Portmanteau
"I know this one," Ziva said emphatically as she pointed her finger at Tony to keep him from telling her. "I know this one." Tony smiled patiently and waited.
"It's that thing on television," Ziva said triumphantly. "Where you can record programs and save them for later and pause live TV and zoom through all the commercials." She smiled victoriously and sat down. "I'm right, aren't I?" she said, smugly.
Tony made a loud, annoying 'buzzing' noise. "No, my Israeli friend, you are not." She looked at him, challenging him to explain.
"What you're thinking of is Tivo, with an 'O' … 'Tee-VOH'," he said, with a self-satisfied nod.
"That's what you said," Ziva said, with a frustrated glance.
"No," Tony said patiently. "I said 'Tiva' – with an "uh" at the end. 'Tee-VAH'."
Ziva sighed. "Fine," she said. "What's that then?"
Tony grinned. "It's you and me, together. 'Tony plus Ziva equals TIVA'."
"What?" Ziva said, with a furrowed brow and a confused expression. "Why?"
"There are people out there who think we belong together," Tony said, circling around Ziva and keeping her just a little bit off-balance as she tried to keep him in sight. "People who think we're a couple. People who think we should be kissing and groping and having wild animal …"
Ziva cut him off. "Enough!" she exclaimed. "I just had lunch." She stood and stopped him from continuing to circle her desk. "Who are these people?" she said, with a touch of annoyance. "And where can I find them?" She began to gear up.
"They're just people," Tony said with a mysterious smile and a hand on her desk drawer to keep her from pulling out her gun. "Out there …" he said, with a general wave to the rest of the world.
She looked at him. "It must be a mistake. It has to mean something else."
At that moment, McGee stepped off the elevator and into the bullpen.
"McGee," Ziva said as she approached him with a smile. He stopped and regarded her cautiously. "What does 'Tiva' mean?" she asked.
"Tiva?" McGee replied. "I don't think I've ever heard that acronym before. Hold on a second." He sat at his computer and began running a search. Tony regarded them both with a grin.
"Face it Zee-vah," Tony said. "People want us together."
"Over my dead body," Ziva said.
Tony made a face. "That might be taking it a bit too far, but I'm sure there's a market out there for …"
"It's the Texas Industrial Vocational Association," McGee said, triumphantly. He pointed to the website.
Ziva patted him on the head and looked back at Tony. "See?" she said. "Nothing about you, nothing about me. It's something in Texas."
"It's also a software company in Charlotte, North Carolina, and the abbreviation for 'total intravenous anesthesia'," McGee continued.
Tony blurted out a laugh. "Total Intravenous Anesthesia – I like that one," he said. "A relationship so boring that it'll put you to sleep."
Ziva smiled in spite of herself. "What else, McGee?" she said.
"Konex-Tiva Limited is an exporter of fruit and vegetable preserves in Bulgaria," McGee offered. Tony and Ziva looked at each other and shook their heads in the negative. "And a voice-message system that's called a 'Tenovis Interactive Voice Application' system." Another 'no' vote.
"There's a film company called 'Tiva Film' in Belgium," McGee continued.
"Tiva Films," Tony said. "Perfect. We can make movies about our growing love and lust for each other, which we must keep hidden due to our dangerous jobs as government agents." Ziva rolled her eyes.
"The company did make a movie once about the seven deadly sins," McGee said, glancing over his shoulder at Tony.
Tony chuckled. "Like I said – lust." Ziva threw a ball of paper at him.
"And there's at least a dozen people with the screen name 'Tiva' on MySpace," McGee said. He looked up at Ziva. "Why do you ask?"
Ziva looked at McGee and then back at Tony. Tony splayed out his hands in a 'be my guest' gesture.
"Tony seems to think that it's an abbreviation for 'Tony plus Ziva'," she said. "If we were a couple, we'd be called Tiva."
McGee nodded, and Ziva looked shocked. "Like when Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez became 'Bennifer'," he said. "Or how Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are referred to as …"
"'TomKat'," Tony finished.
"'Brangelina'," McGee offered.
"Playing the portmanteaus, I see" Ducky said, as he walked into the bullpen. "Have you seen Jethro?" he asked, looking around the room.
"Port … what?" Tony said.
"Portmanteau," Ducky replied. "It's a word that is formed by merging the sounds and meanings of two different words. One of the more common examples is 'chortle', which is a combination of 'chuckle' and 'snort'."
The three looked at each other, and then at Ducky.
"That's what you were doing, wasn't it?" Ducky asked. "Creating portmanteaus out of names."
They all looked at him, silently.
He looked at Tony and Ziva, who were standing together by Ziva's desk. "You two, for example, would be called 'Zony' … no, that's not right. 'Tiva!' That's what it would be. If you were, as they say, an 'item'." He looked at the mute agents standing before him. "Yes … well," Ducky continued. "Please do tell Jethro that I require his presence in Autopsy at his earliest convenience." He smiled and walked out of the room.
"See?" Tony said, looking at McGee and Ziva. "Tiva."
McGee grabbed his coat and his backpack, clicked off his desk light and turned to leave. "This is where I came in," he said.
Tony looked at Ziva with a leer.
"Don't even think about it, DiNozzo," she said. "I would sleep with Palmer before I'd consider you."
Tony cocked his head to the side.
"Zalmer?" he said. "Or Piva?"
"Actually," Ziva said, "I'd go with Zimmy."
"No," Tony said. "'Zimmy' would be you and Timmy McGee."
"Don't be silly," Ziva said. "McGee and I would be 'McZiva'. Or another 'Tiva'."
"Not possible," Tony replied. "You and I are, and always will be, 'Tiva'."
"No," Gibbs said, as he came around the corner with a cup of coffee. "If you two don't get to work, you are, and always will be, 'fired'." The two agents jumped in surprise.
"You really know how to take the fun out of something, Boss," Tony said as he and Ziva sat down to finish their reports.