Chapter 18:

Trying To Take It All In

Cody awoke with a jolt. He sat up, rubbed his eyes, then wiped the sweat off his

forehead. He was breathing heavily. Zack woke up, and looked at his brother.

"You okay?" asked Zack, a little concerned.

"I don't know" said Cody, laying back down.

"What's wrong?" asked Zack, also laying back down.

"Just go back to sleep and leave me alone" said Cody, turning on his side, trying to hide the tears that were flowing down his cheeks.

Zack just sighed, and went back to sleep.

Cody couldn't close his eyes. He was too afraid to. Every time he closed his eyes, he would have horrid dreams about finding his father, getting even worse every time. He was afraid to close his eyes. He was afraid to sleep. The image of his father laying there, continuously flashed through his mind. He couldn't get those few minutes after he got home out of his head. His whole body shook in terror, and sadness, and confusion. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, blurring his vision, and turning his eyes red. Two days had passed since Kurt's death. And he still couldn't get those images out of his mind. He hadn't moved from that bed. Only a few times to use the restroom. That was all.

They had gone to stay in another suite. Same design as their suite, just a different suite. Carrey had refused to stay in the suite. She was planning on moving into this one. She never wanted to even set foot in that suite again. Carrey hadn't eaten much. A granola bar, and some chips. That was all. She had laid on the couch those days, simply glancing at the pictures of Kurt that surrounded her and sobbing.

Carrey woke up. She felt the pillow. It was wet with tears. She had been crying herself to sleep. She slowly got up, and got a glass of water. She sat back down on the couch, and curled up. She quickly finished the water, then picked up a scrapbook she had put together of their wedding. Both the first wedding, and the second. She had to look at pictures. It was her way of coping with the sadness. Tears began to once more stream down her face, and she simply ignored them. As she got farther into the scrapbook, her sobs came harder, and she began to violently shake. She curled up even tighter, and continued to look through the scrapbook.

Cody had turned all the photos of Kurt down by his bed. He couldn't stand to look at pictures, unlike his mother. The pictures just made everything worse. He couldn't cope with the pictures. Suddenly, Cody began to pound his fists into his bed. He couldn't get those images out of his mind. He began to pound harder and harder. Zack, rushed over, and restrained Cody before he hurt himself. He turned Cody over, and saw how shaken up he was. Zack just sighed, and walked back over to his bed.

Zack refused to show any tears. He considered it a sign of weakness. So, he would only cry when no one was in the room. Zack walked over to Cody's bedside table, and flipped up the pictures with Kurt.

"Do you want to forget?!?!?!?! Is that what your trying to do?!?!?!?" screamed Zack at Cody. Cody began to sob harder. Zack glared at his brother, and went back to his own bed.

Suddenly, Zack got back up. He tossed on some shoes, and stormed out the door. He hurried through the living room, and out the suite door, ignoring the questions Carrey was shouting at him. As soon as he slammed the door behind him, he hurried down the stairs to the basement. He was going to the closet. As soon as he reached the basement, he yanked open the closet door, and slammed the door behind him. Arwin was upstairs. He slunk back against the wall, and began to sob. He began to weep so heavily.

Zack's Point of View:

Why Dad? Why now? Everything was so perfect!!!! Mom and Dad were back together. Everything was working fine! And now! It's all ruined! All ruined! Everything is lost! Why did he have to be taken away now?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!

End of Zack's point of View:

These questions flew through Zack's mind as he sat there all alone in the closet.

Kurt's funeral was to be the next day. His wake was tonight. He had asked in his will that he be cremated. He had left his car to both Zack and Cody for when they were older. The rest went to Carrey. Carrey, however, intended to share most of that with the boys.

Carrey had not yet opened the envelope that Chris left. She had kept it, but was afraid to open it. She had decided to open it after the funeral. She thought it would be best, if she read it out loud to the boys, and explain to them just who Chris was, and her past with him. She thought it would be best.

Next morning:

Carrey let out a heavy sigh as she put on her necklace. 'Am I ready to do this?' she thought to herself. She wasn't sure. She had never planned on being in this situation. She looked in the mirror. Her eyes were read from weeping. She didn't mind that. Last night had been awful for her. She just couldn't stop crying. He was on the news. She wasn't surprised. It was not long ago that he was a rock star. Tears began to slowly slide down her cheeks. She quickly wiped them with a tissue. She slowly left the bathroom. She walked out and walked to Zack and Cody's door. She knocked on it.

"Are you ready?" she asked, her voice beginning to choke. Just then, the door opened, and Zack stepped out, his eyes also red from crying. He had given up on hiding the tears.

"Cody, are you ready?" she yelled in. Cody's hands shook as he buttoned up his suit coat. He couldn't get them to stop.

"I'm ready, Mom" he said in a voice just over a whisper. His eyes were also red.

"Let's go then" said Carrey walking towards the front door, and grabbing her purse off the table. She held the door open for her boys, who slowly walked out. She closed the door behind them and sighed, trying to hold back the tears. She didn't want them now. They walked into the elevator, and headed down to the lobby. After they left the Tipton, they headed towards the parking lot. Kurt's car was right next to theirs. The two boys quickly climbed into their mother's black car. Carrey put a hand on Kurt's. Suddenly, she fell to her knees and wept, her sobs shaking her body. Zack quickly hurried out of the car, and put an arm around his mother. He carefully stood her up, and helped her into the car. She grabbed a tissue box, an wiped her face dry and blew her nose.

"Sorry. It's just so hard" she said, her voice beginning to choke. She started the car, and headed towards the church where they were wed only a short while ago.

Throughout the whole funeral, the three shook with sobs. Afterwards, they were the first in the funeral procession. Carrey had to keep wiping her eyes in order to see. They slowly approached the place where he was to be cremated. Carrey watched through her blurry tearing eyes as her husband was burned. Cody was even worse than Carrey. He was really torn apart. Zack watched as tears slowly went down his face. Their father was now a jar of ashes. It was what he had wanted, but not what they had wanted. They all wanted a grave that they could visit. Surprisingly, even Cody wanted a grave, not ashes. After he was cremated, the three sat in their car for a long, long time. Trying to take it all in.

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