In a turmoil of emotions.
Authors note: first of all thanks again for all the lovely reviews especially Melissa07, anajet and HRae83. I really appreciate it and I hope you guys will continue. The only request I have is that you guys can give some advice in improving this story If you have any suggestions I would love to hear them.
Brenda was really excited she just had a call from Max Andrews one of the producers of 'LA justice' apparently the co executive producer of the series wanted to meet her. Max had told her that he was a very big fan of her ever since he had seen her performance in the 'Cat on the hot thin roof' and had been following her career ever since. That's why he really wanted her to play in there new series. Brenda really couldn't think of who it was. Roy Randolph had let her meet all the important people how could help her career but she couldn't remember that there was a Hollywood producer in that circle. She sighed it didn't matter that much anyway she now had a very big opportunity to become a very famous actress. She remembered the look on everybody's face two days ago at the welcome home diner party when she told them she had gotten the lead part in a newly to produce series and that she would stay in Beverly-Hills. Donna almost jumped to the roof of happiness. And the others where really happy and excited too even Kelly was very glad that she was once again staying in Beverly-Hills. The only one who wasn't really happy was Alex, he never wanted to move to the US he just wanted them to live in London where he didn't had to share Brenda's attention with a lot of other people. Brenda slowly had an enough of Alex possessive behaviour.
This morning they had a fight again. Alex was furious because she had promised him to go and sights see LA but after the call from Max Andrews Brenda had to go meet the producer first. She had promised him that they would go and see LA after that but apparently that wasn't good enough he told her that he wanted spend the entire day away with her. She had told him that this was very imported for her and that she couldn't spend the entire day away with him anyway because she also had Kieran think about.
She had then left to room with her son in her arms and went down stairs to feed and play with him. She was so in to her son that she didn't even saw Brandon standing in the door looking at her.
Brandon couldn't believe how much his sister had grown up. Brenda had always a mind of her own and she always had followed her hart and dreams but now that she had become a mother herself it seemed like this had only gotten stronger. Brandon couldn't help but feeling tremendously proud with his 'little' sister.
Brenda looked up from Kieran and saw Brandon standing in the door way. And smiled at him.
'Hi stranger how long have you been standing there?' she asked cheerful
'Long enough to see that you are bugging my little nephew' Brandon replied playful.
As Brandon said that Kieran let out a big squeal of happiness and tried to put both of his hands in his little mouth.
Brandon and Brenda looked at him and they both started laughing.
'Well at least there one person in this house that finds his uncle Brandon funny'. Brenda said laughing.
'That's because he is the only other person with good taste in this house' Brandon said back with the same playfulness in his voice.
'In that case you don't mind babysitting him for a few hours, mom and dad are spending a romantic day together. And since you have the day of you could do your better half a favour.'
Brandon laughed. Brenda had always a very unique way of saying things. That was one the things he had missed the most when she lived in London.
'Well of course I want to baby-sit my favourite nephew. But then my sweet sister my I ask where are you going of to too day?' Brandon said with a very fake English accent that made Brenda laugh again and of the sound of mother's laughter Kieran this time let even out a louder squeal.
'Max Andrews the producer, just called and told me that the co executive producer of the series really wants to meet with me. Apparently he is a big fan of me ever since I stared in 'the cat on the hot thin roof' so I have an appointment with him in two hours'. Brenda said proudly
'Way to go Sister Brenda. But I thought you where spending the day with Alex show him around LA'. Brandon replied back
'I know he was really pissed when I told him that I had to meet the producer. I know he feels left out and that I don't pay enough attention to him, but this is just to imported for me to blow.' Brenda said a little sadly.
'I know Bren, you have worked really hard for your acting career so I understand you don't have to explain yourself to me. I tell you what; you go and have your meeting and I entertain Kieran and Alex while you're gone.'
'Thanks Brandon you would really do that for me?'
'Bren you know that I would do anything for you'. Brandon replied seriously.
Brenda smiled at him and kissed him on his cheek.
'You know I would do the same for you. But what about Kelly does she mind?'
'I know you would Bren. And as for Kelly, she has to work today so I'm not spending the day with her anyway.' Brandon said back reassuringly.
'Oh ok I just don't want you to get in any trouble with Kelly cause of me. I mean my relationship with Kelly has definitely seen better days. And I don't want to get in any kind of an argument with her, since I'm trying to work on our relationship.' Brenda said.
'You know Bren I'm really proud of you. After everything that happened between the two you, you still make an effort to improve your relationship with Kelly. I'm really thankful for that I think you're the best sister a guy could ask for.' Brandon replied back seriously.
'I told you before there almost noting that I wouldn't do for you, al I want for you is to be happy'. After her last comment she kissed Brandon again on the cheek and picked up Kieran from his blanket how was obviously tired from his play time she kissed him lightly on his forehead and Kieran give her a little smile in return and buried his little head in her shoulders.
'I'm Just going to bring Kieran to Bed. His milk and his baby food are in the fridge he needs to be fed again in 2 hours. You can give him the mashed fruit mix he really love's that. And when he cries you have to hold him real close to you other ways he won't settle down our you can to the rock and walk with him he really likes that that too'.
Just as Brenda was about to go on about all the things Kieran needed Brandon paused her.
'Bren he going to be fine. You're only a way for about one hour and if there's anything wrong I just call you. Now hand him over to me I'll take him to bed, now go before you miss your appointment'. Brandon said firm.
'Are you sure?' Brenda asked a little concerned.
'Yes I am, now go!' Brandon replied back.
'Thank you Brandon I love you' Brenda replied back.
'I now you do and I love you to'. Brandon replied back as he walked upstairs to bring Kieran to bed.
Just as Brenda was about to leave Alex came out of the kitchen.
'Are you leaving without saying goodbye to me?' He asked.
'No of course not' Brenda replied back.
She walked over to Alex and gives him a long lingering kiss on his mouth.
'So I take it your not mad at me anymore'. Alex asked her as he looked in to her eyes.
'I never really was and you know that. You know how imported this is for me so please be supportive of me'. Brenda pleaded.
'You know I'm. I only wanted for us to spend just a little more time together.
'I know and I promise to make it up to you when I get back'. Brenda replied back.
Alex leaned over and kissed her again on her mouth.
'I love you so much'. Alex said.
Brenda smiled a little.
'I love you to, but now I really have to go our I'll be late for that appointment.' Brenda replied back.
///-------///
Dylan McKay was standing in his bedroom; he had absolutely now idea what to wear today. He wanted to look good today and he wasn't really sure what to wear, he could go for his new Armani suit which he had bought for Brandon and Kelly's wedding. Brenda always liked it when he was wearing suits. But she also loved it when he had just casual clothes on. He was torn. Before he had ever met Brenda he just had worn clothes that he liked. But ever since he had met Brenda things had changed, when ever he was going out to buy clothes our shoes he always bought them with Brenda in the back of his mind.
He looked again is his closet and sighed. On the bottom shelf lay most of his casual trousers. He finally had decided that he would wear a casual pair of brown cotton trousers and a neat finely blocked blouse and light brown shoes. As he put his clothes and shoes on he looked at the clock that was hanging on his bedroom wall it was 11:15 am already he really needed to hurry up Brenda would be hear at 12:00 am sharp. He rushed him self in to his bathroom and began to comb his hair luckily he had been to the barber yesterday so it was neatly cut. He combed his hair for the most part too his left side leaving a small division on the right so that it still looked quite casual.
He then rushed down stairs to get some quick breakfast. As he walked in to the kitchen he saw his mother sitting at the kitchen table. She was talking to Maria his cook and it seemed like two women where really enjoying there conversation they didn't even hear him come in to the kitchen.
'Good morning ladies' he said and kissed his mother on her cheek.
'Good morning mister McKay what do you want for breakfast' Maria asked.
'Just some toast and coffee please' he replied back.
'Hi honey you look good' Iris said while looking at her son.
'Thank you mom, did you sleep well tonight?' He asked politely.
'Yeah wonderful sweetheart. So how are you feeling knowing that you will see Brenda today'. Iris asked a little concerned.
'Fine'. He lied, he actually felt incredible nervous at the prospect of seeing Brenda today he had so much to say to her and he was afraid that once he saw her he couldn't control al of his emotions anymore. Brenda was the only women that could push al of his buttons and let him feel a whole rainbow of emotions at the same time.
'I think it's about time that she and I cleared things up. We have a lot to say to each other; I mean we both lied to each other about numerous things. And I don't think she would be too happy when she finds out that I'm partly responsible for getting her the part in 'LA Justice'.
'Well honey she hasn't exactly been honest with you either so I don't think she will hold it against you for long'. Iris replied back.
'I know I just hope whe can have this conversation without fighting. I really would like to see my kid as soon as possible and I don't think that will happen when Bren leaves here angry'.
Dylan finished his toast and coffee and looked at his watch Brenda would be here in 15 minutes. He decided to go to his study and wait the remainder of time for her there. He would ask Fairfax of he could send Brenda upstairs to his study so he could have the entire conversation with her there so nobody would interrupt them. He told his mother where he was going and kissed her goodbye.
//----//
Brenda Walsh drove her car up the drive way of the enormous estate. She felt really excited of meeting the producer how had given her career a real boost.
Who ever he was he had certainly very good taste his house was absolutely beautiful. It reminded her of the large English country estates that she loved so much. She and Dylan used to talk about living in such a big house one day and raising there children in it. Dylan used to joke that they needed at least 7 children to fill up the rooms. She smiled softly of the memory. She sighed unfortunately things had gone completely different then she'd ever had imagined she felt a little overwhelmed by her emotions. Come on Brenda control yourself you are about to have one of the most imported meetings in you acting career and you can't blow it by acting irrationally emotional. She told her self.
She got out of her car and pushed the doorbell and waited for an answer.
An older distinguished man with pepper and salt hair opened the front door. His eyes where brightly green and his lips curled in to a light smile when he saw her.
'Ms Walsh please come in, we have been expecting you.' He said with a friendly tone of voice.
Brenda looked at him with surprise on her face. This was something she obviously wasn't expecting. He smiled lightly at her.
'I'm sorry I've forgotten my manners let me introduce myself Nigel Fairfax is the name I'm the butler of this household'. He said with a light and creamy voice.
Brenda felt a bit silly for her behaviour. Of course some one who would live in such an house would have had a butler this was after all Beverly-Hills. God she really had lived in London to long.
'Oh ok I'm Brenda Walsh but I guess you already knew that'. She replied back shyly.
He just smiled at her again.
'Well, please follow me my boss will meet you in his study.'
Brenda walked right behind him the house was beautiful decorated it was exactly the way she liked it. It breathed out history, peace and tranquillity. It was the kind of house that was big but also very warm just like your favourite winter coat.
As they reached the study Fairfax knocked on the door.
'Enter' a slightly familiar voice said.
Fairfax opened the door and let her in and closed the door behind her.
Brenda saw a familiar man standing in front of the window with is back turned towards here. He slowly turned around and looked straight in to her eyes. God!! She looked beautiful her hair had a slight wave and it looked darker than normal making her eyes appear radiant blue on her lips she wore a pinkish collar lipstick that combined greatly with her sleeveless crème collard dress with big pinkish flowers on it, the dress was cut at knee length. For a moment Dylan couldn't breathe he felt an enormous need for her emotionally, physically and spiritually. He just wanted to reach out and touch her, hold her in his arms and bury his head in her neck smelling her sweet scent and let the whole world just melt a way and forget about al of there troubles. But in an instant he felt his anger rise again and he knew that they couldn't take an easy way out of there problems, not this time.
Brenda froze in shock she just couldn't believe it what was he doing her?! She felt confused and betrayed all at the same time was someone playing tricks with her? He looked gorgeous in an instant Brenda could remember all the reasons why she ever had fallen in love with him. It was like the whole world had disappeared leaving only her and Dylan behind. She felt her hart race in her chest she had never loved a man like she had loved Dylan McKay. The way he looked at her made her whole body tingle he could sent her to heaven again and again and again just by touching her. Brenda tried desperately to get control over her emotions again she slowly breathed in and out.
Dylan was the first one who recovered, but then again he had, had a day to prepare for this meeting.
'Hi Bren how are you?' Dylan asked with a voice tight with emotions.
Brenda who was still in shock good do noting then stammer;
'Y you'??!
Dylan let out a laugh but it wasn't joyful it was a bit sad.
'God! Bren have you forgotten my name already? It has just been a year since you last saw me but I'm guessing that Alex is doing a pretty good job of keeping me out of your head and hart! And all I could do this damm year was think about you 24/7 praying that you would come back to me!' Dylan was quite shocked by his own outburst this wasn't like he had planed this meeting he just wanted to talk to Brenda in a normal way but his anger had gotten the better of him.
He looked at Brenda and saw fear and tears in her eyes just like faithful evening in London when she had ended there relationship. He instantly felt guilty he didn't want her to be afraid of him she was the only person he had ever truly loved.
'I'm sorry he didn't mean to upset you' Dylan spoke now with a mild voice.
Brenda was now crying.
'You where never out of my mind or my hart Dylan'. Brenda said quietly.
Dylan suddenly felt the urge to comfort her he approached her and tried to hold her in his arms but she sharply pooled away. Dylan felt a sting in his heart and again felt his anger rise.
Brenda began to realise that Dylan had set this al up to get her back to LA, she felt betrayed and angry but most of al she felt like she was a complete and total fool.
'You really do everything to get things your way do you Dylan! This whole stupid television series doesn't even exist but was just a trick to get me to come back to LA isn't Dylan!!' Brenda screamed in tears.
Dylan looked at her with hurt in his eyes.
' No Brenda in spite of what you think this series is for real! I have invested some money in a production company on the condition that I could help pick out the lead actress Max Andrews agreed with my turns and flow to London to check you out himself. And he agreed with me that you were perfect for the part. But you right about one thing I did invest in that company to get you back here because your damm acting career was the only thing you cared about!' Dylan screamed the last part out.
Brenda was quite stunned by his confession but found his allegations deeply unfair.
'You know that, that isn't true I loved you and I never wanted to cut you short. But you knew that I always wanted to be an actress! and yes its true that I sometimes spend a lot of time in the theatre and that our relationship suffered because of that, but if I wanted to have any chance of becoming a successful actress I needed to do this and you knew that! But in stat of supporting me you tried to persuade me to do less interesting plays that wouldn't help my career as a serious actress!'
The only thing Dylan had heart was that she had loved him. What did it mean? Didn't she love him anymore? Had that damm Alex captured her hart? Dylan felt psychically Ill by that thought it was like he couldn't breathe anymore he felt he was slowly dieing. He had to know if she still loved him like he loved her.
'So I take it you don't love me anymore?' Dylan spoke with the voice of a scared little boy.
Brenda was a little taken a back by his comment she had expected him to counter her accusations. Of course she still loved him she never ever had stop loving him.
'Yes Dylan I still love you I never have stopped loving you.' Brenda replied back quietly.
Dylan felt tremendously relieved. But than he remembered the conversation he had with Kelly and his mother yesterday. And felt his hart twitch and again he felt his anger rise.
'If you do love why you did never went after me after I got kicked out of England? And if you love me so much why did you start a relationship with Alex? Wasn't I good enough for you? Dylan asked hurt.
Brenda was a little surprised that Dylan knew about her relationship with Alex.
'You know Dylan it wasn't easy for me either! I was just so mad at you! You only thought about what you wanted and what you needed in live and my dreams seemed to be less imported to you! And as for my relationship with Alex that just happened I didn't plan to fall in love with him! He just helped me out with a lot of stuff and he did respect my dreams!
'I did respect your dream of becoming a successful actress you know that! But there where times that it seemed like the only thing you cared about was your damm acting career and our relationship came in second place and it seemed like I was the only person interested in maintaining it. And as for Alex I had warned you about him he wanted you from the first moment he had seen you but you where to busy to even notice! What did he do clime in to bed with you right after I left! And play daddy to MY SON! Dylan spoke in a voice full of anger he couldn't control himself any more al his frustrations about his relationship with Brenda just surfaced. He didn't mean to tell Brenda that he knew about Kieran at least not yet. He had wanted to give her the opportunity to tell him first.
He looked at Brenda and saw shock and tears in her eyes.
Brenda couldn't believe what Dylan just had said. How did he know about Kieran? Had someone told him behind her back? She initially was planning on telling him in two weeks like she had agreed up on with Alex. But she had changed her mind once she was confronted with Dylan. But know she didn't have to anymore Dylan already knew about his son and it wasn't because of her. Had one of her 'friends' told Dylan? Brenda felt once again betrayed.
'How, how do you know about Kieran' Brenda stammered.
Dylan felt a little trapped he had promised Kelly that he wouldn't tell Brenda of her little visit. The relationship between Kelly and Brenda was complicated enough and if he told the truth to Brenda things might turn explosive between them and then not mention Brandon reaction on the entire situation he would probably take Brenda's side like he always did. Dylan knew that he couldn't do that to Kelly she really loved Brandon and he wanted Kelly to be happy that's why also didn't tell Kelly about the kiss Brandon had with Emily. He had figured that he didn't want to be responsible for a break-up between Brandon and Kelly. So he decided to lie to Brenda something he wasn't really pleased with al do he had lied to her before.
'After I left England I hired a private investigator to check up on you just to see how you where doing. And he found out that you had kept the baby and that you had a relationship with Alex. Why else do you think I went thru so much trouble to bring you back here?
Dylan thought it was a very believable lie.
Brenda was in a complete shock she had absolutely now idea what to say our do.
On the one hand she was glad that her friends didn't tell Dylan but on the other hand she realised how volatile he relationship with Dylan was and that really scared her. But some where deep in her hart she couldn't blame Dylan for his actions they never had a change to work things out back in London.
'I feel so guilty, I swear I wanted to tell you about Kieran but I was a afraid of your reaction and I was just so mad at you that I couldn't bring myself to tell you. I just kept pushing it out in front of me, and then when my relationship with Alex turned romantic and things became so complicated that I didn't really knew what to do anymore! I'm so sorry Dylan please believe me when I tell you that I never wanted to hurt you.' Brenda cried.
Dylan saw her breaking down and he immediately felt guilty too it wasn't like he had been honest to her either. He was just as guilty in escalating the situation like she was. Only he had, had it done more secretly. He was the one who had tempered with her birth control pills and he just had lied to her again. But he couldn't bring himself to tell Brenda the truth he was afraid that if he told her now he would lose her for good. At the moment they where both emotionally wrecked and he doubted if either of them could get there temper in check after such a confession. Maybe he would tell her when there relationship had stabilised at leased then they would be able to deal with it.
'I know you didn't Bren. And I'm sorry too for all the pain I put you thru'. Dylan replied.
He walked over to Brenda and pulled her in to a tight embrace. This time she didn't pull away but let him hold her. He was glad that he was able to give her some comfort. He buried his had in her neck she smelled so sweet. Dylan couldn't resist the urge to kiss here it just felt like a natural thing to do. He slowly moved his lips in to her neck and let his hands move around her back. Brenda responded to his kisses she moved her head so that her lips met his before they fully realised it they where in passionately kissing. And the whole world disappeared. Brenda felt Dylan's hands move under her dress he slowly caressed her thighs. She had the enormous urge to give in to the passion but realised it was wrong. There problems where far from being over. Brenda pulled away from Dylan. And looked it to his eyes, they showed a mix of hurt and a burning desire that made her hart skip a few beats.
'I'm sorry Dylan we can't do this not right now it wouldn't be good or fair'. Brenda spoke sad but very determined.
'Why not? Is it because of Alex? Dylan asked hurt.
'Yes and because it wouldn't be right , right now we just have to much unresolved issues and by making love with each other right now would make things only more complicated'. Brenda replied.
'So where do we start again?' Dylan asked.
'I don't know Dylan I don't know. I think we need time to work that out'. Brenda replied back.
'What do you mean with time?' Dylan asked
'I mean that I need to work things with Alex out first and find out where my relationship with him is going. N spite of what you might think I do love him and I don't want to hurt him.' Brenda said.
'Well Bren you are bound to hurt him in the end cause you where never his to begin with. You know that you and I are mend to be together and the sooner you realise that the better. Believe me in the end you will hurt him even more if you're not telling him as soon as possible that your relationship with him won't stand a chance'.
'You see Dylan that is exactly the problem with us; I don't know anymore if where mend to be and I need time to figure that out.' Brenda said.
'Bren!?' Dylan walked toward her and cupped her face with his hand.
'If you are complete honest with your self you know that I'm speaking the truth. But I will give you time to realise that. Under the condition that I can see Kieran as soon as possible I' am still his father and I would like to build on a relationship with him, I think you owe that much'. Dylan said with lots of pain in his voice.
'Of course you can see Kieran I will never do anything to keep him away from you I hope you know that'. Brenda replied back.
'Yes Bren I know'. Dylan answered back.
Brenda looked down and spoke with a soft voice.
'I think its best that I leave now so we can let this rest for awhile'.
Before Dylan could say something back Brenda left the room and walked downstairs straight to her car. Leaving a emotionally wrecked Dylan alone is his study.