Trapdoor (Part 6)

by anza (21.11.05)

The moment he closed the door behind him, he knew Kadaj was not home. The house was as it always was, and Kadaj could easily be hiding behind a couch, the table, in another room - but then Cloud glanced down and his sneakers wasn't there, and he felt it ripple through him - shock? fear? protectiveness? He wasn't sure. But he knew he had to do something.

Five minutes later he had called the school, found Kadaj was not in the nurse's office or the hospital, and had left school grounds. There wasn't many things that could have delayed him: knowing Cloud was a worrywart, he would have left a message if he wanted to go out with some friends. Usually he took the bus or biked, bus when he felt like pampering himself, biked when he felt like getting some exercise. His black motorcycle hadn't even had a chance to rest before he revved it back up and began following the bike path. Kadaj's bike was not in the garage.

He remembered something as he searched, head twisting left and right exhaustedly until he was half-dizzy with looking. It was about a month ago, when the moment he got home, Kadaj took his arm and led him back out to the garage. "My front tire's flat," he explained, plugging in the pump machine into the wall socket. "Was hoping you could help me out."

"You don't need help," Cloud pointed out. A pathetic attempt to put distance between them, when he had less than a year to enjoy Kadaj's company.

Kadaj didn't look up, but Cloud could feel the hurt in those hunched shoulders as Kadaj bent over the machine. He could even picture his youngest brother's green eyes widening, then softening into that neutral shuttered look when he was rebuffed, vainly searching the dial of the machine for some reassurance. The statement wasn't a lie, that Kadaj didn't need help. He probably would never need Cloud's help ever again after he went off to college (other than money...but Cloud would gladly give it all up to the brothers if they needed it). This...was just Kadaj's way of helping Cloud assuage his impending brotherlessness. Assuaging his impending loneliness.

After Cloud bent, resting his hands almost accidentally against his brother's shoulder, they went out for a ride on Cloud's motorcycle. "Better than a pet," Cloud had once told Tifa. But while they were riding down the streets, she was the farthest thing from his mind. What he thought of - rather, what he felt of - was the exhilaration of riding so fast, coupled with the warmth at his back. At first, Kadaj's arms always wrapped gingerly around his ribcage as if he were afraid he would do some harm to his older brother. But as the ride wore on, those hands gripped tighter, closer, until Kadaj was snug against him, warmth shivering from his thighs all the way up to his back. With a half-shudder of some soaring emotion, Cloud took a right off main highway towards the beach, only a minute away.

As they shot towards the dying sunset gliding so brightly and sparkling across the water, Kadaj shifted in his seat slightly. Heat arched up Cloud's spine, desire lending his already-excited senses another kick. He knew he was going to do something stupid if he didn't stop soon - but the ride was so smooth, everything so fresh and clean, the sea breeze whipping his face and his hair, daring him to do impossible things. Unbidden he saw how they must look, he and Kadaj, a boy and a boy-girl, both in black, riding a huge black motorcycle. Kadaj's hair would be whipping so freely, Cloud wished he could lean back and touch it, feel it slither there at the tips of his fingers - desire. Want. YearningraptureardorfondnesspassioncravingfascinationlecheryLUST...

The serpent had raised its head in the pit of Cloud's stomach. "Nii-san," Kadaj had murmured softly in his ear, "nii-san, you're trembling. Are you cold?"

No, Cloud had wanted to say, and maybe he'd mouthed it, but no sound escaped his mouth.

It came first, a shock of warmth against his left shoulder, what Kadaj liked to call 'wingbone', as if humans had once had wings. Kadaj had rested his head against his older brother's shoulder. The tenderness almost broke Cloud in that moment, the delicate way his brother cared. A song was playing through his head as he relived the memory: that song, the one he had danced to with Kadaj, that one, the one about heartbreak with the sad, sad lyrics and the woman's voice, smooth with the rise and fall of emotion...

Kadaj's bike was parked at the mouth of an alley. Cloud double-parked a green sedan, turned off the engine and prayed it wouldn't get hit by some errant car. With caution he entered the alley, stepping over an overturned metal trash can and trash bags lining the sides. The smell got to him, but there was nothing he could do now.

"N-no, stop..." That was Kadaj's voice, sounding drowsy. Cloud sped up, picking his way less carefully.

There was a murmur of something, and then a moan. Cloud rounded the corner and tore away the boy who was about to tie his younger brother's arms to the metal railing of the fire escape above him. It was really a good thing he exited the office early today; he expected to get home at about the same time as Kadaj did.

The boy scrambled off, but not before Cloud recognized him. Hefting Kadaj into his arms, he started towards the motorcycle. He didn't even realize Kadaj recognized him until he felt those hands slipping over his shoulders and around his neck. "Nii-san...," came the confused murmur. "What are you doing here?"

"Did you know your friend was gay?" He had to ask.

Kadaj was silent for a moment. Cloud looked into his dilated eyes and knew he was drugged, and badly. He hoped he could get to the hospital without anyone recognizing him. "Mhmmph...," came the answer after a moment.

"Is that a yes or a no?"

"Yeah..."

They had exited the alleyway, and now Cloud could see nobody had run over his precious motorcycle or given him a ticket. "Hold on," he told Kadaj, though he knew he probably wouldn't understand or remember any of it later. "I'm taking you to the hos -"

"Nii-san," Kadaj's voice was childishly inquisitive. Like the sun coming out of the clouds, suddenly he was smiling, and Cloud blinked. He hadn't seen that level of cheerfulness since Kadaj hit the high school emo-heavy metal group he now hung out with. "Nii-san... I love you."

Cloud could have sworn his heart stopped beating. But he knew for sure it started beating again as Kadaj decided in the next moment that he wanted to throw up in the middle of the street.