I do not own NGE.
A/N:Did you know the word "woman" means "under man" that's not true you say, well it is, the word "wo" in woman means under, or lower.The term "woman" was invented when men were great and powerful, but now men aren't any better than the average stump.But!I'm not bashing men, so girls wipe that smile off your face cause' every time you say "I'm proud to be a woman!" you're actually saying "I'm proud to be under a man!" let's just keep quiet on what you're doing under that man...you dirty slut...
Outside at battle sight
Ocean 1 to ocean 2, I repeat ocean 1 to ocean 2, do you copy, I have a big problem here, said a rescue team member.
Ocean 2 here.What's the problem.
I have visual on the entry plug.
That's a good thing.
No...no it's not.
What?How could that be a bad thing?
It is when the entry plug is completely torn to shreds and covered in blood...
Oh my god...we...we have to find the third child...before it's to late.
I'll alert the others.(Ocean 1 contacts the other oceans and tells them to look for Shinji's body)
Three hours later
Ocean 6 to ocean 1, I have found the third.
What's his condition.
He seems to be okay.
Okay?
Yes he seems externaly well.
Good, quickly take him to Dr.Akagi...she'll take care of him.
What the hell is this?A crappy fanfic?What's with all the seriousness, said Ocean 666.
NERV infermary minutes later
Give it to me straight doctor...will I be able to fuck again.
Shinji for the last time dammit, you're fine, and you're still a virgin.
Now that i'm back with Rei, I wont be for much longer.
If the commander hears that you'll probably lose your virginity to a mexican donkey.
Commander's office
Ikari.
Yes Fuyutsuki.
Kaji is almost here, he is traveling with the second child.
Is that all Fuyutsuki, I have to go back to masterbating to Joe Satriani:Top gun theme.
Ah...okay...you crazy bastard.
NERV infermary
Shinji!You're okay!, yelled Misato as she buried his face between her huge bare breasts.(she was wearing a hospital gown and it fell off)
Misato!You're naked!, Ritsuko yelled.
Oh shit!, Misato quickly put on the gown, but forgot Shinji was still stuck on her boobs, which resulted in Shinji being even more stuck on her boobs.
Misato, Shinji is still in there!
Hmmnn...I kind of like it how he struggles for breath, it tickles my breasts.
You child molester, you should be arrested.
But it fe-(White liquid starts runing down MIsato's legs)Uh oh.
My god!You just orgasm'd!To a kid!
It's not what it looks like Rits, really!(By this time Shinji's body had already grown limp)
Misato!Shinji's not moving!
What!Oh shit!(Misato pulls Shinji out of her gown which fell down again, and started giving him mouth to mouth, while Ritsuko sat on his chest to give him CPR)
En route to Shinji's room
I still don't understand why I have to go see him Fuyutsuki.
He's your son Ikari, the least you could do is visit him.
Alright, but if he attacks me it's gonna be your fau-(Gendo's words stopped dead when he saw a naked Misato kissing his son while Ritsuko was sitting on his chest giving Shinji free show(remember Ritsuko always wears skirts)
Oh my god!They're having relations with your son Ikari!
No shit Fuyutsuki.(Fuyutsuki had a heart attack, and Gendo passed out)
Hours later after explaining what happened
Oh man, I can't believe he let us off easy, said Misato (fully clothed)
I know right, I thought he would kill us himself, said Ritsuko (wearing pants)
I also can't believe the commander let me off easy as well.
Misato:Rei!
Ritsuko:Rei!
Yes.
What the hell are you talking about?, asked Misato.
After you left I entered Shinji's room and we started kissing.
Okay...i'm sure that the commander would've shot Shinji if that was true, said Ritsuko.
You're right, he would've killed Shinji...if he had known what we did that is.
Oh, you sneaky little bitch.
Come on Misato she's not a bitch for making out with Shinji behind the commander's back.
Yes she is.
A few hours later
Captain Katsuragi you have a messege, said a worthless pawn.
Thank you worthless pawn, i'll read it later, said Misato who was about to head home.
Katsuragi residence
So Misato...what's that letter about?, asked Shinji who just finished making dinner.
What letter Shinji?
The one that's taped to your forehead dumbass.
Oh...that letter...lets see here(Misato opens the letter)'Katsuragi Misato, you and ward are to stay at the battleship "Over the rainbow".You will acompany it until it docks.You will go in 3 weeks.',said Misato finishing the letter.
What the hell?Aren't we suppossed to fight the J.A. robot first?Maybe the meeting was delayed, or something, Shinji was confused about the event mix up, but as he has said before...he doesn't give a shit.
So what do you think Shinji?Should we go.
Sure why not, but can I take two of my friends.
Yeah, those guards should know not to mess with you.
Three weeks later
Wow Shinji!I can't believe you brought us with you!, said Toji.
I can't believe you kicked the pilot's ass just so we could come, said Kensuke who started tearing.
And I can't believe it's not butter, but i'm keeping it to myself, said Shinji in an effort to shut them up.
Hey boys aren't you gonna compliment my huge breasts, said Misato who hated the lack of attention towards her.
Toji:Oh yeah!
Kensuke:Yes ma'am!
Shinji:They're fake...
Aboard Over the Rainbow
Ah...oh my godess!Th...this is a real battleship!Oh yes!, yelled Kensuke in joy.
Calm down bitch, don't ruin my day just yet.I brought my lucky cap today, Toji as he placed a black baseball cap on his head, which got blown away.
Ah!My cap!(Toji chased it until a foot smashed the cap onto the floor)What the hell's your problem, Toji asked angrily.
Who do you think your talking to, said Asuka Langley Sohryu herself.A normal girl?
What's so special about you?
What's so special?I'm Asuka Langley Sohryu, the greatest Evangelion pilot ever, that's what's so special.
Greatest Evangelion pilot?You must be joking.Shinji there(points at Shinji)is the best of the best.
Huh?(looks at Shinji)That guy?What's he supposed to be...a freak?
Nope, that's just the way he looks.
That's wierd...Hey Misato!(directs herself at Misato)
Hey Asuka!You look like a mature woman now.
Thanks.If you haven't noticed yet, my figure really filled out too.
Yes i-
(wind blows Asuka's dress up, Shinji was smart enough to quickly turn around and face Misato)
Meinn gott!
Asuka!(Misato noticed Asuka wasn't wearing any panties and that she shaved)
SLAP!!!
Ow!What was that for?!, yelled Toji who along with Kensuke recieved a slap.
Viewing fee.
It's a little over priced don't ya think.
Nope, not at all.
Hey, said Kensuke.Why didn't you slap Shinji too?
Because he turned around before my dress flew up, and because he looks like he'd probobly kick my ass if I hit him for no reason.
Hey Asuka, Toji spoke up.
What?
Here's your tip.
Wha-
(Toji pulls down his pants)
Oh my god!
Toji!, yelled Misato.
(Toji had accidentaly pulled down his under wear too, he also had an erection due to the earlier view...let's just say Toji is well endowed)
Holy shit, you're huge!, yelled Asuka.
GRAB!!I mean SLAP!!
"Toji lay on the floor with two slap marks"
Control center
Captain Katsuragi, is it?, said the ship's commander.
Yes sir, it is.
Why are you here?
I am here to escort the second child, and Evangelion unit 02.
Is that all.
In the event of an angel attack I will take command.
What!Nobody commands my ship, other than me!Besides if an angel does attack, my ships will be more than able to take it down.
Uh huh...what ever.
Mess hall a few minutes later
That damn captain, said Misato who drank her beer faster than saying Gendo's gay to the commander's face and live for three seconds..
Come on Misato, it's not his fault, said Shinji.He's old.
Good point.
(Kaji enters)
Kaji!, yelled Asuka who jumped on Kaji.
Kaji!, yelled Misato who took out her gun.
Hey Katsuragi, how are you, said Kaji after throwing Asuka off and sitting down.
Not as bad as you look.
Aw, that's not nice.
Too bad.
So...you're taking care of the third child?
Yeah why?
So that's him there, asked Kaji pointing at Shinji.
Yeah why!?
Hey Shinji, said Kaji as he directed himself to Shinji.
Hi, said Shinji who knew what was coming.
So Shinji...is Misato still wild in bed?
(Everyone except Shinji and Kaji gets surprised)
Not as wild as your momma.
(Everyone except Shinji and Kaji starts laughing their asses off)
You bastard!, yelled Kaji.
You suck man, spits or swallows huh?, said Shinji.
Die!, Yelled Kaji again as he jumped on Shinji.
Aw man, you do suck, but not as good as your momma.
Eva containment room
Hey Shinji!
Why the hell does everyone all ways scream my name.
This, said Asuka..Is evangelion unit 02, the world's first real evangelion.The other two evas are only prototypes, but this one is made for actual battle.
So-
(Battle ship trembles horribly ,and cannon shots are heard)
Is that an angel?!, Asuka nervously asked.
Yep.
A real angel...It's time to prove myself!
Uh huh.
Hurry and get into my spare plug suit.
Hell no.
Why not.
Cause' that's gay.
So, who cares.
I do.
Come on.
We're wasting too much time.
Then put it on.
I'm going in alone.(Shinji climbs into unit 02)
In unit 02
Hello Kyoko.
(evas eyes light up and it springs to life)
Outside
Huh...I wonder why we never attack as a group.Why do we always have to attack as one.We always get killed.Oh wel-(grumbling noice)Hmmnn it seems i'm hungry...might as well eat that red thing that's jumping on the ships effectively killing everyone on board, wondered Gaghiel.
Ship's command center
Captain I will take command, said Misato.
Hell no!My ships are doing a fine job.
Uh...the angel is destroying the ships, and unit 02 is doing its fair share of damage.
All I see is that my ships are winning, said the captain.
Captain we just lost all the ships full of people!!, yelled some homo sailor guy.
God dammit homo sailor guy!Why?!WHYYY!!!!????
Unit 02
Asuka can you hear me, asked Misato through the link.
Asuka's not here Misato.
Shinji?Where's Asuka?
In hell where she belongs.
You killed her!
No.
Dammit.
What was that?
Nothing bad.
Yeah, Misato i'm gonna have to disconnenct you cause' I need to consentrate.
Oka-
Outside
"Shinji was closing in on the angel, but the angel jumped out of the water and opened it's huge jaws"
Oh shit!
SLICE!!BOOM!!
(Shinji sliced through the angel with the prog knife)
Damn that was close, said Shinji.
Meanwhile
So mister Kaji, you want fly you to Tokyo-3?
Yep.
Why?
Cause' I don't want to die bitch!
Good point.
The next day at school
Hey Shinji, said Toji.
Sup Toji?
Good thing we'll never have to see that bitch again huh.
Uh..Toji...actually she-
Hello everyone!, yelled Asuka as she busted through the door.
Dammit!, yelled Toji.
Hey Shinji!, yelled Asuka.
"By now Rei had returned to school, and was pissed that a stranger was talking to Shinji as though she knew him for a long time"
Hello, interupted Rei.
Who are you?, asked Asuka.
I am the first child(no not "children" it's child)Ayanami Rei, said Rei in her quiet voice.
Really?I'm the second child Langley Sohryu Asuka!, announced Asuka out loud.
How do you know Shinji.
I met him on a ship that was bringing me and my eva.Why?Does it bother you.Do you secretly love him, teased Asuka who didn't know the truth.
No I do not secretly love him...I openly love him.
What??
He is my boyfriend, Rei simply stated.
I didn't know that.Why didn't you tell me Shinji!
I shouldn't have to that's why, said Shinji.
You asshole!
You nosey whore.
Second child, leave Shinji alone, and Shinji leave the second alone.
Hey Rei want to know something?, asked Asuka with an evil grin on her face.
Okay..
Me and Shinji had hot, wet, nasty, underaged sex on our trip back to Tokyo-3!, yelled Asuka so that everyone could hear.
Sh...Shinji is that true?, asked Rei with tears in her eyes.
You know it's not, answered Shinji.
Alright, said Rei who instantly regained her composture.
Katsuragi's residence after school
Misato, i'm home, said Shinji as he walked through the door.
Hi Shinji, you're just in time to help me unpack, said Asuka.
I don't think so.(he thought he saw a bio-hazard sign on one of the boxes)
Why aren't you surprised i'm in your house?
Nope.
Why not?
Let's just say I kind of predicted it.
A/N:...Yes...