Mutant bride
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "You gotta ask yourself; Do you wanna be the big spoon or the little spoon"
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Act 2 – The aristocrats
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We open on someone watching Jubilee struggling to get into the carriage with binoculars.
"Pervert!", snaps Jubes.
The 'pervert' turns out to be Amara, who frowns, putting down the binoculars to look at Warren.
"I get to be married to Warren!", she squeals.
"Why am I always a snob?", sighs Warren.
"Why is Rahne always a dog?", asks Pyro, "It's what you are, mate"
"Fish merchants", says Amara in disgust, to which Warren gives a non committal grunt.
It's a terrible day, sings Amara.
"Now don't be that way", sighs Warren, evidently bored.
It's a terrible day for a wedding
"It's a sad, sad state of affairs we're in", says Warren.
That has led to this ominous wedding
"An ominous wedding?", blinks Pyro, "man, I never thought a wedding could be ominous"
"How could our family have come to this?", asks Warren.
"To marry off our daughter to the nouveau riche", he sand Amara says in unison.
"Their so common", sniffs Amara.
"So coarse", agrees Warren.
"Snob alert", says Pyro, "this is a snob alert, we have snobs in the building. This is not a drill"
"Oh, it couldn't be worse!", sobs Amara.
"Couldn't be worse?", asks Warren, "I'm afraid I disagree. They could be land-rich, bankrupt aristocracy. Without a penny to their name. Just like you and me"
He opens a safe, which is empty, and full of cobwebs. Dani, dressed in a maids outfit, walks past, dusting away the cobwebs.
"From star to maid in one fell swoop", she mutters.
"Oh, dear", sighs Jubes as she and Warren sing in unison.
And that's why everything
Every last little thing
Every single microscopic little thing must goooo
Pietro, in a butlers outfit, speeds over, sticking a picture over the safe, which he spins to become a picture of a scary baby….which Amara and Warren pass in the hallway, which is littered with odd looking relatives.
"SCARY BABY!", screams Pyro
According to plan, sings Jubes
Our daughter will wed, sings Warren
According to plan
Our family led
From the depths of deepest poverty
As the pair walk, Pietro follows behind them, straightening pictures and butling well.
"Can I keep this suit?", asks Pietro, "seriously, I could do something with it!"
"Besides burn it?", asks Pyro, then giggles, "burn"
Jubes and Warren ignore their director as they continue to sing.
To the noble realm
Of our ancestry
And who would have guessed in a million years
That our daughter with a face
They pause by a picture of Jean.
"Like an otter in disgrace", says Warren, then blinks, "what the…."
"Oh, thanks!", snaps Jean offstage.
"I'm writing that one down!", says Pyro, pulling out a notebook, "Otter in disgrace"
Would provide our ticket
To a rightful place
We zoom in on the picture of Jean, which becomes the real Jean, having her corset tied by Dani, who is pulling a little harder than needs be.
"Oh, Danielle", sighs Jean, "What if Scott and I don't like each other?"
"HAH!", laugh the cast.
"As if that has anything to do with marriage", scoffs Amara, "Do you suppose your father and I like each other?"
"We saw you in the trailer", grins Pyro, "That was very naughty, Mr. The Third"
"Shut up, Pyro", says Warren.
"Surely you must a little?", tries Jean.
"Of course not", they say in unison.
"Get those corsets laced properly!", snaps Amara, "I can hear you speak without gasping"
With that, her 'parents' leave her. Jean blinks.
"Wow, I feel loved"
Outside, Scott gets into his parents carriage, which races off to the mansion.
"You certainly hooked a winners this time, Scott", smiles Bobby.
"Don't talk to me like you love me, you're using me", pours Scott.
"In character, ya freak", says Pyro.
"Now all you have to do is reel her in", says Jubes.
"I'm already reeling, Mother", says Scott, who is indeed looking considerably pale, "Shouldn't Jean Grey be marrying a lord or something?"
"Oh, nonsense!", says Jubes, "We're every bit as good as the Greys. I always knew I deserved better than a fish merchants life"
"Seriously, ouch", says Bobby.
"But…I've never even spoken to her", says Scott.
"Well, at least we have that in our favour", snaps Jubes.
"Ahh, loving families", smiles Pyro.
They look up as Hank makes a not very healthy coughing sound. Jubes bangs on the roof, annoyed.
"Henry! Silence that blasted coughing!".
"Thanks for the concern", says Hank.
In the mansion, Amara and Warren head downstairs to meet their guests, as Pietro dashes around, dusting.
"Marriage is a partnership, a little tit for tat", says Amara, petting Warren on the head, "You'd think a lifetime watching us…"
Might have taught her that
Might have taught her that
They steps down the stairs, singing in unison.
Everything must be perfect
Everything must be perfect
Everything must be perfect
Perfect
Outside, the 'Summers'' walks to the door, singing as well.
That's why everything
Every last little thing
Every single tiny microscopic little thing must goooooooooooooooooooooo
According to plaaaaaaaaaaaan
"And cut!", grins Pyro, "Man, I'm glad that musical number is done"
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Wee another act done. Next up, our couple finally meet! Do review. Until next time…