DISCLAIMER: there goes another year and I still don't any of it
Hey I wanted to post for the last time this year, even though in china and perhaps even in Australia its already 2007, anyways time has fly just yesterday the new millennium was approaching and people was freaking out, and now here we are 7 6 years later, lets hope for many more and make next year even better than this one.
Please be so kind and let me know what you think, after this chapter I don't know when I'll post again because I've got so many ideas and I I'm not sure where to take it from here, so if you want to share anything with me I am more than willing to listen.
Also I apologize for my grammar mistakes, I try my best not to have them but sometimes I just do, lets hope this one doesn't have too many.
It had been a week since the whole is-summer-okay?-thing and she got even more confused by every second spend with him.
But before it got to that point there was doubt and postponing telling herself she couldn't decide yet that maybe she didn't have to, that she didn't even know what she wanted, so just enjoy it and be happy…right? But then it doesn't work like that, once you feel you have to choose you will have to sooner or later.
just how are you suppose to know if something is real and worth it, I suppose the easiest thing to say would be that you just know, but lets get real people are different, what if someone does care but no the way you would wish them to?
or they do but cant seem to show it because sometimes they haven't realized it, what if its not always the same way, because every single head out there carries its own world and being honest I've always find it so weird and amazing how being so many people in this world and so different there can be couples,
How is it that out of all people two can fall in love with each other?
Love is an irony
And to tell you the truth you rarely find those couples that you cant picture with anyone else, they aren't perfect because there isn't such thing like that but boy they are close and you feel hopeful again…..
But then again if something I've learned through my disastrous life is that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
We all have our limits and sometimes when what I give you doesn't even begin to compare with what you can give me it doesn't mean I have more to give.
But also I've come to realize that you can't use this as an excuse and say that you just aren't that kind of person.
You have to make sacrifices to make things work but okay because at the end of the day no matter how much you have to do, it's always worth it to be able to be with that person you love and most important, to be able to make that person who loves you happy and eager to be with you.
That's why I cant blame her for taking the decisions she took, that's why when you ask me I have nothing to say but only to let you see it for yourself and decide they way it should be, but if I ever bother doing this is for you to take it as an advice.
well no because you wouldn't listen to me since you don't even know who I am, but still I wish you can learn from my mistakes, for what I did but mostly for what I didn't do.
Sometimes there aren't second chances, sometime it's now or never and you have to choose and act because it's not enough to feel or intent to do, you must act and show.
no body really cares about what goes inside of you, people only takes what you can offer and if that makes them happy tell stick by you, but the moment that what you can offer stops working for them, they wont hesitate to find someone who can fulfil their needs.
because that's what its all about, having someone to hold your hand when you need them to, without you having to tell them, someone to tell you they love you when they know you need to hear it, you need someone that knows is lucky to have you and that can appreciate you for who you are because after all:
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. Robert Frost
And I know she tried, she wanted it to work because in her mind she could see how great things could be, she knew there was potential to work as a couple, I think at the moment they were meant for each other, but sometimes one isn't ready when the other is and sometimes things just don't happen, and there's nothing you can do so eventually she came to realise this and she waited as much as she could but he just wasn't there so like always her human needs took the best if her and she left hoping to find someone who was there in the same page that she was while she could, and he was left behind clueless of the pain his future would bring because of what in the past he couldn't appreciate.
She felt his body behind hers, she could feel his hot breath on her ear and even though he was being an ass it was still a major turn on, and he knew it.
They were playing pool at his house and he would stand behind her every time it was her turn, he would whisper " you're going to fail" "no it wont happen" and with every word he could feel her tense, but still summer managed to kick his ass, she wasn't bad at all but Seth was way better and she knew it had been mostly luck that made her win but that didn't stop her from throwing her victory at his face, see Seth always wanted to win, there was never a situation were he wouldn't find a winner and a loser even if there was nothing to win or lose, still in everything he did, he would die trying to be the first one.
Summer wasn't obsessed like that, for her it wasn't required to be the best, but she was stubborn and she knew how much he always wanted to be the best so she tried harder to win him, and I don't know if it has happened to you but sometimes the situation itself helps to shut peoples mouth, it has happened to me time after time until I think I've finally learn to be silent.
After playing pool and summer winning , Seth was a bit offended but it was matter of lame attempts to be, so after a while they ended up where they would spend most of their time together, watching a movie cuddling in his couch, Ryan and Marissa has disappeared half the pool game because it was boring and what was the point in staying there and watch Seth and summer flirt, so now the two sat alone in his living room, summer almost sitting in his lap, resting her head in his chest while he had his arms around her, both sharing a blanket, they sat in silence because words weren't needed.
It was exactly times like this when Seth felt more comfortable, it was moments like this were he forgot whatever they had going on and felt like she was his girlfriend and he wasn't scared anymore, sadly those moments wouldn't last forever and when Ryan and Marissa suggested going down the beach he could feel his confidence being replace with doubt, but like he always did he ignored it focusing on her and telling himself that there was no rush, that time would work everything out because that's the way it should be, he knew it deep down, he was just scared because even though he would never admit it,. Anna had hurt him, and as great as summer was and as much as he wanted to be with her, he knew he wasn't ready to expose himself like that, that's why they were in this weird relationship that wasn't exactly friendship as he would always call it.
It just was way easier to have that than to name it something serious because that would mean he had to be honest about his feelings and the moment he did that, she would realise how easy it would be for her to hurt him and she would, because when you love someone and you tell them its like handing them your hearth and telling them "here, crush it as hard as you can" or so he had experienced at least, when he was a dick Anna would always be there and love him no matter what he did, because she wasn't stupid, she knew he knew that she knew but knowing never seems to make a difference.
The he stopped and behaved like he should always have since the beginning, he told her he loved her and next thing he knows, she cheated on him and didn't even bother to hide it.
It never occurred to him that when she was there he wasn't ready and that she waited as much as she could but then she moved on because one can only hold on for so long, so when he was ready for level 3 she was already at level 5.
In his head he had told her he loved her and she had hurt him in a way he couldn't even begin to explain, all he knew was that if with Anna had been to much to take, he couldn't even begin to imagine what would it be like if summer hurt him, because what she made him feel was way more intense than what Anna did, and if every smile was wider with summer, then every tear would be longer and the pain stronger.
After they came back from the beach Marissa and Ryan went to their houses and summer was having dinner at the Cohen house, when they arrived, Kirsten had told Seth that two girls had called, she even said their names but summer stopped thinking the moment she said girls and even thought she was still holding his hand she almost let go, Seth noticed this and nodded to his mom saying thanks and squeezed her hand reassuringly but didn't say a word.
He knew he probably should but it wasn't like he had done anything wrong, couldn't he have friends? Plus she wasn't his girlfriend.
Summer didn't say anything, if she had she would have sounded like a controlling girlfriend and she was either controlling nor his girlfriend but its not like Seth had any girl friends, Seth was that kind of guy who only see woman as a source of pleasure, there's no friendship between man and woman unless they are a couple because sooner or later that friendship leads to something else, always at some point they feel attraction, everywoman he spoke to, he flirted, it was his nature, they way he communicated with women and avoided getting hurt by one.
Kirsten always had good timing so when she called them for dinner she avoided them any more awkward silence and since the Cohen family was always so nice and funny through dinner the phone calls were forgotten, that is until after dinner when she and Seth were once again back at their usual spot cuddling in his couch watching a movie, the phone rang again.
"Seth is for you" Kirsten said from the kitchen
"Who is it?" Seth asked being to comfortable to move."Megan" Kirsten shortly answered and Seth stood up, he grabbed the phone and walked outside to talk.
Suddenly summer was uncomfortable so she reached to the centre table and grabbed his phone, she noticed he had two missed phone calls from this Megan girl and they were from around the time they were at the beach, why hadn't he answered with her present if it was just a friend?
Then she did something she wouldn't have done under any other circumstance, she just needed to know so she checked his voice mail.
"hey Seth its Megan, I was just calling to see if we are still on for tomorrow, I know you're probably just going because Ryan asked you to, because Susan made him ask you but we had fun last time and you're a good kisser so I don't see why we cant have fun tomorrow, give me a call, bye"
Summer listened to the voice mail and felt somewhat relieved, I can assure you it hurt but after that, everything was clearer than it even had been.
The next day was the last day of summer break and Summer had never been happier about going back to school because it meant she would finally see Scott, Oscar and Mary again and that she would have more excuses to avoid Seth, he had called today saying that he and Ryan wanted to catch up so they would probably spend all day playing video games and talking, so he wouldn't be able to see her today, but summer knew they were going out with Susan and Megan.
Later she received a call from Marissa asking her to the mall and since tomorrow was school again and summer hadn't done any shopping in a while she thought it would be a good idea.
They spend all day shopping and when they were done they headed to the crab shack, it was kind of late and they usually never came here at this time but shopping was exhausting so they ended up there for almost an hour and then decided to go home, just as they walked out they bumped into Seth and Ryan who weren't alone, summer assume their company was Megan and Susan, it looked like they were walking down the pier, opposite to were Marissa and summer were walking, Seth's eyes widener and he looked uncomfortable but summer didn't even stop, she kept walking like she didn't know them, dragging a confused Marissa along.