A/N:This Chapter Is Really Really Really Really Sad&I Hated Myself For Writing It!
Furry Little Problem…Problems
"When's the full moon again?" Sirius asked Remus in the corridor after Potions class one afternoon. The Marauders (minus Peter, who was supposedly staying after class for some extra help) were walking through the hall and talking in whispers.
"This weekend," Remus said, looking around anxiously to make sure no one was listening. "Somebody has to tell Peter. I'm not sure he remembers."
"Of course he remembers, why wouldn't he?" James said, patting Remus on the back.
They turned a corner and Remus looked around again cautiously. "Well, he was never one to be on top of things, was he?"
"You've got a point there, Moony," James said, wagging an index finger for emphasis and smiling. Suddenly his face fell. "You know, Peter's been hanging away from us for so long, I've almost forgotten what it's like to have him around!"
"I know what you mean," Sirius said, scratching the tip of his nose in thought.
Remus suddenly grabbed a hold of both of their shoulders. "Transfiguration, remember?" he said, sighing and turning them around to face him.
"What does that have to do with Peter?" James asked, scratching his head in perplexity.
"Nothing," Remus said, trying very hard to stifle a laugh and only accomplishing the look of one with a severe stomachache. "You passed the class, though."
"Yeah, I know I passed Transfiguration," James said, still utterly baffled.
Remus sighed at his friend's moment of stupidity. "Prongs, we walked past the Transfiguration room, mate!"
James and Sirius exchanged horrified glances and bolted forward, retracing their steps.
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Later that night, Sirius, Remus, and Jocelyn were sitting in the Gryffindor common room, watching the last of the fiery embers die down inside the fireplace. Jocelyn kept shooting Remus worried and clandestine glances; he looked oddly pale and sick.
"How's your grandmother doing, Remus?" Jocelyn asked quietly, moving closer to him on the couch they were sitting on.
Sirius's eyes widened. "You didn't tell her yet?" he hissed in disbelief from his side of the couch.
"Didn't tell me what?" Jocelyn snapped, looking at Sirius with her eyes narrowed. The last of the embers died out with a sputter, leaving the room in semi-complete darkness. The gibbous moon's glow, peeking in through the window ominously and surrounded by a starless sky, was the only light in the room.
"Woops," Sirius said quietly, looking down at his sock-clad feet. "It wasn't supposed to be that loud."
Remus swallowed audibly. He got up and walked towards the window through which the moon was shining and stared down hard at the grounds so many miles below. The sky was dark, and only a few lonely stars twinkled across it. The moon's reflection shimmered distortedly on the lake's rippling surface. It was so quiet that an owl could be heard, flying off on its nighttime hunt.
"Remus, what didn't you tell me?" Jocelyn said again quietly, getting up from the couch she was sitting on and walking over to where Remus stood.
Sirius tried to stand up discretely, but tripped and somehow managed to land himself on the floor with a loud thump. He got up slowly and awkwardly, brushing off his clothing. "I'll…I'll just be going now," Sirius said cautiously, starting up the stairs. "Don't want to intrude, you know." Remus and Jocelyn weren't paying attention, and he took his chances and walked halfway up the stairs, sitting on the middle stair so he could still see and hear what was going on.
"Remus, answer me, please," Jocelyn said quietly, putting a delicate hand on his shoulder.
Finally, with what looked like an enormous amount of effort, Remus turned and faced her. He couldn't stand to look at her—he didn't want to see her face when he told her what he knew he must—so he settled upon looking at a place above her left shoulder, where he could still see the moon mocking him through the window. He sighed. It was just too hard. "I—I can't," Remus whispered, looking down at his feet.
"Remus," Jocelyn said, her voice shaking. Her eyes welled up with tears and her lower lip quivered. "Remus, you're scaring me!" Two tears trailed down her cheeks, and Remus finally looked up and made to wipe them away with his hand. "Don't touch me!" she screamed, smacking his hand away. Her lip quivered as more tears streamed relentlessly down her cheeks. "Don't you dare touch me, Remus Lupin, until you tell me what's going on here." Her voice was a vehement whisper, and she was shaking.
"Jocelyn, I—I," Remus paused and took a long breath. "I should have told you a long time ago." He tried to wrap his arms around her comfortingly, but she pushed him away roughly.
"Tell me what's going on," she said, her voice menacing and slowly rising in volume.
Remus looked into her angry eyes and felt his heart breaking, slowly and painfully. "I should have told you a long time ago," he began, his amber eyes meeting her chocolate ones briefly before he turned and started pacing around the empty common room, "but I was afraid. I was afraid you wouldn't understand, or you wouldn't accept me. I didn't want to risk it…Risk losing you before I even had you. Jocelyn, believe me when I say that I never loved anybody before you, nor will I love anyone after." He sighed and stopped pacing, facing her and rubbing his hands over his forehead. She stood still in stony silence, tears streaming freely down her cheeks as she watched Remus. "I—I guess I should tell you how this whole thing started…please, don't judge me for what I'm about to say."
He took a shaky breath and looked away from her, back out the window towards the moon. "When I was very young, I lived in a house by the woods. When I was four years old, my father did something that upset Fenrir Greyback. He threatened my father. My father warned me not to stray to far away from the house, but I was foolish. I didn't listen to him. One night, I walked into the woods, alone, after all the other kids had gone inside." Remus paused and gulped, and Jocelyn noticed that his hands were shaking slightly as they gripped the sill of the window he was looking out of. "I was—that is to say—ever since that night, I've been different. Jocelyn, I—I—I'm a—a werewolf."
Jocelyn gasped and walked slowly over to the nearest chair, before sitting in it weakly. "I—um—wow."
Remus turned around and looked her in square in the eye. "But this is who I am," he said shakily, his voice cracking slightly. "I'm the same person. I'm still Remus!"
"Remus," Jocelyn started, standing up again and walking over to where he stood. "Remus, I know who you are. But you lied to me!"
"If you knew, would you honestly want to date a werewolf?" Remus all but screamed at her, his hands balled up into angry fists. "Would you want to date a horrible, ugly beast?"
"Remus, I don't care about that!" she said, tears once again streaming down her cheeks. "What I care about is that you were feeding me lies ever since the very beginning!"
"If I didn't, then we would be nowhere and you would be with somebody else!" Remus shouted, desperate to show her things from his point of view.
"If you didn't lie to me all this time, then right now you would have somebody who"—Jocelyn was mere inches from Remus, and she was pounding her fist against his chest in rage; her face was florid from anger—"who STILL LOVED YOU!"
Remus opened his mouth in horror. "Jocelyn," he said weakly, grabbing again onto the windowsill for support, "Jocelyn, I only—I only wanted to…"
Jocelyn interrupted him. "You only wanted to what? To deceive me? To leave me in the dark? TO COMPLETELY BETRAY MY TRUST?"
"No, Jocelyn, look, you've got it all wrong," Remus said, taking her hands in his.
She yanked her hands away from his and pointed her finger at him threateningly. "Don't you dare," she said in a deathly quiet whisper, "Don't you DARE touch me, Remus Lupin!"
"Jocelyn, please, I"—Remus began desperately, but it was no use.
"I'm done with this," Jocelyn said angrily, "We're through!" And without another word she turned and stomped up the stairs to her dormitory.
Remus sat in the armchair that she had occupied only moments before, and buried his face in his hands. He heard a distant door slam closed, and he knew that Jocelyn was in her dormitory.
Sirius walked back down the stairs and sat across from Remus, looking at him sadly. "Moony?" he whispered cautiously, finally. How long the two of them sat there, it didn't matter. It could have been seconds, or minutes, or maybe even hours. "Moony, are you okay?"
"You heard?" Remus said weakly, picking his head up from his hands and looking at Sirius wearily.
"It was kind of hard not to," Sirius said truthfully; the fact was he had decided to leave the staircase and go up to his dorm, but he still heard the whole thing. "Moony, are you okay?"
"I—I," Remus was finding it extremely hard to string two words together. "I will be," he finally said, though his voice sounded slightly constricted, "I hope."
Sirius took one last look at his friend, and, deciding that what Remus needed most was some time alone, he walked back up the stairs. Remus sat, and sat, and sat, until the very edge of the common room carpet became lit with the first rays of dawn. And he made himself a vow that, no matter what, he would never fall in love again.
A/N: This chapter is so depressing. I really didn't want to write it, but I have a reason why: In the books, Remus is single, and then in the end of the sixth book he tells Tonks things (I can't say them just in case somebody didn't read the sixth book and then I'd be spoiling it for them which would be bad even though it's not a major part…it's still SORTA important). So, yeah, that's why this chapter had to happen. Believe me, I was crying when I wrote it. But I'm a bit pathetic when it comes to those sort of things (I saw GHOST yesterday and I was hysterical for 20 minutes afterwards…yeah I love that movie)…Anyway, now I'm just rambling. REVIEW please!