Ithilien, May of 1425

The three companions stayed in Faramir's throne room the rest of the day. They were given their privacy, each of them lost in their own line of thoughts.

Aragorn sat on Faramir's throne, leaning his chin in his palm, blaming himself in his mind. He had arrived too late, he had not tracked the orcs fast enough, he had given up too soon, he had not followed the right tracks that would lead him to Merry. He tried not to look at Pippin; right now he did not need to see any possible accusations in the Hobbit's eyes. He just stared into space, trying to fight his new demons.

Legolas sat up on a table, positioned like a tailor, staring far off to some distance which only he could see. He had not spoken a word since he had received the news. What he was thinking was anybody's guess. In his arms he held the pack which had once belonged to Merry.

Pippin sat over by the other table in the room, playing with a paperclip and looking rather careless. His feet swayed back and forth in the air like a little child's, his eyes were neither tormented like Aragorn's nor distant like Legolas'.

There was food on the table, supper for the three friends. Only Pippin had touched it. It was well past suppertime by now yet neither the ranger nor the Elf felt any hunger. Pippin glanced from one of them to the other and thought he could not take a minute more of the silence.

"So… How long will you be staying in Ithilien?"

Aragorn looked over at him but turned his gaze away again without answering. Pippin didn't give up so easily.

"Lovely chicken they serve here. You ought to have tried it, too bad it's all gone cold now. Not that a Hobbit minds, but I've seen how picky you people can be about your foods. You have no idea what you are missing."

Aragorn rose from his seat and decided he had had enough for one day. It was best if they all just went to sleep, perhaps the morning would feel brighter. Aragorn could not wait for this day to be over.

"Let's make our retreat" he said. "I think we all could use a few hours of sleep. We have a hard couple of days ahead of us."

Legolas rose and leapt down on the floor. He joined Aragorn and waited for Pippin, who frowned but obediently got up from his seat and came over.

"Shouldn't we wait for Merry?" he asked.

Legolas looked away but Aragorn faced Pippin's eyes.

"Pip…" he said gently.

"What?"

Without a word Aragorn put his arm around the Hobbit's shoulder and lead him to his chambers. It had not yet sunk in for Pippin that Merry was not coming back. Halfway to his chambers Pippin remembered again and had to take a deep breath to compose himself. Aragorn felt the reaction and squeezed his shoulders.

"Don't do that" Pippin said, afraid of losing his poise. "Please…"

"Will you be alright?" Aragorn asked as they stopped by Pippin's door.

"Fine" Pippin mumbled. "Nothing worse can happen to me now, can it?"

He walked into his chambers without any form of goodnight and shut the door. He closed his eyes and took a deep trembling breath. When he opened them again he felt fine. The realization of Merry's death came and went, at the moment it was gone. He felt strangely numb but that feeling was better than the other one.

He got out of his clothes and found his night garments, all the while feeling quite good. He strolled around the room for a while, putting his clothes away and cleaning up the mess he had created that morning when he felt in a hurry. Right now he felt he had all the time in the world.

When there was nothing left to do in the room he lifted the covers off his bed and was just about to crawl up in it when he stopped and noticed Merry's bed. Still made, the same as when he left it two days ago. Pippin let go of his covers as if they had burned him and backed away from the bed. It was so lonely in there with no Merry to talk to as he was getting ready to go to sleep. They had shared this room for a whole month now; tonight Pippin was alone. Overcome by the realisation that he would never get to bed while chatting with Merry again he turned and fled the room.

He wandered aimlessly down the halls, not even realising he was in his bedtime clothes and not suitable for company. He just had to get away from the emptiness of his chambers; it would suffocate him if he didn't. He strolled down the halls for a long time before ending up by the soldiers' sleeping quarters. Pippin had always had his own chambers when visiting Ithilien; he had never had to spend a night sleeping in a bunk bed together with all the other soldiers.

He opened the door, snuck inside and found himself an empty bed. It was too high up in the air for his liking but he got up on it, pulled the blanket over him and crawled up in a foetal position. For a brief moment he wondered if the bed belonged to someone and if that soldier would be mad when he found the Halfling there. But he closed his eyes and blocked out all thoughts from his tired mind. The steady breaths of thirty sleeping soldiers soon lulled him to sleep.

XX
XX

Gimli arrived the next day, halfway through morning. He had left the Glittering Caves when word had reached him of Merry going missing, but since he did not travel by horse it had taken him longer to reach Ithilien. He saw Faramir first, who informed him of what news they had received. The next person he saw was Pippin.

The Dwarf did not say a word at first; he just strode up to the Hobbit and hugged him as close as he could. The unexpected embrace spoke volumes to Pippin, and for the first time since he had first suspected that something had happened to Merry he felt a tear fall down his shoulder. He took a deep breath to compose himself but with the shivering exhale came more tears.

"Don't hold it in, little one" Gimli said to him. "You're stronger than that."

Once he started sobbing Pippin could not stop. He clung on to Gimli and cried until he no longer had the strength to cry. Gimli did not say a word; he just rocked his friend gently and let him cry. Pippin had never expected this kind of gentle action from the Dwarf, it made him realise how truly serious the situation was. Merry was not coming back, and no one had lost more than Pippin.

After a long while Gimli let go of the Hobbit and looked him in the eyes. Pippin wiped his teary cheeks and eyes and managed a half-hearted smile.

"I'm glad you are here, Gimli. It's good to be together again. I only wish it had been under better circumstances."

"So do I, laddie" Gimli said. "So do I."

"Have you seen the others, Strider and Legolas, yet?" Pippin asked, mostly just to make conversation.

"Nay, not yet. They are not why I am here."

Pippin gave his friend another hug and then took a deep breath to compose himself. He didn't want to go out into the corridors looking like this; he had to show a strong face to the humans around him. If he let anyone see how frightened he was he would never be able to hold it together.

"I will go find our companions now" Gimli said. "I wonder how they have taken the news. I wish I could have been here to follow the tracks with them. You come and find us if there's anything you need, you hear?"

Pippin nodded and wiped his cheeks with his sleeve. It was kind of Gimli to offer, but there was not a single thing Pippin needed which anyone could give to him right now. All he wanted was to be left alone and forget that anybody else existed in the world.

XX
XX

Pippin spent the rest of the morning hidden in a room with a window facing the direction Merry had ridden. Once he had been left alone he had managed to pull himself together quite quickly and right now he was feeling fairly alright. He sat on the windowsill and gazed out on the plains, but he did not think of the friend who had disappeared in that direction. His mind was with other things, trivial things, wondering what was for dinner and whether or not he should get new shoes for his pony.

He mumbled an enter when someone knocked on the door. He glanced over to the door and bowed his head slightly for the Lady Éowyn as she entered and closed the door behind her. He had not seen her once during the search for Merry and his mind had never once been on anything connected with her. It had not struck him that Merry was the Lady's esquire and more than that, her friend. He assumed she had come to see him now to offer him some sort of support. He wanted to tell her to leave but couldn't muster the energy to do it politely so he let it be.

"Master Peregrin…" she said hesitantly. "I wish to have a word with you."

"I chose a random room hoping to be alone, how did you know where to find me?" he asked.

"I saw you going in here about an hour ago" she confessed. "I am glad I saw you. Will you speak with me?"

Pippin waved a hand, not caring whether she spoke or whether she left. He turned his eyes back out the window. His reaction made the lady nervous; she had not expected the lack of emotions he was showing.

"The Steward told me last night about Master Holdwine" she said. "He said that he is dead and that orcs killed him."

Pippin dug his nails into the palms of his hands but didn't say anything. The woman took a step closer, unsure of what to say to reach him and make him listen to what she had to say. It was important to her that he listened.

"He also told me that they didn't find his body, that it has been washed down the river. I don't accept a dead horse and an arrow through a backpack as proof that my friend is dead. He saved my life once; I won't let his slip out of our fingers if he can still be found alive. I have made up my mind to ride along the river and not stop until I find him, either alive or just his body." Éowyn paused. "Ride with me."

Pippin looked up. His eyes were questioning. What would be the point of going out on a ride to find Merry when trained trackers had been unable to? She had not expected this questioning response from him but had an answer for him nonetheless.

"Faramir's trackers and even Aragorn himself may have failed in finding him but they do not have the connection with him that you and I do. You don't give up on those you care about! I will not rest until I either find proof that I can believe in or I find him alive. I owe Holdwine that much. And I want you to come with me."

A wide smile suddenly spread across Pippin's face.

"You're right!" he said with his voice filled with excitement, and jumped down from the windowsill. "Let's go find our Merry!"

XX
XX

Pippin felt scared at first riding on a tall mearas horse together with the Lady. He had always had his doubts on riding with a woman, in spite of how Merry always seemed so secure on a horse with her. The speed of the horse gave Pippin a touch of motion sickness and he was afraid to look down at first. Then Éowyn put her arm around his waist to make sure he did not fall off and suddenly Pippin was not afraid anymore. In fact he felt quite good. Nobody had ever gotten to ride with the Lady before save for Merry, it was something the two of them had held for special, to Pippin it felt like being connected with Merry to ride with the Lady. They were closer to one another already.

Éowyn rode along the river for a while until they reached the carcass of the horse Merry had ridden. Pippin felt like being sick when he saw the bloated horse lying there and wished Éowyn would hurry past it as fast as possible. But Éowyn slowed down instead and let her horse walk right by the banks of the river.

"Keep your eyes open" she said. "We are almost by the spot where they found his pack. That's where they gave up the search."

"Can we please follow the other side of the river back?" Pippin asked and wondered what shade of green his face had turned.

"I was planning on it; he might have gotten up on the other side."

Pippin was thankful when they got further away from the dead horse. Just the thought of Merry in that same condition made him cringe. Part of him was afraid to move on; he knew he did not have the strength to handle it if they were to find Merry like that. He grabbed Éowyn's arm and held it tight, hoping she would be strong enough for the both of them. Merry had always trusted in her strength.

"Can you see anything?" Éowyn asked him.

"Nothing more than river, rock and plain."

"Can you hear anything? Your senses are better developed than mine."

"There's nothing. Do you think we should call out to him? Maybe he's in hiding and is afraid to show himself when he doesn't know who is coming. It's only good sense, you know. I would have been doing just that were I in his shoes."

"I don't want to attract orcs" Éowyn said. "They might still be somewhere near, and we only have one sword. One Hobbit missing is quite enough."

"Poor Merry… If he is with the orcs then… then I think I'd rather he had drowned. He can die anywhere and anyhow he wants so long as it's not by the hands of orcs."

Éowyn did not respond but she squeezed him a little with the arm she had around his waist. It was comforting to Pippin. He was glad to have her right now, glad that she took charge and lead them on. Pippin would fight till the death with the orcs if he found them with Merry held captive, but he needed someone to help him get there. He was petrified and weaker than he had ever been, without someone there to support him he would not get very far.

Suddenly he froze. He squinted and grabbed the first thing his hands found, part of Éowyn's long hair, and yanked it.

"There! There! Over there! I can see something!"

Éowyn gently released his hand from her hair and rode in the direction he pointed. As soon as she stopped they were down on the ground and over by Pippin's finding. It was a dead orc with a blade sticking out of it. The blade had no handle and Éowyn knelt down to examine it.

"It's no orc sword" she said. "I think it belonged to Holdwine."

"But where is the handle?"

"Use your keen Halfling eyes! Search around here! Yell out to me if you find anything! Go! Quickly!"

Pippin ran up to a nearby hilltop and looked around. His heart was pounding in his chest, each beat with a promise that they were closer to finding Merry. Adrenaline rushed through his body. How could he ever have given up hope and despaired?

Éowyn rose from her spot by the dead orc and took a few paces towards the river. She nearly tripped over something and knelt down once again. Pippin came up to her when he saw that she had found something.

"An orc quiver" she told him. "It's empty. This orc either used up all his firing power or someone stole the arrows after he was dead. This makes no sense to me, where are all the other orcs? If there was such a fight where did they all go to?"

"I know what I think" Pippin said. "I think there was a fight further up the river. Merry and his horse fell into the river, or jumped. The horse drowned or died in some other manner but Merry survived and surfaced near here. The ground is wet, I think it might have rained here; the rain would have washed away his tracks. When he got out of the river he found he was followed by this orc. They battled, Merry killed him."

"If so, where is Merry now?"

"Walking home I hope."

"Without following the river?"

"Éowyn he is not stupid. He would not follow the river knowing that orcs waited further up. I think he is very much alive and heading back to the city."

"I pray that you're right. And when I get home I shall speak with my husband and have him wring those soldiers' necks for not following the tracks further! How they could have allowed themselves to miss this is beyond me! I shall have them degraded and, and, and other horrible things!"

"Steady now, let's find Merry and worry about those soldiers later."

Then Pippin noticed something behind a rock near the river and ran over. Éowyn followed. By the time she got there Pippin had sunk down on the ground and held his findings in his arms.

"Merry's Rohirric coat" he said. "The one he was wearing when I spoke with him in the gardens."

He held the coat up to Éowyn. She swallowed hard. Right where Merry's heart should be the coat was pierced, probably by a blade, and dark red with coagulated blood. The blood could not be anybody but Merry's.

"Where is the trail?" she asked. "If this is his then where is the trail of blood showing us which way he went?"

"There is none" Pippin said and pointed out into the river. "There. See? On that big rock there."

Out on the rock in the middle of the river a piece of clothing had gotten stuck. Éowyn knew what it was; she had seen it many times before. It was the vest Merry wore underneath his Rohirric coat. It could only have gotten there after Merry took his coat off. He had gone into the river, by his own will or forced. With the injury he had he had never been able to get out. Merry was really dead.

Éowyn fell down on her knees and pulled Pippin to her, crying like her heart would break. Pippin let her cry but had no tears of his own. All he could think of was how blessed he was to be with her right now, she was truly the strongest one of them.

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It's really hard to try your hand at this dramatic stuff! My biggest fear right now is that it ends up over-the-top or really sappy. What I can tell you about the series at this point is that it is all written by now, landing on 39 chapters in total plus an appendix which is a work in progress. However I have decided to post one chapter each week at this time since I'm not happy with how the series turns out later and I'm doing some massive rewriting. One chapter a week ought to be enough to give me time to work on the later chapters and still keep interest up with the readers. I hope you will continue to be with me until all 39 chapters are posted!

Right now I'm eager to hear what you think. Let's face it, us writers thrive on reviews. And your comments might be very helpful while I'm working on my rewrites. If something isn't good let me know and if you have suggestions please give them to me. Praise is of course welcome as well lol.

Oh and let's not forget…

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any characters, places or events from "the Lord of the Rings" and I am using them without permission. However I don't get any profit from it so please don't sue me. This disclaimer goes for the entire series; I will only be posting it this once.

Thank you and see you next week!