A/N: Don't own it, wish I did, leave me alone.
Italics: Thoughts/Yui
Bold: sound
"Good morning Shinji-kun. How are you?" Ritsuko asked inside the control room.
Shinji was inside Eva Unit 01, looking at Ritsuko on the HUD. It was his second lesson on the Evangelion itself. "I'm good. PenPen stopped pecking me after I let Misato make his breakfast. It was brutal for a bit, but we've come to a truce. How are you doing? You look like shit... sorry. You need a break..."
Seele had given permission to unfreeze Unit 00 since Rei was released yesterday and Ritsuko had not received any sleep for 2 days. She looked slightly worse for wear, "Yes, I do. Don't worry about it, let's focus on today's lesson..."
"Okay, do you mind if I just review what I know from my research and yesterday?"
'I was just going to ask that...' "Go ahead." Ritsuko picked up her coffee and let the caffeine rush to her senses. She then picked up a notepad a prepared for his lecture, several times yesterday and during after-school sync tests he offered unique advice and insight to what it felt like to pilot.
Shinji listed all of the appearance positions, emergency power sources, locations of weapon depots and recovery spots exactly from memory. He then started with the Eva itself.
"The Evas usually run on electric power supplied with the umbilical cord. The Eva also has internal batteries that allow it to act independently for one minute at full power, five minutes at basic capabilities, and life-support mode for sixteen hours. The primary weapon on the Eva is called the progressive knife, it holds a charge for around 10 minutes if released when the cord is connected and 5 otherwise. I think it's a too small and a larger weapon, say a sword of some sort, needs to be developed." 'It would also be cool and I would have killed for one last time, maybe mom can summon the lance?'
"Also, the Evas have a variety of long range weapons that are basically the larger counterparts of contemporary weaponry. They are useless unless the pilot negates the AT field of the angel absolutely and I believe that an AT piercing weapon should be made." 'Too bad the only model's at the South Pole currently.'
"Movement and operation of an Eva is based off the brain waves of its pilot, thus it's called 'syncing' because the pilot must 'feel' the movements of the Eva. The controls are used to allow precise movements of the fingers, weapons, and other variables such as energy control, forced expulsion, AT field, and displays."
Shinji then did something odd. He reached under his seat and knocked on the metal. "I'm guessing there's something that goes here because of the hollow sound. What is it?"
'How the hell did he discover the cavity for the dummy plug?' "It's just space to expand for future hardware. Very good Shinji, we can move straight on to the 'Induction mode' lesson from last time." She saw the look on Shinji's face. "I know, but...yawn...practice is important. I'll have something new for next time." Ritsuko hit a few keys.
The simulation program ran and a model of Sachiel appeared. 'God is this #$#$ing stupid! When a real angel comes, I can't ask: "Excuse me Mr. Angel-san? Could you please stand still and completely lower your AT field so I can shoot you pretty little core out? It will only sting a little because this gun's #$#$ing useless!"'
'I know Shinji-kun. Try for one hit kills to stay awake or think about "morning" Misato.'
'Mom! She hasn't gotten used to living with me this time...'
'And think, maybe she won't. You don't seem to mind...now only the only thing left is to invite Maya and Ritsuko over and show them a good ol' time'
'Mom! I don't...I'm trying...It would never work, I need to start this exercise now.'
'I never said they'd be sober, but moving on. I'm going to give you some more tips on how it feels to manipulate AT fields...'
The giant purple and green machine can be seen with the umbilical cord and other diagnostic cables connected to its back as Maya walks into the room. Ritsuko was staring at the console, looking at the results of Unit 00 testing, struggling to stay awake.
"Sempai! That's amazing!" Maya was in awe.
"Wha?" Ritsuko looked at her and slowly followed the line of sight to Shinji.
"Aim at the target in the center, switch... 47. Aim at the target in the center, switch... 48. Aim at the target in the center, switch... 49.Aim at the target in the center, switch... 50.
Aim at the target in the center..." Eva Unit 01 was holding the pallet rifle in one hand sideways, with the sight up to its eyes. One shot each pierced the simulations through the core two seconds after they regenerated. Sometimes a high sync and computer guided aiming just got boring. The lecture from his mom on concentrating on a void or a solid depending on the polarity of an AT field was much more interesting. He noticed Maya in the control box.
"Hey Maya, would you take over for Ritsuko? I think I have this down and I'll start with the prog knife after I hit 200. Try to knock her out or something, she's walking dead right now"
"I can hear you Shinji. But, yea Ibuki? Would you take over for me? Try to think of some new variables for Unit 01 to test and record the results." The coffee was already wearing off and she was starting to see cats and slur words. "I'll be over here reviewing some ideas Shinji had with the Magi."
"Um Ikari, when does sempai end your testing?"
"You can call me Shinji if you want. Around 1 for lunch, so another 4 hours. Then we go over different operations and she tests my retention of the knowledge of everything overall..."
Training for the next two weeks went in this pattern: Shinji gives a lecture, Ritsuko gives a lecture, Shinji performs the tasks specified (always perfecting them by the fourth trial with Yui's help), and Maya comes in to take over as Ritsuko uses the newfound time to catch up on other work.
Misato and the occasional bridge bunny usually joined them for lunch (instead of Shinji's prior practice of find a corner to hide in and eat his bento) and Shinji hinted at AT field practicing and kept slipping in the fact he wanted a sword while they ate. Afterwards, Shinji was lectured some more and answered questions to the best of his ability.
'Maybe Asuka's so bitchy because she had to put up with years of testing Unit 02...' Shinji was taking things moderately well, he had finally convinced Ritsuko to arrange someway for real time input by a human for the simulation Sachiel. Allowing him to actually fight an intelligent opponent when it was ready. It would actually be developed later, but sooner was better.
His AT lessons were, well...crappy. Shinji was struggling to understand the concepts of his Genius/Perverted mother, apparently she thought mental images were key to relating certain ideas to memory. 'AT wave fluctuation theory is paired up with "morning Misato" not "accident Rei" Shinji!
'I'm not learning it that way Mom! Just teach it the normal way and I'll use the patented 'beat the crap out of them' method on the angels until I get it.'
'But Shinji-kun, this is the normal way... I wonder how ol' Kouzou-chan is doing? He always did love my presentations..."
Fuyutsuki was thinking if it was really worth continuing to follow Gendo, why had he joined him in the first place? He remembered the scholarly interest in the Angels, but sneeze...'ah, I remember now... chapter 13 karma sutra is anti-AT field theory...good times. If only I had met her sooner, damn.' He continued on reading the financial reports, inadvertently throwing away a snot covered notification report on Shinji Ikari's new account.
It's morning again and Shinji turns off his alarm clock before rising from his futon. After being late five times for school the last two weeks, Shinji opted out for an alarm rather than the 'Breakfast please!' peck in the face from PenPen.
After preparing PenPen's morning tribute, Shinji picked up a bowl and filled it with ice. He walked past the penguin food disposal system, beak currently in the inhale position, and slid the fusuma (papered door) of Misato's room open.
Misato had just gotten home while Shinji was in the bathroom and wanted nothing more than sleep. The night shift at NERV had been a #$#$#! (rhymes with itch) She heard the fusuma slide open and shoved her head further into the futon, filtering out the last rays of light from her eyes. 'What does Shinji need? I just want to sleep...'
The fusuma slid closed again and Misato heard the main door shut as Shinji left for school. Misato forgot about it as her operating system shut down.
...for 2 minutes. In the mess that is Misato's room. A small, yet incredibly annoying, device was ringing, rousing her from her futon. 'No...' She reached for where the phone was last, but it wasn't there. She peeked out from the covers and saw a beautiful sight. A Yebisu in a bowl of ice with the phone next to it.
She reached out, undecided what she should grab first. It was the eighth ring and the machine would pick it up, so she grabbed the phone, hit talk, and then grabbed the beer.
"Hello? Hello? Misato! Helloooo?" Ritsuko was left unanswered as Misato suckled her beer, as to not spill a golden drop. With a quiet, "Ah. Good Stuff." she picked up the phone and pulled it into the covers.
"Moshi Moshi. Who is it?" Misato sank back into the covers.
"What are you doing? I thought PenPen had answered again. Nevermind, how have you been? How are things with him?"
"PenPen?"
"No, the one that talks."
"Hm. Ah, Shinji-kun, great. He's my cooking god and likes to fool around. (A/N: unfortunately for Yui, it's not what you think.) He's surprisingly not a bastard, his mom must have been a saint."
A giant sneeze could be heard on Ritsuko's side of the phone.
"What the hell was that?" Misato asked.
"I don't know...it appears Unit 01's head restraints snapped under enormous force paired with a subtle AT spike...oh well, it's my break and I've barricaded myself in here. So he likes to fool around?" lecherous Ritsuko popped her head out for an unknown reason.
"Not like that. I swear you're either obsessed with him or egging me towards him, he's just a kid. I meant he likes to be sarcastic and spend time with his friends. But he cooks like a god and can read your mind! He brought me beer in bed with a bowl of ice this morning. I had to choose between picking up or drinking first."
"I'm so sorry for you, that must have been so hard." Ritsuko was staring at the biomatrix of the Evangelions she updated this week. "How are things going for Shinji?"
"Good I guess. If he's not at NERV, he's either here, spending time with those two, or at school. Normal teenager."
Shinji could be seen walking to school the long way around so he could meet up with Kensuke and Toji. They greeted each other and Kensuke showed them some stuff he had found online. They had a good laugh and headed off.
"Interesting..."
"What?"
"Well Rei and Asuka both have severe personality disorders and Shinji's just fine. He has a near 90 sync ratio, instantly learns all procedures and techniques, and has ideas to improve the Evas flying out of his mouth. Some of them are actually being considered."
"That's my Shinji!"
"Your Shinji?"
"You know his test scores and personality tests before he arrived here. It's clearly my influence that has brought him into excellence."
Ritsuko searched her mind for an answer that would make logical sense...could Misato suck the 'dumb' from people? 'I did live with her in college and I passed with flying colors...' or maybe it was just the Eva? Both Asuka and Rei were intelligent. Maybe...
"It's more likely he thinks this is a new place to start anew. A second chance. I have to go now."
"Okay. I'll invite you over when you get a break."
"Great...Ja ne." click
Misato sank further into the futon and fell asleep.
Shinji had arrived early and decided to flashback randomly throughout the day until the angel attack...'Crap, there's an angel today! Must warn Hikari about Kensuke and Toji...' he thought before the flashback attack caught up to him.
666666666666Back to lunch on Shinji's first day66666666666666666
Shinji walked up to Toji's and Kensuke's table, Kensuke was pulling up a file of questions he wanted answered and Toji was too focused on eating. "Hello, can I sit here?"
"Mphm."
"He says yes. I have so many questions..." Kensuke began to rattle off inquires and Shinji answered them, well most of them. He didn't want Kensuke to be hunted down and 'whacked'...even though knowing Kensuke he'd enjoy the adventure for a little bit. Toji continued to focus on his food and didn't look up.
The bell rang and lunch ended, Shinji got up to leave but Toji stopped him.
"Thanks." Yep, that's it. Toji walked to class.
"You saved his sister, she didn't evacuate in time. So he's grateful... Are you sure you can't tell me what the Eva's are made of?"
"Trust me, you're better off not knowing."
The rest of Shinji's day was mediocre, people bugging him about piloting and a few more classes that were all review. He had Kensuke download an e-mail filter and instant messenger to his computer.
BastardSlayer: Hey Kensuke, invite Toji in
MilitaryMage: K
Jockw/skillz: Yo
BastardSlayer: Can you two meet me after school. Trust me, you won't regret it.
Jockw/skillz: Why?
BastardSlayer: It's just in front of the school, it will only be a minute. Come on Kensuke, it could be a chance to get into NERV.
MilitaryMage: SW33T!
Jockw/skillz: No thanks dude
BastardSlayer: Arcade of your choice, my treat. I swear it's nothing bad, you'll probably be out there leaving anyways...
Jockw/skillz: That's nice, so?
BastardSlayer: Hey, by the way...it wasn't exactly me that saved your sister, the Eva went beserk and I was unconscious in the cockpit.
Jockw/skillz: WHAT!
MilitaryMage: How does that work?
BastardSlayer: I think the Eva has a mind of its own, besides that I can't tell you. Hey Toji, just act normal around me, you remind me of Rei
BastardSlayer logged off
MilitaryMage: Ha! Toji, he's just a little strange and deserves a chance. Let's do it
Jockw/skillz: Fine
The end of school came abruptly and the two were following Shinji to the parking lot. Toji was still being weird and Kensuke was talking NERV, until the sounds of screeching tires and a blue car slid to the curb.
"Misato, come on out and meet my friends." Shinji called to the car.
Toji's and Kensuke's jaws dropped. The hot, military tactician fit into most of Kensuke's fantasies and Toji would never lose his newfound love of babes with sports cars. Shinji was silently amused at the antics.
"Misato, this is Suzuhara Toji," pointing to the giant drooling jaw to his left, "and this is Aida Kensuke," pointing to the other jaw, "They're pretty nice." The two continued to stare and Misato chuckled.
"Well it's nice to meet you too. Come on Shinji-kun, we have to go to NERV." Misato headed back around the car. 'Hm typical teens, I've still got it though.'
"Do you think they could come over tomorrow? I need caught up on some of the schoolwork." Shinji secured himself to the seat with a little extra duct tape in addition to the seat belt.
"Sure," Misato sat in the driver's seat and started the car.
"I'll give you my number tomorrow, Bye!" Shinji leaned his head out of the window and shouted. Kensuke was in awe and Toji was too, but this shock to his system set him back to his old/future self.
666666666666666End Flashback6666666666666
Since then the stooges were reinstituted and they had all got together at Shinji's twice, "reviewing" their school work while gathering around the brand new Playcube X. Kensuke had frequently been shot down for asking to pilot, Misato just told him it wasn't NERV's decision. Toji constantly slipped the topic off onto Misato, until Shinji blackmailed him with Hikari. Everybody laughed. PenPen and Kensuke then co-judged the fight. Everything was back to normal for Shinji, well it was finally when Rei came back.
999999999999Flashback Rei's Back99999999999999
The stooges walked into the class, talking about the same random stupid stuff that the majority of conversations are made up of. Only noticed by Shinji, Rei was back and seemingly healthy, staring out the window.
"Hello Ayanami, how are you feeling today?" sitting down in the desk next to her.
"I am acceptable," Rei answered without turning towards him.
"That's good. If you need anything, just ask. I'll talk to you later," Shinji stood up and took his seat by the stooges as Boring-sensei came in. Both Kensuke and Toji looked as if they were going to give him the whole 'Ayanami and Ikari' treatment the first chance possible.
999999999999999999End Flashback999999999999999
Shinji kept up with the hit and runs on Rei and it didn't seem to be working.
'I guess if she's been like this for years, it's going to take more than a week. I really don't want to have to pull her out of a super-heated entry plug again...' Shinji's friends teased him over it and weren't quite sure if she'd ever change.
Well the day of flashbacks had almost ended when Shinji's pocket started buzzing. He stood up in the middle of lecture and walked into the hall despite the sensei's protests.
Answering the call, "Shinji, report to NERV for standby. An angel has been sited. Bring Rei and hurry. Bye." Misato was her professional self at the moment.
"Rei," actually getting her attention as he entered the room, she had an almost stoic expression, "We need to leave sensei." Shinji grabbed his books 'what am I forgetting?' and followed Rei as they left the building. In unison, they started sprinting to the nearest elevator and pulling out their ID's. Rei got there with the head start and Shinji pressed the locker room level.
"Unit 00 is not ready, correct?" Shinji was out of breath.
"Yes," Rei responded, catching her own breath calmly as possible.
"I guess this one's mine. I'll see you afterwards, wish me luck," The door slid open and Shinji sprinted to the male locker room.
"..." Rei headed to the female's, in case she needed to be ready. 'Pilot Ikari is...different.'
"Entry has commenced, inject the LCL and then release the departure lock," Maya was in charge of the start up procedure this time.
Misato and Makoto enter the room escorting Ritsuko, "So the fourth angel is here and Commander Ikari is absent. Just great, a month break and this happens."
"Yea, 15 years for the last one and now this." Makoto tried to suck up.
"It's strange...I feel as if we're perfectly safe despite the ever occurring .009 (A/N: just guessing) percent chance of success. I will run a tune-up on the Magi after this." Cat-woman.
"Shinji-kun get set, Eva Unit 01 launch!"
"Aieee! No! The Eva's still in its restraints!" courtesy of Shigeru.
"Oops. My mistake," Misato walked up to the control panel.
'So...it's time'
'Yep, don't worry about it too much, even if we die, Adam's still in Germany. Just everyone else here will die."
'Great, thanks.'
'I'm a helper! Just remember: Victoria's Secret, Morning Misato and let's kick some ass!'
"Sync ratio has leveled out at 91. That's incredible! At this rate he'll fully sync in when Unit 02 arrives! We may not even need it!" Maya was rambling in bubblehead mode before returning to professionalism.
"Okay Shinji. Are you ready?" Misato asked on the intercom.
"Does it matter?" 'Oops, didn't mean to say that.'
"Not really, does it? Eva Unit 01 Launch!" Misato knew he was ready...we think.
"Develop an AT field according to plan and attack at long range," Ritsuko, a doctorate in biotechnology instead of the operations/strategician of NERV #cough# Misato #cough#, told Shinji.
On the surface, Shamshel was almost to Tokyo-3 when it uprighted and began to power up its whips. It resembled as giant dark pink slug with cross arms that had whips, don't forget the core below the presumable head. There was a light breeze but it didn't effect anything but the trees. Unit 01 immerged from the elevator and calmly walked to the weapons cache to pick up a pallet rifle. They then made there way to hide behind a skyscraper on the outskirts.
'Why am I hiding? Can it really not see the giant power cord or the massive AT field radiating of us? Hmm, a cloaking device would be so cool! Bad Shinji, focus!'
Misato gave the signal and Evangelion Unit 01 jumped out from behind the building and aimed at the angel.
"There's a massive AT field surge coming from Unit 01. It's totally negated the angel's AT field."
"Just die," Shinji/Yui voiced in unison. The giant purple/green behemoth pulled the trigger...
One shot rang out and the angel shut down, its core pierced by a bullet hole.
'Holy shit! This piece of crap can actually do something!' this was Yui's opinion.
'Thanks for the confidence mom,' "Well, that was kind of boring. Returning to the holding bay unless there is anything else?" The angel had not entered the city and now served as the world's largest garden gnome on the hills on the outskirts.
"No, there isn't Shinji. Come on back." Misato confirmed.
Shinji had a nice parting chat with Yui, 'Shinji-kun, you did great. Best AT field you've ever produced...see IT works! The system works! I'll start thinking about the next angel and keep it up player!'
With a fleeting hentai fantasy Yui left and Shinji held his nose shut, 'there's no way those were real...' "Gah!" Shinji forced the image back.
"Is everything okay Shinji!" Misato could be seen in the HUD.
"Yea, yea..."
Shinji made his way to the bridge, where the bridge bunnies and the usual crowd were reviewing the battle. Spirits were up and Misato was recording her own copy of the battle.
"Shinji-kun, that was so cool!" Maya's kid side popped out before she blushed and turned back to the computer terminal.
"Hell yea," Misato raised her fist in the air and Ritsuko sweat dropped. 'The commander wasn't even here and I kicked ass in charge!' She calmed down a bit and remembered, "Actually, you should have fired more than one shot to ensure success of the plan."
"I know, but I didn't know if the pallet rifle would even work, it's kind of puny."
"That's not an excuse, just don't do it again."
"Actually, I'm glad that we have such a perfect specimen. The prog knife would have disrupted the core on a molecular level. I think that we won't have such a chance in the future as the angels adapt." Ritsuko inserted her opinion.
Shinji outbursted at this, "#$#$! Could you check on the hillside next to the school's evacuation shelter?" Ohhh, that's what he forgot.
Misato shrugged, "Makato, would you please?"
"Hai Misato-sama," Misato's fanboy took the battle footage off the screen and brought up the camera.
Toji was holding a rabid Kensuke back from examining the single shell that Unit 01 had used. They both had stains on their crouches, it looked like the shell missed them by 2 meters.
sigh Shinji placed his face in his hands before heading off to try to converse with Rei.
"Get Section 4 to retrieve them now!" Thank god Misato was present instead of the bastard, can you say 'witness removal'?
OMAKE FURTHER DOWN
A/N: this is kind of a shorter chapter since it's originally half of the real 3rd episode, so I'm adding three omakes that popped up, one's an idea that was scrapped and may be modified for future use.
Anything else or comments? I read them all and use them to gloat over LegendarySuperNamek. If you don't like his stories and like mine, contribute to my review count to piss him off. No offense to LSN if you're reading this, it's their right to an opinion and you may even get more reviews this way.
The Alternative
'Bad Shinji, just use the system. It works!' Yui was not happy with her son, he was just refusing her scenario.
'I do not need to picture hentai just to remember a concept mother. It's just not right or fair to them!'
'Grrrr... Shinji...My sweet son Shinji...' She saccharinely started, 'you have the opportunity to have hundreds of women with your newfound personality and status as the world's savior. Do not waste it! Do you want to be like your father?'
Shinji froze.
'Yes, that's right. He was a violent person, but completely impotent when it came to women until Kyoko bet me I couldn't make him into my obedient slave. It worked too well, but back to the point...do you want to be like this!'
A mental image was forcing its way into Shinji's mind despite his effort to fight it. It was a picture of Gendo lying in the corner in the fetal position. He was naked and Yui had a whip and leather dom outfit.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Nooooooooo! Just kill me now...an angel! Please God! Send an angel now!" Shinji was frantically ramming his head into the butterfly controls as the mental scene continued.
"Shinji! What's wrong!" Misato had charged the control panel, knocking out Aoba by mistake on her way.
'Now for the switch...'
Shinji's head filled with beautiful hentai, it turns out there were cameras recording the females' locker room and Eva 01 had recorded images prior to 3rd impact. Coupled with Yui's imagination and the sync ratio, she easily simulated shower scenes for her son.
Shinji embraced the scenes with every fiber of his being and the sync shot up to 399.9999999 percent. Just shy of being absorbed into the Eva; a strong AT field was radiating off of Shinji.
"I just remembered the day um"
'I died' supplied Yui.
"my mom died...I'm ejecting now."
The control box was solemn in thought. "Hey Rits, Maya, let's see what's bothering him...Rei you can come if you want." Unaware of the drool dribbling from her own chin as well as Akagi's and Ibuki's.
Rei's eyes were glassed over, 'that was a most impressive AT field "I will," as she followed her superiors to his locker room, with a slight sway of the hips that wasn't there before.
(A/N: the rest is left up to your imagination, trust in Yui is my only advice.)
Crossover Gone Wrong
Eva Unit 01 jumped out from behind the building...pallet rifle missing.
"Shinji, I'm sending you another rifle, sue it!" Misato shouted.
Shinji's eyes had turned red, "No! Taju Kage Bushin no Jutsu!" The behemoth formed the appropriate symbol and was surrounded by smoke. As the dust cleared, 400 physical replicas surrounded the 4th angel and beat the utter shit out of it.
"What the hell!" "Oh my #$#ing GOD!" "Oh my..." "Oro?"
"Haremu no Jutsu!" The 400 Unit 01's transformed into various Yui's, Misato's, Rei's, Maya's, Asuka's, Kyoko's, Ristuko's, Hikari's, and Naoko's...all either naked with endowments of various proportions or in revealing outfits.
"Yui!" Gendo shouted out, remembering her favorite fictional move ever invented.
"Who else?" as Shinji's body shifted into Yui's, "I'm back Gendo-kun."
Bang! Gendo looked down at his chest and then to Rei standing in front of him with a shotgun, a sadistic smile on her face. Oh, this was not a dream, he really died. Too bad, everyone ended up worshipping Yui and all was right with the world. The End of the Omake.
Please Don't Sue Me, I Have Nothing
I do not own the following, but I doubt the creators owned the characters mentioned either. Just don't sue, and if you don't get it, look for a flash movie called the Ultimate Showdown at newgrounds.
"and then Gandolf the Grey and Gandolf the White, and Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Knight, Benito Mussolini and the Blue Meanie, Cowboy Curtis and Jean B the Genie, Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston, Theodore Logan, Spock, the Rock, Doc Ock and Hulk Hogan came out of nowhere lightening fast and kicked Gendo and his bastard ass, it was the bloodiest battle you ever saw and citizens watched on in total awe..."
I had a whole ending as well but it's almost 1am...review if you want.