"That."
She did it all the time. All. The. Time. And it took Ducky to explain to him why.
"My dear Jethro," Ducky said as he was pulling projectiles out of a corpse after a particularly messy albeit comical body removal. "She does it because she wants your attention."
"That's ridiculous, Duck," Gibbs said, sitting on the neighboring autopsy table, waiting for the last of the evidence to take to Abby. "I see her all day, every day. We trade information and discuss things all day long. She doesn't need to abuse DiNozzo to get my attention."
"You ask her questions about cases Jethro; you discuss dead bodies and interrogation results. You don't talk to her. You don't single her out for your attention. And that's what she wants. What she, for some reason, seems to crave. I believe she has a crush on you, Jethro."
"A crush?" Gibbs said incredulously and with a touch of annoyance. "Great. I'm still fending off ex-wives. I don't need another …"
His thought was interrupted as Ducky removed the last of the items from the petty officer's chest. "This seems to be …," Ducky considered the item as he prepared to drop it in a specimen jar. "Ah yes," he said, "a decorative hat pin."
"How did a hat pin get into that officer's chest along with –" Gibbs turned to inventory the pile of evidence jars and bags beside him, " – sixteen nails, five fishhooks, two small knives, a couple of dozen tacks, a corkscrew, two – what did you call them?"
"Fish forks," Ducky supplied.
"Fish forks, four ball point pens, an ice pick and three pieces of a lawn mower blade?" Gibbs looked at Ducky with a curious smile as he finished the list.
"I have no idea, Jethro," Ducky said. "Perhaps whoever made the projectile bomb simply took all of the sharp objects he or she could find and dropped them in the PVC tube without really looking to see what they were." He was still holding up the hatpin when Kate and Tony walked into Autopsy.
"What a beautiful hatpin," Kate said with a smile, walking over to Ducky to admire it more closely.
"Yeah, I guess," Tony said. "Although I didn't take you for someone who would take fashion advice from a corpse."
Kate instantly moved to elbow him in the ribs, but Tony countered and she totally missed her mark, stumbling backwards and nearly falling. Tony reached out to catch her. She angrily pulled herself out of his grip.
"You don't need to catch me," she said, crossly. She turned and hit him in the chest with the heel of her hand, with far more force than was necessary. He flinched and took a step back.
"Ow!" Tony exclaimed. "Sorry for trying to be a nice guy."
"'Trying' would be the operative word there," Kate said sarcastically.
Ducky looked at Gibbs, raised his eyebrows, and jerked his head towards the two agents arguing at the side of the room. Gibbs shook his head, looked to the ceiling and sighed.
"Jeez," Tony said, rubbing his chest where Kate had hit him. "Who pooped in your cornflakes this morning?"
"That's disgusting, Tony," Kate said.
"Agent Todd," Gibbs said, in just enough time to keep her from inflicting more injury on Tony. "I'm sure I don't need to remind you that DiNozzo is still recovering from that take-down in interrogation yesterday and could probably do without you beating up on him for – what do you think, Ducky? – a day or two?"
Ducky considered the question as Kate's face flushed pink. Tony looked confused but pleased at the fact that his boss seemed to be coming to his defense.
"A day or two at least, Jethro," Ducky concurred. "Tony did take a couple of sharp hits to the sternum. 'Head-butting' I think they call it, not to mention the slam against the doorknob as young Timothy was trying to go and summon help. That left quite a deep bruise." Gibbs nodded. Tony found himself nodding absently as well. Ducky completed the thought. "Perhaps he'll be ready for more abuse next week sometime."
"What?" Kate said, annoyed at the turn the conversation had taken. She looked around at the three men. Gibbs' and Ducky's expressions were unreadable. Tony's clearly said, 'I have no idea what's going on here'.
"Fine," she continued. "Play your little game. You all deserve each other." She spun around to leave, but her heel caught on one of the Autopsy floor tiles. She started to fall forward, and Tony moved to break her fall once again. Gibbs pulled Tony aside with a shake of the head, and to the surprise of everyone, let Kate fall flat on her face. There was a "huff!" as she hit the floor, her right side taking the brunt of the fall. It was clear that the only thing hurt was her pride, but she spent a moment on the floor anyway, regrouping and trying to figure out what had just happened.
Gibbs bent down to help her up. "See what happens when you won't let DiNozzo be a gentleman?"
She looked at him incredulously. Even Tony was taken aback.
"Um … Boss?" Tony said, not quite sure what to make of the situation.
"Look, Kate," Gibbs said, as he brushed off her shoulder and pushed some hair back in place. "If you want my attention, just ask for it. You don't have to attempt to kill Tony to get it."
Kate blushed fully at that comment and tried to stutter a reply. "I … I don't …"
Ducky walked over and patted her on the shoulder. "You're a classic case, Katelyn, I'm afraid. Quite obvious."
Kate looked at Tony with an accusatory glare. He put his hands up in a gesture of surrender and turned to leave. "I am SO not getting in the middle of this," he said.
"Tony," Gibbs said, while continuing to look at Kate. "What is that thing that Kate keeps asking you – that thing that you hate?" Tony aborted his exit and looked at Gibbs in confusion, shrugging and shaking his head.
"She says a lot of things I hate," Tony said, matter-of-factly. Kate shot him a look, but was visibly nervous at suddenly being the center of attention.
Gibbs looked at Tony like a parent trying to get an important phone message out of a child. "You know," Gibbs prompted. "Since the Voss case. She keeps asking you …"
Tony had a moment of realization. "She keeps asking," he broke into his best 'Kate' imitation, "'what was it like, Tony, kissing a man'?" Tony looked at Kate with a glare, which she returned.
"Right," Gibbs said. "That."
"Yeah," Tony said with a scowl. "I hate that."
"But it's part of the verbal abuse I'm allowed," Kate said with a smug smile.
At that, Gibbs took Kate squarely by the shoulders, pulled her towards him, and kissed her, quite expertly. She gasped in surprise as their lips met, and her eyes flew open. When he finished, Gibbs let go of her shoulders and wiped his bottom lip with his thumb. Kate stared at him in shock and looked as though she was trying to decide whether to slap him or kiss him back. Tony's face was slowly forming into a grin as Ducky did his best not to laugh.
"That's what kissing a man is like, Kate," Gibbs said with a barely discernable smile. "Any other questions?"
She shook her head, clearly trying to form a comeback. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came.
"Now lay off DiNozzo for a while, will you?" Gibbs said in a no-nonsense tone as he walked over to the table where the evidence bags were piled. "And find someone else to have a crush on."
With that, Gibbs gathered up the evidence jars and bags and headed for the door. "I'll be in the lab," he said.
Ducky and Tony exchanged an amused look as Kate angrily turned to leave and walked directly into the wall. No one made an attempt to catch her on her way down.