Title: Ixiannithialsisa

Author: ChibbieTirstanandLancelotsGurlLovR4Ever (Surreal's evil alter-ego)

Rating: R to be safe

Genre: Mary Sue...I mean, Horror

Summary: She's beautiful. She's thin. She's going to change the destinies of the Knights in a way no one has imagined.

Beta Notes: No Beta. I didn't want to cause the delightful Evil Jacquie or ScoutLover to flee in terror.

Any and all mistakes are my own and should be flamed appropriately

Disclaimer: The original legends are not mine, nor are the ones from Disney's "King Arthur", whom this particular travesty is based on.

I beg of all those involved with the movie to not hunt me down and kill me, and my sincerest and deepest apologies to Tristan and Mads.

Notes: This fic was born because of some girls I RP'd with did not like how I played Tristan, and suggested that he was a tap-dancing girly-man who likes to wear dresses and glittery eyeshadow. So I wrote this as a tribute to them. It will be updated whenever I am motivated to add to the horror.

ABAB

Welcome again, my child. Shall we continue the tale of Ariel Belle? When last we looked in on our brave she had refreshed herself with a long luxurious bath and had donned her new gown…

Ariel Belle surveyed herself in the mirror with glee. The dress that Agent Elrond had given her was truly one of the most elegant things she had ever seen. The entire gown was made from sky-blue peau de soie satin and the skirt was floor-length with a delightful fishtail train gorgeously embossed with iridescent glass beads, blue sequins and dark blue thread in a vine pattern for a dramatic flare. A tightly fitted corset top that tied up the front wrapped lovingly around her well-endowed bosom and the simple skirt were also embossed with the vine detailing.

The golden hair had been left to hang down her back in soft waves(( A/N: I decided to just make it all golden, ok? )) and it gleamed with the healthy glow of well-conditioned hair. Two cunningly wrought combs that matched the vine pattern in her dress held back the cascade of hair from falling into her eyes although a few stray strands of hair framed her heart-shaped face.

Truly the most enjoyable moment of dressing in such a beautiful garment came when Ariel opened the shoe box and found a pair of dainty silver sling-back thong sandals, delicately embossed with blue and white jewels. A comfortable kitten heel and adjustable strap added style and comfort to the wonderful shoes, and Ariel eagerly slipped them on her shapely feet.

Just as she had finished dressing, there came a knock from without, and she bounded to the gold-embossed door and threw it open. A man stood outside her room, looking a bit reluctant to be there. Of course, that all changed when he saw the ethereal creature standing before him, and he gaped at Ariel as if he had never seen a woman before.

"Can I help you?" Ariel inquired politely, and the man closed his mouth quickly and sketched her a polite bow.

"My name is Boromire from Gondor," (( A/N: I don't know how to spell his name!)) he said to her. "Agent Elrond asked me to escort you to dinner. We did not wish you to get lost in the halls of the Last Homely Villa, after all."

"Oh," Ariel said, her lashes fluttering. For though she had vowed to never love again, the man standing before her was rather handsome in appearance (( A/N: That's for you, Lessy and GT! )) and he had a regal bearing about him that pleased Ariel.

So she did what any self-respecting woman would do, bat her eyes and laugh coquettishly at Boromire. The man never had a chance. He had spent many months in the Last Homely Villa and not one woman resided at the lovely home. Pair that with the sheer glorious beauty that was before him, it was no wonder that Boromire was instantly smitten, and he chatted with Ariel easily as he led her to the dining room.

Agent Elrond was waiting to greet them at the door. He coughed pointedly at Boromire, and gently extracted Ariel from the man's grasp. "I think that you have an odd attraction to things that are gold," Agent Elrond stated, raising a brow so high at Boromire that it seemed ready to take flight from his face.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Boromire responded crossly, and entered the room ahead of the half-Elf and Ariel Belle. As he seated himself his eyes were drawn to a young man with curly brown hair and large, solemn blue eyes. Ariel frowned and wondered if perhaps her second love was maybe more interested in men than in women, when she noticed that Boromire's eyes were actually drawn to the small tacky gold ring the freaky-eyed boy was wearing on a chain around his neck.

Agent Elrond walked Ariel to the head of the table and seated her at his right hand before he seated himself. Though the table was large, there were very few people at it, and Ariel wondered where all the other guests could possibly be.

"Everyone, this is Ariel Belle. She is our guest for the moment, so please treat her accordingly," Agent Elrond announced. After he had seated himself, everyone followed suit and soon they were all engaged in conversing with Ariel, or simply staring at her with mouths slightly agape. And who could blame them? She was quite simply the loveliest woman any of them had ever seen. Not even Elrond's daughter Airhead…I mean Arwen (( A/N: I hate her!)) could compare.

This was in fact, the subject of tonight's dinner. When he was sure everyone was finished with their food, Agent Elrond stood and spoke once more. "As you know, my daughter Arwen ran off with an orc and I haven't seen her since. I don't have any other children, so I have decided to adopt Ariel and make her heir of all that I own," He turned and smiled fondly at the young lady seated next to him. "That is, if she'll have me as a father."

Of course, everyone was stunned by this announcement, but none more so than Ariel. Her eyes brimmed with tears and she stood to hug Agent Elrond. "Oh," she said in a quavering voice, so filled with emotion that none of the men in the room could prevent their own eyes from watering. "Oh, thank you, Agent Elrond!"

Then the new family embraced one another, and to a sincere round of applause, Agent Elrond held the hand of Ariel aloft in his own and proclaimed, "Behold my new daughter!" Everyone cheered, and then they stood to go to the Fire Room for entertainment.

Agent Elrond and Ariel hung back from the others so that they could talk together, but they acknowledged the many congratulations from the others with polite smiles and heartfelt thanks. "Ariel, my daughter," he said to her quietly as the others went ahead of them. "I must speak to you about the tasks that lay before you. There are difficulties ahead that I wish I could protect you from – Boromire, what are you going to do to Frodo?" he demanded of the man.

Boromire was stalking stealthily behind Frodo, and he put his hands up to his lips to indicate that he wanted them to be silent, and he snuck up behind the young hobit and said in a deep voice, "I have come for the Ring, Frodo!"

Frodo shrieked like the little girl he appeared to be and jumped nearly a foot in the air before he turned to glare at Boromire. "I hate it when you do that, Boromire," he said angrily. Although she found it funny, her compassionate heart couldn't bear to see the shame and embarrassment of the poor hobbit so she went over to Frodo and knelt beside him, (never fearing for the cleanliness of her dress, for the Last Homely Villa was the cleanest spot in the ancient world) and she hugged him gently.

"Boromire is just jesting," she said to comfort him. "Come with me and maybe we can sing a song together. How would you like that?"

Frodo perked up immediately, and allowed Ariel to take his hand and lead him away, although he did turn once to stick his tongue out at Boromire. Boromire was smote by the nasty emotion of Jealousy, and he fairly stomped his foot as the two walked off. "Not fair," he complained to Agent Elrond. "I saw her first."

Agent Elrond gave him a consoling pat on the arm. "It is not your destiny to be with her," he said councilled gently. "Her destiny is far greater than any of us can imagine right now. But if it makes you feel any better, I can hook you up with Erestor."

Boromire frowned. "Erestor is a boy!

Agent Elrond looked starteled. "Really? I never noticed. Sometimes it's hard to tell…"

As they entered the Fire Room, they were greeted by the sight of Ariel sitting on a soft cushion on the floor, with Frodo beside her, playing some weird hobbit instrument. "This is a great love song from my time," Ariel explained to everyone. "I'll start, and Frodo, you try to pick out the melody." Frodo nodded in concentration and waited for Ariel to begin singing in her beautiful voice. Shyly at first (for she wasn't at all certain about her voice), and then slowly gaining in confidence she sang out:

I said give me two pair
cause I need two pair
So I can get to stompin in my air force ones
stompin in my air force ones

I like the all white high top strap with the gum bottom
theres somthin bout dem that's dirty why I got em
I leave um strapped and laced and come up out um
the last person who touched 'em I benn shot 'em,

Now if you looked, and seen lime green forces and kiwi
you couldn't get this color if you had a personal genie
you now I keep it hip-hop….

Everyone sat as if in a trance to the haunting lyrics of the song, and it spoke to them of the deep bond each one of them could share with their shoes, if only they would think of them as something more than a form of protection for the feet. Finally Ariel finished her song and after the last strain of music had faded into the night, the whole room burst into applause. Agent Elrond smiled to himself as he watched his daughter, and for just a moment all seemed right with the world.

And so Ariel spent her first night at the Last Homely Villa. If you wish to know the full extent of the song (which is by Nelly, titled "Air Force Ones") you can google the title and it should come up. It had been a fun evening, but little did our heroine know what was going to happen in the next few days…

---tbc

Did you see I changed her eye color to match her dress! Review or I won't write anymore!