deliver the same action and humor this time