Drabble #7
Title: The Gift that Keeps on Giving
Words: 851
Authors: Mizu and The Rose Society
It'd been five horrible months for the often overexcited and unnecessarily noisy orange plush lion—five horrible months of being stepped on, thrown against walls, and violated in more ways than he could count with his paws.
All right, perhaps that was considered situation normal for Kon, but even he could tell that his 'nee-chan' was being extra aggressive these days. Unable to blame any female for the wrongdoings in this world, he had to settle on directing his negativity to Ichigo.
Ah yes, Ichigo, the man who had single-handedly debauched his nee-chan. Much could be said for Kon's protectiveness over his favorite not-so-well-endowed shinigami, but regardless of his fierce declarations painting Ichigo as a pervert, he could do nothing but suffer regular abuse. One could even pin Kon to be responding much like Byakuya did when he was informed of his sister's pregnancy. Though, there were core differences between the two, namely the height, flowing black hair and stunning good looks.
…well, according to Kon, the last difference was more flattering to him than to Byakuya.
"Ichigo!" Kon pounced onto his target with an audible squeak, who was dozing peacefully on the sofa in the living room. His target blinked twice to clear his vision before responding to Kon with a scowl.
"What the hell," Ichigo got up, sending Kon flying, "do you want now?"
Kon bounced off the coffee table, landing with a squeak on hardwood floor. Giving Ichigo an offended glare, he stated, quite loudly and plainly, "You debauched my nee-chan!"
"Yeah, and what of it?" Responded Ichigo, clearly not seeing a problem.
Kon looked even more indignant. "What do you mean you don't see a problem? It's all your fault that she's so mean now! All she's concerned about is the baby. Baby cribs, baby blankets, baby toys, baby showers! What ever happened me?"
Ichigo frowned, wondering how Kon even got into the apartment. Wasn't he supposed to be with Yuzu getting dressed up in little velvet dresses?
Before either opponent could resume hostilities, the door to the apartment opened and in walked Rukia. Her daily-changing form was attired in warm winter clothes to combat the light snow that was falling in Karakura. Her back turned to Ichigo, she removed her shoes and hung up her coat and scarf as she asked, "Ichigo, is there any milk? I feel like having a little hot chocola—"
"NEE-SAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
At the sound of the plushie yell, Rukia turned around in surprise. "EH? What are you doing he—"
In slow motion, Kon dove towards the Valley of the Gods before his beady eyes. Either Rukia's movements had been slowed by the cold or her condition, he neither knew nor cared, but he was able to cuddle perfectly in Rukia's cleavage despite the thick winter sweater she was wearing. As he moved his face from side to side, Kon noticed something most miraculous.
"AHH, Nee-san, your Valley of the Gods has become even more bountiful and lush and –ACK-"
With as much violence as he could exert, Ichigo wrenched the perverted stuffed animal away from his wife and threw him into the wall. Indignant squeaks were heard as Kon's body ping-ponged around the apartment. Gently, Ichigo led his irate wife towards the kitchen. "It's ok, Rukia. I'll take care of him. Remember, anger is bad for the baby." The incensed dark-haired shinigami retreated into the kitchen, as her grumbles of "rip!!!!", "stuffing", and "garbage disposal" faded into the distance.
With a murderous glare, Ichigo smashed his foot on top of Kon's tail, keeping the idiot from even now attempting to molest Rukia. A quick curl of the toes and a kick and there was Kon's stuffed neck getting un-stuffed in Ichigo's hand. Ichigo grinned maliciously as an idea occurred to him. Grabbing the phone in his other hand and squeezing Kon in the other, Ichigo quickly dialed Ishida Uryuu's number. "Oi, Ishida, I have an idea for a gift and I need your help."
"Oh that's so lovely, thank you Arisawa-san!" Rukia held up the Chappy-printed blanket. "How did you know?" Rukia beamed, running her fingers over the blanket to admire the soft material.
Tatsuki scratched her head, smiling and feeling a little awkward. "I saw you looking at it in the mall the other day, and figured it'd make a nice gift for the baby."
"Oh, this one is from Kurosaki-kun!" Piped Inoue Orihime energetically, thrusting a small package in front of Rukia. "Open this one next!"
Rukia eyed the box for a moment before deciding to take it into her hands and shaking it vigorously. Something akin to squeaking and possibly…swearing (?) could be heard with each successive jolt.
"What the…?" Rukia looked at the box with confusion. Ripping the satin yellow ribbon and shredding the blue wrapping off, she dropped the box as it jostled on its own in her hands.
The top of the box tipped off revealing bunny ears and white jumpsuit with a frilly pink skirt intricately stitched onto a fairly outraged-looking Chappified Kon.
"WHEN I FIND HIM, ICHIGO IS A DEAD MAN!"
To be continued.