The Shire, August of 1438
Neither Estella nor Merry told anybody what had been said between them. As far as everyone around them knew they were still engaged to be married, and not even they could say whether or not that was still true. Nothing had been decided between them and Merry was not quite sure if it was he or she who was reluctant to let go. All he knew for sure was that her heart had been broken and he had been the one to do it.
In August Fatty Bolger came and asked him if they couldn't go out for a hike and camp out in the wild. Merry remembered how much he had liked sleeping outdoors when they had been travelling to the Shire and thought it was a great idea. Fatty had planned it out as a group activity with seven other Hobbits going with them, which Merry thought was a great idea as well. However his enthusiasm lessened somewhat when he found out that two of the seven others were Estella and Pippin. But it was too late to back down and he packed his bags to go out like they had said.
Fatty couldn't quite understand why Estella kept walking side by side with him and not with Merry, he had expected them to be together, but he overheard someone else guessing that they didn't want rumours spread that they were acting inappropriately before they were married. Fatty accepted that explanation and didn't ask his sister about it as they walked in the head of the company.
Pippin came not far behind them, chatting with some Hobbit who was apparently a good friend of his. Merry kept in the back, sulking over the fact that both Estella and Pippin were present. When someone noticed his mood he blamed it on having forgotten his pipeweed at home.
The company walked through the woods during most of the day, stopping only once to get something to eat. They would have stopped far more often for that purpose if Pippin hadn't yelled at them to keep walking each time they tried to stop. He was accustomed to walking long distances and not stopping to eat once an hour.
When they finally stopped to make camp they had come out on the other end of the forest and reached a meadow. Pippin and the friend he had been walking with, Moro, quickly gathered some firewood and got a fire going. Three others were sent off to find water and Estella and the other lass who had come along began to search through the packs for the food.
Estella was furious with her brother for dragging her along on this. Without knowing the reason why she had been melancholy he had told her that a hike was exactly what she needed to take her mind off things. When she had found out that Merry was coming too she had told her brother she was not going to follow them, especially since lasses never went out on hikes. Fatty had however managed to find another lass to come along and Estella had run out of arguments and followed them, albeit not willingly.
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They ate their meal together with song and laughter and anyone could tell that Pippin was in his right element. He knew his way around the camp life, he had tons of stories to tell and he was the only one except for Merry who didn't seem nervous when the sun set and the night became dark around them.
When all the food had been eaten save for what they had put aside for the walk back home they gathered in front of the fire for some storytelling. Pippin was asked to be the storyteller, he knew of more exciting tales than anyone else. But Pippin had a hard time coming up with a story he could tell around Merry and after he had discarded all of his own adventures and most of his friends' he settled for the tale of Beren and Lúthien. He only knew about half of it but he was good at making up things to fill the blanks. The eight Hobbits around him listened attentively at his every word and Pippin grinned happily. He loved being the centre of this kind of attention and he did his best to make the story as long as possible. By the time he had come to the end all the stars were lit in the sky and it was late in the evening.
The Hobbits were tired from a long day of walking, all save for Pippin who had lots of energy, and they decided to get ready for bed. Merry walked away to fill his canteen with water by the creek they had found. When he came back all the blankets had been laid out and half the Hobbits had crawled in under them. Fatty came up to Merry with a grin and told him he had placed out his pillow and blanket.
"Jolly good" Merry said politely and asked where he would be sleeping.
"Over there" Fatty said and pointed. "I placed you next to Estella."
"What?"
"I know, I know, you're worried that it might seem inappropriate. But you are surrounded by other Hobbits; nobody expects anything to happen that shouldn't. Admit it; I made great arrangements, didn't I?"
Merry wasn't sure why Fatty thought it was such a good arrangement but he couldn't very well disagree so he nodded and went to lie down next to Estella. He didn't know what to say to her but as it turned out he didn't have to worry. She had already gone to sleep.
"Well that solves that for now…" Merry mumbled and crawled under his blanket.
He closed his eyes and listened to all the sounds around him. The fire crackled, he could hear the sounds of an owl flying and of the wind in the trees nearby. There were also the sounds of Hobbits trying to get comfortable, Hobbits mumbling to each other before going to sleep and other Hobbits packing up their things so that they wouldn't be completely spread out. In the distance he could hear Pippin singing as he took a walk to get rid of some of his energy.
One by one the other sounds of the Hobbits quieted down but Pippin's voice could still be heard. After some time he returned to the camp and quietly got under his blankets and went to sleep right away. Merry was about to go to sleep as well. He felt comfortable, as he always did sleeping under the star, breathing the fresh air. The only sounds he could hear now were Estella's breaths next to him. The last thought in his mind before he went to sleep was that now he knew what his future was supposed to be like. Estella was supposed to sleep next to him each night, that had been the arrangement. Now they didn't know what the arrangement was anymore.
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Merry stirred in his sleep. Something was not right. He mumbled to himself and began to break a sweat. The Hobbits around him all continued to sleep, unaware of his unsettled state. There was something about the combination of sleeping under the stars and having Estella so near that he could hear her breaths which had trigged a reaction and a dream. He tossed to his right, away from Estella, and when her breaths were no longer so near he opened his eyes and sat up panting.
Pippin lifted up his head from where he was lying. He always slept lightly when he slept outdoors and nobody was keeping watch. Merry's moan as he woke from his dream had woken Pippin up and he observed his cousin as he sat up and looked around. Pippin quietly sat up as well.
"What is it?" he asked in a hushed voice.
Merry heard his voice and jolted his head in that direction. He stared at Pippin looking like he had seen a ghost, then he got out of his covers. Pippin quickly left his spot and came over to Merry before he would wake everybody else up.
"Steady now, you had a bad dream I think!" he whispered.
"Why were we in Gondor?" Merry asked.
"Quiet or you'll wake the others!"
"Why were we in Gondor?" Merry repeated in a whisper. "When I died. When you thought I died."
"I don't know" Pippin answered.
"You don't know?" Merry said in a normal tone of voice, shocked by the reply.
Pippin hushed him and looked around to make sure the others were still sleeping. Then he grabbed Merry's coat and placed it around his shoulders. After that he took a piece of firewood and lit it in the fire so that they had a torch. With a firm grip of Merry's arm he led his cousin away from the camp and off where they could talk without worrying about waking the others.
"How could you not know?" Merry asked, sounding desperate rather than angry or surprised. "Please you have to try and remember! It's important, I need to know! I was supposed to be in the Shire preparing for my wedding, what was I doing off in Ithilien instead?"
"I don't know" Pippin repeated and put his hand on Merry's shoulder to calm him. "I don't know because it was you who wanted to go. I just went with you."
"But you must have asked!"
"I'm afraid I didn't" Pippin said truthfully. "If you wanted to go then I thought we could go. Why is this so important to you?"
"I had a dream…"
"I could tell" Pippin remarked.
"No, no it was different! It was…"
He paused and stared off into the distance, as if asking the night to give him answers. Pippin had to turn and see what he was looking at but saw nothing but a tree and a duck waddling by.
"What did we do when we were there?"
"We served as esquires" Pippin said. "Me to Faramir and you to Éowyn. Like we always do in Ithilien."
"No, no, there's something more to it" Merry said. "I was supposed to marry Estella yet I travelled all the way to Ithilien just a short time before the wedding. I was going there to buy time and to find answers, that must be the reason why. I can't think of any other reason why I would go."
"Answers about what?"
"Is there some way that I can find out why we went there?"
"Yes" Pippin said. "You can remember."
Merry sighed deeply but seemed to calm down a bit. Pippin put an arm around his shoulders and wondered exactly what Merry had dreamt. He handed his cousin the torch and grabbed a hold of his arm with his now freed hand to lead Merry back.
"It was a nightmare" he said. "Nothing more than that. Come on; let's get you back into bed."
Merry obediently followed him back to the camp. While they walked he thought of what he had dreamt, although the memories of the dream were fading fast. He thought of what information he had gotten out of Pippin and he wondered what could have been so important that it made him leave his fiancée to go serve humans in a faraway place, no matter how fond he was of them.
"So that's all we did?" he asked, back to his normal self now and less disturbed by the dream. "Served as esquires?"
"Yes" Pippin said, surprised by the question. "Of course there was time for laugh and play as well, but our duties took up most of our time. We served them every day until the day you died, in fact the last time I saw you you had just come from Éowyn's service. Of course then you were gone and couldn't serve anyone, and I was no use to Faramir in the state I was in, so that ended the service for that time."
Pippin quieted since they were approaching the camp. Merry hadn't heard much of the second half of what he had said; he had gotten stuck on something and was slowly piecing it together with what he could still recall from his dream. Suddenly he dropped the torch on the ground, nearly on Pippin's foot.
"Éowyn!" Merry exclaimed.
"What is wrong with you?" Pippin hissed. "Be quiet and try not to singe my feet. Good thing we got back to the camp and that the torch hit a puddle."
But Merry wasn't listening.
"Éowyn… I think I love her Pippin!"
Merry grabbed a hold of his cousin's cape and clung to it like a lifeline, mortified by the feeling that overcame him, the memory he did not know what to do with.
"Merry, you just had a nightmare!" Pippin said.
"It was more than that!"
Merry began to tremble and breathed heavily. Pippin feared he would begin to hyperventilate or that he would wake the others. He shushed his cousin and tried to calm him down.
"I think I love her" Merry said. "I really think I love her. What do I do now?"
"Of course you love her."
"No… I think I'm in love with her."
"That's enough out of you for one night" Pippin said but Merry wouldn't settle down so easily.
Merry thought back on what Estella had said. A memory too painful, something which his mind was keeping him from. He had long suspected that he had had feelings for somebody other than Estella. And that someone was Éowyn.
Without knowing how to calm him down Pippin sat down on the ground and forced Merry down with him. His cousin was shivering and shaking, breathing in short gasps and looking like he was faced with more problems than ever before. Pippin had barely heard what he had said and paid no heed to whatever little he had heard. He was convinced that Merry had simply been having a nightmare and now he was panicked about it. It was not so odd, after the War he had often dreamt of things that had happened and woken up frightened; some part of him probably remembered waking up to a memory and not a dream and now confused it with what had in fact been just a nightmare.
Pippin gently shushed his cousin and rocked him back and forth like he had done with his son when he was younger. He grabbed a hold of his own cape and wrapped it over Merry to help warm him up as he seemed to be freezing. He was worried that his cousin was having a seizure, which was quite an exaggeration, and he worried on what effects that might have on him after all that his head had gone through to lose all its memories. Part of him worried that Merry might be falling seriously ill.
He wasn't sure for how long he sat there. Merry calmed down after a while, once the worst thoughts had cleared out from his head, but he began to cry slowly once he realised more and more what he had remembered and what it meant. He was barely aware that Pippin was holding him, but the gentle shushing eventually appeased him.
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When the other Hobbits woke up the next morning they found to their surprise that Pippin was already awake. He was sitting a few feet away from the fire, staring into space with his head tilted high. But what was even more surprising was that Merry was curled up with his shoulders and his head in Pippin's lap, sleeping peacefully.
Moro went over to them and gently tapped Pippin on the shoulder, wondering if he was awake or if he had learned to sleep with his eyes open. He asked Pippin if there was something wrong, or if they could get anything for them.
"Breakfast" Pippin said and looked at Moro. "I would like some breakfast."
"And… what about him?" Moro said with an insecure nod at Merry.
"He likes ham in the morning. I know there is some in one of the packs. As for me I can eat anything, I'm starved."
Moro nodded and hurried off to prepare breakfast for them. Pippin waited until the other Hobbits had gotten better things to do than to stare at them, then he gently shook Merry awake. The other Hobbit stirred and blinked, for a second wondering where he was. Then he looked up at Pippin and seemed surprised.
"Hullo" was all he could think of to say.
"Hullo" Pippin replied.
Awkwardly Merry sat up and stretched, a little soar in the back from having slept curled up that way. He sat next to Pippin for a few seconds trying to figure out what was going on and then he looked at his cousin.
"At first I thought it was all a dream. A nightmare. But I wouldn't have woken up with you like this if I only dreamt it all, would I?"
"Probably not" Pippin agreed.
"Here's your ham, Master Merry!" Moro said and handed Merry a plate with freshly fried ham and a large piece of bread.
"Thank you" Merry said and stared at the food in confusion.
Pippin was handed a plate with eggs and some sausages and he began to eat with a good appetite. Merry looked at his breakfast once more and then glanced over at Pippin and decided that since someone had magically figured out what he wanted for breakfast he might as well eat it. With a sting of guilt he wondered if it was Estella, but reason told him she would hardly know what he ate for breakfast.
They ate in silence for a few minutes. Neither of them looked at each other but both felt the others' eyes on them. But soon enough the natural hunger of a Hobbit in the morning, especially one who has slept outdoors, took over and the others were all mainly focused on their own meals. Merry and Pippin were given a touch of privacy in the middle of the crowd of Hobbits.
"The nightmare didn't come back" Merry remarked. Once he had gone back to sleep he had slept hard and without dreams.
"Nightmares never come when somebody keeps watch" Pippin said.
"You kept watch for me?"
Pippin didn't answer. Merry looked at him more closely and saw that the other Hobbit looked tired. He had probably never gone back to sleep, instead he had stayed awake and kept watch over Merry so that his sleep would be undisturbed.
"Thank you" Merry said gently.
"You're welcome" Pippin said.
The two looked at each other and for a brief moment shared a smile.
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Things are slowly starting to near an end... Not too many chapters left now. Hope you'll stay with me to the end!