Goodnight my Little Lad

Little Sultina's Note: Currently a Kay based one shot, I am considering continuing this as a full story. What do you think? Please review with your ideas, and, as ever, any comments, criticisms or kudos you may have.

Hello my little boy. It's me - daddy. I know you can't see me, standing here beside you and mummy, and I know that you can't hear me softly singing a lullaby to help you sleep tonight. But I would like to think that you can sense me, as your head rocks back, your miniature eyes, a dazzling shade of blue staring straight at my own.

For nine long months I've been waiting for you, ever since your mummy told me in her prayers that she was going to bear us a blood red rose of our own. It wasn't easy for mummy to bring you into the world son; her pregnancy was riddled with complications and all sorts of horrible things that you can't understand; that I don't want you to understand.

I was so fearful for mummy's life, yours too that I wouldn't leave her side for a second. I would stand in that darkened room, watching mummy gasp for breath as she tossed and turned in her lonely bed. I tried to comfort her, to wipe the sweat from her brow and rock her to health in my arms - but alas I have no such privileges; for now I truly am a ghost.

Your birth, so very dangerous that I thought mummy wouldn't make it, and that you would both join me in heaven; but how pleased I am that I was wrong. Through a fog of ether and carbolic acid, you became a living boy, as perfect as I could have possibly dreamed.

I watched as you were passed to that man who you will learn to call papa, and I saw him cuddle you, as he named you Charles. Charles - my daddy was called that, and like your daddy, he died before I could meet him. I wonder if in time you will share his handsome visage? At least you will never share mine my dear lad. Heaven promised me that.

Shush now my dear as mummy draws you towards her pale breast, let her feed you. That's it, good boy. Can you see whose tears slowly trickling down her cheeks as she hums that funny little song to you? I can see them, and each one of those droplets pierces my frozen heart. I try calming her with my words of love, but they don not reach her ears.

I talk to mummy all the time, and sometimes she hears me, and her head spins around to the spot where my invisible body stands. Most of time, she ignores me; seeking Ayesha for company. But now she has you my little rose blossom. Look how your squeak of tiredness brings a smile to her face, as she brings your mouth away from her teat, and begins to lovingly caress your back.

Look after mummy for me Charlie. She has been so sad and she needs you to be there for her. Never abandon her, and be for source of light for her that I no longer can be. As you grow older, and learn to run and play games, remember how tightly she holds you now and repay her unworldly love. Talk with her, hug her, play for her and remind her of how much I loved her.

There may be another man, the luckiest man alive, to whom you acquit the title 'father'. He may be the one who physically holds you in his noble arms, and places a kiss to your brow as you lie peacefully, under the layers of blue muslin that line your cradle; but I will always be with you. I will be applauding as you murmur your first word, encouraging you as you take your first tottering steps, beaming as you eagerly press your first few notes on the piano, and smiling proudly as you fill your mummy's life with joy and happiness.

Perhaps you will never know the truth about your paternity, which is probably a good thing. For what benefit would the truth be to you? You have an earthly father, someone for you to love and to love you back. Someone to teach you and care for you, someone to give their name to you and give you all the things that - even if alive, I never could.

Mummy is putting you to bed now, it's time for you to sleep now my little lamb, that's it don't struggle as mummy places you down with a deep kiss on each of your cheeks. Your candle is being blown out, and mummy is going to visit her husband, something that I fills me with no resentment or jealously. For I have you now my boy, and I will for all eternity.

Goodnight my little lad.

Sweet dreams

See you in the morning.

All my love

Daddy