Chapter 3

She was bored. Tired of sinking, of looking at the ocean, of picking fruit. So she decided to go help Sun with her garden. She had missed her company. They hadn't really talked much after her return so she thought it would be nice if they could just be like they used to be. She wanted someone to talk to. Not about the others, not about their escape, not about Sawyer and certainly not about Jack. She just wanted to forget all her problems for just a little. She thought she deserved it after all she'd been through.

She saw her outside her tent cleaning up and tiding her stuff. She looked content without worries. Kate wished she could feel that. Feel that even if not everything is alright she could be happy. But no. she didn't deserve to be happy. She had caused too many problems to ask for happiness. She knew that and that's why she'd stopped looking for it.

She approached Sun slowly so as not to scare her. When she looked up she saw her and smile.

"Hey. How you've been?" she asked politely.

"Good" Kate replied. "you?"

"Tired. I have to admit I didn't think that having a baby could be so difficult. I actually thought that the only trouble was to give birth but I was so wrong!" she said with a laugh.

"Are you okay?" she asked with worry.

"Yeah, I'm okay. It's just that wnenever I fall asleep the baby seems to want to get my attention. I can't even remember how many times I woke up last night to throw up. It's really exhausting." She said with a sigh.

"I'm sorry" Kate said sincerely. "Is there anything I can do to help you?

"Thanks for the offer but I'm afraid that I have to go through this alone."

"I was thinking, Kate said,maybe we could go gardening together, you know, for old time's sake."

"You know what? That would be great. We haven't really talked after…you know…" she said awkwardly.

"I know" replied Kate quickly. "But I would appreciate it if we didn't talk about that." She said pleading with her to drop the subject.

"of course honey, whatever you want" Sun replied trying to read her expression but not succeeding.

They started walking towards the garden. Every now and then Sun would take a glimpse from Kate in case she could see her thoughts or feelings. But Kate was too guarded. She always had those walls around her in order to protect her and to keep her feelings inside but now those walls were impassable. Sun knew something between her and Sawyer had happened back there with the others but she didn't want to press for answers. She'd get them when Kate was ready to give them. What she didn't understand was what had happened to Jack and what Kate felt about it. But now wasn't the time. Not yet.

They finally reached their destination and started working on the garden. They were silent for along time but they didn't seem to care. They wanted this. They needed this. Kate needed this and Sun wanted to give to her. They kept working in silence each lost in their thoughts. Their moment was interrupted by a shout.

"Sun!!!!!?"

"I'm right here" it was Claire.

After a while she appeared holding Aaron close to her chest.

"Hey Sun…oh…Hey kate…Didn't know you were here…

"I was just helping Sun with her garden"she replied noticing that Claire was not too happy to see her.

"Oh okay…didn't mean to interrupt." She said with a cold voice that didn't go unnoticed by Sun.

"Is everything alright?"

"Everything is perfect' she said still glaring at Kate.

"Ok Claire what's wrong with you?" asked Kate not really understanding what was going on.

"You're what's wrong with me!!!!!"she finally snapped giving Kate a look that could kill.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. You know after all we've been through I thought I knew you. I thought you were a caring woman, a woman with heart. But I was wrong. No, I was stupid. Stupid enough to believe that even though you were a criminal you had a good heart. That you wanted to be a better person. But it was all bullshit.

"What the hell are you talking about??? Yelled Kate getting upset with Claire.

"How could you do this to him? How could you do this to him after all he'd done for you? Huh? How could you?" Claire yelled.

"Who are you talking about?" Kate yelled losing her temper. What the hell is wrong with her? She thought.

"Don't act all innocent to me. I talk about Jack. How could you sleep with Sawyer Kate? Why???

Kate was left speechless. How the hell did she know about that?

Wh…? Ho..? Who told you? She finally asked with tears starting to form in her eyes.

Sun was watching stunned. What the hell was happening?

"Does it matter?" said Claire. "It doesn't change what you did. I just can't believe you that's all. I mean he was there for you even when you pushed him away, he was always there for you ,trying to make you feel better, caring for you, loving you… but that wasn't enough for you was it? If you didn't want him why did you play him? Make him believe that you actually cared when you didn't? So you slept with Sawyer…okay…you made your choice… but how could you leave him behind? How could you let him die??????" Claire was literally screaming by now. "And when you came back you didn't even pretend to miss him or even feel guilty about leaving him behind. You haven't even spilled a god damn tear for him!!!

Kate was looking at her expressionlessly. She didn't move or say anything. She just stood there looking at her.

"Say something!!!!!!!!" Claire yelled.

But Kate didn't say a thing. She just turned her back to her and left her and Sun standing there.

She had been walking for at least one hour when she finally reached her destination. The place where she came every night without being noticed by anyone after their escape. The place where she could be herself and express her feelings without being scared. The place where she first met Jack. Where she sewed his back. Where he told her the story.

She dropped to her knees and stared at nothing. Tears started streaming down her face. The pain in her heart was unbearable. She felt like she was suffocating. She led down and started sobbing. Sobbing uncontrollably.

It had become a routine to her. Every night she would come here where she first met him and she would cry for him. She would think of their shared moments, the happy and the bad ones, she would prey for him, wish that he was okay and that he would come back and then she would go back to her tent and pretend everything was okay.

She didn't care about what Claire had told her. She didn't care what people thought of her. She just knew she needed him and that this place was where she could be herself and show her true feelings for him.

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