Armilla

by Coral Grace

Follows the troubled path of fifth year Ravenclaw student, Armilla Kemp, when she is suddenly placed in the care of Professor Snape. Set in OotP. Complete.

71. Separation Anxiety

Chapter 71

I blearily opened my eyes to the sound of Morag's soft hooting. Rolling over, I squeezed my eyes shut, wanting sleep to take me again. My bed was so warm, I had no wish to leave it anytime soon. As much as a large part of me wanted to sleep, an annoying part of my mind had well and truly woken up and seemed to want to think things over.

I didn't remember going to bed. I had been talking to Snape out in the sitting room, but after that I couldn't recall anything else. I must have fallen asleep in his arms.

I was surprised that I hadn't had nightmares. I hadn't started occluding before I went to sleep, so my mind had been open for horrendous tales.

I sat up suddenly at looked at the clock on my bedside table. 12:53 pm. Surely whatever Lucius Malfoy had been doing in the Department of Mysteries would be over by now? Was an engagement to Draco on the cards?

I shuddered at such a thought. The idea of being the wife of that blond pointy-faced twit was enough to turn me off food.

I wondered if Harry and his friends were alright. I assumed that Ron and Hermione were two of the five that had accompanied Harry to the Department of Mysteries. I had no idea who else had joined them. I wasn't close to Harry or Ron, and I had never felt a strong desire to get to know either of them better, but Hermione was a different story. As much as I hoped they were all okay, it was Hermione who really worried me.

I laid back down and was about to close my eyes when I heard voices. Morag had stopped hooting and so I could now hear the muffled sounds coming from out in the sitting room. I couldn't hear what was being said, but I was able to make out who was there. One voice, of course, belonged to my brother, and I felt an unexpected jolt inside me at the sound of it. I knew it was from relief of his being nearby; I didn't want him to go anywhere.

The other voice belonged to Dumbledore. How could he be back at Hogwarts? The Ministry was after him. Maybe Umbridge had no idea that he was there. As I closed my eyes again, something Snape had said hours ago suddenly came back to me. Umbridge had gone into the forest, and as far as Snape knew, she hadn't emerged.

I hoped the fact that Dumbledore was currently out in the sitting room with my brother was a good sign. What I wanted to hear more than anything else was of Lucius Malfoy's failure.

I rolled onto my other side, willing my mind to stop thinking so hard. I wanted to go back to sleep. I felt like I had only slept for a couple of hours; and my body felt sore all over. I supposed it was from a large number of muscles protesting at the amount of exercise I had gotten whilst escaping Father. I had never run so much in my life. Of course, enduring the Cruciatus curse wouldn't have done my muscles any good either. My body was reminding me of it and recommending not to do it again.

Sighing, I tried occluding, and before long I found myself drifting in and out of sleep. It seemed like I was only sleeping for a couple of minutes at a time. The third time I awoke I heard footsteps coming down the corridor, and the muffled voices were getting louder. I closed my eyes and put my hand over my ear in an attempt to drown out the outside sounds.

I still heard my bedroom door open, as well as the footsteps now inside the room. I opened my eyes as a hand closed around my wrist and lifted it away from my ear. Snape was standing over me, frowning slightly. The sight of him created a sense of relief within me, quite like the one I had felt before.

"How do you feel?" he asked quietly.

"Sore," I said honestly.

"Well that's to be expected," said another, very familiar voice from the doorway. Dumbledore. I turned my head slightly to see him standing in the doorway, wearing deep red robes. His eyes didn't have the twinkle they usually did, and his face looked drawn, but the warm smile on his face was still enough to make me give a small smile in return.

He moved further into the room and settled himself in the armchair next to my bed. Snape, who was standing on the other side, sat down on my bed, took out his wand and began casting various diagnostic spells, no doubt checking that everything was healing.

"Are you Headmaster again?" I asked, looking at Dumbledore as Snape examined my bandaged wrist.

He inclined his head. "Only if you permit it, Armilla," he answered, smiling again.

Snape snorted.

I smiled. "So Umbridge never came back?"

"She is currently resting in the hospital wing," Dumbledore explained. "I retrieved her from a group of centaurs this morning, and she will leave the school when she has recovered." His tone had an air of finality, which I supposed was to imply that he was offering no more information on the subject.

"I returned to Hogwarts early this morning, Armilla," he went on, "with quite a story to give Severus. However, your brother also had an extraordinary story for me. It appears you had quite an ordeal and are to be commended on how you handled it."

"Mind the amount of praise you bestow upon her, Headmaster," said Snape. "She generally has difficulty accepting it."

He let go of my wrist, and I found myself missing his touch. This was ridiculous! I was not a needy person. Why was I suddenly feeling like this? It was comfort enough, after all, that he was sitting very close to me. I wasn't about to take his hand in front of the Headmaster though. Snape generally shielded his warmer side from other people. My friends had witnessed him holding my hand, but I knew that would be a one-off.

"Difficulty accepting it?" Dumbledore repeated, looking curiously at me. "You showed an astonishing amount of bravery and your good judgement led to your admirable escape. Your control over your magic, especially whilst enduring an Unforgivable, demonstrates how much dedication you have put into developing your magic through these past months." He looked at Snape. "Your brother is to be commended for that too, having been just as dedicated to teaching you."

Snape met his gaze, but gave no comment. He seemed to be thinking about something else.

"I am sorry that you were put in so much danger, Armilla," the Headmaster went on, looking grave. "I know it was a difficult time for you in the aftermath of Shar's attack last year, especially considering Merle had just passed away. You will need strength once again to deal with what your father has just put you through."

"I'm fine," I said honestly, not wanting to think about Shar. I was fine. I was a little sore, but that would pass. I didn't want Snape to leave my side. I wasn't sure if that would pass…

Dumbledore nodded, though he shared a brief look with Snape before speaking to me again. Did they think I would have trouble getting through this?

"There are many things that need to be discussed, Armilla, and I will leave Severus to share those things with you." He took my good hand in his. "I merely came in to offer my best wishes to you and to congratulate you on your conduct. I will discuss the custody arrangement later, as I need to get in touch with a few contacts. Fortunately for us, there has been some movement in positions at the Ministry." He let go of my hand and stood up, looking at my brother.

"Hopefully I will be able to give you an answer before the day is out, Severus," he said. "I must go and look into other Ministry business as well. I also need to speak to the examiners, and I will deal with our dear Dolores. I trust that you will be down here for the remainder of the day?"

Snape nodded. "Yes."

I was relieved. At least he wasn't going anywhere. Unless he was called…

"Good," Dumbledore replied, walking to the door. Snape got up too, presumably to show him out.

The Headmaster looked back at me. "I expect to see you soon, Armilla."

I merely nodded. My throat seemed stuck all of a sudden. There were so many things that needed to be asked. I didn't know where to begin. I was kind of glad that Dumbledore was leaving Snape to tell me everything. As much as I respected the Headmaster, I just wanted my brother's company at the moment.

Snape followed Dumbledore out of the room and I immediately missed his presence. I knew it was silly, seeing as he was still a short way away, but I didn't feel as secure as I had when he had been right beside me.

I stared down at my hands, noticing that I was gripping the hem of my bed sheet with my good hand more tightly than necessary. I didn't let go; biting my lip, I stared down at my bandaged hand, thinking about Lucius and Draco Malfoy, and Hermione…and Father…and Harry…

"Armilla?"

I jumped, surprised to see Snape return so quickly. I had thought that he would continue talking with Dumbledore out in the sitting room for a minute or two. He stopped at the foot of my bed, frowning slightly as he looked at me.

"Are you alright?"

I nodded distractedly. "Do you think you will get called today?" I asked quietly, dreading the answer. I knew the Dark Lord would call him sooner or later.

"I don't know," he answered, coming to sit on the bed next to me. He reached over and separated my hand from the sheet, still frowning. "I do not want you to spend time thinking about that. Understood?"

I nodded, grateful when he squeezed my hand slightly before letting go. He took out his wand and summoned a potion and a glass from the lab.

I sat up, feeling my muscles protest, as he poured a small amount of the cream-coloured potion into the glass and held it out to me. "This will numb the pain," he said.

It was wonderful to have a Potions Master for a brother. I recognised the potion as one I had helped him brew. I drank the potion and noticed the effects immediately.

"Thank you," I said, as he took the glass back.

"I do know that we won't be organising an engagement party for you any time soon," he said smoothly, setting the bottle and glass down on the bedside table.

An enormous amount of relief spread through me. I couldn't find words to express my happiness at hearing those words. I just gazed back at Snape, smiling.

"I thought that would make you smile," he said, returning the smile.

"Lucius Malfoy failed?" I breathed, hardly daring to believe it.

"He is currently in Azkaban, along with other Death Eaters, having been defeated by the Order members that went to the aid of Potter and his friends at the Ministry last night. Of course the Dark Lord would be absolutely livid about this right now, seeing as Lucius was intrusted with an important task. Lucius will not get his reward. You will not marry Draco."

I was so thrilled that I suddenly had tears in my eyes. Where had they come from? They were probably still lingering just under the surface like they had been before I had fallen asleep.

I took a shuddering breath, gripping the sheet again. I was just so relieved.

"You know," I said tentatively, my voice just above a whisper, "I know it's an awful thing to say, but I'm happy that Draco will suffer over his father being in Azkaban."

Snape looked thoughtful. "It is unlike you to think that way, but I'm sure you would agree that your feelings about this stem from Draco's recent treatment of you."

I nodded. "He was so certain things were going to go their way…he was so smug."

"Indeed," he said, sneering slightly. "I too am overjoyed that Lucius failed, and I know it will be good for Draco to see his father disgraced by the Dark Lord. It won't be pleasant by any means, but perhaps there is hope that Draco will come to see his father and the Dark Lord in a different light."

I nodded again, thinking about the repercussions of all this. I looked over at him suddenly.

"Are all the others alright? Is Hermione okay?"

Snape's eyes narrowed at my mention of Hermione's name.

"Miss Granger was injured, as were many others, but she'll be fine." He sneered. "In fact she'll be well enough to be back to her irritating know-it-all form in no time."

I frowned. "There's nothing wrong with Hermione," I said quietly.

He scowled at me. "She's a friend of Potter's. Enough said."

"So are the Weasley twins," I retorted, "and if it hadn't been for them, I would still be wherever Father is right now."

Snape glared at me for a moment and I could tell he was about to rebuke me, but suddenly his stern expression changed to a more reserved one.

"Touché," he said quietly, looking away.

"Did everyone survive?" I asked softly, moving the subject away from the Gryffindors so I could avoid Snape's anger. My friendship with Hermione was a sore point between the two of us.

He shook his head, still not looking at me.

I felt a pang in my chest.

"Sirius Black met his end," he said with a voice that held no emotion.

Poor Harry. He must be devastated. "I thought he was in hiding," I said, still gripping the sheet. It was oddly comforting.

"He was," said Snape curtly, his lip curling as he stared fixedly at the wall. "He was supposed to stay behind at Headquarters, but being the idiotic Gryffindor he was, he threw caution to the wind."

"I thought Harry had had a vision of Black at the Department of Mysteries."

"Yes, and that was all it was," he said, his voice flat. "A vision. An effective means employed by the Dark Lord to lure Potter there."

I felt sick. "The Dark Lord was there?" I whispered.

He nodded, turning back to face me. "The Dark Lord sought a prophecy that had been made years ago regarding himself and Potter. That is to be kept to yourself. He lured Potter there to retrieve it for him." Snape paused and shook his head, sneering. "For all his Gryffindor bravado, Potter failed to identify the vision for what it really was. In the end the prophecy was destroyed, Death Eaters were captured, people were injured and I'm sure the Dark Lord is in a perfect rage right now."

"If only Harry had applied himself more to Occlumency," I said softly. I didn't say that Snape should have kept teaching him. It wasn't my place to say it and I knew he wouldn't appreciate it.

"Yes," he said abruptly, his eyes flashing maliciously. "If only he had."

We were both silent for a moment. Snape seemed to be getting more agitated. I was thinking of Harry. I didn't know how close he had become to his godfather, but I knew that what had happened would be tearing him apart. I could only think of how if I had been in a similar situation and Snape had died…I shuddered. I did not want to think about that.

"I should mention that Nymphadora Tonks was also injured," said Snape, breaking the silence.

I felt yet another pang in my chest as I looked at him in alarm.

"She'll be alright," he said hastily. "She's currently in St Mungo's."

I breathed another sigh of relief. So much had happened in such a short time. It was too much to get my head around. "What's going to happen with Father and Rougier?"

Snape reached out and again separated my hand from the sheet. He didn't let go of it this time, choosing instead to hold it in his.

"I daresay Father will remain in hiding," he said quietly, meeting my gaze. "I cannot say for Rougier. If she is wise then she will stay in hiding. The Dark Lord will also be after Father. He does not look kindly upon those who desert him and Rougier is an accomplice. Father does not have the magical strength to keep himself protected if he comes out of hiding."

"Won't the Ministry report his absence?" I asked, suddenly terrified. It would not be good to have my father in The Daily Prophet as a missing person.

"As of last night, Dumbledore's influence at the Ministry increased," he said. "Fudge has no choice but to rely on the Headmaster. The wizarding world is finally going to be told that the Dark Lord has returned. As far as dealing with Father goes, the hope is that Dumbledore will be able to handle the situation quietly through his contacts. That is the hope. At the moment, I don't know how."

Snape let go of my hand and stood up. "I am going to get you something to eat."

I tried to ignore the unsettling feeling that this created. I didn't want him to leave. I was not going to start being clingy. Then Rougier would be right. I could handle being alone for a few minutes…at least I hoped it would only be a few minutes.

"Armilla?"

I looked up to see Snape regarding me with a slightly concerned expression. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Why?"

He shook his head. "The look on your face told me the contrary."

"I'm fine," I insisted, meeting his gaze.

He looked doubtful, but didn't push the subject. "I'll be back in fifteen minutes."

"Couldn't you just use the Floo to contact the kitchens?" I said, trying to sound indifferent.

He raised an eyebrow. "I could, but I need to speak with your Head of House about your missed exam. As I understand it, Professor Flitwick is currently down in the kitchens speaking to the House Elves about Umbridge's situation. Their working conditions were far from adequate when she was Headmistress."

"Oh." I could handle being alone for fifteen minutes. I was often alone in our quarters. Why was I feeling so insecure? I felt weak and I didn't like it. I had to snap out of it.

"What will happen with the exam?" I asked, now worried about my missed History of Magic exam.

"Dumbledore is going to obliviate Umbridge's knowledge of you missing the exam," he said. "I am going to speak to Flitwick about writing you a pass from the exam. It will be backdated and it will be placed upon Umbridge's desk for Dumbledore to find. The story will be that Umbridge never noticed the pass on her desk and so had no knowledge of you missing the exam when the examiners informed her."

"Won't I receive a fail then?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Dumbledore is going to speak with the examiners about arranging a deferred exam in a few days."

Thank goodness for that. The last thing I felt like doing was studying for History of Magic again, but I was glad that I would have the opportunity to take the exam.

Snape frowned as I got out of bed. "Where are you going?" he asked sternly.

"To the bathroom," I replied.

He nodded. "As long as you stay down here today. I know the other Ravenclaws are celebrating, but you need the day to rest."

"I don't want to go anywhere," I said quietly.

He stared at me for a moment before moving to the door. "I'll be back shortly," he said.

"Fifteen minutes?"

He turned around in the doorway, his eyes slightly narrowed. "Approximately."

I nodded and he turned and swept away. I pushed away the gnawing feeling that had appeared when I heard the door open and close.

I went to the bathroom and then got dressed. Snape hadn't said anything about staying in bed, so I made my bed, fed Morag and then went out to the sitting room.

My History of Magic study notes were still sitting on the dining table. I picked them up and sat down on the sofa to wait for Snape to come back. I found that reading over my notes on the goblin riots was not as much of a distraction as I'd hoped. I kept looking up at the door every minute or two.

After twenty minutes had gone by, I found myself looking at the door more than I was looking at my notes. A sudden noise from my bedroom made me jump, and I had my hand on my wand before my senses returned to tell me that it was simply Morag.

I was paranoid. That was all. It would pass. If I had to be alone I would rather just stay down in our quarters. I didn't want to go out into the school by myself. I didn't want to see Draco Malfoy. I didn't want to socialise. I didn't want to talk to people who weren't really themselves. After all, Lucius Malfoy had turned out to be Father. Father could have more people working for him than Rougier. What if he sent someone else on Polyjuice Potion into the school? That was if Father wasn't still lying in the forest where I had left him…

No, the school year was nearly over. Then I could go home to Merrigan Hall with Snape. No seeing Father. No seeing Draco Malfoy. No faking politeness.

The gnawing feeling within me vanished when the door opened and Snape came in.

"Studying already?" he said dryly, glancing at the notes in my hand as he sat down next to me.

"I didn't know what else to do," I replied.

"Our lunch will be magically sent in a few minutes," he said. His face became serious. "In the meantime, we need to discuss something."

I nodded, placing my notes on the coffee table.

"I have not seen Draco Malfoy yet today," he began, "but as relieved as we are to have Lucius in prison, we must not show that to Draco. Keep in mind that Draco is not to know that Father took you. You and I should still both be in the dark about this whole reward issue."

Again, I nodded. "But Malfoy thinks he saw his father yesterday," I said. "What if he asks Umbridge about seeing him? She obviously didn't."

Snape looked unfazed. "Umbridge is quite disoriented at the moment," he said indifferently. "If Draco went to see her he'd realise that. For all he knows Lucius could have met up with Umbridge before going to the Department of Mysteries."

He sighed and his dark eyes met mine. "The future is so uncertain, Armilla. We don't know how long Lucius will be in Azkaban. It is best to keep up the same façade with Draco as before. Avoid conversations with him, but if they are inevitable, be polite."

I nodded. "Alright. Do you really think he'll come near me now? I mean, of course I'm not supposed to know about the deal his father made, but won't his pride be crushed?"

Snape nodded. "It's difficult to squash the pride of a Malfoy, but I feel certain that Draco's ego will receive quite a blow over this."

There was a sudden noise, which again startled me. We both looked over in the direction of the table to see that our lunch had arrived. The noise had been made by a spoon colliding with a fork.

"Come," said Snape, standing up.

I got up and followed him to the table.

"Did Professor Flitwick agree to write a pass for the exam?" I asked, as we sat down.

"He did," he answered, picking up his knife and fork. "Dumbledore has filled him in to a certain extent. Flitwick is writing the pass as we speak and hopefully this evening Dumbledore will have more news about the exam."

We ate in silence for a few moments, both listening to the quiet hooting of Morag in my bedroom.

"I know you wish to study," said Snape, "but I don't want you to do any today. You know all of the content by heart now anyway. If you really need to look at your notes, I suggest you start tomorrow."

"What else am I going to do?" I asked.

"Give yourself a break," he replied, narrowing his eyes at me.

"I'm not tired."

"I disagree," he said curtly. "I have a number of potions to brew this afternoon for the Order's use. I don't want you using your wrist, but I can give you things to do that will only require your left hand."

I nearly smiled at what Snape considered taking a break. I supposed it meant helping him do the simple things, like preparing ingredients.

I nodded. "Alright."

"Good," he said. "Now, the Headmaster also said earlier that we are free to visit Mother in his office tomorrow afternoon. You are not to mention to Mother what happened. If she asks you how your last exam was, just tell her that it was fine."

I nodded again, used to having to cover up things in front of Mother. I thought back to the last time we had visited her. It was getting harder and harder to activate the ring, and often Mother barely had time to say hello before she disappeared again. She had told me originally though that she wasn't going anywhere until she was satisfied that I was safe.

"The ring," I said softly to myself. I looked over at my brother. "The ring," I repeated. "It must have sensed all this would happen. It knew that custody would be taken away from Father, which is what Mother wanted all along. She's been fading because the ring sensed it was coming soon."

Snape stared at me, frowning slightly. "Mother did admit to not knowing all the properties of the ring," he admitted. "Perhaps the ring did sense something."

"Would it mean that the ring knows I'll always be safe from Father?" I asked quietly.

Snape considered this for a moment, his black eyes fixed on mine. "It's a good theory, Armilla, and most likely true," he paused, looking slightly troubled. "but it would not be wise to place full trust of our future on a magical object we don't know everything about."

Slowly I nodded and went back to my lunch. "That means she's going to fade forever soon, doesn't it?" I said softly, a moment later.

"Yes," he said quietly, glancing briefly at me before fixing his eyes on his plate.

We were both silent. Mother had died a long time ago. Snape must have grieved for her then; I had been too little. Though it was her spirit in this case, it felt as if she was going to die all over again. It would be the end of contact between us. It would mark the end of my short lived relationship with my mother. Snape had once pointed out that I was lucky to have had that opportunity, considering she had died. All the same, it didn't make the idea of losing her any easier.

Snape would have to go through it again. I knew that he had often gone up to talk to Mother in Dumbledore's office. Though they argued a fair bit, they still had a strong relationship.

We finished our lunch with little conversation. I was thinking about Mother and I guessed that Snape was doing the same. When we had finished, Snape stood up and gestured for me to follow him.

I followed him into the lab and sat down at the workbench. Snape summoned a bunch of ingredients over to the bench and instructed me on what had to be done with them. I worked silently as he set up a few cauldrons.

It was strange to be sitting there, grinding scarab beetles when less than twenty-four hours ago I had been in an unknown place duelling with my father. It just seemed like I had gone from one extreme to the other. I put more force than necessary into grinding the beetles as I thought of Rougier's smirking face. It was strange that my father had used an Unforgivable on me and yet I was thinking about causing pain to the governess.

My mood seemed to be changing every few minutes. It felt as if it had been that way since I had woken up. One minute I was terrified, the next I was happy beyond belief. Next I was worried and paranoid, and then I was a little depressed over the thought of losing Mother. Now I was just angry at the thought of Rougier and Father.

"Armilla," said Snape quietly, as he joined me at the workbench. "Who are you pretending those scarab beetles are?"

I paused, looking at the ground beetles in front of me. "Rougier," I responded.

"Rougier?" he repeated, pulling a bunch of Abyssinian Shrivelfigs towards him. "Of all the people you could have picked?"

"I know there are others that deserve it more," I said slowly, thinking about Rougier's pointed face.

He gave me a knowing look. "I take it she was baiting you yesterday?"

"I promised you ages ago that I wouldn't snap again," I said quietly, reaching for more beetles. I had snapped on the night before I left Father's house. I had been left to suffer the result of most of Father's most vicious hexes. "I just feel better thinking these beetles are her."

"Understood," he said simply. "Though you might receive more satisfaction just thinking about how easily you trapped her with the Weasleys' powder. I'm sure Rougier would feel humiliated by it."

I nodded. "I hadn't thought of that."

"That's because you don't think of things that involve giving yourself credit," he said smoothly.

I shrugged. "There's plenty more things to cut up or shred," I said, looking at the ingredients on the bench. "There's just enough for Father and both Malfoys."

"I suppose I'll have to find a substitute for Black," he said gruffly, looking down at the figs. "He's not as irritating when he's dead."

I said nothing. I knew that Snape had loathed Sirius Black. All the same, the mention of him made me think of Harry again. I wondered how Harry was at the moment, after being tricked into going to the Ministry and then losing his godfather. I didn't care how much my brother hated both of them; I really felt for Harry. If only he had mastered Occlumency.

"You have yet to tell me how you're feeling today," Snape said a couple of minutes later.

I looked over at him, surprised. "I told you I was fine before."

He gave me a dour look. "I know that other than the injuries that are still healing you are physically fine. In every other sense of the word you couldn't possibly be fine and I wouldn't believe you if you told me you were."

I didn't answer at first. I didn't know what to say. "I don't know what I'm feeling," I said finally, when Snape had given me a pointed look. "I don't know because it keeps changing." It was strange how Snape's choice of conversation was now making a lump grow in my throat. I hated getting emotional.

"A lot has happened within a small space of time," he said quietly, now chopping up roots. "It is a lot to take in." He paused and looked seriously at me. "Don't trick yourself into thinking that it hasn't affected you."

"I haven't," I said softly, meeting his gaze.

He narrowed his eyes slightly. "Events like these can cause a significant amount of emotional scarring, Armilla."

"I can handle it," I insisted. "Others have been through much worse." I was sure Snape had suffered much worse. Emotional scarring? I was fine. I didn't like being left alone, but other than that, I was perfectly fine.

"That is beside the point," he said, his voice hard. "That does not indicate that your situation should be overlooked." He glared slightly at me. "I am not saying that you can't cope, Armilla, so do not labour under that delusion. I am trying to make it clear to you that what happened would have had an effect on you, whether you have noticed it or not. I would expect you to come to me if you are feeling on edge, no matter how insignificant it might seem to you. Pain of any sort on your part is always significant to me."

I looked down at the beetles, blinking away the unwanted tears that his last comment had brought to my eyes. "I feel weak when I have to bring up emotional problems," I said quietly, not meeting his gaze.

"Why?" he said indifferently. "You would be inhuman if you didn't have them. Everyone experiences emotional problems, Armilla; that is a part of life. What makes us different is how we cope with them…or the environment in which we have to cope with them."

That created a weird sensation inside me. I was lucky that I had a guardian who encouraged talking about problems. Snape had grown up with a man who had discouraged showing emotion.

"So do not assume that you are weak," he said, frowning at me. "It takes strength to share such things."

I said nothing more; the lump in my throat had grown bigger. I was feeling a little miserable and a little reassured at the same time; as a result my head was swimming with colliding emotions.

We worked together for a couple of hours, during which I grew very tired. Relying on one hand to do most of the work was exhausting for my arm.

"I think you've done enough," said Snape, when my stirring of one of the potions had become very slow. "As long as you don't study, go and take a break."

I nearly smiled at that. Apparently we were already taking a break. I wasn't happy about leaving his presence, but at least I knew he would be nearby.

I walked into my bedroom, feeling exhausted and a little out of spirits. I sat down on my bed, wondering what to do with myself. I looked over at Morag to find that she was sleeping, her face partially hidden by her wing.

I pulled my shoes off and laid back on my bed, not intending to sleep. I just wanted to lie there for awhile…

o

I pulled the blanket over my head as the noise in the room grew louder. I would have to speak to Morag about unnecessary hooting, especially when one was trying to sleep.

Sleep? I suddenly sat up and looked at the clock. 6:04 pm. I had only intended to lie down for awhile, but I had ended up sleeping for nearly two hours. I suddenly became aware that I was under the covers, not on top of them like I had been before I had fallen asleep. Snape had obviously decided that I was better off sleeping.

I wondered where he was. I could hear no sound of movement outside my bedroom. I climbed out of bed and moved towards to the door.

The door to the lab, which was opposite my bedroom, was open, but the lights were out. I went out into the sitting room and felt my stomach churn when I found that no one was there either. I turned back and noticed that Snape's bedroom door was closed, as it always was. I highly doubted that he had decided to have a rest too.

I didn't know why I suddenly felt so insecure. This was ridiculous! I was by myself all the time! All the same, that didn't stop the feeling of panic that was spreading through me. I was being so stupid. I knew that. I was sixteen years old. I didn't need my brother around to hold my hand.

But I wanted him to be nearby…

Taking deep breaths I turned back and took a few more steps into the sitting room. I noticed a small piece of parchment on the table that hadn't been there before. I walked over to the table and saw my brother's handwriting on it.

Armilla,

I am in the Slytherin common room sorting out a few problems that have just arisen. I will be back soon.

Severus

Letting out a deep sigh, I moved over to the sofa. I sat down heavily and looked at my shaking hands. He would be back soon. There was nothing to worry about…

How long ago had he written it though? How soon was soon? Had he just left? Was I going to be alone for ages?

It was okay though. I could handle being alone. I was sixteen. I was not a clingy five-year-old. I had duelled with my father…I could manage being alone in our heavily warded quarters.

I would be more at ease if he came back though…

I nearly jumped a mile when I heard a noise. I turned to see that dinner had appeared on the table. It was set for three. A moment later I understood why. The door opened and Snape came in, followed by Dumbledore.

"I was just coming to wake you," said Snape, seeing me on the sofa.

"I didn't mean to fall asleep," I said quietly, standing up as he approached me.

"Good evening, Armilla," said Dumbledore, after he had closed the door. "I trust you're feeling more rested?"

"Yes, sir," I said, ignoring the fact that Snape seemed to be scrutinising me very closely.

"If you don't object to an old man's presence, I've come to dine with you and your brother," he said, his blue eyes twinkling.

I smiled in spite of myself.

Snape led the way to the table and the Headmaster and I followed.

"Well," said Dumbledore, as we sat down. "Where to start?"

"Custody," said Snape at once.

Dumbledore nodded. "It was granted. Wilhoit is expecting you at the Ministry tomorrow to make it official. You have full custody, Severus."

I looked at Snape to see a sense of relief very visible on his face. He would have no more battles with Father about me.

I was relieved too. I felt a sense of peace within me at the thought of being officially separated from Father. He was my father in blood only. Nothing more.

Dumbledore looked at me, smiling. "How do you feel, Armilla?"

"Relieved," I said honestly. I looked over at Snape to find him looking back at me with an expression of one much contented. I knew we would enjoy the sensation only briefly before we snapped back into reality and thought of the other troubles that lay ahead.

"How did you manage it?" Snape asked, as we began to eat.

"It was fortunate that Wilhoit is now a senior in the Family Services Department," said Dumbledore. He looked at me. "Alec Wilhoit is a member of the Order and has worked as a spy in the Ministry for a long time. He was in the department when we organised the custody of you last year, but he did not hold a position of influence."

I nodded my understanding. I also wanted to hear how it had been managed. Father had held a lot of influence over the Ministry. He hadn't really been gone long enough for them to notice that he was missing.

"We managed to create a case that would prove that Aurelius had no right to claim any rights to you," Dumbledore went on. "With Severus' permission, we documented every form of abuse you suffered at your father's hand. We are supposed to have proof that it was your father, and that can only be obtained through the use of Veritaserum on Aurelius, or observing memories." He held a hand up at my uncomfortable look. "They are not needed, Armilla. Because I had Wilhoit on the case, we were able to indicate that we had seen proof."

I nodded, feeling more at ease. I didn't like the idea of others seeing those memories.

"They don't know Father is missing yet though," I said. "I thought he had a lot of influence at the Ministry."

Dumbledore nodded. "I found that Aurelius had already informed a couple of people that he was taking an extended business trip. He didn't specify when or where to. He obviously didn't want it in the papers that he was missing. The truth of the matter is, Armilla, that if Aurelius returns, he will be captured by the Light or the Dark and neither will be in his favour. He can take this extended trip for as long as he likes, but both sides will be waiting for him. He won't have the power to battle with the Ministry over your custody or exert his influence. It will be revealed that Voldemort has returned and our Order members at the Ministry will make sure Aurelius won't regain his influence."

"So it was all handled quietly then?" said Snape. "Wilhoit handled the entire case?"

"Well, it took more than one signature," Dumbledore continued. "We needed a witness to the case, to make sure it was all being handled fairly. A nice young wizard in the department signed as witness, but he has no recollection of that now."

Snape nodded in satisfaction. "Thank you for handling it for us."

Dumbledore shook his head. "It was necessary. I only wish we could have done it originally, but Aurelius held too much power then and I certainly wasn't in favour with the Ministry."

"I'll go tomorrow morning to finalise it," said Snape.

Dumbledore nodded. "Good. I'll let Wilhoit know to expect you in the morning."

I suddenly didn't feel well. I didn't want to be left behind at Hogwarts. I didn't want Snape to go all the way to London while I was alone at Hogwarts. What if something happened? He would be gone for at least a couple of hours.

I remained silent, trying to keep traces of anxiety from my face as Dumbledore and Snape discussed some other Ministry news that was of interest to Order members. I wasn't hungry anymore, but Snape would say something if I didn't continue to eat, so I slowly tried to eat everything on my plate.

"Are you happy to sit for a deferred History of Magic exam at nine o'clock on Monday morning, Armilla?" Dumbledore asked after he and Snape had finished their conversation.

"Yes," I answered. "Thank you."

"Only Professor Marchbanks is available to supervise the exam," he went on. "You need two people there, so the Ministry has agreed to have your Head of House also supervise the exam."

"And was Umbridge obliviated?" Snape asked.

The Headmaster nodded. "She was. I presume you have told Armilla of the story we will be using?"

Snape nodded.

"Excellent. Everything is in order then. There are only a few more Order related things to discuss with you."

We finished our meal and I excused myself, knowing that Dumbledore needed to discuss private Order business with Snape.

I returned to my bedroom and closed the door behind me. I leaned against it, staring at the room in front of me. My feelings seemed to be going up and down. I was thrilled that Snape was to have full custody. I was terrified of what Snape would have to go through with the Dark Lord over his father's absence. I was unsettled at the thought of Snape going to London the next day.

I was upset at the thought of Mother's spirit leaving us. I was scared that Father would find some way to repeat what he had done yesterday. Overall, though I did have little bursts of happiness every now and then, I was just miserable. I couldn't work out why I was so miserable. I should have felt happy more than anything else.

I moved into the bathroom to take another one-handed shower. It took much longer than normal and by the time I had finished, I decided to just get ready for bed. I didn't know what else to do with myself. I had spent so long studying and practising duelling with Snape all these months that I suddenly felt a sense of loss at having nothing to do.

I tried reading a book, but my mind was too preoccupied with everything that had happened. Scenes kept replaying themselves in my mind. Seeing Lucius Malfoy in the dungeons. Rougier's smirking face. Duelling with Father. Looking at Father's unconscious form. Holding on for dear life as I rode the Thestral. Seeing Snape come to get me in the forest.

It was some time before I shook myself out of my reverie and realised that my face was wet. I grabbed some tissues, turned the light out and got into bed, drying my eyes.

I stayed awake for a long time, which was probably due to a combination of sleeping in the afternoon and having too many thoughts swimming around in my head. I knew I should have been occluding, but my mind seemed too eager to concentrate on the things Dumbledore had said before.

At eight-thirty, I could still hear muffled voices out in the sitting room. Rolling over, I put my hand over my ear so that I wouldn't hear them at all. Eventually I determinedly pushed my emotions away and began to occlude so that I wouldn't have nightmares.

I drifted in and out of sleep, feeling more disgruntled every time I awoke and realised it wasn't morning. I was laying there, staring at the canopy above me, when I heard my bedroom door open. I looked over to see Snape standing in the doorway.

"You're in bed early," he remarked, coming around the side of the bed. "Are you alright?"

I nodded. "What time are you going out in the morning?" I asked, wishing that I could go with him.

"Around nine," he answered, "and when I come back, you'll be officially out of Father's hands."

I smiled. "I didn't think that day would ever come."

"Nor I," he admitted, sitting on my bed, "I thought the only way you'd escape his clutches would be by coming of age next year."

I pushed back the lump in my throat I felt at the news. It had been a big twenty-four hours. Why was I so nervous about being left alone tomorrow then? That was nothing by comparison.

"Armilla?" Snape was frowning at me.

I shook my head. I didn't want to be a baby.

Snape squeezed my hand before leaning forward to kiss me goodnight. "Goodnight," he said quietly.

I closed my eyes again and began to occlude, pushing away my worry of being left alone the next day.

o

When I awoke the next morning it was just after eight o'clock. I was rather surprised that Snape had not come in earlier to wake me, seeing as he detested sleeping in and didn't like me sleeping later than he thought necessary.

It was kind of exciting that when I went to bed that night, I would have only one guardian. It must have been such a relief for Snape too. He didn't have to worry about me spending the holidays with Father. There also wasn't as much pressure for me to learn defensive spells. All the same, I was positive that he would keep teaching me over the summer anyway.

The only crushing result was the fact that this could point towards Mother going away for good. It was only according to my theory, of course, but instinct told me that it was true.

I still wished that I could go to the Ministry with Snape. I didn't want to be left by myself, and I didn't want to go out into the school. I wasn't ready to see all those faces; I felt paranoid and a little nervous at the thought of seeing Malfoy.

Snape would not be gone that long…and I knew he was going for a positive reason…but all the same I wanted him to stay at home…

I tried to push away the nervous feeling I felt at the thought of being left alone. I got up and dressed, and then went out to the sitting room. I found Snape sitting at the table eating breakfast and reading what looked like a letter.

"Morag's hooting woke you up, did it?" he said, turning when he heard my footsteps.

"No," I murmured, slipping into my usual seat. "Not today anyway."

I picked up my spoon and looked down at my porridge, which had been spelled to stay hot, ignoring the churning feeling in my stomach. If I so badly wanted to go out with Snape that morning, all I had to do was ask.

"Severus," I said quietly, shifting slightly in my seat.

"Mm?" he said, his eyes still fixed on what he was reading.

"May I come with you to the Ministry?"

He stopped looking at the parchment in his hand and looked over at me instead, his expression a little hard to read. "No, I would prefer you to stay here. Having both of us at the Ministry during the school year would create too much gossip. My appearance there alone could be simply put down to Hogwarts related business."

"Oh," I said, feeling crestfallen and trying not to show it.

Snape's eyes lingered on me as I returned to my porridge. "You do understand my reasoning, don't you?" he asked.

I nodded. "Yes. I hadn't thought of that."

"I won't be gone that long," he said. "I will be back before lunch."

Again, I just nodded. I looked back down at my breakfast and started to eat. I would have to handle being by myself. It would be fine, as long as I didn't have to leave our quarters…

Snape said no more, but he watched me for a moment before returning to his letter.

When I had finished, I went back to my bedroom to clean Morag's cage. I knew that she had wanted some attention lately, and I hadn't been able to give it to her because of my studying. She hooted happily at me as I reached into her cage and stroked her feathers.

"Out you get," I said. "I need to clean your cage."

She flew out and soared around the room before settling on top of my desk. I pointed my wand at the cage and cast a cleaning charm. After having her cage look like new again, I moved over to Morag and started stroking her feathers again. She responded by growing slightly and turning blue. She often turned the same Ravenclaw blue when she thought I needed cheering up.

I continued to stroke Morag for a little while, trying to ignore my worry that Snape would be leaving soon. I fed Morag and was just closing the door of the cage when I heard Snape calling me.

I went back out to the sitting room and found him standing by the door wearing his black travelling cloak.

"You're going?" I asked, pushing away the sick feeling that had arisen in my stomach.

He nodded. "I've got twenty minutes before I need to leave. I will walk with you up to Ravenclaw Tower so you can spend the morning there."

The thought of staying in Ravenclaw Tower while he was gone alarmed me. There were lots of people up there. I didn't know if Father had spies up there or somewhere else in the school waiting to follow me.

Snape frowned. "What's the matter?"

My feeling of alarm must have been showing on my face. "I'd rather stay here," I said quickly.

He raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"I need to study," I said, pushing back the lump in my throat.

"You can study this afternoon," he said curtly.

My stomach was doing flip flops at the thought of being left in Ravenclaw Tower.

"I don't want to go there," I insisted, trying to keep my voice even.

He narrowed his eyes. "You do not wish to see your friends? Have they done something?"

I shook my head as my heart started to pound. "No, they haven't done anything."

"Well then?" he said sternly. "I am sure your friends wish to see you and it wouldn't hurt you to spend a couple of hours with the other Ravenclaws instead of being isolated down here."

"I want to stay down here," I said, trying not to sound demanding. He wouldn't react well to that. "I can see them another time."

"No," he said smoothly, his dark eyes fixed on mine. "You can see them this morning, and then you can come back here this afternoon."

I shook my head, suddenly aware that my hands were shaking. "No."

He glared at me. "There is no place for argument, Armilla. You are going up to Ravenclaw Tower."

I shook my head again, taking a step back. "No," I murmured.

I couldn't go up there…I didn't know who was lurking about. I wasn't safe outside our quarters. There could be impostors anywhere.

Snape took a step forward. His face was calm, but I could tell he was furious. I was in trouble. "Armilla," he said in a dangerous tone, taking another step forward. "I am not accustomed to such defiance from you."

I took another step back, taking a shuddering breath. My stomach didn't feel good…

He took another step forward, glaring at me. "Why are you so against going to Ravenclaw Tower?" he asked, his voice hard.

I took two more steps back towards the corridor. The room had become incredibly stuffy. "It's not my friends," I said quietly. "I don't know who else is up there…"

Snape took another step forward and I retreated another few steps.

"Don't take another step back," he snapped, sending me a withering glare. He strode purposefully towards me and I bit my lip.

I could feel my hands shaking at my sides. My stomach was churning uncontrollably. The room seemed incredibly stuffy. I suddenly felt dizzy and my vision became distorted, like I could only see through a tunnel. It was getting harder to breathe.

I covered my face with my hands as I felt myself sway on the spot. Everything was going dark.

"Armilla!"

I heard Snape's footsteps quicken and a moment later his arms were around me. He held me tightly and I kept my eyes shut behind my shaking hands, feeling like the room was spinning.

"It's alright," Snape murmured in my ear a few seconds later. "Focus on taking deep breaths."

I tried to focus on breathing in and out, which was difficult when it felt like there were Cornish Pixies running wild inside me. Snape began to rub my back in a slow rhythm and I concentrated on that motion.

We stayed that way for several minutes and eventually, my heart began to calm. I lowered my hands from my face, feeling exhaustion sweeping through me. As my mind started to process what had just happened, the weight of the emotion I'd been carrying the last couple of days suddenly hit me and I began to cry silently into my brother's chest.

"Armilla," Snape said quietly, placing a hand on my head.

I clenched my eyes shut as I cried, anxiety rushing through me at the thought of my brother being far away in mere minutes. I felt like such a baby. It had never bothered me before when Merle had gone out, or when my brother hadn't been right nearby.

Snape pressed a kiss to the side of my head before tightening his embrace. He said nothing for a minute or so, and I wasn't sure if the silence helped the increasing pressure in the pit of my stomach.

Eventually, my brother's voice spoke quietly in my ear again. "I think it would be prudent to share what's on your mind, don't you?"

I gave a small nod, feeling embarrassed that I was in this state. I was sixteen, not six.

Snape silently took my hand and I hastily wiped my eyes as he led me over to the sofa.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, wiping my eyes as we sat down. "I didn't…I don't…" I trailed off, mortified that the tears came again.

He reached over and pulled me towards him. "Armilla," he said firmly, as he wrapped his arms around me, "tell me what the matter is."

I shuddered as more tears came flowing out. "I don't want to leave here," I sobbed, burying my face in his chest. "I don't want you to leave me here alone."

Snape said nothing for a moment as he took this in. "You are safe here," he said finally, his voice low. "I wouldn't be leaving you here if I thought you were in danger."

"Wasn't I safe before?" I asked. "How do I know Father hasn't got other impostors roaming the school? I escaped him once. I don't know if I could do it again."

Snape's grip tightened at the mention of Father. "You should have said that you were frightened," he said quietly.

"I chose to be dumb instead," I murmured.

He tapped my hand. "What did I tell you yesterday about speaking of yourself that way?"

"Well it's true," I said, sniffing. "I knew I should have told you, but I didn't."

"Tell me now then," he said. "What else is going through your mind?"

"Besides the fact that I feel like a baby?"

"I assure you that if I thought you were truly behaving like a child, I would tell you," Snape said sternly. "What happened just now did not stem from childish tendencies."

I was so relieved to hear him say that.

"I am much more concerned with what had been going through your mind," he said.

I took a breath. "I don't want to be left alone. I feel insecure when you're not here. When Terry and Lisa were here, all I could think about was you coming back. When I woke up yesterday and you weren't here, I felt sick waiting for you to come back. I don't know why. I've been alone before. I don't like it when you're not nearby. How can you say that that's not being a baby?"

"It's not," Snape said simply. "After what you've been through, it's quite understandable. Separation anxiety is not new to me, Armilla. I experienced it every time Mother had to go out and leave me home with Father. I assure you that I was still feeling it when I was sixteen."

"When did it stop?" I whispered.

He was silent for a moment. "It sort of faded away with time," he said slowly. "I didn't notice it until I felt strong enough to defend myself in Father's presence, and that wasn't until after I had left Hogwarts."

I felt better hearing him empathise with my situation.

"As for being afraid about going out into the school," he went on, "that also will disappear with time. Hogwarts has a lot of security, but it is not invincible. Now that Dumbledore is back its security will be even higher. It was lax during Umbridge's tyrannical control. It will get easier for you to walk around the school once you start doing it. If you don't let yourself do it, then your mind will become so paranoid that Armilla as everyone knows her will cease to exist. You wouldn't want to celebrate your victory over Father by isolating yourself and hiding from reality?"

"No." The man had a point.

"I should hope not."

"It won't be easy," I murmured, wanting to stay in his arms forever. It was unfortunate that he had to leave soon.

"Of course it won't," he said. "Take it one step at a time."

I sighed. "It's many steps to Ravenclaw Tower…and you'll be gone for awhile…"

He was silent for a moment. "I am not relenting in saying this," he said. "For today, I will bring your friends down here. That way you are in an environment you feel safe in, but you will have the challenge of dealing with…my absence." He suddenly let out a soft chuckle. "I never thought I'd say something like that."

I smiled. "It's a genuine challenge though."

"Do you agree then?"

I nodded.

"Good. If you handle it well enough, then tomorrow we will have breakfast in the Great Hall, which will still be in my presence, but you will have the challenge of having students around you. How does that sound?"

"I'm uncomfortable with it," I said honestly, "but I suppose the point of this is to fix that."

"Exactly," he said.

"I'm sorry I treated you badly," I said, feeling guilty.

He squeezed my hand. "You didn't," he said dismissively. "However, I would rather you talk to me than keep things inside."

We were quiet for a moment, lost in thought.

"I was ashamed," I said quietly. "That's why I couldn't tell you."

"Another example of expecting too much of yourself," Snape pointed out, "as well as worrying that I would think you were being juvenile."

"I'm sixteen…I should be able to handle being alone."

"And ordinarily, you do," he replied. "And you will again. Being sixteen doesn't shield you from vulnerabilities relating to trauma and you shouldn't use it as a reason to berate yourself. As I said to you a couple of days ago, you are home now, where you don't need to be so brave."

I pondered this for a moment. "But you're brave," I said softly, tears in my eyes once more.

Snape paused and I felt his body tighten slightly from where I was laying against his chest. "I'm not always brave," he admitted, his voice just above a whisper. "When you were missing, that was the most terrified I have been in my life."

I tightened my grip on him, letting my tears fall again. It was awful to think about how panicked he must have felt at the time…and this was a man who faced terrifying situations far more regularly than the average wizard.

"I am your brother and guardian, Armilla," he said firmly, "and as this is your home, you need not hide your feelings from me. I would rather help alleviate your pain than leave you to internalise it on your own. You and I have travelled this path before, haven't we?"

I nodded, thinking back to the weeks following Merle's death and Shar's assault.

"Thank you," I said finally.

"What for?" he asked, brushing the tears from my face.

"Understanding."

Snape kissed the top of my head. "I care about you too much to let you isolate yourself. It would be a disservice to those who have your respect."

I gave a watery smile as he tightened his arms around me once more.

"As for your own wellbeing," he went on, "if I let you withdraw from what your life should be, it would have disastrous consequences. I love you too much to allow you to stop being you."