Mutant bride
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "Uh, I'm afraid I ran over your dog in the driveway"
&&&&
Oh my word, I'm updating! Okay, I should be writing an essay on numerical skill in animals (damn you, Clever Hans!) but I decided to take a break and get an act of this done, as it is so late in being updated, it's not funny.
&&&&
Act 7 - Reoccurring roles
&&&&
We open on Scott being dragged up to the balcony by a happy looking Rogue.
"Happy looking Rogue", muses Pyro, "There's something you don't see every day"
"Isn't the view beautiful?", asks Rogue, pointedly ignoring Pyro, "It takes my breath away!"
She pauses.
"…Well, it would if I had any", she admits, "Isn't it romantic?"
She sits down on a bench, patting the space next to her. Scott, who looks as far removed from romantic as one can possibly get, nervously sits next to her.
"Look", he starts, "I am terribly sorry about what's happened to you, and I'd like to help, but I really need to get home"
"This is your home now", said Rogue.
"Wow, got the whip out already", says Pyro, "Poor Scotty didn't stand a chance"
"But I don't even know your name", says Scott.
"No one does, that's why I'm ROGUE", says Rogue.
"Well, that's a great way to stat a marriage", says Todd voice sarcastically from within Rogue's head.
"Shut up, shut up!", hisses Rogue, putting her hands on her head.
Scott edges slightly further away on the bench from the crazy lady.
"It's Rogue", smiles Rogue.
"Rogue", repeats Scott, "As if I didn't see that one coming"
"Oh, I almost forgot!", says Rogue, "I have something for you"
She picks up a box and hands it to him.
"It's a wedding present", she says in a underhand whisper.
Scott looks at the box before giving it a gentle shake, before opening it, looking inside.
"Thank you?", he tries, holding up an old bone, "…No one's ever loved me enough to give me a pile of decaying bones before"
Suddenly, the box shakes violently, making Scott throw it to the floor like the sissy girl he is. A pile of bones fall out, reforming into a skeletal wolf.
"Why am I always the bloody dog?", snaps Rahne, "Every time!"
She picks up her collar and moodily walks over to Scott, depositing it by his feet. Scott picks up the collar and looks at it.
"Rahne?"
"Bark. Bark", says Rahne.
"Rahne!", says Scott happily, "My dog Rahne!"
"IT'S LIKE LASSIE!", squeals Pyro, "Okay, Lassie of the Dead, maybe, but still Lassie!"
"Oh, Rahne, what a good girl", says Scott, petting her.
"I hate you all", says Rahne.
"I knew you'd be happy to see her", smiles Rogue.
"Who's my good Girl?", says Scott, "Sit, Rahne, sit!"
"Rahne Sinclair doesn't do sit", says Rahne.
"Rahne Sinclair will do sit or her favourite toy will be roasted on an open fire", says Pyro.
"Not squeaky bone!", sobs Rahne, before sitting begrudgingly.
"Good girl, Rahne", says Scott, "Roll over. Roll over"
Rahne does so, her body rolling while her head remains stationary.
"Good girl, Rahne", says Scott, "Play dead"
Rahne cocks her head at him and whimpers.
"Sorry", mutters Scott.
Rogue giggles as Rahne sits up on the bench.
"Oh, what a cutie!"
"You should have seen her with fur", says Scott, "Mother never approved of Rahne jumping up like this. But then again, she never approved of anything"
"Do you think she would have approved of me?", asks Rogue.
"You're lucky you'll never have to meet her", says Scott, then pauses, forming a plot, "Well, actually, now that you mention it, I think you should. In fact, since we're…you know..married, you should definitely meet her. And my father too. We should go and see them right now"
"..Not too good at being sneaky, are you?", asks Pyro.
"What a fantastic idea!", says Rogue, "Where are they buried?"
"Oh", says Scott.
"What?", frowns Rogue, "What is it?"
"They're not from around here", says Scott.
"Where are they?", asks Rogue.
Scott sighs, then points upwards.
"Oh, they're still alive!", says Rogue.
"I'm afraid so", says Scott.
"Thanks a lot, Scott!", says Bobby, backstage.
"Yeah, you really feel the love, don't you?", snaps Jubilee.
"Well, that is a problem", says Rogue.
"Bark. Bark. Bark", says Rahne dryly.
"What's that, Rahne?", asks Rogue, "Little Timmy's fallen down the well?!"
"Bark, bark", says Rahne.
"Oh no", says Rogue, "We couldn't possibly"
"Bark, bark"
"Oh, well, if you put it like that…", says Rogue.
"….You don't find it the least bit disturbing you're talking to a wolf?", asks Scott, "…what?"
"Elder Magnet", says Rogue, a clash of thunder sounding.
More thunder crashes as we cut to an old tower, which Rogue, Rahne and Scott are climbing. They enter a big room with lots of books.
"Elder Magnet?", calls Rogue, "Are you there? Hello? Is anyone home? Hello?"
Scott whimpers, backing into a pile of books and sending them flying. A bunch of Mystique-like Ravens suddenly swarm through the air, as a skeletal Magneto pokes his head around a pile of books, stopping a swining lamp.
"There you are!", says Rogue happily.
"Why am I always the old man?", asks Magneto.
"The same reason Rahne is always the dog", says Pyro, "A mystery of the universe"
"Oh, my dear, there you are", says Magneto, putting on a pair of glasses.
"I brought my husband, Scott", says Rogue.
"What's that?", asks Magneto, "Husband?"
"……Thanks for smashing some more of my rapidly declining self-esteem", says Rogue, "I can get any husband I want, I'll have you know"
"Pleasure. To. Meet. You. Sir", says Scott in the manner of talking to the old and bewildered.
"I'll get you later", grumbles Magneto.
"We need to go up", says Rogue, "Upstairs? To visit the land of the living"
"Land of the living?", Magneto shakes his head, walking slolws down form his pile of books, "Oh, my dear"
"Stop calling me that, it's creepy", says Rogue, "Please, Elder Magnet"
"Now, why go up there, when people are dying to get down here?", asks Magneto.
"Sir, I beg you to help", says Scott, "I means so much to me…us"
"I don't know", says Magneto, scratching his head, lifting up a flap of bone, "It's just not natural"
"Please, Elder Magnet", pleads Rogue, removing his hand before he does himself long-term damage, "Surely there must be something you can do"
"Mm, let me see what I can do", says Magneto, patting her hand and walking off, "Where did I put that book?"
"There are a billion books here", grumped Scott, "We'll be here until July!"
Magneto ignores him, rummaging around the piles of books.
"I left it here somewhere", he says, before pausing by a bookcase, "Ah, there's the one"
He pulls out a red book with a skull and crossbones on it, blowing off the dust and taking it to his desk, gathering up ingredients.
"I have it", he says, flicking through the pages, "A Ukrainian haunting spell. Just the thing for there quick trips"
"So glad you thought of this", grins Rogue to Scott, hugging his arm.
"Me too", says Scott, a little guilty.
Magneto is meanwhile busying himself by adding lots of ingredients to a glass, finally pulling out a feather from a Mystique-Raven next to him.
"Assault!, she caws.
Magneto drinks the brew, burps contentedly, then flicks to a new page of the book.
"Now, then, where were we?"
"….All that so you could get some booze?", blinks Pyro.
"The Ukrainian haunting spell", adds Rogue helpfully.
"Aha", says Magneto, grabbing Mystique by the neck and squeezing out an egg.
"Doom to you!", screams Mystique, flying off.
"Here we have it", says Magneto, picking up the egg, "Ready?"
They nod.
"Just remember, when you want to come back, say 'Hopscotch'"
"…Hopscotch?", giggled Rogue.
"That's it", says Magneto, cracking the egg over them.
They are covered in a goo and transported to the land of the living.
"Mmmm free goo", says Pyro
&&&&&
Weee, more insanity done and dusted! Do review. Until next time…