Chapter 35

I kept screaming as Shar came moved towards me. The knife kept coming closer and closer. His left hand grabbed my right wrist and I grabbed his right wrist with my other hand. Still shrieking, I wrestled with him, trying to get him to drop the knife…

"Armilla! Stop this at once!"

My screams were cut short when the scene in front of me vanished and I found myself staring into the darks eyes of my brother. Panting, I took in the scene around me. My bedroom had been dimly lit. My bed was big, but I had certainly travelled a fair way from my pillows during the dream. I was cowering in a ball near the foot of the bed, the sheets and blankets strewn in a heap all around me.

Snape was bending over me, his face unfathomable as he took in the scene himself now that I had stopped screaming. Just as Shar had done in the dream, Snape's left hand was gripped around my shaking right wrist. Suddenly I realised that I was gripping my brother's other wrist very tightly. A lovely knot formed in my stomach as I realised that though I had wrestled with Shar in my dream, I had been wrestling with Snape in reality.

"Really, Armilla, I am in no mood to engage in muggle-style wrestling at this time of the night, though I have no doubt I would be no match for you," Snape sneered, letting go of my wrist. For some reason, I was not ready to part with his.

I rubbed my eyes with my free hand, only to discover they were wet, as was the rest of my face.

Snape made no effort to remove his wrist from my grasp. Instead, he continued to stare down at me, taking in my shivering form. "I have said it before, but I believe I now have proper foundation in stating that you have quite a violent temperament whilst sleeping."

I looked down at the heap of sheets and blankets I was entangled in. I felt like such a baby. I was fifteen. I shouldn't be having such terrible nightmares that could only be stopped by my older brother's interference.

"If you allow me to have my arm back, I will attempt to straighten things up for you," said Snape, looking pointedly at my trembling hand around his wrist. "You do seem to have trouble with the whole notion of the bed and sleep. How you managed to end up down here is beyond me."

Shuddering, the thought of Shar with a knife still deeply on my mind, I loosened my grip on Snape, but didn't let go.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

Snape used his other hand to gently separate my hand from his wrist. "What for?" he asked quietly, staring fixedly at me.

"Disturbing you," I said, softly.

Snape shook his head. "Don't be. This time at least, I didn't have to chase you through a number of corridors."

He bent down and began untangling the pile of sheets and blankets I was half-sitting in. I kept rubbing my eyes, which seemed insistent on remaining wet. My attempt to control my shudders was failing enormously.

"It is fortunate that I heard you screaming," Snape said silkily, as he pulled a sheet from beneath me. "If I hadn't, I've no doubt you wouldn't have told me that you'd even had a nightmare. Am I correct?"

He paused with the sheet in his hands, glaring at me.

"I don't know," I said, quietly.

Snape shook his head again. "I'll take that as a yes."

"I'd feel like a five-year-old if I came running to you every time I had a nightmare," I said, blinking tears away. I kept picturing Shar's knife.

"So what?" he snapped. "Do you think I would tell you that you're acting like a five-year-old if you came to tell me that you had a disturbing dream? For goodness sake, Armilla, you were screaming so loudly that Docky heard you down in the kitchen!"

"I'm sorry," I repeated, feeling utterly embarrassed.

"I'm not asking for apologies!" said Snape angrily. "I was merely pointing out that a dream that distressing is not to be ignored, whether I had heard you or not."

I looked down at my hands, feeling so mortified that I wished I could disappear.

Snape clearly wanted my full attention though. "Look at me, Armilla."

I raised my eyes to meet his and he regarded me closely before speaking.

"What was your dream about?" he asked in a low voice, letting go of the sheet.

"…Shar…" I whispered.

Snape gave a small nod. He straightened up and regarded me, his expression calculating. "Only Shar?"

I shook my head.

"Well, then?"

"Docky…and…" I stopped, blinking tears away.

Snape sighed and took out his wand. "I have refrained from using Legilimency on you, but may I?"

I nodded.

"Am I to assume that your shield is currently down?"

In my current state, huddled at the foot of the bed, he really need not have asked. "Yes," I whispered. "I've left it down all day."

Snape's face softened slightly and he gazed at me for a moment before raising his wand. "Legilimens!"

The room vanished from view and flashes of the dream passed before my eyes. I saw Snape accusing me of not telling him things and then telling me to get out. I saw Shar coming at me, brandishing a knife. Seeing that moment again, I let out a small cry and the scene wavered, before vanishing completely. My own bedroom came back into view again and I looked up to see Snape pocketing his wand, his eyes fixed on the piano in the corner of the room.

Though resigned to the fact that my brother would obviously have noticed my tears by now, I still kept wiping them away in my embarrassment.

Finally drawing his eyes away from the piano, Snape returned his gaze to my shivering form, his face inscrutable.

"I'd prefer it if you slept at the other end of the bed," he said, his voice low. He reached down and took hold of me under my arms. Half-lifting me, he slid me back along the bed until I was leaning against my pillows. Taking his wand out again, he directed the sheets and blankets back into their proper position on the bed. The covers felt unnaturally warm, and I had the shrewd suspicion that Snape had also warmed them while putting them back on the bed.

Looking over the remade bed, Snape nodded his satisfaction and put his wand away, moving towards me.

Still wiping my eyes, I laid down, hoping against hope that Snape hadn't been mortally offended at his depiction in my dream.

To my surprise, he sat down on the side of the bed. He reached into his robes. "Here," he said quietly, handing me a black handkerchief.

Embarrassed, I took it from him and began wiping my eyes.

Snape waited until I had finished before he spoke again.

"You didn't occlude before sleep this evening?" he asked, his black eyes fixed on mine.

I shook my head. "No."

"What about last night?"

I shook my head again.

"I hardly need ask if you had nightmares last night," he said, frowning slightly as he considered me. "I regretted letting you go after speaking with you. I should have had you stay overnight in our quarters."

Our quarters. I shuddered again as more tears came.

"Armilla," Snape said quietly, shifting slightly closer to me. "I know I have advised you to practise Occlumency before sleep as a means to prevent nightmares, but I believe the best course of action is addressing the issue itself. Occlumency will only mask the problem, as you well know."

I nodded, wiping my eyes. The truth was, I didn't know how to deal the issue of Shar. He was in Azkaban, but he still haunted my dreams.

"Sometimes," Snape went on, his voice low, "the mind can play awful tricks on itself, particularly during nightmares. Such tricks can encourage the mind to dwell on issues that have caused a frequent amount of worry to the person."

I stared up at him, my stomach churning.

"From the flashes I saw of your dream," he continued, his eyes never leaving mine, "you have a number of worries that seem to have been plaguing you for some time."

I blinked, willing the tears to disappear.

"Yet," Snape went on, "you seem to have been content to push all these worries away behind your mental shield. Let's recap all the events in your life of late, shall we?"

I frowned, feeling a sense of foreboding.

"Let's see..." he said, like he was beginning a story, "you arrived late to school this year, having spent time with your sick guardian. You started the school year worrying about her health. Shortly after, she passed away and you were left with no proper guardian to claim you. Following Merle's funeral, you were attacked by a money-hungry squib who saw no harm in attempting to kill you in order to secure your inheritance." Snape stopped and raised an eyebrow. "Do correct me if I am wrong, though."

I nodded, chewing my lip.

"You then spent your recovery time isolated in the Secret Wing because the Defence Against the Darks Arts teacher is utterly moronic, like the man she answers to. It was here that you decided to sleepwalk and I was introduced to the wondrous puddle dream. Feeling adventurous and knowing perfectly well that it would displease me, you decided to investigate some kind of inkling you had regarding your dream. In very strange circumstances, you learned your true identity through the discovery of your mother, who was trapped between the living and the dead." Snape paused again. "Do I have it right so far?"

I nodded, blinking the tears away again.

"And then, when you thought the situation couldn't get anymore bizarre, I caught you out-of-bounds and we discovered that we are in fact related. Following this, our father was informed of your existence and consequently demanded the right to have sole control of you. He failed, however, and had to settle for joint-custody. Meanwhile you have to be trained by me in defence skills so that you may have a chance of coping with life as Aurelius Snape's daughter." Snape shook his head. "Really, Armilla, this all sounds a bit dramatic, doesn't it?"

I swallowed, trying to push down the lump in my throat. I wanted to tell him to stop, I had heard enough. I wanted to close my eyes and think about something else, but my brother's black eyes were gazing at me so fixedly that I couldn't look away.

"But the saga continues, and so we have to prepare for what is to come," said Snape softly. He leaned forward slightly. "Quite a lot has happened in your life within a very short space of time, wouldn't you agree?"

I gave a small nod.

"A little too much to simply push into the back of your mind and ignore?"

I nodded again.

"You grieve for Merle and our mother?"

I nodded, wiping away a tear.

"You are overwhelmed by the memory of Shar attacking you?"

Another small nod.

"You are terrified about going to stay with Father?"

I barely even needed to nod now. Snape already knew the answer. I wanted him to stop. I wanted him to leave so I could cry alone, by myself.

"And finally," Snape said, his voice low and his expression unreadable, "you are petrified that you'll be left alone to face things by yourself. You fear that I will go back on my word and leave you on your own if you do anything to displease me." It wasn't a question. Snape really thought this. But this time, I didn't agree. My heart told me something different.

"No," I whispered, my eyes watering.

He narrowed his eyes. "No?" he whispered.

"I do fear being left by myself," I said softly, "but I fear it happening by something out of your control."

Snape leaned back again, a brief look of surprise on his face. A moment later, I wondered if I had imagined it, for his face had resumed its usual stern look.

"Armilla, listen carefully," he said, watching me closely. "Your grief for Merle is not something you need hide from me. I've known it was there inside you since I was caring for you in the Secret Wing."

I nodded.

"Furthermore," he continued, "I have assured you before that Shar will not come near you again." He paused, sneering slightly. "Do you really think that I would take kindly to the man who came at my sister with a knife?"

I shook my head, feeling something within me I couldn't quite discern.

"I remind you that it was I who tended to you following that attack," Snape went on, his expression grim. "Whilst your injuries were quite serious, I am certain they were nothing to the mental trauma that must still exist in your mind."

I blinked back tears again, images of Shar flashing in my mind.

"As Shar's attack stemmed from Merle's passing," my brother continued, "I am inclined to believe that it is impacting your ability to process her death. You are not able to mourn her in the way you should because every thought of her is plagued by Shar."

I stared at him, wondering how he could know my thoughts so well.

"I did surmise that after being in your mind during our Occlumency lessons," Snape admitted, taking in my expression. He shook his head slightly. "It's enough to be getting on with, and certainly not something I would expect you to do on your own."

I shuddered again as more tears came.

"Only time and…moving forward will help you through this particular hardship," he said quietly, "but getting through it will become easier once you have admitted you cannot do it by yourself." He paused, giving me a significant look.

He was silent for a moment as I used his handkerchief to wipe my eyes.

"As for our dear Father," he went on, his face hardening, "staying with him will not be an easy time for you, but I give you my word that I will do everything in my power to help you through obstacles you might face."

"How did you get through those obstacles?" I whispered, shuddering.

Snape's eyes flashed and he stared above my head for a moment. "With all the willpower I had," he said bitterly. He looked down at me. "But I also had Mother."

I swallowed again, willing the growing lump in my throat to go down.

"Which brings me to the most important point I want to stress upon you," he said, his expression stern again as he leaned forward slightly. "The depiction of me in your dream was wildly inaccurate. I told you last night that I would not give you up. There are no conditions, Armilla."

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

Snape shook his head. "This is my final word on the subject," he said, his eyes narrowed. "You may do something in future that warrants a year's worth of detentions, but no matter what you do, it will not be punished by me disowning you." He looked slightly angry as he reached out and closed his hand around my left wrist, covering the bracelet. Instantly, incredible warmth spread through me.

"I am very serious about this, Armilla," said Snape, his eyes fixed on mine. "Assure me you understand it and we will say no more about it."

"I understand," I whispered, tears in my eyes.

"Good," he said, curtly.

"I didn't intend to make you angry before," I said, my voice wavering. "I was only asking you about that headache charm so you could teach me how to do it. I wasn't going to try it on myself without asking you…I'm not stupid."

"I know you're not stupid," Snape scoffed, releasing my wrist. He considered me for a moment. "I suppose I was still annoyed with you for not telling me that you even had a headache. I expect you to tell me things like that without being prompted."

"I will tell you," I said quietly, looking up at him. "I just have trouble sometimes seeing you as my brother instead of…" I paused, trying to figure out how to word my thoughts without offending the man. However, Snape completed my sentence for me.

"The formidable Head of Slytherin?" He raised an eyebrow.

Despite my tears, I managed a small smile. "You said it, not me."

"Ah, and I take full responsibility for my words, I assure you," he replied, the faintest hint of amusement on his face. "But you might do well to remember that up until now, I have not had another person to care for. Had you been a Slytherin, I might have understood you a little better, as I have greater insights into the workings of a Slytherin mind." He paused, his face softening as he contemplated me. "However, I do not regret that my sister is a Ravenclaw, and not only because that fact irritates Father."

I smiled.

"I certainly took you by surprise, bringing you here," he said, leaning back again. "Tell me, why do you think I brought you here, without planning it first?"

His question caught me by surprise. Thinking about what Snape had just been stressing to me, it didn't take long to work it out.

I met his eye. "To prove that I have a home with you."

Snape gave a small nod, his expression still stern. "'I took you out of the school environment to show you that your life's path does include a home. You may never consider Father's house a home. But for now, you have three homes, Armilla. The first is Ravenclaw Tower, where you spend the majority of your nights. The second is our quarters at Hogwarts. You do have a bedroom there now so it is just as much your home as it is mine while at school. And the third of course, is here."

I stared up at him, my eyes full of tears. "Thank you," I whispered.

"Do not thank me for providing a home for you," he scoffed.

"No," I said, quietly, my voice wavering again. "Thank you for staying."

He smirked. "Well, I wasn't going to leave you to sleep at the foot of the bed. I must admit, I was rather disappointed that your dream didn't feature a runaway puddle."

"That was one time," I mumbled, wiping away a tear.

He shook his head. "However, wrestling with a sleeping fifteen-year-old will no doubt be a lasting memory."

"I'm sorry," I said, quickly. "I thought it was Shar…"

Snape nodded. "Ah, hence your violent attitude towards me. I suppose those circumstances warrant my forgiveness." He fixed me with a piercing look. "But I hope to never appear in your dreams in that way again."

I shook my head. "No," I whispered.

"Well, I think it is well past time to sleep," he said. "We have things to do tomorrow and I am not a supporter of the Sunday lie-in."

He made no move to leave. "Close your eyes," he instructed.

I closed my eyes, and my mind welcomed the darkness. I felt Snape take hold of my right hand. He started reciting a charm softly under his breath, the charm sounding slightly melodic. I felt my body relaxing, welcoming whatever charm he was performing. As sleep started to overtake me, I let my last tear fall. Too tired, I didn't bother brushing it away.

But it didn't matter; my brother's warm hand wiped it away for me.