I know, this is the epilogue and that, and I'm supposed to say how everything turns out, but I don't want to start it happy like saying "Susie and I got married and had a kid." Nah, I'm someone who likes to get all the bad things out of the way first.
Obviously, Moe wouldn't take the beating lying down. Sometime after school ended in the summer, he found me right after school. "Hey Twinky. School's out. Guess what that means."
"It's time for you to hibernate, Moe?" I probably shouldn't have said that, as then I saw two other guys, no more bigger than Moe next to him. "Ah, so the whole pack is here?"
"Time to die, Twinky." They swarmed me and beat me down. Luckily, Casey had his metal baseball bat with him, and Frankie and Mike just happened to be nearby. They got them off of me, but they did their damage. I walked away with a couple cuts, and a broken arm. Moe however, walked away with a charge of aggravated assault (Hey, my mom's a lawyer. She comes in handy sometimes) and five MORE years in prison. Nice.
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I never really saw Crystal after we broke up. From what I heard, she's doing good for herself, she's a professor at a college and is happily married. To Mike. Imagine that.
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Mike sold over 150 copies of our CD. People tell me all the time that they LOVE the part where I voiced the "talking tiger". Go figure. We never put out another CD, but we still come into contact with each other to this day.
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Casey got over his shyness with the release of the CD, and decided to put his skills into Drama class. He was so good, that he eventually landed on Public Access, before he started doing community theatre. He got his wish, at least in town.
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Against what I would've made it seem, Frankie didn't actually become a date doctor, teaching others the charm, despite the fact that he DID have over seven girlfriends in the last couple of years we had in school. He didn't settle down, but Frankie ended up making music for bands that were too lazy to learn how to play their own instruments.
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Mike didn't get into the music business. He ended up working at a newspaper, somehow, I don't know, don't ask me. Oh yeah, he married Crystal, but I already said that. He didn't get into any trouble with Moe, since Moe and Crystal haven't seen each other since Moe jumped me.
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And of course, there was me and Susie. We started going out after that day, and let me tell you something. When you have a girlfriend, and other people (who aren't your friends and understand that kind of thing) will start asking you when you're gonna "hit that", whatever that means. If they meant what I think they meant, then we actually didn't until we felt that we were ready, which was like two years after we had been going out, and that was after I proposed to her.
After the marriage, I found out that Susie was pregnant. We ended up with our first son, who I named Thomas (after this philosopher guy). He's the most beautiful thing to happen to me since... well, Susie came back.
And hopefully, when he turns six, he'll care for Hobbes, just like I did.