Gondor, January of 1439

The first day of the new year Sam began his journey back to the Shire, accompanied by Legolas and Gimli. After the long day a week earlier when they had struggled to save their fellowship things had been uneventful. It was as if something was hanging in the air, as if they were all waiting for something to happen. Merry and Pippin both walked on eggshells around one another, and the others were afraid to say anything that might ignite any flames. Sam had however decided that he was not willing to wait around and see if two people he cared so much about were going to jump at each other's throats and he announced his decision to return to the Shire.

Pippin had taken for granted that he and Merry would go with him but Merry had declared that he was going to go to Ithilien and visit Éowyn. He was firmly set on it and nothing could change his mind. After many discussions Pippin had chosen to stay in Gondor and go with Merry. Somehow it felt important to him to visit Ithilien together with Merry, for a whole decade he had had dreams of the two of them together again in Ithilien as if Merry had never gone and now he had his chance of experiencing the closest thing he would ever get.

The night before they were set to leave Merry and Pippin went back to their chambers early to get a good night's sleep before their journey. January was not the best month for travelling and they wanted to make the journey as quick as they could, which would require rest first. But neither of them felt very tired and Pippin lit a fire and began poking around with a log while Merry crawled up on his bed, lost in his own thoughts. Pippin glanced at his cousin and knew that there was something more going on than Merry was letting him in on. For some reason this trip to Ithilien was very important to Merry, and since he had never cared about going there in the past Pippin couldn't help but wonder.

"You know…" he said and turned one of the burning logs around. "Because of me going with you Aragorn won't be sending a soldier to protect you. You won't have to travel with a stranger and you can take your time in Ithilien without thinking about the soldier who ought to get to return to Minas Tirith as soon as possible."

"Yes?" Merry said, pulled from his thoughts. "And what are you getting at?"

"The fact that you should be thankful that I'm coming with you. You know that I could have returned to the Shire with Sam and been with my wife and son? It's quite a favour I'm doing you here."

"I'm getting the feeling you want something in return."

"Just one thing" Pippin said and shrugged his shoulder. "I want to know why I'm going to Ithilien. There is some reason why you feel the need to go there and I think you owe it to me to share what that reason is."

"I haven't seen Éowyn in a while, that's all" Merry mumbled.

"You know I can tell when you're lying" Pippin said. "And there's that name again… What is it about Éowyn Merry? There's something more than just that you remember her… Tell me what it is Merry. You can trust me with your secret."

Merry was about to tell him to mind his own business when he remembered what Gimli had said to him. If he reached out to Pippin then perhaps Pippin would come to him. And when he thought about it, wasn't this an offer of part friendship from Pippin? Friends shared each other's burdens after all and he had to admit that it would be nice to share this with someone.

"Do you remember that night we were out camping with Fatty?" he asked.

"Vividly."

"That night I remembered what happened the last time I saw Éowyn before I left Ithilien. Well, that's not exactly true, but I remember what happened the days prior to that. I remember what I was feeling… and I realised why I have been trying so hard not to remember it. Still there is something I'm not allowing myself to recall and that terrifies me because I cannot imagine what would be worse than this!"

"You're making me nervous" Pippin said and chuckled slightly. He turned his attention away from the logs. "So what was it?"

"Pippin I went to Ithilien that time because I had to see Éowyn before I was married. Because I loved her. And I don't mean the way you love a sister or a dear friend, I mean I loved her the way everyone assumed I loved Estella."

Pippin shook his head. He had heard this before but not paid any attention to it. It was too unbelievable.

"Merry I just don't think that's possible" he said. "You and Éowyn were always close, but infatuation?"

"I know" Merry said. "It was a disaster. What could I possibly hope to gain from loving her? She was married, she still is. And I know she loves her husband. He is a great man. But even if she was a maiden she is still a princess, a human princess, and I am merely a Hobbit. I never thought I had any chance of a future with her. But I had to see her nonetheless… and I have to see her now too. It may seem like a rash decision but I have thought it over carefully. I have to find a way to put an end to my feelings and I only know of one way to do that. I must tell her how I feel and hear from her own lips that she doesn't feel the same way. Only then can I put those daydreams out of my head where she says she loves me too. I can't have closure until I have a rejection."

"Merry are you really sure that is such a smart idea?" Pippin said softly. "You will risk losing her for good. Your friendship might never recover from such a thing. Do you really want to damage something you have both cherished to the degree that when you forgot everything else you could not forget that? I would hate to see you doing that to yourself and to her. Be careful."

"I cannot be her friend anymore knowing that I feel this way and that I felt this way all those years ago" Merry insisted. "She and I have to talk. That's just the way it is Pippin, I have to do this."

"Just think twice before you talk to her" Pippin said. "Don't do or say anything out of a spur of the moment. Make sure that you are sure."

"I am already sure" Merry said.

Pippin nodded but didn't seem convinced. He turned his attention back to the fire and hoped his old friend was not about to make the biggest mistake of his life.

XX
XX

The following evening Pippin found himself staring into the fire once again, only this time it was an open fire and he was trying to keep warm by sitting as close to it as possible. He and Merry had been forced to make an early stop and they were wrapped tightly in their capes hoping to warm up a bit before they went to sleep. It was a chilly, windy day and not made for being outdoors.

"On days like this you understand why some people prefer to spend their lives cooped up in front of the fireplace" Pippin said through gritted teeth and thought of his maternal grandfather who had spent most of his life by an open fire.

"Oh don't be so namby-pamby" Merry said with a grin. "A little fresh air won't do you any harm even if it's cold."

"I can't help but wonder where this passion for being outdoors comes from" Pippin said with a glare at his cousin. "Because it's something new, I can tell you that. On the other side of the disappearance you never cared much for it."

"I feel at home out in nature" Merry said. "I can't explain why, I just do. Maybe because even though everything else around you may change nature follows the same cycle every year. It's constant in its own way."

"How philosophical" Pippin said dryly.

"Now don't be so grumpy" Merry said and gave him a playful nudge. "I like you better when you're cheerful." He paused for a moment. "You know… something I've been thinking… I've seen you with your family a couple of times. You are always laughing and smiling when you are with them."

"Yes" Pippin said with a slight smile. "I don't know how to do anything but laugh and smile when I'm with Diamond. She is the joy of my life. And I don't want my son to grow up without seeing his father happy every once in a while."

"How come you haven't had any more kids?" Merry asked.

"I don't know" Pippin said and shrugged a shoulder. "It just hasn't happened for us. Some people aren't a match that wayI take it. We have one and that's a blessing. I don't think there will be a sibling for Faramir."

"Does that make you sad?"

"It ought to… but I can't say that it does. I consider myself lucky to have at least one child, given how hard it is for us to have children together we might just as well have ended up with none."

Merry nodded slightly. Pippin glanced at him from the side and a thought came into his head.

"What about you, do you ever see yourself having children?"

"No" Merry said. "I don't know. Maybe." Then he quickly changed the subject. "So you are really happy with Diamond then? You're getting by Pippin; you're not doing as bad as you sometimes think you are."

"I've gotten by for quite some time now" Pippin said. "Or at least I was getting by until you came along." Then he looked down at his feet. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that as an accusation. Not against you at least, it appears to be my own fault if I can't make my life count anymore."

"I… never know what to say when you say things like that."

"Never mind" Pippin said.

"Listen, I was hoping that now that we're travelling together we could perhaps call a truce? There has to be enough of our friendship left for us to be able to get along, at least while we're travelling, wouldn't you say?"

"We're getting along right now, aren't we?" Pippin said. "Besides, didn't I tell you that when you need me I'll be there? I may not be able to be your good friend, butI can't do anything else than support you when you need me to, I don't know how to do anything else. If you lose your courage or fall to your knees or stagger on your road I will shelter you."

"I want to be able to offer you the same thing" Merry said. "I know you have no faith in me anymore… I'm sorry for the lies I might have told you in the past. I will never lie to you again and you can trust me when I say that."

"Thanks" Pippin said. "Though you don't have to be there for me Merry… Diamond is there for me, and the others in the fellowship."

"No you don't understand… I want to be there for you. Right now neither Diamond nor the others are here, you haven't got anyone else but me. Let me at least try."

"I can't think of anything I might need help with" Pippin said and wished they would change the subject. "Perhaps I'm a bit lonely but I don't expect you to be able to cure that. It will cure itself when we get to Ithilien."

Merry swallowed hard and looked the other way. It stung him to hear that Pippin was lonely in his company. It touched the part of him that felt their old bond and he knew that Pippin had never in his life felt lonely in his company before.

XX
XX

The next day they were making good speed and Pippin expected them to reach Ithilien before luncheon the next day. Though once the sun had passed zenith Merry got an odd look on his face and seemed preoccupied with something. Pippin didn't pay any attention to it at first, he assumed Merry was nervous to meet Éowyn again, but when Merry slowed his pony down and tilted his head Pippin began to wonder what was going on.

"Merry?"

Merry didn't answer. He frowned and let his pony slowly walk in a different direction. Pippin followed him with his eyes for a moment then hurried after him.

"You're going the wrong way."

"Hush" Merry said and concentrated on listening. "There is something…"

Pippin tried to listen too but he couldn't hear anything.

"Listen Merry, perhaps if you--"

"Hush! Don't you feel the smell?"

Pippin sniffed in the air but couldn't define anything in particular. Merry however seemed to both be hearing something and smelling something. Not knowing what else to do Pippin followed him even though every step brought them further from Ithilien and a nice warm dining room.

After a few minutes they reached some thickets and Merry drove his pony straight at them. Pippin thought they must both be crazy and went after him. When he got to the other side he halted his pony and gaped.

In front of his eyes was a camp. But not just any regular camp or anything Pippin had ever seen before. The whole area was filled with little figures, probably not reaching the Hobbits higher up than to the waist. They were not only short but they had hairy arms yet not a strain of hair on their legs. Their heads were filled with hair in a colour which Pippin could nearest describe as blackish green and for most of them the hair reached down to the ground. They had tiny noses and tiny mouths but big eyes, and those eyes, which were the same colour as their hair, were all staring at Pippin and Merry. But the biggest surprise was that they didn't seem frightened or startled. On the contrary, they seemed pleased. And they all came up and flocked around Merry, chattering in some language which was impossible for Pippin to understand.

"Merry what is this?" he asked full of fright.

"How should I know?" Merry snarled and tried to back his pony away from the short-sized crowd.

A voice rose above the rest and commanded something. The tiny figures dispersed and made room for an old female who came up to the Hobbits and nodded of approval. She cast a quick glance at Pippin and then turned her full attention to Merry.

"You came back" she said in common tongue, with a voice so thick with accent that Pippin almost didn't understand her.

"I what?" Merry asked.

The old woman looked at him closely for several minutes. Then she tilted her head and smacked her tongue.

"Who am I?" she asked.

"I don't know" Merry said.

"It has happened again" she concluded. "But not entirely or else you wouldn't have found us. We can only be found by those who know how to look for us."

"Merry what is she talking about?" Pippin asked.

The woman turned and looked at Pippin. She studied him carefully and then turned back to Merry.

"Your companion… Is he someone from your past? Did you find them once again? Or are you more lost now than you ever were?"

"I think a little of both" Merry said nervously. "He is from my past but I have never been this lost my whole life."

Slowly it began to dawn on Pippin.

"I have always wondered what became of you during those years you were gone" he said. "Now I think I know the answer."

Merry nodded. He had come to the same conclusion. And he was beginning to feel comfortable. The little people around him were familiar to him and he got a strange feeling of being at home. A smile crept up on his face. The old woman noticed it and shook her head.

"Go" she said. "You are not ready. You must find your closure."

"Huh?" Pippin said.

"Quiet" Merry snarled at him, then he turned to the woman. "Perhaps I ought to stay… at least for the night… I feel good here and it's all so familiar somehow. Nothing has been familiar to me for far too long."

"When you are finished you will know how to find us if you must" the woman said. "We wondered where you went but we always knew that you would come back to us if you couldn't find your way back to where you originally were. If you come back to us it will be for good. You are not ready yet. You are going someplace." She looked at Pippin. "Take your companion and go. Do not return to us until you are ready to let go. You were always held back by something; don't let it hold you back your whole life."

"Merry let's go" Pippin said, eager to leave.

Merry hesitated and looked into the woman's eyes. Then he turned his pony around and galloped back in the direction they had come from. Pippin was right behind him, happy to leave and shaken by the experience. He had never seen any such creatures before, never even heard of them. Their talk about Merry returning for good scared him.

"What was that all about?" he asked Merry when they had gotten far enough from the camp. "Who were they? Who was that old woman?"

"All I know is…" Merry paused and hesitated. "I must have been with them. At least for a while. When I was missing. They want me to come back. I can't really explain it Pippin but it's all familiar to me. I know I have seen them before. I even understood what they were saying when they spoke in their own language."

"We are not far from Minas Tirith" Pippin said. "Or Ithilien. How could they have existed here for who knows how many years, and nobody has ever seen them or heard about them? It makes no sense."

"I can't say that anything surprises me anymore" Merry said. "They must really know how to hide."

"If you really were with them…" Pippin said slowly. "Then you were near… All those years when I missed you so you were still close to the river, still near Minas Tirith… How could that be?"

Merry didn't answer. His mind was busy thinking about what the woman had said. He had something he needed to take care of and it was time he took care of it now. That something could only mean Éowyn.

"Nobody is going to believe this" Pippin said under his breath.

Merry turned and looked at him with dead serious eyes.

"Pippin you mustn't tell anybody about this, do you hear? Promise me that you won't breathe a word to a living soul!"

"What does it matter?" Pippin asked, startled.

"I'm not sure but I know their secret must be kept. Promise me that you won't let anybody know that they exist at all!"

Pippin nodded but obviously didn't see what all the urgency was about. However Merry was sure he would keep quiet. He trusted Pippin to stand by his word. He had a feeling that a lot depended on him doing so.