All my life, I'd been exposed to military-type activity. My father was a Captain in the Earth Alliance when I was only little.
He was killed. I never actually remembered him that well.
I always believed I'd end up in the Earth Alliance Forces, just like he did, that I'd be among my Natural counterparts.
But no.
I'm not among any other Naturals than myself and my best friend. Co-ordinators, are among whom I'm with.
ZAFT Co-ordinators.
The ones that wish for death upon the Naturals.
Whatever Commander Le Creuset did to keep the others from knowing we were Naturals, then he did a good job.
Even for someone like him. A coordinator and all.
We'dve been killed, slaughtered, if they found out we were Naturals.
Finding our way through this would be tough enough, if, eventually, we didn't get duties to follow.
And for the main point, being, you had to pass a certain training school to become an elite fighter of the ZAFT Organization.
As Le Creuset explained to me.
There were different ranks of the students, each wearing a different color uniform. Green being the lowest. Red was Elite.
His uniform, which was white, was the uniform of a Commander.
I didn't need to know this, but, I'd be seeing more uniform change day by day, eventually.
We'd never passed that training school, or even had to, as he told us.
I never did find out how he got us placed where he did. I never got the chance to ask him.
Not like I'd wanted to. Exchanging words with Le Creuset was like testing your skill by walking on a mine field when you have no clue where they were: one wrong move, and you'd find yourself dead.
Especially when you're nothing more than a little unwanted Natural that no one would care if you were destroyed.
But Le Creuset didn't seem to show much hatred toward us.
Me especially.
Why, I still haven't known. If anyone had been in my place, I don't believe they would question it either.
It wasn't like Le Creuset was a pleasent person to talk to. I never found it fun for us to talk.
All he would ever do was bark orders. Do this, do that - it was never ending.
Maybe though, most of these orders were for our own good, to keep us busy; to let us blend in with the others.
Ejiki and I didn't notice this by first thought and we didn't for a long while afterwards.
After all, we were too busy trying to get along with the people we were paired with. It hadn't been going well from square one.

Three Months Later

" Thank you Chairman."

I closed my eyes with a deep sigh, leaning against the wall as I listened to the low whirring sound of the door as it came to a close.
Le Creuset had been meeting with Chairman Zala for the past two hours, leaving us to sit in his office, locked up nonetheless, with nothing to do.
Well.
I had nothing to do.
Ejiki had learned how to get free of the room and torment the guards stationed down the hallway. I had never quite taken to annoying guards.
You know. They had guns and all.
For some reason Ejiki had a tendancy to never have a weapon pointed at her. Never understood that fact.

" Hayase."

I narrowed my eyes, still zoned out. I heard someone say my name. Atleast I thought I did. Did someone say my name?
Oh well.
I let it slide, running my hands along the padding of the seats. A thought circled my mind of how Le Creuset had become a Commander.
I'd never seen him in action before. Nor anything.
My eyes widened with a cry of shock as I shot up in my chair as something was thrown at me.
I blinked and held it up, running my eyes over the fabric.
Then I realized.

" I managed to get you where years of training could only get you."

I looked up at Le Creuset. I had tried to push my mouth closed, but it didn't seem to be working. He got us into the ZAFT Elite with little more than a discussion with Chairman Zala.
He had obviously lied his way there, but, why would I care? Atleast I wasn't dead.

" You'll be placed with my own team by my own request. Yourself and Yoru. I'm more worried about you though- as Yoru hasn't had problems with any teammembers before. I believe you have," he continued silkily, his head shifting downwards.
I wasn't able to see his eyes, but I could tell what he was looking at. The injuries I'd received months ago.
Wait.
My eyes widened. Did that mean Athrun was on his team?

" You seem to know whom in particular I'm talking about, Miss Hayase."

My mouth finally found its way closed. Tightly. Almost filled with anger.

" Athrun Zala," I muttered, turning my spite tormented eyes away. I know what I had missed by looking away.
Le Creuset's sadistic smile.

I didn't really want to understand why he was loving seeing me suffer. Maybe he was just a twisted person. Never really knew the man before now, so I wasn't prone to making decisions about people just yet.
I could see where everything was going with Le Creuset though. Very clearly. Especially now that he knew Athrun caused my injuries.
But what could I do? I couldn't fight against him, that was for sure. My fate, my very life; hung in the balance by this Commander's fingertips.
More or less, I was ending up to be his puppet. He had my only secret I had to keep from ZAFT, and he knew that secret well. If I did anything to disobey him, Chairman Zala, and the rest of ZAFT, would know that I, Sakura Kemuri Hayase, was a Natural.
And I would be killed.

" Change into your uniform then come with the rest of the team to the Hangar. We'll be waiting."

With that, Le Creuset left me to myself. I gave him a mocking look behind his back as the doors slid closed.
" We'll be waiting," I muttered, in impersonation. " he says. Come with the rest of the team..."
I changed into my uniform the best I could. My arms were stiff for some reason.
Soon as I had managed to ease the cuffs closed on my sleeves, I adjusted the collar and looked upon myself sadly.
Things had come to this, hadn't they? Where I would be living nothing more than a lie?
A gentle growl crept out as I went through the doors and glided down the hallway to the hangar. A younger of the recruits, carrying an armfull of folders, raised his hand to his temple in a salute to me, smiling, as he passed.
I hesistated, then copied his salute before turning back in my own designated direction. I got lost a few times along the way, being my first time on a spacecraft such as this, but finally made my way there.

" You're late, Hayase."

I made a small noise and bowed my head, going slightly red. I would've cared if he hadn't said it infront of other people. But he did.
The rest of my team nonetheless.
Athrun's eyes widened a little ways. I noticed this, as I lifted my eyes, which solemnly met his. They widened all the way as I shifted my eyes away.
" ...Sakura..."
I gasped and shot my head back up in his direction. His teammates all looked at him strangely as he stepped forward.
" ...Athrun..." I muttered against my breath, gently placing a hand around my stomach.
Athrun lowered his gaze to my stomach, then made a small sigh.

" Forgive me for causing you those injuries. If I had known it was you I wouldn'tve--"
" That's enough Athrun," Le Creuset interjected. " Save the formalities for later."

Athrun became silent.

" Yessir."

" Now, Hayase - " he began again, placing a hand mildly on my back and pushing me forward to the window of the hangar.
I shouldn't say 'window' because that was an understatement. It was a wall of glass; transparent to show the vast black, spacial area outside the ship.
" watch carefully and pay attention."

I narrowed my eyes. What was there to pay attention to? It was empty. Dark. Nothing to see. I guess I should've kept that thought in the back of my head as what happened next occured.
An object flew back out of nowhere, nearly crashing against the glass, which made me jump back and nearly have a heart attack.
Everyone else all rightfully stayed in place.
I eased forward a little ways, blinking my eyes at it. I had seen things like this before. When my father was in the Earth Forces. He had piloted one.
A Gundam.
A small smile of reminicense came through as I pressed forward to the glass, watching the events outside.
It thrusted forward, attacking the other Gundam that had attacked it first. I was in awe. I'd never seen a Gundam duel before.
The second Gundam, deep red and silver in color, attacked the one that had nearly collided with the ship; one which was cerulean blue and a pure virgin white.

" The GAT-X215 Matsuri Gundam and GAT-X228 Authority Gundam," Le Creuset spoke up. Obviously it was in my direction. " These are the prototype models we have made based on the Gundams we seized from Heliopolis. We've been making radical changes in design and abilities to make them lighter and easier for battle. Pay close attention to this Hayase. You will need to know this."

In a swift movement, the Authority dodged and came back from behind, in a movement I blinked and missed, damaging the Matsuri from behind and breaking a part of its lower mechanics.
Le Creuset eased a headset into his ear, lifting his head, still leaving two fingers on the set itself.

" That's good for today, Lieutenant. You are improving."

The Matsuri floated back, then the boosters cut in and it flew above and out of view - onto the boarding deck to be taken into the hangar for repair. The Authority stayed in place, hovering lower so its middle part was almost level with us.
The cabin elevator opened, taking the pilot out on a platform.

" Thank you Commander," came a female voice as the pilot appeared and stepped on the platform, giving a salute. I blinked. She was a very good Gundam pilot, I would give her that much. But as far as I knew - she was with ZAFT. Unless I came to know her for myself, she would always be a bad person in my eyes.
Always.

" Reboard your Gundam and come to the hangar. There is someone we would like you to meet," he ordered her, shifting an unseen gaze in my direction.
" Understood."
Le Creuset stood back and began to walk in the direction of the Gundam hangar. His team followed. I watched the Authority float out of view before I, less than intently, followed behind.

" So.. you're our new teammate huh, Hayase?"

I came to a halt. The green haired boy infront of me turned, looking at me gently with his bright brown eyes. He smiled and offered his hand.
" My name's Nicol. Nicol Amarfi."
Not even thinking of hesitance, I slid my hand into his and smiled back. " My... name's Sakura."
His attitude towards me, was much like Tolle's had been. We made our way to meet up with the others. I was quiet most of the way. My heart was tightening with each memory that brought me closer and closer to Tolle.
I missed him.
I missed him in a way that couldn'tve been explained in a million years. To other people.. maybe. But I surely wouldn't be able to comprehend.

" Hayase."

I halted and raised my head. " Y.. Yes sir?"
Le Creuset stood back to let a young woman, barely standing as tall as his shoulder, step forward, wearing a uniform that was a combination of light purple and black. I quickly ran it through my head as to what she could've been - then I remembered Creuset had called her 'Lieutenant.'
So I guess that's what she was.
She raised her head, easing her let down, long blonde hair behind her ears with a gentle ease. She smiled almost cutely at me.

" Lieutenant Takeuya - this is the girl I told you about," said Le Creuset. " You'll be training her in the proper usage and proper battle techniques in use of a Gundam."

My body clenched. I knew it was coming somehow. I didn't want to use a Gundam. They were only weapons. Weapons made to kill and destroy.
I couldn't argue with him, and I knew that. If I had, somehow I felt how my future would be. My stomach tightened at the though.

" I see."

Lieutenant Takeuya made her way up to me, looking me up and down, then walking around me.

" My my. She's just in peak health condition, isn't she Sir?"

She smiled at me again. I didn't feel the need to smile back. I didn't want to.

" You and I are going to have a lot of fun here today, Miss Hayase," she whispered to me.

I would have replied, if and only if, the alarms in the hangar hadn't gone off. Athrun barely glanced at me before he dashed for the lower level to get suited up in his Gundam. Le Creuset almost grimaced.
Lieutenant Takeuya blinked her eyes.

" Oh my... well, it wouldn't hurt to bring her out on the field, right Sir? Undertrained or not." she said, looking up at Le Creuset. " I'm sure her teammates would easily be able to protect her while she's getting used to her controls."

Le Creuset smirked at me.

" Maybe she'll prove what she's worth out there."

I didn't like those words, from the moment the first syllable had slipped out. It made me feel more than sick to my stomach.
Times like this I wished they had just killed me. I never saw myself wanting to be a soldier like this.
My father had even advised me, long before I was old enough to understand.
I wish I had been old enough to understand. His words may have helped me right about now.