It's sunny outside, and warm.
Though I feel as though the sun shouldn't ever shine again.
I wish I could trace it down to which point it was that you made me like this so I could erase that memory, or that time, so I could go back to not caring.
Not being needy or dependent.
I haven't been here for a while, I know, and I'm sorry.
I've been really busy, with moving and checkups and work, and I haven't been here to see you, and I'm sure you're angry with me.
I had to stop here though, I wanted to be close to you because this is the closest I'll ever be again.
Meredith made me buy a house, because the apartment isn't big enough for me and a baby, y'know.
I told her I could get one later, after the baby started getting bigger and actually needed a separate room, but she wouldn't listen to me, she wouldn't let me keep the apartment, she told me it was time to move on.
To move out.
That you weren't in that apartment, so I didn't need it anymore.
I guess she's right in a way.
You're here.
But I didn't want to have to pack your things, y'know, I didn't want to put what was left of you in cardboard boxes and stuff you away in an attic.
You could've at
least had the common decency to do that before you died, y'know.
Spare me the hassle, and the pain.
Of course, you could've just not died and that would've saved me a lot of hassle and pain.
Your mom is excited, she thinks I should name it after you, but I told her there was no way that I'd name my child Preston.
She didn't take too well to that.
Honestly, I wish I had you here, to do the whole dorky, 'picking out the baby's name' thing, because I haven't a clue as to what to name a boy.
But I think...no, I know his last name will be Burke.
You deserve that.
O'Malley's been following me around for a while now, thinking he's going to protect me from the boogie man or something I guess.
You'd be proud of him, he's still your guy.
I'm still your girl.
You know that right? That no matter what, I'll always be your girl.
It's hard for me to think that in just a little over two months that I'm going to be a mother.
It's scary actually.
I know that I can do this without you now, I have to.
But just so you know, I don't want to.
I have to go now, the landlord is waiting for me to give him the key, and I want to spend a little bit of time in our place before I have to let it go.
I just want to spend a little more time wrapped up in you, before I have to let you go.
Let go of what we had, and move on with my life.
I promise I'll come to see you more often, okay?
I miss you.