The Shire, September of 1438
Once they got back from the hike Merry couldn't stop thinking about the realisation that had hit him out in the night. The worst part was the he wasn't sure. He knew there was a chance that his mind had taken a riddle that it wanted an answer for, the identity of Merry's other love, and the one answer it had had since he first came back, Éowyn, and put them together. He would never know until he could see her again.
Without wasting any time he rode to the Great Smials to speak to Pippin about it. He said as little as possible, only that he wanted to go back to Gondor right away and that he needed Pippin's help to get a hold of someone who could escort him.
"Why do you need to leave so badly?" Pippin insisted upon knowing before he gave Merry any help.
"Because, I'm going crazy here" Merry cried. "I need to go to Ithilien, the place where I was last seen before I disappeared."
"This wouldn't have anything to do with Éowyn, would it?" Pippin asked.
Merry bit his lip. He knew he had blurted his realisation out to Pippin but he had hoped his cousin hadn't remembered it. He wanted to say as little as possible until he knew for sure what he was feeling.
"Because if it has I think you should wait" Pippin continued. "If you leave you have to wait for an escort to arrive, that means you can't go until December. Which means you won't be there until February, or later if the weather is bad."
"And February is bad?"
"All I'm saying is wait until you can travel during spring. You have no experience travelling in those types of weather conditions and unless it's necessary, which I do admit it's been in the past, I don't think it's a good idea."
"I don't care what you say" Merry snarled. "I'm going to Gondor as soon as I can and that's just that."
"You're going to Gondor?"
Merry and Pippin looked up when Sam stepped into the room and closed the door behind him.
"Sam, where did you come from?" Pippin asked.
"I came here to talk to you, but I'm glad I ended up with both of you" Sam said. "Merry you're travelling to Gondor, did I hear you right?"
"Yes, yes I am."
"Good" Sam said and Merry flashed Pippin a triumphant smile. "You should go to Gondor Merry. And Pippin you are coming too."
"Leave me out of this" Pippin said. "I don't need to see Éowyn right now and I'm quite happy where I am."
"Nobody's going to see Éowyn."
"Is he always like this?" Merry asked Pippin with a wave in Sam's direction.
"Sam what exactly are you on about?" Pippin asked. "Who let you in and what are you doing walking in on one of our conversations? You used to have more respect than that, you know."
"Yes well things are different now, for all of us, aren't they?" Sam said and placed both hands on Pippin's desk. "Which is why I am coming too. All three of us are going to Minas Tirith."
"Why?" Merry and Pippin asked in chorus.
"To do something about all of this" Sam said. "To save what's left to be saved. The Fellowship is falling apart, you two can't see it but I can! Pippin you said it yourself, you're distant from Strider now and you can't reconnect. Look at you both" he said and gestured from Pippin to Merry. "You two can't reconnect either. Your constant bickering and quarrelling, fighting even, is pushing you two further apart with each passing day."
"He started the swordfight" Merry said.
"Legolas and Gimli are taking sides, creating conflict between the two of them" Sam went on, ignoring Merry's comment. "The Fellowship is breaking down. People aren't speaking with one another anymore; walls are being built up between us. We are going to save this Fellowship, so help me!"
"Save it how?" Pippin asked.
"By sitting down together and working our problems out. We cannot win by running away, it has never been our way of handling things and we sure shouldn't start now."
"Sam, please" Pippin said. "Sitting down to talk won't do us any good. People grow apart, it happens."
"Not to us it doesn't" Sam said. "And I will not sit idly by as something that mattered so much to us once slips away from us. I have written Strider and he is going to summon us to a meeting if we don't arrive on our own accord. We travel the day after tomorrow, pack only what you need to and make your preparations quickly. Say very little, only that you have to leave by orders from the king."
"We can't just up and leave like that" Pippin objected. "I have a wife and a child you know; I promised them I wouldn't go anywhere! And then there's the fact that I am the Thain of the Shire."
"You left it all behind before" Sam reminded him. "Me, I'm having a child this spring yet that doesn't stop me from going."
"Oh you never stop, do you?" Pippin sighed, wondering how many children Sam had by now.
"Take the rest of the day and tomorrow to sort out all your affairs" Sam said, ignoring Pippin. "Meet me at the gates by the Brandywine the day after tomorrow at six in the morning. What do you have to lose by going?"
"Reputation" Pippin suggested. "Besides, I can't go. I made a promise to Diamond that I would not leave."
"You made a promise to the rulers of Gondor once that you could answer when they summoned you" Sam said. "Consider yourself summoned." He glared at Merry. "And that goes for you too, Holdwine."
"We don't even have an escort, not even an Elf on a mearas could be here by the day after tomorrow" Pippin objected.
"There are three of us; I don't think we will need an escort. Do you have any other arguments that I can kill?"
The three Hobbits looked at each other. Merry and Pippin realised it was no use arguing and agreed to go. Pippin thought he would get there, give them a week and then return. Merry thought that once they were finished in Minas Tirith he could go visit Éowyn and finally have some answers.
XX
XX
Two days later the three Hobbits met up in the misty morning and rode out from the Shire together for the first time since their adventure had begun. None of them spoke much. Pippin was furious because he had to leave his family again, Merry was displeased that he had to travel for so long with these two and Sam realised it was no time to sing and jest. That would come later on their journey.
The days had turned into weeks by the time either of them began to feel cheerful again. Pippin still had little to say and Merry was preoccupied with his thoughts of Éowyn and Estella. Sam was busy with his memories of the first time he had ridden down these paths. The three of them were very quiet as they journeyed from the Shire to Minas Tirith.
After five weeks Pippin came down with a cold, as the weather had been windy and rainy for a few days. Merry gave him some herbal tea and he drank it without a word but it was obvious that they needed to slow down their tempo. Pippin had a fever and was constantly tired, sometimes Sam would have to ride up to him and nudge him to keep him from falling asleep on his horse. When they made camp Pippin forced down the soup Sam cooked for him and the tea Merry made and then curled up under his blankets and went to sleep. Sam and Merry would sit up for at least a couple of more hours and it was the first time they had really talked since Merry's return.
"I didn't even know you were in the Fellowship" Merry said one evening.
"I didn't want to tell you too much" Sam said. "Pippin told me it was better not to. But we were good friends once, you and I."
"Always this talk of friends… Is there nothing more important to you people?" Merry asked and sipped his tea.
"There was a time when there was nothing more important to you either" Sam said, slightly offended. "The greatest adventure of your life came because of your belief in friendship. So don't be so quick to shrug it aside."
"I don't mind having friends" Merry said. "But from what I've seen friendship causes more sorrow than joy. And besides, I can live without adventure."
"You'd better let somebody care about you" Sam said. "Like a really good friend does. Before it's too late. You would not have gotten far in life without friendship."
"Perhaps that would have been just as well" Merry mused. "I would not have gotten lost like I did."
"No you would have died for real, and much sooner" Sam said.
Merry didn't know quite what to make of that comment so he kept silent. Sam didn't seem to have exhausted the subject quite yet though.
"Merry I know it's difficult and that the road back can seem eternal sometimes. But right now I am bringing you back to your foundations, to let you partake in what I hope will be the saving of our Fellowship. I hope you will fight with us. We need to work together, all six of us that are left, because that's how we used to do things. Even when we were apart we were working together for a common goal. Three years ago the rest of us could have sat down and worked everything through just the five of us, but now you are here and we cannot do it without you. It has to be all of us."
"What is it that you are so keen on saving?" Merry asked. "If friends grow apart from you and want to walk away why do you wish to keep them?"
"Because some things are worth fighting for" Sam said. "That's the most important thing I ever learned in life. There are things that are too good to just let them decay."
"You will all have to be open and honest with me then" Merry said. "You are all asking me to save this and that, consider this and that, honour this and that yet you will tell me nothing of it. You just hand me something and tell me to cherish it and you won't tell me what it's for or what its value is. I want to know everything. I want to know all of your stories. Why were we a Fellowship to begin with, who are the ones who apparently aren't here anymore and what was our great adventure? Take me on a journey to our past and I will fight for you, I promise I will. But if you don't then you can try your best to save that fellowship and I won't bother about it."
"Fine" Sam said. "I can make that deal with you. But just so you know, I don't think you are hesitating because you don't know what we did together. I think you hesitate because you are afraid. You see the people around you hurt by others and most of all you see Pippin hurt because you can't remember who he is. You don't want to risk being hurt that way. How much love and care do you think you are missing out on by fearing that hurt? See the brilliance of friendship is that even when it hurts the most there is always someone there to help pick up the pieces."
Sam had said what he wanted to say. He left Merry and went over to get some sleep. Merry thought of what he had said and his eyes drifted onto Pippin. Even though Pippin was hurting and felt such hatred towards Merry at times he had always been there when Merry had needed someone to lean on.