Chapter Two – Of the French, More War, and More Yummy Tavington

MASSIVE BATTLE ENSUES ON CAMDEN HILLSIDE

Lee's Command Tent

Benjamin: I'm sorry I wasn't able to help.

Lee: Gates is a fool.

Benjamin: Gates?

Lee: Not important.

Benjamin: Oh, ok.

Lee: Yeah…

Benjamin: So…Who is in command?

Lee: I think I am but…I…don't know?

Benjamin: What are my orders?

Lee: Uh…

Benjamin: Revenge…please say revenge...

Lee: ((quickly changes subject)) We've brought the French into the war. This is Major Jean DeLancey.

Maj. DeLancey: Bonjour!

Benjamin: Hey, dude!

Lee: Back to the important issue at hand…The British are advancing.

Benjamin/DeLancey: Yes, we know that. Anything else?

Benjamin: Oh and Lee, please be so kind as to transfer my son back to my command so I can spy on him face to face.

Lee: Okey dokey.

Gabriel: NOOOOOOOOOO!!

((Glares from Lee and Benjamin; DeLancey is oblivious as ever))

BRITISH FIELD HEADQUARTERS – Day

Cornwallis: Hello, I'm Cornwallis, quite a puff pastry of a man. Arrogance is my main personal trait!

Tavington: He's even more pompous than me!

Cornwallis: Remember, men, this is a civil war.

Tavington: Yes, sir.

Cornwallis: I expect this war to be fought in a fair and civilized manner although Tavington has already brutally murdered hundreds due to his insatiable bloodlust.

Author: Speaking of lust…don't forget that he's still yummy!

Cornwallis: What are you doing here, missy? THIS IS A PLACE OF…Nevermind…A woman shouldn't be here, it's quite…

Author: ((whispering to Tavington)) Does this guy always throw hissy fits?

Tavington: You have NO idea.

Author: Ah…Lookit! He's turning red!

Cornwallis: GET OUT!!

Author: Alright, alright…((blows kiss to Tavington before bouncing out of the story))

BRADFORD CROSSROADS – Night

Maj. DeLancey: What sort of men will you find in this drinking establishment?

Benjamin: Good ones.

Maj. DeLancey: How can you tell? They're all drunk and their judgment is off, why…

Benjamin: I know what I'm doing…GOD SAVE KING GEORGE!!

((At that moment, about 30 men step forward and pummel Benjamin))

Maj. DeLancey: I take that back.

5 MINUTES LATER…

Brother Joseph: Howwwwwdy! I'm from among the mountain folk!

Billings: What are we getting from this 'ere job?

Benjamin: Twenty shillings a head, unless I say otherwise.

Rollins: I'm in, dude.

SWAMPLAND

Gabriel: Is this war more than about my dead brother?

Benjamin: How many did you get?

Gabriel: ((Holds up jar of fireflies))

Benjamin: No! No! NO! How many recruits?!

Gabriel: Oh…I got 12.

Benjamin: Okey dokey. Get ready, we leave in two hours.

Gabriel: ((As Benjamin walks away)) B-b-but what about my fireflies?!!

SWAMP ROAD – Day

Another Massacre Begins

Rev. Oliver: STOP!! STOP!! STOOOOOP!!

Gabriel: Father!

Benjamin: What?!

Gabriel: Those men were about to surrender!

Benjamin: And your point is…?

Rev. Oliver/Gabriel: ((Near tears)) WE KILLED INNOCENT MEN!!

Maj. DeLancey: Innocent "enemy" men.

Benjamin: Exactly!((Puts arm around DeLancey's shoulder in support; DeLancey kicks him.))

Dogs: BARK!! BARK!!

Gabriel: ((Squeals all girly-like)) DOGGIES!!

Billings: Shoot them! Even though I'm a big, burly man, I'm mortally afraid of doggies.

Benjamin: Stay…Stay…Stay…

Dogs: ((Growl))

Benjamin: Don't ya'll growl at me, now!!

Dogs: ((Should we bite him?))

Benjamin: Nice doggies…I was just playing with you…Wha…

Dogs: ((Attack Martin))

Benjamin: ((Screams like a girl and runs off in the opposite direction))

Gabriel: Oh, look! ((Points into the wagon)) Alcoholic beverages!

Billings: No wonder they were guarding it.

Maj. DeLancey: Rum…

Rollins: Wine!

Rev. Oliver: These wagons must belong to Cornwallis…

Maj. DeLancey: Gee, how did you know?! ((Motions to the sign on the side of the wagon which bears Cornwallis' picture and the words "Property of Lord Cornwallis"))

Billings: I say we get drunk off the liquor, shoot the doggies, and then use Cornwallis' personal papers for musket wadding!!

CAMDEN PLANTATION – Night

Cornwallis: I must look good!

Valet #1: Sir, I accidentally burned your coat.

Cornwallis: ((Gasp))

Tavington: ((Laughs evilly in a deliciously…delicious manner))

Valet #2: Here is…eh…another coat, sir.

Cornwallis: What sort of fool do you take me for?! That is a mere horse blanket! It will NOT do…Take it away!

Tavington: It's quite nice, sir…

Cornwallis: ((Glares at Tavington)) It's quite nice, is it?! THEN YOU WEAR IT!!

Tavington: No thank you, sir.

ANNE'S HOUSE – Evening

Gabriel: I'm here to see Anne.

Mr. Howard: Aye.

Anne: Would you like some tea?

Gabriel: Err, what'd you do to it?

Anne: ((Sing-song)) Oh, nothing.

Gabriel: In that case, whip me up some enchiladas too!

Anne: Here's your tea, sir.

Gabriel: ((Chugs down the entire cup)) Hmm, hmm good!

Anne: ((Giggles insanely))

Gabriel: What? ((Smiles to reveal…BLACK TEETH!!))

Anne: ((Falls off the couch from laughing so hard))

Gabriel: ((Shrugs and looks at the cat)) That's my future wife.

CHARLESTON ROAD – Day

Benjamin and his men come across some Redcoats.

Benjamin: These wagons belong to us. Not you. Get lost.

Redcoat Sergeant: Prepare to fire, boys.

Benjamin: Look, there's no reason for you guys to die. Just leave.

Redcoat Sergeant: Aim…

Benjamin: Imbecile.

Gabriel: I hear horsies.

Joseph: It's a trap!

Benjamin: THE BRITISH ARE COMING!!