Remember When, part one
I remember waking that morning with his weight beside me, fighting to recall the events that had lead to my lying naked in bed with my partner. Then the details of the case had flashed through my mind and I remembered how emotionally drained we had felt. Booth's offer of Thai food and Spanish wine had been a welcome distraction from dealing with the aftermath of the intense case and I had accepted it easily. In hindsight, the wine was probably not the best of ideas considering our heightened emotional states. Maybe one bottle wouldn't have been too bad, but the second and third bottles were definitely ill-advised.
It's in our nature, really. Dealing with death and trauma by celebrating life and all its pleasures. When faced with the fragility of human existence, it is important to do something that reminds us why we struggle to exist. At least, that was what I had told Booth when he had woken. The sex, although highly pleasurable, had been just sex and it didn't have to mean or change anything between us. He seemed to have believed me. I think I had even convinced myself.
So we suffered through an uncomfortable breakfast of coffee and bagels and a few quiet car rides until after a few days, our partnership seemed to have returned to normal. The sex was behind us.
That was about six weeks ago. I double-checked my day planner to be certain and the Donnelly case had concluded just over six weeks ago. Just over six weeks ago, I had had sex with Booth in a drunken haze and had disregarded common sense. Not only had I had sex with my partner, I had had unprotected sex with my partner. When I had double-checked the dates on the Donnelly case, I had also verified the date of my last period. That had been over two months ago. It seemed pointless in denying it any longer. The absence of my period and the five positive tests in my bathroom wastebasket had confirmed that I was pregnant with my partner's child.
Accepting the fact of my pregnancy was easy. What I was going to do about it was another thing all together. I couldn't talk to anyone about it; I hadn't decided yet if I was going to keep it and wanted to make the decision without any undue influence. I had never imagined myself bringing another life to this overpopulated planet and knew that if I told Booth, he would want me to do just that.
And then there was the matter of my relationship with Booth. We had just recovered the easy comradery of the weeks leading up to our sexual encounter. I didn't want to lose it again and knew that I would if I told him. I knew that he wouldn't want to have another complicated relationship with his child. He would feel some sense of obligation and would likely propose to me as he had done with Rebecca and I would have to refuse.
Or would I?
The thoughts of a possibility of a life with Booth surprised me. Why would I consider accepting a proposal from him? We didn't love each other. We disagreed on most major life decisions. We argued all the time. We would never be able to live together and get along. How did I get to the point of arguing with myself against accepting a proposal that I haven't yet been offered?
Maybe I wanted him to offer.
The events of that night played through my mind. The memory of the sex was wonderful, but so was the memory of the laughter and conversation that had preceded the sex. I miss that intimacy more than I miss the physical intimacy. We haven't so much as shared a lunch together since that night and I would be dishonest with myself if I didn't admit that I missed him. I miss him and I see him nearly everyday. Amazing how that can happen.
As I walked to my office the following morning, I saw him waiting for me on the landing. Something about the smile on his face and the warmth of his greeting seemed to speak to my heart… not that my heart could actually hear him speaking. It was just that I knew in that moment that I couldn't betray him and my not including him in this major decision was a form of betrayal. I would be furious - and hurt - if he left me out of something important and nothing he could leave me out of would be as important to him as this decision that I was about to make. I had to tell him. I would take him to lunch today and tell him.
"Morning, Booth," I greeted him as I arrived at my office door.
Glancing at his watch, he answered: "I guess you could still call it morning. I was beginning to think you weren't ever going to make it in."
I knew he was being slightly facetious, but found myself defending my late arrival just the same.
"I've been working a lot of extra hours lately. I didn't think it would be a big issue if I started my day a little later than usual. Maybe next time I'll check with you first."
I cringed internally at the edge in my voice. This hadn't been how I had wanted to begin our conversation. I knew that additional hormone production was the reason behind my irritability, but knowing the reason behind it did little to remedy it. My late arrival had been caused by the pregnancy, too. It had just been so hard to convince myself to leave the warmth of my bed without a pressing case to attend to. Maybe I wasn't ready to talk to Booth about the pregnancy, after all.
"Easy, Bones," he interrupted my silent monologue. "I was just making a little joke. You know what a joke is, right? Humour? Funny-ha-ha?"
His good-natured ribbing reminded me of why I had decided to talk to him and I smiled half-heartedly in answer.
"I know what a joke is, Booth. I'm just… you want to have lunch with me today? My treat."
He seemed a little lost in my train of thought, not that I could blame him. I had probably truly confused him - first showing up slightly late for work and then my first discussion had centered on going out to lunch. This pregnancy thing was clearly interfering with my focus.
"I'd love to properly take you up on that offer, Bones, but we'll have to do that another time. We have a case. Grab your things and your… Zack and let's get out of here."
"We have a case, Booth. Why didn't you say so? You should have called me. I would've been here sooner. Zack?" I called over the railing. "Get your things. We have to go."
A/N: I should have more to post in the next day or so. I hope there's enough interest to warrant it. Please read and review. Thank you. Scarlet.