Title: Gone Astray

Author: annadiel

Disclaimer: Saiyuki and all of its characters are not my property. The only thing I can call my own is the story of this fic. And if this fic resembles anything you've read before, then it's purely coincidental.

Synopsis: Goku gets separated from Sanzo and the others in a big bazaar. Homura seizes this opportunity to persuade Goku once more to come with him. And this time, Goku seems to agree with him. Will Goku leave his mission and come with the god?

HAROU! At last, chapter 5 is here! This time, let us look into the story through Goku's eyes. It'll be easier for us to understand how Goku feels this way.

Sorry if the update took so long. I had many problems these past few weeks, like my computer breaking down, exams in many courses, and the like. But anyway, it's here! Dozo!

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V. Decision (Goku POV)

I'm in a dark and lonely place. I can't see anything.

Why am I in here? I don't know…

…Wait, I remember. The other me got out, and I was put here in exchange.

I start to walk, although I'm not really sure if I'm going anywhere since it's too dark. I'm pretty sure that my feet are moving, though. I feel as if I'm inside a cave. And I know that every cave has an exit where light passes through. I just hope I can find that exit. I hope I can find that light sooner.

Not long after, I hear something. It sounds like someone eating, chomping on its food greedily. And I smell blood. Lots of blood. Not just the blood of any animal, but that of people. Lots of them. I continue to the source of the sound. As I walk, I begin to see a tinge of light.

It's the exit, at last!

But that someone is blocking the way. It is still feeding on human flesh. And with that little light shining, I can see piles of dead bodies surrounding it. Did he kill all of these people? Just for food, or fun? He must be a really evil demon.

It seems to have felt my presence, for it stopped eating and looked at me…

…This can't be…It's impossible…

I'm looking at…myself?

Baka na. I will never kill humans. I will never feast on their flesh…

…But then, my other self probably will.

The other me gazed at me; he looked angry. His eyes say it all.

"I will not let you get out of here. I have been freed. I will not let you lock me up in here again."

He's able to say those words by just looking at me. I understand what he must feel. It is really hard to be imprisoned in darkness. It is hard not to be able to reach out to the world. It is hard being alone. But if I let him out, who can tell if he's not going to kill everyone?

But then again, who am I to say that?

He is a part of me, after all.

Maybe he's right. Maybe he should have his freedom. I have had my share of it anyway, ever since Sanzo pulled me out of that darkness…

…Sanzo…? Sanzo! And the others! If this other me is indeed free, then they must be fighting him right now! And maybe he's hurting them and giving them a hard time! Then I must stop him!

I continue to walk to the exit. But the other me sensed what I was about to do. He stood up and started to attack me. I try hard to evade everything. But I can't dodge them all.

Is this how he fights? Is this how I fight when I go crazy? No wonder Sanzo and the others have a hard time stopping me. The more that I should hurry and get to them.

But he was able to to pounce me on the ground. I try to stand up and throw him over, but his grip is too strong. Why? Am I this weak? Why can't I fight him? Why can't I control him?

Just as he is about to bury his sharp nails in me, he suddenly stopped. Time suddenly stopped.

"Stand up! Run!" a voice called out.

I then slide out of the other me's hold and run as fast as I can towards the exit. As I run, I notice the cave slowly collapsing. When I look at the exit, I see a figure of a man outside. Maybe he's the one who called me. I can't see his face though. He then lays his hand in front of me.

I take his hand. He pulls me out of the cave as it collapsed. And light floods the whole place.

—0—

I suddenly open my eyes. I find myself on a bed, covered with a blanket up to my shoulders. I hear birds chirping, and light and a soft breeze enters the window beside the bed. It's already morning.

I've been dreaming.

I sit up, and my whole body started to ache. What happened to me? Just then I hear the door open.

"…Goku?" It's Hakkai. He then approaches me and helps me lay down again. "Don't sit so abruptly. You attained more damage than you think you had."

"What happened?" I ask. "I remember Homura taking my diadem off, and…"

No more. I can't remember anything else after that. But I'm sure of one thing. "I attacked you again, didn't I?"

Hakkai looked at me with pity. It took a moment before he answered. "Well…yes."

"I thought so…"

But Hakkai then smiled at me and said, "But you did not attack us that hard unlike before. Maybe you were able to hold yourself from the inside. Gojyo and I only suffered minor injuries and a few scratches. Sanzo is—"

"Sanzo? Is he okay?" I suddenly blurt out once I heard Sanzo's name.

"Sanzo is fine, Goku," Hakkai assured me, "In fact, you didn't do anything to him at all."

"I…did not hurt him?"

"No. He sure is one lucky guy. After that, we left the town and found this house while driving by the forest."

The town--? "What happened to the town? The people?"

Hakkai stopped, his face serious for a moment. But then he smiled, "They're fine. But with them finding out you're a demon, I don't think they will ever let you set foot on that town again."

"I see…" Hearing Hakkai say that makes me feel better. I know he will not lie to me. I think it's also better if I don't return to that town ever again. I then ask, "Ne, how long have I been sleeping? And where's Gojyo and Sanzo?"

"You were asleep for four days. Sanzo's in another room, and I had Gojyo get us some food."

Gojyo's the one getting food? Just thinking of that makes me laugh. "You made Gojyo do what? How were you able to convince him?"

"A little trick of my own," answered Hakkai, almost chuckling, "You know how I can be convincing sometimes." We then look at each other, and laugh. Then Hakkai continued, "We're lucky we found this house. Maybe a family lived here before, since it's too big for just one person. It has three bedrooms, you know. I think this has only been abandoned recently, what with demons frequently running around. The house is not that dirty. There are still some utensils left in the kitchen, and the water supply is still working. I suggest you go take a look at it once you're healed." Hakkai then stood up and walked towards the door. "Well, I guess you're now okay. But still, have some rest. When Gojyo arrives, I'll have some food for you."

"Hakkai," I say as he was about to go out, "Thanks…for stopping me this time."

He smiled. "That was my promise to you before, right?" He then left.

That's nice. I didn't hurt Sanzo. Hakkai's and Gojyo's injuries are not severe. And the people are safe.

I'm glad they were able to stop me. Maybe I was able to restrain my demon self that time, so less harm was done. And maybe eventually I can control my powers with me retaining this state of mind.

Oh, right, I wasn't able to see the face of the man who helped me escape. Who else will do that for me? Of course, no one else but Sanzo. He's freed me before, and I know he'll do it again in case I get caught or something. That's right. That man in my dream is Sanzo.

Will I see him if I go to sleep? Maybe it's okay for me to sleep again…

—0—

I wake up at the sound of thunder.

There was no dream. I try to move; there's no more pain. I guess I'm okay now.

I hear water continuously dropping. The room is dark. I sit up and look outside the window. It's raining real hard.

Yabe. I'm sure Sanzo's in a bad mood. It seems I can't talk to him right now.

A flicker of light enters the room. I look at its direction. Hakkai is at the door, holding a candle.

"You slept so long," he said as he placed the candle on the chair beside the bed. "Does your body still hurt?"

"No, I'm okay," I reply. Gojyo then enters the room. "Oi, saru!" he said, "Looks like you're okay now, eh?" He's smiling half-teasingly.

"Of course! I'm strong, you know! A lot stronger than you all are!"

I notice Gojyo's smile fade away. He looked at me, somewhat more serious than before. I wonder why? "Uh, Gojyo?"

Hearing my voice, he again smiled, and said, "Uh, yeah, you're one strong monkey. But you're still stupid!"

I get angry at what he told me. "Don't call me stupid, you ero-kappa!"

I expected an angry answer from him. But he just said, "Fine, fine."

Eh? Gojyo didn't call me other names? Hen na mono. This is totally weird.

"Anyway, I'll just bring your dinner here," told Hakkai, He then went out of the room. Gojyo followed him.

What's with them? They all seem different, even Gojyo. They aren't their normal selves. And I bet even Sanzo is in this way.

Is it because of the rain? Nah, Gojyo's not gonna be affected by that.

Is it because of my condition? Maybe. Well, if that's the case, they're too nice.

Hakkai enters the room with a tray full of food on his hands. "Here Goku," and he puts the tray on my lap. "I'll be returning to the living room. If you're done, just shout out and I'll come get the tray so you won't have to stand up. Okay?" I nod. He smiles and then leaves the room. I then start to eat.

They're really weird. Okay, they are caring for me, but that seems too much. They're just too…kind.

I look at my food. And for the first time, I think the food's too many. I don't think I want to eat all of this. So I set the tray aside and put it on the floor.

"HA---" No. I better not call him. He'll be worried if he sees that I did not finish eating. I'll just bring the tray to the kitchen myself.

I stand up. My body still feels heavy, but I can manage. I take the tray and go out of the room.

It wasn't that hard to find the kitchen 'cause I can smell the scent of the food from there. I place the tray on the sink. But when I was about to go back to my room, I hear Gojyo and Hakkai talking. They're in the living room just beside the kitchen.

"What's Goku doin'?" I hear Gojyo ask.

Thay're talking about...me?

"He's eating right now," Hakkai answered. "How did it go at the town?"

"Still lots of mourning. You know that Goku killed a lot of people in there. Lucky that I wasn't noticed or remembered as 'that youkai's companion', or something like that, and it's good that somehow business is still going on, so I was able to buy what we need."

I…I killed a lot of people? Did I hear that right? B-but Hakkai said the town was okay! I didn't hurt anyone from there! So he was lying all the time?

"I see…"

"Ne, Hakkai, did that saru ask anything?"

"Of course he did. I just told him what he should know, what he should believe that had happened."

"So you lied to him?"

"Yes."

So he did lie to me. And I thought he won't ever do that. I was wrong.

"What else did you tell him?"

"That we were able to stop him easily. Maybe he thinks that he somehow managed to control himself."

"And wasn't he able to? His attacks didn't hurt that bad, after all."

"That's not the case. It's just that we're stronger now. And we already fought him before. Maybe Goku hasn't improved that greatly, so we were able to stop him. I just don't know what will happen next time…"

"…I mean, what if he goes berserk in a big town again? Definitely by that time he has surpassed his present strength and power. And we'll surely have a hard time stopping him, if we are able to, anyway."

"Isn't there any other way? Maybe Sanzo can use the Maten Kyoumon on him again."

What the--? Sanzo used the scroll to stop me? But he could have killed me then! Didn't they know that? Did they forget that?

"That's a good option, but we're not sure if that will work again."

"So what now? Kill him?"

"I wouldn't want to do that, but if there's no other choice, we can't help it. We have to."

"Hey, hey! I was just joking! We can't kill him! I mean, he's our companion! We need him on this journey!"

"But what if he himself becomes the hindrance for us to continue this journey?"

"I know, but…ah, okay Hakkai, you win. Now that you say that, I'm really starting to hate that demon Goku. He's really getting on my nerves. What's wrong with that gaki anyway? If he can't control his powers, then it's better if he doesn't have them…"

"…"

—0—

I'm back at my room.

Hakkai and Gojyo. They're thinking of ways to kill me. They really want to get rid of me don't they? All of these, this care, this pity, what are they, anyway? Why are they doing this to me? It's not that I really want to hurt them. I just can't control my powers. And now they're starting to hate me. Maybe Gojyo is right. I shouldn't have these powers if I can't control them. But kill me as an option? What do they think I am, just a puppet that they can carry and at the same time discard that easily?

They don't care for me. I'm just some puppet to them.

That's right. I can't trust them anymore.

But Sanzo using the scroll to stop me, did he really try to get rid of me? I don't think he really meant to. But I know how Sanzo fights. Without hesitation, without fear, without any consideration for his enemy. And at that moment, I was his enemy.

Maybe I should go ask him. I have to risk it. I should know the truth now.

I go to his room. He's looking outside through the window. The rain still hasn't stop.

"Sanzo…"

"What are you doing here?" he suddenly asks me, angrily.

"You…you used the scroll to stop me?"

He didn't answer.

"I heard Hakkai and Gojyo talk about that a while ago. They said you did that. You wouldn't want to kill me, right? You were just trying to stop me, right? Sanzo—"

"Who said I was holding back? Why wouldn't I want to kill you? You were a threat. You must be stopped. Consider yourself lucky you're still alive."

"But, you're joking, right? You don't know what you're saying right now. Maybe it's because of the rain—"

"And now you blame it on the rain? The rain may make me moody, but that doesn't mean I don't mean anything that I'm saying. Stupid. Now get out of this room before I kill you!"

"But Sanzo, I want to know the truth!"

BAM.

A bullet just barely missed my temple.

Sanzo…shot me?

"The truth? That's the truth."

I collapsed on the floor. He shot me. Sanzo shot me. He really tried to kill me.

Why is all of this happening?

Is it because I can't control my powers? Is it because I can't remember anything about myself? But it's not my fault!

I don't want to be treated this way!

If they just treat me this way, then it's better if he hadn't freed me. It's better to stay in the darkness than be exposed to the light but let my life be stained with much more darkness.

I hear footsteps. Hakkai and Gojyo enter the room. Hakkai approaches me and asks, "Sanzo? We heard a gunshot from the living room…Goku? What are you doing here? Are you okay?"

As if he really cares. You liar. All of you are liars.

"Go away."

"Goku…?"

"All of you are liars."

Sanzo then says, "If you think that way, then YOU go away."

What? He wants me to what?

"I said go away. I don't need you. Go anywhere but near me. Kill if you like. Die if you like. Just go away."

"Sanzo, that's too harsh!" I hear Hakkai say.

But I don't care now. I walk away from them.

"Oi saru! Where are you going?"

"To my room…"

—0—

The rain hasn't stopped. I remain seated on the bed.

The world is full of liars. That counts even the people I thought I can fully trust.

I hate them. I hate their pride. I hate every bit of their personality.

That man in my dream…wasn't Sanzo after all. Who else, then?

…Homura?

I remember his tender smile, his calm personality. I remember his promise to me. And somehow, I feel that now he's the only one I can trust. He really cares for me. I know. It shows. I just can't bring myself to believe him then, being attached to Sanzo and the others.

But now's different. Sanzo himself said that he doesn't need me at all. Then I think it's alright for me to go.

Homura, where are you?

Please, come get me already…

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Whew! Yay! Chapter 5's done! Hope you liked that! Goku's now made up his mind to come with Homura! That's good! I'll make sure Homura takes better care of him! Will Sanzo, Gojyo, and Hakkai realize what they just did to poor Goku? I hope they will! Please stay tuned to the next chapter, where the war gods and Sanzo's party clash! And this time, Goku will be on the other side! Next chapter: Betrayal!