Mutant bride
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "You got a wife? All I got is that dumbass stick sounds like it's raining. How come you got a wife?"
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Hey there, guys. As you can tell, this is late in being updating. I've started my final year in uni this week, this means on top of regular uni work, I have to work on my dissertation as well. Because of this, I can't promise weekly updates of my fics, they will be updated, but slower than usual, I apologise, tis the woes of studying.
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Act 6 - Something to cry about
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We open on the Land of the Living, where Hank is smoking a pipe and coughing rather violently.
"You know, if you didn't smoke that thing, you wouldn't cough", says Pyro unhelpfully.
"No kidding", says Hank dryly, "My, thank you for that valuable piece of information"
Inside the mansion, Jean is looking out of the window in worry, before her 'mother' interrupts.
"Jean, come away form the window!", snaps Amara.
Jean walks into the living room, where both sets of parents are sitting.
"I'm sure he'll be back shortly", assures Jubilee, "He's terrified of the dark. In fact, when he was a boy, he used to wet his combinations regularly, didn't he, Robert?"
Bobby makes a snorting sound.
"So…many…obvious jokes", he struggles, "Can't hold in…the laughter"
There is a knock at the door, and Warren arches a brow.
"Enter"
Lucas walks in, looking noble again.
"Ahh, Lord Lucas", smiles Amara, "I trust the room is to your liking"
"Thank you, you are a most gracious hostess", says Lucas, "Which is why it pains me to be the bearer of such bad news"
"Like hell", snorts Xavier, from backstage "He loves giving bad news, he's just like his mother"
"Hush, you!", snaps Pyro, "I want to hear the bad news"
"…Did you even read the script for the movie you're directing at ALL?", asks Jean.
"Not really", says Pyro, "I'm winging it"
Lucas clicks his fingers and Juggernaught walks in.
"Would you care to repeat tonight's headline for us?", asks Lucas.
Juggernaught blinks once, then starts ringing his bell and shouting, despite being in a small room, vibrating all the teacups.
"HEAR YES, HEAR YE!", he shouts, "SCOTT SUMMERS SEEN ON THIS NIGHT ON THE BRIDGE IN THE ARMS OF A MYSTERY WOMAN! THE SKUNK-HAIRED TEMPTRESS AND MASTER SUMMERS SLIPPED AWAY INTO THE NIGHT!"
Juggernaught stops for a beat and goes back to his normal voice.
"And now for the weather", he says, "Scattered showers…"
"Enough!", snaps Lucas, "That will be all"
"I hurt my throat doing that", sniffs Juggernaught, leaving "Not even a 'thank you, Uncle Cain'"
"Mystery woman?", asks Jubes, "He doesn't even know any women!"
"That, I can believe", says Pyro.
"I do TOO know women!", says Scott from backstage.
"Apart from women you know from school?", asks Pyro.
Scott mumbles quietly, going back to sit in a corner.
"Or so you thought", says Lucas, "Do call for me if you need my assistance…in any way"
With that, he leaves.
"Good, heavens, Warren, what should we do?", asks Amara.
"Fetch me musket", says Warren.
"…..Musket?", squeaks Scott.
"Yey, shooting!", grins Pyro.
"Bobby, do something!", whimpers Jubilee.
"The town crier probably just had a slow news day", says Bobby, grabbing the musket form Pietro before he can give it to Warren, ""You know how it is, you need a little something to cry about".
"Regardless", says Warren, "We are one groom short for the wedding tomorrow. Not to mention the financial implications"
"A most scandalous embarrassment for us all", sniffs Amara
"Yeah, big scandal, all this", yawns Pyro, "When can we go back to the Dead people?"
"Oh, give us a chance to find him", says Jubilee, "We beg of you"
"I like begging", grins Amara.
"Just give us until dawn", says Jubilee, ignoring her comment.
"Very well", sniffs Amara, "Till dawn"
"Ooooh ominous-ness!", grins Pyro.
We cut to the Land of the Dead, where Rogue is wandering the streets, looking for Scott.
"Scott, darling, where are you?", she calls.
"If you ask me", says Todd's voice form inside her head, "Your boyfriend is kind of jumpy"
"He's not my boyfriend, he's my husband", says Rogue, with quite a bit of glee, "Scott? Where have you gone?"
Her eye pops out as Todd peers through the socket.
"I'll keep an eye out for him", he says.
"Because, yeah, losing one eye for a pair of maggot eyes is so much better", mutters Rogue.
As Rogue calls for him, Scott is slinking through the Streets of the Dead, though Todd sees him.
"There he goes, there he goes!", shouts Todd, "He's getting away! Quick, quick, after him!"
"I hate you, Toad", says Scott, running for it, Rogue running after him, popping her eye back in.
She follows him past a second hand shop, where the severed hands helpfully point the way Scott went.
"Thank you….freaky hand-things", she blinks.
Scott hides in an open coffin, pretending to be dead. It works, Rogue runs right past him, as Wanda, a black widow spider, trails down a web to hang by his head.
"Married, huh?", she asks, "I'm a widow"
Scott yelps, swatting her away and running again.
"How rude", says Wanda moodily, "HE WENT THAT WAY!"
Scott races through the streets, Rogue once again on his heels. He stops by Lucid, giving him a shake.
"Please", he yelps, "There's been a mistake! I'm not dead!"
His violent shaking makes Lucid's head drop off.
"Oww", says Lucid's head.
Scott freaks and runs to a door, where Roberto is standing.
"Excuse me", he says, before splitting in half and hobbling past either side of Scott, each side speaking in unison, "Excuse me"
"..,….Well, I'm officially messed up for life", says Scott.
Scott continues to run, before coming to a..
"Dead end", he whimpers.
He turns, hearing Rogue voice, before staring to climb the wall. As he gets to the top, he reaches out and grabs something…Rogue's leg.
"You use the stairs, silly", she says, hoisting him up.
"I'm doomed", he says.
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Bwahaha! Do review. Until next time…