A/N: Sorry about all the confusion once againa involving last update. Hopefully, this one will work.

REVEIW RESPOSNES: To SWaddict1986: don't worry, no one could get on; not even me! Anakin's nearly seventeen, so yes, very yummy! No, "Killik" has nothing to do with her nightmares in this story. Killik is actually a place. Thanks, and more on their, er, relationship to come. To Chimpo: hopefully this chapter will give you a little insight into the rather strange logic of Jaina Solo. Thank you.

Chapter 6: Total Buzz

"Notebook thing,

"I'm exhausted, but my mind is on a total buzz – not that kind of buzz, though. I drank a bit, but it's not like that's illegal or something. My mind's just racing. I'm good at lying, I've been doing it for so long it's not too hard, but for some reason tonight was just impossible to get through. Alema knows something, I'm sure of it, but no one would have let it get out, especially to a slut like her.

"It was great, partying again. It wasn't spontaneous like I like it, which in my book seriously cut its chances at being good; usually we just call people over or they just show up to crash the place down, but Jacen was probably in charge of this one, so of course there had to be invitations, but that was as far as the planning got, thanks to me.

"I was Jaina Solo again, and that was perfect. Everyone was looking up to me and wishing they could be me. It's always been like that. No one knows how much I despise it, except for the usual group, the other 'style dictators'. I just wish that the one person who has never interrupted my bitching sessions was here right now cuz I can't handle it. I love that my brothers and my friends did this for me, but I didn't think it would be so hard not being able to scream out 'don't look up to me! I'm a bitch who can't do anything right! I'm an ex-junkie, a liar!', but I can't, and even if I did no one would believe it, it would be 'typical Jaina' or they just wouldn't care. My money is on the latter. Only my friends in the core and Zekk have ever really cared about me, no one else ever has or ever will. Ok, maybe like my dad and Chewie and Uncle Luke and Aunt Mara and my godfather, Wedge Antilles, but they're not friends, they're like family, they have to love me (a memo my mother still after seventeen years has yet to receive).

"Teekay asked about being closer than sisters. I told her it went out of style last year; strange thing – I didn't feel like I was lying either. Being friends closer than sisters did go out of style, what happened last year made it very and painfully obvious…

"But I don't feel like talking about that right now… Think of something else… Ew, I just did. Have you ever seen your best friend in full make out mode with your twin? Again, no, you haven't considering you're inanimate, but anyway, it is totally gross. Teekay was totally strattling Jacen, and his hands were everywhere. Let me tell you 'bad visual'. But I got them back for it; Teekay's face was hilarious when I told her I didn't feel old enough to be an aunt, if I just had a camera…Note to self: be prepared next time.

"Talked to Zekk tonight. I called him. He was all nice and then he tried to get me to go with him to Killik. Why would he do something like that? He knew I wouldn't want to go, but he made me feel all guilty for it by acting upset. I don't want him to be angry. I don't want him to leave me; it hurts too much. He hurts me no matter what. But I'd rather it be because I let him than because he just doesn't care about me anymore.

"But enough of that. I think I'm gonna go to the Coruscant Naval Marina tomorrow to see Wedge. I miss him, and before I left he said something about his nephew who's my age coming to the Academy this year; maybe he'll have already arrived, and he'll be cute or something. If he's Wedge's nephew than he'll at least be a good sailor and will definitely have a good sense of humor. I think I might actually be excited about meeting this guy. Maybe he'll take my mind off other things, like the fact that my ex-whatever-Zekk-was is trying to get me back into drugs and the fact that my former best friend will never speak to me again.

"Anyway, more later, my mind is finally worn down enough to sleep,

"Solo out."