Underneath the smile
Part 2: Guilt
Fog set in, the night air was cold, chilly. I looked around; I could see nothing but fog. The grass was damp and moist; I was just about to get up when I heard a laugh. A laugh so twisted I didn't dare breathe for the fear of the person noticing me.
"Oh Ginny…" The voice said in a malicious whisper.
I gasped, the coldness in his voice swept inside me, numbing mewith misery.
Who was this person? What is he doing to me? All these thoughts raced through my mind as the voice got louder and louder, each time, calling my name.
"Ginny, oh GINNY…YOU BETRAYED ME… TRAITOR…LIAR… FEIND!" It called.
The words crept into my ear, and exploded into my mind; it was as though an earthquake existed within my head. The words were so deafening, I screamed, I screamed for all I was worth, "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!"
A malicious hiss escaped from the person's lips as his outline began to form in front of me; "You did this to me…why did you do it?"
"I don't even know you!"
"Oh no. You know me too well, Ginny. And your doings have pained me… why do you do it? Why…?"
The outline grew to a silhouette and began to form detailed outlines the more he cursed me, the more accused me of something so twisted! His details became more and more defined the closer he got, tears began to form in my eyes. Before I could stop it, the pearly white tears began to run down my cheeks and disappeared into my lips. He was so close to me now, I could hear him breathing, feel his warmth against my bare skin, but I didn't dare look up, afraid of the peril that awaits me. He pulled my hair, my face rocked upwards. For a little more than a second we starred into each other's eyes, for a moment, I could feel his pain, a pain so great my heart felt as though it would burst with grief. My heart skipped a beat, as I noticed then who it was, saw the person to whom a voice so twisted belonged to, it can't be! NO! Please God NO!
"…What are you doing to yourself…? Why would you go to such lows…?"
The words awoke me.
Although I did not truly understand what was being said, I knew it was full of concern and heartbreak because it seemed the person from whose lips those miserable words belonged to was crying. The world around me was hazy, but one thing was for sure, someone was crying on my bedside. My heart plunged, Harry. I whispered his name. His face, which had been facing downwards, now looked at me, a waterfall of tears racing across his face. He hugged me, a sad smile dancing on his lips. His lips, wet from the tears, touched mine and for a moment I felt as though heaven was right where I was.
"How could you this to yourself?"
My heaven was punctured by reality and tears began to form, "I'm so sorry Harry."
"I thought I was protecting you from all this. I thought by keeping us apart you wouldn't have to suffer."
"Harry, it's not your fault."
He began to kiss me, from my lips to my breasts. His head lay there, the cloth, damp, because of his tears. My own tears fell to my pillow as I whispered again, "It's not your fault."
We hung there, in our own world, unaware of the faces that starred. We stayed the way we were; tear stained faces and a heart willing to explode.We suspended in ourown world until a cough broke the saddened silence. I looked away from Harry, from his grief and I starred at my family, whose faces were held blank. I looked towards my brothers, searching for comfort, searching for a hope. A feeling of guilt began to take over me, he had cried because of me, I broke him down, broke him down because of what I did. This was my doing, but how could I stop? I had already started down the road to my own black hell, could I stop myself? I doubted it. But Harry… he thought it was his fault… he is broken because of it… should I stop?
I starred into my mother's eyes, she said the only comforting words of the evening, as Harry's sobs rang into the night, "It's going to be all right."
But comfort was all it was; it would be a long time before those words were made a reality. Because already my mind was being dragged to that small bottle, a means of escape fromthis harsh world...I needed it.