A/N. Wow, sorry it took me so long to get this one up. Real life getting in the way of writing again! Hope you enjoy and thank you for all the reviews.

Chapter Seven

Kara decided that she really hated waiting; each passing second felt like an eternity. She wanted to pace, to move, but her illness was sapping the strength from her, anchoring her to the bed like a set of heavy chains. Lee sat quietly on the chair, brow furrowed with anxiety. He'd look up at her occasionally and smile a semi-reassuring smile, before lapsing back into his pensive brooding. Neither of them wanted to talk, and the silence between them was a comfortable, if slightly worried one.

Kara found herself tapping her fingers, and stopped quickly. The urge to move was burning strong in her and not being able to was almost like a form of torture. She wriggled a little on the bed, trying to get comfortable. The pillows behind her back felt lumpy and flat. Half turning, she tried to fluff them up, to little avail. She sighed, breaking the silence. Lee glanced at her expectantly.

"Where is he?" She asked, tone bordering between frustration and whining. She found herself fidgeting again, earning a semi-annoyed look from Lee. He wasn't that mad; he could understand why she was doing it, but the sound of her tapping fingers was enough to drive him crazy.

"I don't know." Lee said, checking the time. "He's late. The nurse said he'd be here by now."

"I bet that means it's bad news. He's figuring out how to tell me…" Kara said, going even paler. Her eyes were suddenly huge, dark orbs in her ashen face.

Lee tried humour. "You know Cottle. He'd just come out with it. No trying to be gentle." He reached over, brushing his hand over hers in silent support.

He got a strained half smile in return. "That's the truth." Her fingers picked at the edge of the blanket worrying a loose thread there. It broke off, and she absently started tying knots in it, turning it into a little ball shape.

She didn't get chance to reply; the door swung open suddenly. Cottle stepped through it, a chair in his spare hand. He had a light blue folder tucked under his arm. Kara's eyes were drawn to his face. Faces could tell you everything you wanted to know, if you knew how to look. Kara did; she'd learned it the hard way.

"Doc?" She asked quietly, gut telling her that the blue folder contained bad news. She couldn't take her eyes off it.

He sighed deeply, sitting down. Laying the folder on the bed, he flipped it open to the first page, quickly scanning the notes there to refresh his memory. He didn't need to; news like this was seared into his brain. There was no way he could forget it, but he wanted to give Kara the courtesy

of all the facts.

Satisfied that he was ready, he closed the folder, straightening the edges.

"It's not good news. I'm sorry." He said, finding that he really was sorry. He liked Kara, even though she wasn't the best patient in the fleet. "Your anaemia is severe. Your red blood count is very low- your bone marrow isn't producing enough red blood cells."

"We knew that, doc." She whispered "Am I dying?"

"It is life threatening." He told her, face solemn. "We're going to treat it aggressively." He paused, collecting his thoughts "You need a bone marrow transplant."

"Will that cure me?" She asked. Lee took her hand, holding it tight. That lifeline was all that kept her from breaking down.

"It's not a guaranteed cure." Doctor Cottle told her. "It will help."

"When?" She asked, voice little more than a whisper. "When will you do it?"

"That's why I was late. I started the search for a donor. As soon as we find one, well carry out the transplant. The sooner the better." He sighed again. "I'm sorry, Kara. We'll keep searching for a donor."

She closed her eyes, blocking out the world. Her grip was almost painful on Lee's hand. "Shit…" She said softly, ignoring the men.

Doctor Cottle stood, chair scraping across the floor. "We'll start your drug regime now."

She didn't react, mind too busy trying to absorb the fact that she could be dying. To busy not letting herself cry like she wanted… needed to. The comforting pressure of Lee's hand disappeared as he stood up.

"Doc?" She heard Lee say softly. "Will you test me?"

"If you're willing to…"

"Of course I'm willing!" Lee snapped, then flushed, ashamed at his outburst. "Sorry, Doc." He said quietly.

They were still talking, she could hear them, but lacked the energy and interest to make out what they were saying. She ached for a drink, a real on; not the weak coffee and water she'd had so far. She wanted a shot, to scorch away the pain in her chest. To burn out the sickness inside of her. She wanted it so very badly. Oblivion was one way with dealing with bad news. It was quickly becoming her way.

"Doc?" She said, opening her eyes. The were bloodshot, flooded with the tears that were making their way down her face, despite her efforts to stop them.

"Yeah?" He said, turning at the door.

"Can I go?" She asked, hoping he would say yes. She needed to get out of the sick bay for a while.

"Come back before four." He told her. "And stay off the drink!" He warned before leaving.

She swung her legs over the edge of the bed, sitting still for a second before sliding onto her feet. Her knees felt weak, and she clutched the bed for support while she caught her balance. Not stopping to wait for Lee, she started walking, mind still on that drink.

"Kara!" Lee snapped, catching hold of her arm. "Wait, where are you going?"

"Anywhere out of here! I need…" She wisely stopped short of saying she wanted a drink; Lee would only stop her.

"You want what, Kara?" He asked, tone indicating her knew what she had been going to say.

"Please… Lee…" She said, eyes begging. He sighed, letting go of her arm.

"My office will be free." He said grudgingly. "But you're only getting one drink. That's it." He told her.

"Thank you." She said, and started walking. He stuck close to her, just in case, but she didn't need his help. The ship was quiet, everyone busy working. A few people smiled and said hello, but the majority were pre-occupied with their duties.

They reached the office, Kara sitting while Lee closed the door. He produced a bottle of ambrosia, and two glasses. He poured a healthy shot for both of them. Kara raised hers in a toast, saying darkly, mockingly "To death!", before downing the lot in one go.

Lee watched her, knowing from experience that she was close to an explosion. She needed the release, and he knew better then anyone how to deal with the fallout. Reaching for the bottle, she poured herself another drink, welcoming the burn at the back of her throat as she swallowed it in one gulp. She poured yet another drink, spilling some ambrosia on the wooden desk, before he could take the bottle from her.

He held her gaze until she turned away from him. "Stop looking at me." She ordered, trying to snatch the bottle from him.

He wouldn't give it to her, so she stood, unsteadily, intending to crack open a new bottle, if she could find it. She wobbled a little as she walked and he reached out to her. She slapped his hand away. "Don't." She said darkly. Her mood had took a nosedive and was still falling. Cottle's words were still echoing her in brain, and she just wanted them to stop. She wanted it all to stop.

"Kara…" He said softly, "Stop it." He reached out for her, hand outstretched.

"Shit." She swore, refusing to look at him because if she did, he would see the tears in her eyes. She didn't want him to see her cry, not now. She needed him to think that she was angry so he would leave her alone. She snatched the bottle from him. He was so surprised he let it go, regretting it instantly.

The bottle dipped again, spilling most of the liquid onto the table top. It dripped off the side of the table and onto the floor, each drip sounding shockingly loud as it landed in the puddle. She didn't let that put her off, abandoning the glass in favour of drinking straight from the bottle. When she set it back down, it was almost empty. It had been full when they started drinking. Lee's drink sat untouched on the desk, mocking her.

It hurt to remember her illness, but it hurt event more to forget, she was finding. Each sip of ambrosia cut straight to her heart, freeing more memories. Things she thought she had forgotten about her childhood came back, in shocking detail. She didn't stop drinking, hoping the next swallow would be the one to numb her pain. Even as she drank, she knew that nothing would take away the pain. It was buried too deep inside of her. Tears couldn't burn it out and she couldn't get drunk enough for oblivion to take her.

Slamming down the bottle, she stood, wanting to climb out of her own skin to escape the torment. The bottle fell onto the floor, smashing into a million shards. They mixed with the ambrosia, looking like melting ice in a puddle of seawater. She stood on a shard, leaving bloody foot prints when she walked. She didn't notice the bite of the glass or the sting of the alcohol.

Bending, she picked up the largest shard of glass, pressing it against her wrist. It hadn't broken the skin, but a little more pressure and it would. She kept her eyes on the floor, wondering what it would feel like. Would it hurt? Would she feel the burn, and then nothing? A sob fought its way out of her, hurting her chest with it's intensity.

"Is it making you feel better?" He asked harshly.

She closed her eyes, looking away from him. "I want to… I just want peace. I don't want to feel anything anymore. It all hurts so much…" She said, chest heaving with emotion.

Quietly, he said. "Please, don't leave me Kara. I need you. I can't lose you. I can't…" He reached out of the shard of glass, surprised when she let it drop without a fight. She threw her arms around him, weeping. He hugged her to him, letting his own tears fall on her back.