Final Fantasy 7 - Stupidity Remix
Chapter 4 – Double or Something
Cloud: So, I need a dress. I think there was a dress shop near the entrance.
At the dress shop…
Woman: I'm sorry, but the owner of the store went off to get drunk because this store's going bankrupt and wishes to drown in his misery. Shame shame.
Cloud: Well, could we buy some clothes?
Woman: I'm sorry, but we don't actually sell clothes here. We're a black market undercover trying to sell crack and pot to illegally shipped immigrants, but the owner can make you clothes. Why he sells crack and not clothes I don't know.
Cloud: Hehehe.
Aeris: Well thank you, we'll be on our way.
Outside the bar…
Aeris: (looks in) Ok, he's right in there. Let's go…
Cloud: No, let me handle him. I know what to do. (heads in alone)
5 minutes later…
Aeris: (…) What could he be doing in there?
Inside…
Cloud is at the karaoke machine singing "Butterfly" with the dress shop owner.
Cloud: Making colors in the sky! Woo!
Cheers erupted around the room.
Dress Shop Owner: Whoa, that was awesome.
Cloud: Yea, you should try that back at my home town. Anyways, can you do me a favor?
Dress Shop Owner: Sure.
Cloud: Um, I'm going to this Halloween Party, and my mom is the scariest thing I can think of, would you make me a dress?
Dress Shop Owner: Well, this is interesting. How would you like the dress?
Cloud: Well, long as it doesn't make my butt look big, I'm fine with anything.
Dress Shop Owner: Heh, alright. I'll get to work on it.
Cloud: Thanks.
Aeris: So, how did it go?
Cloud: Yea, he'll do it.
Aeris: Great! Now we have some time before he finishes. And there is a bar…
Back in the bar…
Aeris and Cloud: Making colors in the sky! Woo!
Some time very later…
Dress Shop Owner: It's done. Come to the shop and we'll get you suited up.
At the clothes shop…
Cloud: This dress isn't half bad.
Dress Shop Owner: Heh, try it on. There's a dressing room over there.
Slam!
Dress Shop Owner: (…) Ok, now switching to camera 2…
On the screen, Cloud is jumping around trying to get it on.
Cloud: How, does, this, fit!
Aeris: (knocking) Do you need help?
Cloud: No! I'm fine! (rip)
Aeris: Doesn't sound fine.
Cloud: It's all under control, you can leave!
Dress Shop Owner: This is boring, what's on channel 11?
BOOM!
Cloud: I told you that I had it under control!
Aeris: Wait, the dress is on wrong. Here. Wait. There's something wrong. You need a wig. Your hair is too spiky and will draw attention. Take off the dress.
Cloud: Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. SCREW THIS!
SLASHSLASHRIPSLASHRIPRIPRIP
Cloud: Done.
They go out to the front of the cashier.
Where can I get a new dress and perhaps a wig?
Dress Shop Owner: Consider it lucky I made a back-up one. A wig, I suppose one of the afro men at the gym has it.
Cloud: Off to the gym!
At the gym…
Aeris: Yes, I'd like a wig please.
Gym Leader: Alright. I guess you seem alright.
Three big strong men jump from their spots and begin flexing.
Strong Guy #1: Why are you giving it to her but not to us?
Strong Guy #2: Come on!
Gym Leader: It's because you guys are low-leveled strength potion drinking hobos! Now burn off those extra stat points before I start charging you guys double for using the gym.
Strong Guy #3: I bet I could beat that guy in a battle. (points at Cloud)
Gym Leader: Fine. The match between Cloud and Bruno will be held in that arena.
Cloud: What!?
5 minutes later…
Gym Leader: Alright, what you need to do is mash the O button to gain power. First one to gain all their power will win, by knocking out the other person.
Cloud: Heh, sounds easy. (pulls out controller and rubber band)
Gym Leader: The match between Cloud of Midgar and Bruno of Wall Market will now commence. Go!
Cloud gains all his power and knocks out Bruno in quick second.
Gym Leader: The match goes to Cloud of Midgar!
Cloud: Yeah!
Gym Leader: Here's your wig. Now, all of you, back to training.
Strong Guys: Sir!
Aeris: Good job. Cheater.
Cloud: No point in me getting a sore thumb.
Aeris: Yea but you won't be able to cheat through the mansion part.
Cloud: (looks at paper titled "Walkthrough, GameFaq's") Oh really…we'll see about that.
Aeris: (takes it) Give me that. Let's see…Sephiroth…Gold Saucer…how to get Omnislash? Oh that's it, I'm burning this thing.
To be continued…
Gym Leader: Ugh, what am I, Brock from Pokemon? This is stupid, I want a name change.
Copyright to Pokemon, Gamefaqs, Final Fantasy 7, and the infamous rubber band controller combo!