A/N: Thanks to anyone who reviewed.

I don't own Evangelion...why do I need to write this? Oh yeah, for the +4 word count bonus.

Italics: Thought/Yui's voice

Bold: Sound

"Noooo..." Yep, Sachiel was destroying UN forces left and right. The military kept firing salvo after salvo of rockets and other ammunition...despite the evidence that nothing was happening at all to the angel itself.

'You'd think they'd start retreating after the first 15 minutes of zilch effect and rampant destruction. Oh pretty, the beam comes out in the shape of a cross, never noticed that before...wait, does this mean it wasn't killed before?'

Crash! Debris from a now indescribable military craft interrupted his train of thought as he ran to the end of the street, barely escaping a crispyfying end. Rei suddenly appeared near the scene of the battle and vanished again, stopping Shinji again.

'Okay, time to find out what is going on around here.' Searching through his belongings, he find the oh so famous picture of Misato.

'Crap. I really hope that this doesn't mean what I think it does.' But it did. Tires could be heard screeching in the distance, the shifting of gears, and the high tell sound of a engine being pushed beyond the limits of conventional vehicles. Each of these caused Shinji mixed emotions: the joy of knowing she was alive and the absolute fear of what was to come.

"Are you Shinji Ikari!" Our favorite purple-haired drunkard came onto the scene in her blue Renault, pre-first impact which was coming up soon.

"Unfortunately..." Shinji surrendered himself to the inevitable as he climbed in, "let's get moving before that giant piece of shrapnel crushes us flat" with a thumb jerk behind him.

"Wha..." Misato followed his gesture to the impending death of flaming debris, eyes bugged out instantly, "SHIT!"

3 seconds later they were safely on their way to Nerv and the car's lifetime had been halved. Shinji was still confused and silently contemplating what happened. He was in the past. How the hell had this happened? What was going to happen?

"Heh, sorry about that." Misato was only slightly shaken, an extra can of liquid medicine once when she got home would fix that. A couple of minutes later, 'I can't stand this, isn't he even going to say anything? One Rei's enough as it is, I'll just tease him into talking, hehe.'

Misato opened her mouth when Shinji raised his hand slowly and gestured the thumb backwards again, then he dove for the floor. She looked behind her and saw a single plane and speck traveling at the behemoth. Then it hit her.

"#$#$! An N² mine!" and she threw herself on Shinji as the car was lifted into the air and thrown several yards.

'Comfy...wait! Damn mom!' Shinji relinquished his hiding place in the hills and focused on suppressing the blush and minor hemorrhage that occurred in the nasal cavity. (A/N: I blame my constant fear of using simpler words on College English) His new personality seemed to be that of an actual teenager now, 'I think she did that on purpose...', including the stupidity.

"I just got this car! No way my insurance is going to believe this...sigh...Shinji, come here and help me flip this over." Misato said, her anguish being pushed aside for her mission...that was already late...Ritsuko was not going to be happy.

"Okay," Shinji agreed. The car turned over with the awful sounds of the shocks giving out and metal caving in. "I think it's broken."

"Ya think? We are sooo late. Help me find some batteries to borrow." She headed off towards a series of stores.

"You mean steal."

"I'm a governme..."

"Over here," Shinji didn't let her finish, it took forever to find the batteries last time and he just wanted to get this over with and get some sleep. He picked up a fallen street lamp (just the head of it) and threw it through the display window of a general store. "Do you need any oil while we're at it?"

Slightly put off by the question, "Sure, and lots of duct tape unfortunately."

Shinji absent mindedly loaded a shopping cart with a couple batteries, the duct tape, and then stopped. 'Why not? Misato's reading a magazine and I remember her taking a few. I'll just ask to make sure.'

"Hey Misato-san!"

Looking over the top of the magazine she stared at Shinji and then returned to the article. "Yeah?"

"Can I get one of these?" pointing at an electronics display case.

Misato glanced up again and saw what he wanted. "No, we should get going," picking up a few magazines and turning around.

"But you're taking those."

"These...um...are for cleaning up the oil, yea. And that's way too expensive."

"It's just to pass the time, it's not like I'm on the job. I mean, I doubt the reason I'm going to NERV is for an exciting job opportunity. I'm just on a visit right?" Shinji's manipulative bastard genes were kicking in. He felt a little bad doing this do Misato.

"Er...right." 'Maybe I should just let him. Who could it really hurt? The kid's gonna freak out later when he sees Unit 01 and they expect him to pilot. The Marduk institute's insane! Making kids pilot, there's no other way though. I shouldn't encourage this on the other hand...Screw it! Let's just leave already, maybe I'll grab some Yebisu and pocky on the way out.' "On second thought Shinji, just grab it and go. Consider it a gift from NERV."

"Yes! Thank you Misato! Thank you!" he buttered her up. 'Good 'ol Misato, I remember why you were a fun guardian. Or should it be "will"? nah, who cares!' And with that they returned to the Renault, Misato with an armful of alcohol, sugar, and gossip and Shinji pushing the cart and trying to open his new iPod: Revolution².

------------------------Sometime later...-------------------------------

The rest of the ride was uneventful, Misato called her friend, Shinji ignored the outside world as he transferred his songs from his old SDAT to his iPod, and the car actually held together!

'Ah, the miracle of duct tape,' Shinji and his slightly buzzed escort thought at the same time when they left the car and rode the elevator.

"Do you have your ID?" "Yes." "Welcome to Tokyo 3..." Misato went on, but Shinji just stared at the sight. It was kind of beautiful in retrospect, no craters, standing buildings, the lack of death. 'I'll make sure it stays this way.'

The scenery quickly changed to grey, sterile walls and steels girders. The numbers of the halls passed by (A/N: making this up) 46...47...48...49...5err...46...47...48...49...46

"Stop. We're lost." Shinji really wished he had paid attention the first time. Even though he didn't care as much, he still was anxious about seeing mister "let's create clones, giant bio-mechanical robots, and screw over the entire population of the planet just to get my wife back" Gendo Ikari and wanted to get it over with.

"How do you know?" Misato asked as she finally took her first left.

"You know what...nevermind." Shinji saw they were walking on the metal grates leading up to where Ritsuko would enter.

'I hate these drafts, they make me regret wearing skirts around this place, maybe I'll just tell Shinji to see his reaction.'

"You must really hate the drafts here in that skirt," taking the words out of her mouth while suppressing the thoughts of his awakened libido. "Is that her?"

Misato was shocked/disappointed and turned to see Ritsuko, in a white lab coat and blue one-piece.

"Misato! Honestly, how did you get lost again? Nevermind, is this the third child?"

"Yes, this here is Shinji Ikari. Shinji, this is my friend Ritsuko Akagi."

"Nice to meet you Shinji, follow me."

"Why are you wearing a bathing suit?" Shinji had wondered this before...stupid hedgehog's dilemma.

"I was just checking on some calibrations under the surface," the demi-blond scientist tried not to reveal much. For some reason both Misato and her thought it would be fun to make it a surprise yesterday. "Here we are."

The room was all dark, the suspense was mounting, Ritsuko spoke out: "The last hope for mankind, Evangelion Unit 01." The lights came on and showed the giant machine. Purple and green with a perverted...err...menacing face and horn protruding from its forehead.

Shinji gazed upon it, memories reflecting in his eyes before he realized he was being stared at. 'What should I say this time? Bad colors? nope. My father built this? done that. I know.'

"Kawaii! (Cute)"

Splash!

Misato sweat-dropped and Ritsuko flat out fell off the walkway and into the LCL 20 ft below.

"It's a good thing she's wearing that suit." Shinji smiled before bursting with laughter.

Misato stared at him 'Is he serious...' before she snorted and started to giggle herself. Ritsuko was soaking wet walking towards them, hair matted to her head, and looking pissed.

"Gomen nasai Ritsuko-san, but it was funny." Ritsuko hand twitched as she glared between Shinji, Misato, and Misato's handgun.

"Come on Ritsuko-chan." Misato finished her fit.

"Grrrrrr...sigh" 'was he serious?' Ritsuko thought. 'I'll forget to mention LCL breatheable later and stare at him like something's wrong during his physicals, damn Ikari bastards. But at least this one can laugh.' "Were you serious?"

"Not really. Okay, so what is this? Is this what my fath" Shinji saw the light reflect off his father's glasses. Apparently he was waiting for the magic words. "...er has been working on all these years that he has decided to abandoned me after mother died and dump me on uncle, who forced me to cook and clean, but I did learn how to play the Cello and now I've come all the way here, away from my friends, to visit him and he doesn't even show up to explain this personally, thank you by the way Misato and Ristuko for showing me all this, when there is a giant ugly monster coming this way, bent on utter destruction for apparently no reason but to destroy us and no other targets in the world, almost as if this giant place is hiding something."

"Correct."

"Father," Shinji struggled to say, but he knew he must hold some of his cards for later. He had pushed it far enough for right now of future knowledge.

"You will pilot it." 'and begin the first step to reclaiming Yui.'

(warning, the next part has been overkilled)

"Okay, for the same amount Ritsuko makes in cash each paycheck I will pilot it once, but why should I?" 'Oops, have to fib that part up about knowing Ritsuko makes more later.'

Currently, Misato shot a quick glare at the cat-lover and Ritsuko smirked. They returned to the clash of the Ikari's, an interesting site for anyone to behold.

'I could find the money somewhere, but I will not submit. Let's see, he was polite and thanked Katsuragi and Akagi, so I'll force him with Ayanami and those two. But first...'

"You have to."

"Well technically I don't, I could choose to" 'grab Misato's gun and shoot your balls off' "walk away."

"Humanity depends on it."

"Is humanity not worth a few yen?"

'Now.' "Fuyutsuki. Bring in Rei. The spare's unusable." 'Checkmate third child.'

Rei was brought in on a cart surrounded by personnel and covered in bloody bandages. She feebly attempted to move...

'Kuso! Control yourself Shinji...you'll help her this time' (A/N: happy? he's still a little angsty)

The facility shook and Rei was thrown off the cart and right into the path of a falling support beam. Shinji dove for her as the sounds of metal restraints snapping and a dull clunk as the right hand of Eva Unit 01 caught the hunk of steel. Looking down at his hands and the almost whimpering Rei, he saw red: both blood and anger.

"Come on Shinji, will you pilot for us?" Misato gestured to herself and friend. Gendo continued to display his almost smirk of bastardness.

"Rei seems to be incapable of even walking right now. Do you honestly think she can pilot this against that monster?"

"She will if she has to." Gendo stared on. 'Time is running out...'

"Kuso...you do know you're running out of time?"

"You will be paid, but it will be in a fund for when you turn 18 and not in the amount you specified." Gendo said slightly faster as another explosion occurred.

"No. You don't have another choice but to use me, do you?" Shinji was nervous, Rei needed attention and he had a slight headache...

'Shinji...'

'Mother help me out, I'll explain later, just speak!'

ROOOAAAARRRR! (A/N: ROFL!) Unit 01's mouth restraints rumbled, restricting the words: "Gendo you #$&$$$$$#$$$#&#$!"

Gendo's eyes widened an incredible amount for anyone who knew of him. 'This is disturbing, I will' shudders deeply 'compromise.'

"Katsuragi's pay."

"Agreed. Show me what to do."

-----------------------------5 Minutes later...--------------------------------------

Shinji was sitting in the plug, waiting for the plug to fill up and power to turn on. His headache was gone and he couldn't seem to think to Yui anymore. The plug had already started filling up and Ritsuko's eyes lit up in anticipation, unfortunately Shinji never noticed it until the world around him went all trippy.

'Ooooh, the colors...so shiny and bright...was that a scene of a meadow?' the HUD appeared '...why does Ritsuko look sad?'

'I think she's disappointed that you didn't freak out of your lungs filling with angel blood'

'Hi mom, do you remember what happened?'

'Yes, I do. I hid my new memories inside the perverted part of your brain and just retrieved them...good to see you're taking a new interest this time around. "comfy" eh? and don't forget the skirt and swimsuit, don't tell me you didn't notice she was cold.'

'I didn't...until now. Stop it, did you ever consider I don't want to be that perverse?'

'Shinji, I know all your thoughts while your synced with me. Iam justa little sad that you are not going to follow in my footsteps. So I'm extremely perverted just to make sure you don't revert back.'

Meanwhile, during this precious mother-son bonding ritual, the bridge bunnies, Misato, Gendo, and Fuyutsuki were waiting for the results. Maya was the first to speak.

"Holy #&#$! HE'S AT 87 SYNC RATIO!

"So?" Everyone stared at Misato.

"Rei can only sync at 40 on a good day and the second child, who has been working for years, just broke 65 herself! He was born to pilot an Eva!"

Gendo's thoughts: 'I did not expect him to be so high, but this will only help the scenario.'

"Go Shinji! Eva Unit 01, LAUNCH!"

---------------------------------Back to Shinji...-----------------------------------------

'So I'll be able to defeat the angels pretty easily?'

'No, much easier than last time though. I know how to replicate an S² organ with my soul, so you won't need batteries, but I'll fake it. Do you want to handle this battle? I still want to beat the crap out of Sachiel for kamikazing on us last time. That was plain cheap and it felt like my face fell off.'

'It did and I'll get back to you on that.'

"Are you okay Shinji?" Misato asked.

"Good I guess, How am I doing?"

"Everyone says you're a born genius! You have the highest sync ratio ever!"

Shinji decided to play dumb, " That's nice, but how do make this thing move, I don't know how to use the controls."

Crickets, thought to be extinct, were all heard once again in Tokyo-3. Impressive when you consider a giant angel was destroying the buildings, waiting for the Eva to move. Everyone at the control center looked at each other and then stared at Ritsuko.

"Um...okay, crash course in piloting an Eva..." Ritsuko began and explained in detail that I don't know, "...now focus on walking."

Eva Unit 01 took a step forward but...but...but didn't trip like in so many other freaking stories, thank PenPen!

"Heh, this is pretty easy. What about weapo...Crash!" and Shinji was sent flying backwards. You see, a higher sync lets you move better, but feels more pain, which Shinji was rediscovering first hand.

'Hey mom, take over and make sure not to let Toji's sister get squished.'

'Lazy baka. I'm not the dominant mind and it's not like you can knock yourself out on camera.'

'Then why did you suggest it?' Shinji cringed as he was dodging blows, especially avoiding the arm AT spikes.

'Because of...this:'

'What?'

Another image appeared in Shinji's mind, the same one from before (A/N: NC-17 sXallfemales for those too lazy to look back) and this time was much worse. Syncing with his mom meant he felt more of what she felt...including imaginatively. Shinji's nose didn't have time to start as the small perverted part of his mind overloaded and took the rest with into darkness...

A/N: Now I see why good updates take so long. Explanation time first: Any differences between the actual series and my fic are a result of Shinji being different, like the butterfly effect. So people's conversations will not be exact and some things may be added or subtracted from the plot. Honestly, 'shifty eyes', it's not as if I forgot most of the lines and don't even own my own copy to check with.