Minas Tirith, August of 1436
Pippin opened his eyes and flew out of bed. He had not slept for many hours but he had had the strangest dream. He got dressed in a hurry and rushed out towards the Houses of Healing, hoping to keep the dream for a little while longer if he went to where the dream had taken place. In his dream Merry had been found and returned safely. It was not the first time Pippin had had such dreams and by now he knew not to take them too seriously, but he wanted to keep the feeling from the dream for as long as he could.
He reached the House of Healing and found the door he had been looking for. He had a strange feeling in his gut, almost like nervousness, when he reached for the door. Nobody would be looking for him for a few hours yet; he could close the door behind him and be all alone with what was left of his dream. It felt like just the thing he needed.
He went inside the room and not until he closed the door did he realise he had been holding his breath. The room was empty. Just as it should be. The bed was made; no medics were put out for a patient. No patients slept in this room save for during emergencies, this room was especially for the Hobbits. It had a lower bed and smaller furniture; a grown human would be very uncomfortable there. Pippin knew nobody had used this room in quite a while, and certainly not Merry. There was no smell in the room, his dream had been filled with the familiar scent of Merry. It was odd, after all these years he often forgot his cousin's face, but never the way he smelled.
With a yawn he stepped further inside and closed his eyes for a moment. When his eyes were closed he could pretend that the dream had been real. He had often tried similar tricks when his grief had been new; he had closed his eyes and pretended that Merry was in the same room with him. Of course sooner or later he always had to open his eyes and when he did Merry vanished. He had not used this trick for many years now, but this particular moment he felt like he needed it. Even though the dream had comforted him he felt lonelier this morning than he had in months.
He opened his eyes again and took a deep breath. The windowpane was just the right size for a Hobbit to sit on, he decided to hop up there and enjoy the morning and his memories before it was time to report for duty.
In the corner of his eye he saw someone enter from an adjacent room, a small washing room connected with the bedroom. Startled he gave a cry and recoiled. Merry reacted the exact same way. For a second they stared at each other with horror and fear and then Pippin took a deep breath, shook his head to clear it and sat down heavily on a chair conveniently placed by the bed. Merry backed away and pulled his far too big robe around him with a distrusting look on his face.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I should be asking you the same question!" Pippin said and couldn't help but laugh. "My goodness, I truly believed it was all just a dream! You're really real!"
He rose and took a step towards Merry, who backed further away. Pippin continued to walk towards him while Merry continued to back until he was up against the wall. Merry glanced to his left and right to figure out where he could bolt if Pippin didn't stop.
"Don't come any closer!" he said.
Pippin didn't listen. He stared at his cousin with amazement. He could feel his heart pound heavily as he came up face to face with the person he had missed so much during the past decade. He didn't even see the look in Merry's eyes; he just reached out his hand and gently brushed Merry's cheek as to assure himself that it was for once not a dream. The impossible had happened once again, only this time it had brought Merry back instead of taken him away.
Merry had finally had enough and slapped Pippin's hand away, momentarily breaking the spell for him. The younger stared at the older for a second with a shocked expression, then Pippin recalled that Merry had had trouble remembering the day before. He might not have gotten his memory back quite yet. He backed away to give his cousin some room and had to avert his eyes from the look on Merry's face.
"Why have you come here?" Merry asked.
"I thought I just dreamed it all, all that happened yesterday. I've dreamt it so many times and truly believed it was real when I woke up. But it never was. Until today."
"I don't know what you're talking about" Merry said. "And I don't know what you want me to say!"
"You don't need to say anything, unless you want to."
"I don't want to. I want to be left alone. Actually I want to be returned home, immediately! You can tell your captain that!"
"You are home" Pippin said.
Merry swallowed hard and shook his head no. He was far from home; he was kidnapped and held hostage by these strangers who were trying to fool him somehow. He could not remember where he had been before he woke up here but he knew that it was not this place. This place was not his haven. These people were not his friends or family. They were all so tall and so noisy, all of them demanding something from him which he did not know what it was. And this one, the one who was his own height, was the most foreign to him. Merry felt like this person was trying to use his similarities in appearance to fool him that he was his old friend and thus get whatever they wanted out of him. But Merry wanted no part of it, he felt like crawling out of his own skin when this person was near him.
"This is not home" he said firmly. "You are keeping me from returning to where I belong and you won't even tell me why! Release me!"
"Nobody is holding you captive, this is where you belong!" Pippin insisted, then he snapped his fingers and had to laugh. "Oh how silly I am. Of course, you are right. This is not really home, not this place anyhow. This group of people is your home, but this city is not. You want to go back to the Shire. And we will, I promise you that we will. But you have just gotten back to the living and you need some time to rest and heal before we go out on a long journey."
"If you're not here to question me then would you please leave?" Merry insisted. "I want to be alone! I am tired and I need rest!"
"Certainly!" Pippin said. "I'm sorry; typical me to be so wrapped up in my own joy that I completely forget that you must be exhausted! I will go and get some work done and I'll make sure I can stop by here at luncheon!"
Merry didn't answer. Pippin grinned at him and walked back to the door. On his way out he turned and smiled reassuringly at his cousin.
"Merry I know that you have trouble remembering right now… But you and I are kindred spirits. You'll remember sooner than you think and when you do you will realise that you knew who I was all along."
After Pippin closed the door Merry took a deep breath and counted to ten before he bolted to the door and looked to see if it was possible to lock it from the inside. He was not kept in a dungeon, he had figured that much out for himself, perhaps people could be locked out as well as locked in. He found what he was looking for and locked the door before he went back to bed with a sigh.
"That one is nuttier than a fruit cake…" he mumbled and crawled into bed. "Remembering and then knowing that I knew all along? Where did they dig that one up, really?"
With a sigh he leaned back and closed his eyes. He was tired, and his head still ached from the blow he had received. But those were minor problems. The biggest problem was to figure out what he was going to do about his situation. These people were all nice to him, but something was wrong, he could clearly feel it. And they all had a great advantage over him. They remembered. Merry couldn't remember anything and it was already beginning to drive him crazy. Not knowing who to trust, or what to trust, kept him on edge. And the worst part was that until he remembered he wouldn't know where to ask to be returned to. Or who to try and contact.
He crawled up on his side and closed his eyes to go to sleep. Perhaps when he woke up again he would remember.
XX
XX
Later that afternoon Pippin met up with Aragorn at the House of Healing. Pippin had been impatient all day long, wishing he could be with Merry instead of at work, and now he was even more impatient when Aragorn wanted to talk to him before they went to visit their friend.
"I know how impatient you are" Aragorn said and pulled out a chair for Pippin to sit down on. "That is only all the more reason to take a moment to think before we go in and scare him again."
"Aragorn what is wrong with him?" Pippin asked. "Why doesn't he recognise me? Or anybody else for that matter?"
"The blow to his head caused him to lose his memory" Aragorn explained and sat down. "It can happen; I've seen it happen with soldiers in battle. Sometimes they get their memory back really soon, sometimes it takes longer."
"And sometimes it never happens at all" Pippin guessed. "Aragorn why doesn't he know me? I understand that he's lost his memory, but he doesn't need to remember me to know who I am. There are bonds that don't need memory to support them. This is all just beyond me."
"All he knows right now is that he woke up in a room filled with people he has no memory of, in a place he doesn't recognise. He has been away for eleven years; we don't even know what happened to him during that time. All his instincts are telling him to be on his guard, to not trust anything without questioning. He is confused, he is scared and he is likely to be very suspicious as to our motives. If he does indeed recognise you he probably doesn't trust it, fearing that he will be duped or deceived if he does. When he woke up yesterday he thought he had been taken prisoner and that we wanted information out of him. You must give him time to settle in and build up a sense of security."
"All I want is to have him back" Pippin said. "I never dreamed he'd be gone from me, and I can't stand the thought of having him physically back but not emotionally."
"Give him some time, Pippin. You've waited eleven years to see him again, what's another few weeks? Support him by allowing him his space. He has done without you for a decade; you must give him the chance to readjust."
"Aragorn is there any way we can trigger his memory?" Pippin asked.
"I don't know" Aragorn said honestly. "But if anyone can, it's you. Just sit with him, let him be near you, let him remember you. Then by and by lead him down the path of his past, push him forward when he needs it and hold him back when he moves too quickly. Search your mind and find anything that might help him remember, some item he owned, some item with a special meaning, anything like that."
Pippin nodded. He knew Aragorn was right, Merry needed time and deserved to get it. If only it didn't hurt so bad to look into his eyes and see no recognition at all.
XX
XX
Merry was sitting on the side of his bed when they arrived; eating something off a tray he had been brought. When he noticed them he put the tray away on the nightstand and rose to his feet.
"We need to get you clothes" Pippin remarked. "You can't wear that all the time. Not even if we wash it."
Merry looked down on the plain shirt he was wearing and the leather trousers. The clothes were ragged and torn but he wanted to keep them. He had been found in them and he felt comfortable in them.
"We'll think about that later" Aragorn said and walked up to Merry who sat back down with a wary look on his face. "How do you feel?" Aragorn asked and lifted up Merry's curls from his forehead to take a look at the gash.
"Like I woke up in a foreign place surrounded by strangers."
"Any headaches?"
"Yes."
Merry held his breath and kept his eyes closed while Aragorn gently examined the wound. It seemed to be healing well. Aragorn placed the back of his hand against Merry's forehead to feel the temperature.
"No fever."
"Have you gotten a good rest today?" Pippin asked and walked over.
"Alright, I guess" Merry said and gave Pippin an unfriendly look.
"I won't exhaust you if you're tired" Pippin said and sat down on the side of the bed, close to Merry. "I just want to talk to you for a while."
"Why?"
"We are hoping you will start to remember again" Aragorn said.
"Why is it so important to you that I remember?" Merry asked.
"But Merry, don't you want to remember?" Pippin asked. "You have a whole lifetime of memories. Not that you would believe half of them, we have some really weird happenings in our past." Then Pippin turned to Aragorn. "Perhaps that is the problem? He is starting to remember but thinks he must have gone crazy?"
"Sounds like a load of fun" Merry dryly replied. "No, I'm not starting to remember anything. It's only been a few hours since last I was bothered, I don't see when I would have had the time to remember."
Aragorn shared a look with Pippin. Merry was a bit testier than they remembered him to be.
"We are your friends, Merry" Aragorn said and sat down on the chair. "Whether you remember us now or not. And we are concerned for you. It is important that you realise that we are not out to harm you."
"Then let me go free" Merry begged.
"You are free Merry" Pippin said, saddened by his friend's odd behaviour.
"We cannot let you leave the House of Healing until we have made sure that you are well" Aragorn explained. "After that you are free to go wherever you choose. You are not our prisoner."
"Aragorn he's not going to leave us, is he?" Pippin asked with a worried look on his face. "Is he?"
"I don't understand what it matters" Merry said. "Who am I to you that makes it so important that I stay?"
"You are everything to me Merry" Pippin said.
"You are making this up" Merry insisted. "Just because I am the only one here who looks like you it doesn't mean that we have to be friends or even interested in what the other one is doing. You are trying to trick me into something, I can feel it!"
"I would never trick you" Pippin said.
"Would you please leave me be then?"
"I wouldn't trick you" Pippin repeated with emphasis.
Aragorn rose and put his hand on Pippin's shoulder, signalling him to calm down. But Pippin was getting more and more upset.
"You were my best friend in all the world, and I have been struggling with the loss of you for so long now!"
"You're lying!" Merry said. "If I was your best friend why would I leave you?"
"I'm not lying!" Pippin cried.
"Pippin that's enough!" Aragorn said. "He won't remember any faster if you yell at him. Calm down or step out."
"Just tell me what I can do for you," Merry said, "and then leave me alone. Understand, I don't know what you're talking about! So please just tell me what it is you miss that you want me to explain and perhaps I can try to remember it."
"I don't miss a thing" Pippin said calmly and felt himself tear up. "Or at least I shouldn't be. When you and I were together I had everything I needed, and you are back now. Nothing has changed. Nothing can have changed. It's impossible that it's changed, and you will come to realise that. Just remember me Merry, that's all I need. All that you can do for me… Remember."
"It doesn't sound right" Merry said. "People are not that close, not even if they are twins or lovers. You're pushing it too hard and that is why I don't believe you."
"We were far from lovers, but that doesn't mean we didn't love one another" Pippin said. "There are twins of spirit as well as twins of birth. To me there is no difference. You are a part of me and I am a part of you, which is why I can't believe that you don't feel it. I don't know what else to say to make you understand!"
"I can't explain it either" Aragorn said. "But he is telling you the truth. Friendships can run deeper than blood."
"You are persistent, that's for sure" Merry said to Pippin with a sigh. "Fine, perhaps we were friends. But I still don't remember you and you cannot force me to be your friend again at the snap of your fingers."
"You shouldn't have to befriend me again; you should have always been my friend. All these years you've been gone shouldn't have been able to change that."
"If I was gone for such a long time, don't you think it's more than possible that you've glorified what friendship we had?" Merry asked.
"No I am not exaggerating it" Pippin said. "We lived together. We shared everything. I can handle anything that life throws at me, if only we are friends. We don't need anything else. Throughout all my darkest moments you were there, always by my side, our friendship was the best thing that I had. And you felt the same way."
"I don't think that I did" Merry said and crossed his arms. "You don't seem to be the type I would befriend."
"He has to remember!" Pippin cried to Aragorn. "It can't be this way; he can't be saying these things to me, not after all this time! Make him remember again!"
"Give it time" Aragorn tried to tell him.
"No, I've waited long enough!"
"Stop it!" Merry said forcefully. "Stop it, both of you! Don't talk about me like I wasn't even here! Won't you let me be alone?"
"Being alone is not going to help you remember anything" Aragorn said.
"I'm not so sure I want to remember!" Merry cried, then paused. "And I don't want to be around you people; you want something from me which I cannot give! Bring me the woman. If you don't dare to leave me alone then let me be with the woman."
"What woman?" Pippin asked.
"Éo… something" Merry said. "Éowyn. She is familiar to me. And I want to be with her."
Pippin just looked at him for a while, this time Pippin was the one questioning Merry with his eyes. After what felt like several minutes Pippin went to the door and called out to the nearest guard to get the White Lady. Then Aragorn took him by the arm and led him out in the hallway.
"Not like this, Pippin!" he said in a hushed tone. "No yelling, no frustration, no disappointment. He needs support, comfort and kindness. You of all people ought to be able to show him that."
"Why doesn't he remember?" Pippin asked once again.
"Try to forget about that for now" Aragorn said. "The important thing is not why he can't remember, the important thing is to make him get those memories back. And if that fails you will have to make new ones with him."
"I just don't understand" Pippin said. "I waited for him for eleven years. Now he won't accept me."
"He will" Aragorn said. "Once the fog in his mind clears out he will begin to turn to you. In the meantime remember that sometimes the best way of supporting someone is by giving them their space."
Pippin nodded and took a deep breath to compose himself. He wiped away the few tears that had fallen down his cheek.
"So many tears I cried when he was gone" he said and chuckled. "Now I'm weeping because he's here. Go figure."
Aragorn was about to reply when he heard steps behind him. Éowyn had been working in another part of the Houses and came hurrying to see what Merry wanted. As she went inside Merry's room and sat down on the side of the bed Aragorn and Pippin went up to the doorway to see what was going to happen.
Merry sat down next to Éowyn and grabbed a strain of her golden hair. He lifted it up to his cheek and brushed it with it, not taking his eyes off the lady sitting by his side. Éowyn still couldn't believe that he was truly there, and a few tears of happiness were rolling down her cheeks. Merry frowned and gently dried one off.
"Are you sad?" he asked.
"Sad? Now that my favourite esquire is back?"
Merry suddenly looked troubled and stood up.
"Esquire? I was in your service? And here I am touching your face! This is terribly embarrassing!"
"No" Éowyn said and grabbed his hands. Gently she sat him back down. "You were more than an esquire."
"I'm glad, then I wasn't out of my place."
"Not at all" Éowyn said.
"Good. I was going to blame it on the bump on my head. Actually I think it made me a little out of my wits" Merry said. "I don't know why else I would have this image of you in my head, dressed as a soldier!"
"He remembers her…" Pippin said under his breath. "He really does remember her."
"Pippin?" Aragorn said questioningly.
Pippin didn't answer. He turned on his heel and walked away.
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My original idea was to post the previous chapter on April 1st... It didn't work out that way, but it would have been fun )
I hope this doesn't seem too much like a soap opera twist. There is a point to it all and later on it will hopefully become clear what has really happened and what the effects are. Hope you're with me all the way!
Please review!