She was sitting on her brother's bed as he was throwing a few things in a bag. Bill had just left on his honeymoon with Fluer and Ron was getting ready to leave with Harry and Hermione on their search for horcruxes. None of them had told her what they were doing, but somehow she had found anyway.
Harry and Hermione were downstairs helping clean up after the wedding, both being ready to leave, and Ron had pulled Ginny with him upstairs so they could talk.
"So," he asked, "are you okay?" He tried to downplay the concern in his voice because he knew his sister didn't respond well to overly interested personal inquiries. He had grown up a lot in the past couple of months and had come to realize what an intelligent and strong witch his little sister was. He really wished Harry could see how capable she was and how idiotic it had been for him to leave her.
She shrugged. "Yeah, it hurts, but I'll heal." She fidgeted with a tassel on his blanket. She really appreciated the way he had been acting lately, respectful rather than overbearing.
He turned to look at her. "Gin," he began, "I don't really know whether…"
She smiled weakly. "I know, Ron, it's okay too. A lot of things are about to happen and I'm none too sure myself that it would be wise for us to get back together when it's all over." She couldn't help but think of Draco. The kiss had been so unexpected she had been too shocked at first to pull away and by the time she had recovered from the shock she was lost in the feel. No one had ever kissed her like that, not even her first kiss with Harry had been so…so…real. The amount of raw emotion Draco had expressed in that one kiss…it had only lasted a few seconds, really, but she felt more appreciated, more needed, that she had ever felt before. Oddly enough, she had also felt safer in his arms than could recall. Not even her memories of being a little girl curled up in her father's lap touched her the way Draco's embrace had.
Ron nodded silently and returned to his bag, folding another shirt to stuff into it. "So, do you have any plans to keep you busy while we're gone?"
She took deep breath. She had decided to tell Ron the truth, now, and just hope he would listen. "I plan on helping Draco."
He spun around and stared at her. "Malfoy?" he asked incredulously.
She nodded.
"Help him what?" he asked, trying not to get worked up.
She was grateful for his patience. Resituating herself, she answered, "He's alone, Ron, and has a hard life to deal with. He needs someone to be there for him. Maybe, just maybe, if I'm careful I can help him…I don't know…live I guess."
He sat down on the bed beside her. Looking at her intently, he said gently, "Gin, this is Malfoy we're talking about, the coldest sod to attend Hogwarts since his father. Are you sure you want to risk it? I mean, I know you. Once you set your heart on something you go for it, and if he doesn't respond, or worse, you're going to be devastated. How can you be so sure he isn't what he appears to be?"
She sighed. Very slowly and very carefully she explained what had happened up in the tower and held her breath while she waited for Ron to respond.
He thought about it for a moment before clenching his jaw. Reaching out to touch his sister on the arm, he finally found the words to say, "If you trust him enough to step out like this I guess I won't try to stop you. Just…if he hurts you I get to hurt him, okay?"
She laughed, "Sure, as long as you accept him if he accepts me."
He nodded before getting up to finish packing.
The next year went by slowly. Some days it felt like she took one step forward with Draco only to take two steps back. Other days it felt like she managed to take two steps forward and only slide back one. He resisted her at every opportunity, but couldn't deny that her efforts to get close to him did make life easier to bear. She was right, he didn't have to turn to her to reap the benefits of having her there if ever decided to.
Looking back, she supposed it only made sense that her real success came only when she wanted nothing more than to avoid him. She had gotten a letter from Hermione informing with all possible regrets that a letter can hold that Ron had been killed. It also contained unending apologies, but asked if she could break the news to her family. Neither Harry nor Hermione really felt comfortable doing, especially in such an impersonal manner.
After reading the letter about ten times at breakfast just to make sure she wasn't having a nightmare, she got up and left the castle. She simply couldn't face classes that day and once it was known why she was sure she would be excused. She just walked aimlessly, completely unaware of where her feet were taking her, until she just fell to her knees in tears. She had no idea where she was and therefore found it incredibly cruel that Draco should be able to find her.
He knelt beside her and asked her what was wrong. He couldn't even pretend not to care this time, not after all the subtle help she had provided him with over the past months.
She couldn't look at him. Why didn't he understand that she wanted to be alone? Her voice was harsh with tears and suppressed anger as she bit out, "Just leave me the hell alone, would you?"
"Right," he said more bitterly than he would have liked, "because that's what you've been doing with me all year."
Her head snapped up to face him. Her eyes were flashing dangerously. "I never asked questions. I never pushed.
Anger filled his own eyes. "No! You just waited, and waited, and waited! You made it very plain that you wanted answers and did you damnedest to coax me into opening up on my own."
She laughed bitterly. "Am I supposed to believe you wanted me to ask? That you would have answered?"
He clenched his jaw and tried to calm himself down. "What answers do you need that you couldn't figure out on your own? My father abuses us and I do I everything within my power to take as much as his shit as possible so my mother won't have to. I shut everyone out so I won't find myself wishing you were there when I need you most, when my father is around. I despise anyone who has everything and throws it away, or worse, takes it for granted. How much of that did you not know? Exactly how does it benefit you to hear it in words? Fuck you! How the hell would it benefit anyone for me to provide any bloody details?" He stood up and stared down at her. "You spend a year trying to get under my skin, trying to convince me I'm not alone. How the hell am I supposed to believe that if you shut me out? Damn, Ginevra, if you aren't willing to rely on someone else, to trust them to help you through the hard times, how the hell can you expect me to do so at your behest?"
"My bloody fucking moron of a brother got himself killed!" she screamed up at him before scrambling to her feet, "and those bloody great friends of his can't bring themselves to tell my family via an impersonal letter so they tell me that way and have the balls to ask me to tell the rest of my family for them!" She was breathing hard. "I'm the fucking strong one! I hold everyone around when they're down! I catch them all when they fall! Damn, Draco, how the hell am I supposed to turn to anyone for help when the people who are supposed to know best think this," she shook the letter in his face, "is OKAY?!
He didn't say anything, he just grabbed her shoulders and pulled her to him. Wrapping his arms around her, he held her close. She just stood there, stiff, for a moment and he was beginning to wonder whether he should let her go, when she reached up, twisted her hands into his cloak, and began to cry stormily against him.
Once the flow of tears slowed, he whispered, "It isn't okay, but I'll be there with you when you tell your family and I'll be here with you whenever you need me."
She nodded mutely.
As they walked back to the castle, he began to muse aloud, "I push people away because it's too dangerous to let them close, because I can't risk allowing myself to rely on someone else's strength. It makes sense that I'm left alone to deal with life as best I can. What I don't understand is why you, who are strong for everyone, find yourself alone. I would think there would be people lining up to repay you for your kindness."
She sighed and shrugged one shoulder. "Maybe that's what you would do, have done, because you understand what it is to truly bear something alone. Most people think that if I'm strong enough to help them with their problems than I can't possibly need any help with my own. Others think that if I did need help with my own I would no longer be able to help them."
"That's absurd," he said, stopping to stare at her. "You can't be serious!"
She held up the letter again. "Believe me, I am."
He placed an arm around her possessively and resumed their walk. "Tell me, honestly," he began with incredible insight drawn from her last expression, "if they were willing to help, would you let them close to you? Would you trust them to help you?"
She leaned in to him. "No, honestly I wouldn't. Like you," she explained, "I keep people at a distance for my own protection. I, however, do so because I've been broken too many times, rather than in an attempt to keep myself together."
Once again he stopped to look at her. "How many times have you been broken?" The deep concern in his voice and in his eyes made her uncomfortable again.
"I don't know," she said carefully. She sighed when he gave her a piercing look that said he wasn't satisfied. "Bill was my best friend when I was really little, he was old enough and mature enough to actually enjoy playing with his little sister. Then he moved away and I was left all alone. I'm not sure whether Ron started paying attention to me because he saw how lonely I was without Bill or if he turned to me because he couldn't tag along after the twins if they were in school, but during their first year we became close. Then he went to school and became friends with Harry and forgot all about me again. The next year I met Tom," she winced, "and he made the loss of Bill and Ron together look like a paper cut compared to the damage he did. Then I had to convince everyone I was okay because whenever I tried to talk about how I felt or what I dreamed I could see how nervous and worried it made everyone and I felt truly alone. After that it was a few years before I tried trusting someone to be there for me again, and, well, he pitched me to go save the world alone. Oddly enough, that decision brought Ron back into my life as the brother I had once thought he was going to be all along and now…" her voice trailed off. "So I guess," she started counting in her head, "you could say I've been broken…five times." She was trying to sound indifferent and turned to walk again.
"I guess other people don't have it as great as I thought," he said morosely as he followed her.
"No," she said, "we do. For that matter, so do you." She never would have dared say something like this before, but considering all that had just taken place she felt she was well within her rights. "Even your life could be worse. Your mother might be as bad as your father." She waited tensely for his response.
He considered her words for a moment. Finally, he replied, "I never thought of it that way. You know," he said, looking at her with a genuine smile, "I once heard it said that without pain there can be no joy. I figure there's truth in that observation."