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9:00 p.m.
Derek had finished his last surgery of the day around eight. He spotted his wife watching him from the gallery, as she often did. When there eyes finally made contact, she remained motionless. Only when she recognized his smile, through his eyes, did she return the gesture, and hold up a note she wrote. Derek knew to ask the nurse on his way out, and did. It was a simple note: Needed to get out of here. Long day. Meet me at the trailer as soon as you can. I want to take you somewhere special. Love, Addison. Now, an hour later, Derek pulled up to his trailer. Addison was waiting outside, hugging her knees on the porch of the trailer. The lights were out, leaving Derek confused. He shut off his truck and went to meet her.
"Hey."
"Hi. I got your note. Haven't done that in a while."
"Yeah, well I thought 'what the hell?' Besides I had to leave but I didn't want you to worry."
"Of course. Are you feeling okay? Temperature, headache, anything?"
"No. I'm fine. I missed you today, though. Come here." Motioning towards herself, Derek obliged, extending a hand to his still-sitting wife. She accepted, and as her height met his, gently pulled on his jacket for a kiss. Not just a peck, and not tonsil hockey. Instead, a deep, sensuous kiss. She pulled back first, her hands on his face, stroking his cheeks.
"That I did not expect." Derek panted, breathless from the intensity of their kiss. "What was that for?" Addison didn't respond, just stared into his beautiful blue eyes. They had long been her favorite physical part of him. She could get lost in them for days. She could also tell what he was feeling. He could do the same to her. It was there secret language. "Addison?"
"I didn't know I needed a reason to kiss my husband."
"You don't. I was just….caught off guard. You never need a reason." Derek pulled her into his body, worried he made her upset by his questioning. In the back of his mind was still what Bailey had said to him earlier. He never got back to giving it more thought, but knew he needed to. For now, he just wanted to comfort his wife.
Addison unwillingly melted into his embrace. She wanted to start her plan into action, but couldn't very well say no to Derek's affection. As they hugged, she could feel his warm breath on her neck. It sent chills up and down her spine, and brought tears to her eyes. As much as she loved this, loved him, loved her old life with him, she couldn't do it anymore. She was no longer going to have someone there for her always, at her side whenever she needed a hug or to talk. Realizing this wasn't the time or place, she let only a few tears escape before pulling herself together. Derek heard the cries, and pulled back to look her in the face.
"Hey, hey, what's wrong?"
"Nothing, I'm fine."
"'I'm fine' has become like your slogan. What's wrong?" He brought his hand to her face to wipe away a few stray tears.
"It was just a really long day. Besides, I want to show you this place. You're going to love it. I found it in my Best of Seattle guide a while back and was waiting for a good time."
"What makes now a good time?"
"I have been here six months today, and plus it's supposed to be great for intimate talking, and I have something I want to run by you." Addison decided to play it off as nothing for now. She needed to keep control on her side.
"Alright. Let me just go inside and change."
"No. Doc's asleep, and besides, I love that top on you. I bought it for your birthday four years ago. I only remember because you spilled something on it the first night you wore it, and then tried to replace it without me knowing. Men can never shop alone."
"How do you remember all of that?"
"You don't?"
"Oh I do. I could never forget that. That was a good week for me. Ran around all of Manhattan trying to find the special color you bought me that apparently God never meant to be replicated. Finally found a similar one, only to have it be the wrong material. You, being you, noticed right away and I had a lot of explaining to do."
"Yes you did." Addison simply smiled at the memory. She remembered how happy they were then, how in love. "You ready?"
"Apparently, I don't have a choice."
"Come on." Addison leaped off the step and snaked her arm through Derek's. As he shut Addison's door, he realized that she was being especially close to him tonight. Not in a bad way, she just hadn't been so willing to try and be close to him since she arrived, almost like she was afraid he would reject her.
9:30 p.m.
"Addison, what is this place?"
"Downtown Seattle. It's sort of like SoHo for Washington. Lots of shops and bakeries and restaurants."
"How have I never been down here?"
"You're a busy guy. If it wasn't for me in New York you would have never left the house. Consider me your social coordinator."
"I see. What would I do without you?"
"Be a flannel wearing, wood-chopping, trailer owning fisherman who was secluded from the world besides the hospital."
"Thanks for that." He shot her a look of faux-anger, and quickly smiled and pecked her on the cheek.
"We are here."
"Where's here?"
"Where we are eating. I reserved us a special table outside on the patio."
"Alright." The hostess led them through the restaurant to the patio. People were everywhere inside, laughing, drinking, and having a good time. Outside, however, was much more docile. A soft jazz band played for the ten or so tables.
"Here you go. Enjoy your meal."
"Wow, Addi, this view is phenomenal."
"Thought you'd like the ferryboats. Especially at night."
"I do. Thank you very much." Derek took his seat, amazed at the effort Addison had put forth to make him happy. He missed their meals just the two of them, out on the town. Back in New York, before everything, they had done them all the time. He didn't know why they stopped. Whatever the reason was why they found themselves out here in Seattle in the first place. Missing dinners was only a baby step in the unraveling of their marriage, an unraveling he never realized until he found Addison with Mark almost 9 months ago. The counselor never really asked the right questions to help them find the root of their problems.
The waiter arrived at their table promptly, causing Derek to bounce back to reality and lose his train of thought. He ordered their favorite wine for them to share, and they decided on their meals. Once the wine was brought, Addison was quick to propose a toast. She needed one that would speak from her heart.
"To starting over." Smiling, she brought her glass to Derek's and slowly sipped her wine. Derek didn't get the significance, but just smiled back at her. Derek felt Addison's hand reach across the table and grab his. Her fingers delicately smoothed over his, specifically his ring finger. There was still a slight mark from where his ring sat for eleven years, but still, no actual ring. Derek, realizing the significance of what she was doing, attempted to take over control. Addison didn't let him, just continued massaging the same spot as she prepared herself and organized her thoughts.
"Derek, as I mentioned before, there are some things I need to talk to you about. This isn't going to be easy, or pleasant, but I need you to let me get through them. It's important."
"Okay." Derek was extremely uneasy after Addison's ominous warning, but decided to just be there and listen, a trait he had lost before. Right now, he needed to be here for her, not with Meredith, or a patient, just with her.
"Derek, from the moment we met as interns, I knew you were my soul mate. It was a weird feeling, like I had found my other half, my better half. Until we started going out, I could never pinpoint exactly what you made me feel. That's sort of why I rejected your first, I don't know, a thousand date offers. But your relentless pursuit wore me down, and we started going out, and it took me until our fourth date, when we spent the entire night walking around the city talking that I knew. I knew you were my soul mate, and that we would spend the rest of our lives together. Every time I saw you, my heart would practically melt in my chest. It was a feeling I never experienced before with anyone, and it was truly amazing." Addison paused, thinking back to those early moments of their relationship, trying to remember that feeling. "You had this power over me, in a way. You know me; I'm very independent, stubborn, and closed of. I don't let many people in. Except you. You found your own way in. And that's how I knew."
"Addison, I…." Before Derek could finish, Addison brought her hands up to silence him.
"No interruptions." Derek nodded, and allowed her to continue speaking.
"When we got married, it was truly the best day of my life. I couldn't believe that I found someone so special, so perfect for me. As I said 'I do', I knew I was marrying my best friend." Addison paused again, as she felt so much emotion rush her heart as she thought back on that faithful day. Her hand unconsciously moved to her wedding rings as she softly twirled them around. "Before I met you, no one in my whole life had gotten so close to me; I would never let them. I was too afraid of being hurt to let them. To this day, you're the only one with control over my emotions. Patients, friends, no one can make me cry, laugh, or smile like you can. Richard pointed that out to me today. I was as surprised as you are now. But he's not wrong."
Derek didn't dare interrupt again, just deeply considered her thoughts. He never considered himself to have so much power over her. To him, she was a wall of strength. She had something every good doctor should have: compassion, but with an ability to maintain distance. He shuttered at the fact that he was the only one who could make her cry. It hurt him to realize he had ever done that to her. Sensing she wasn't done, though, Derek re-centered his attention on her once again.
"To this day, I can't really pinpoint where our marriage fell apart. I don't think we stopped loving each other. I know I still love you as much as the day I married you. On my end, that was the biggest problem. It seems like you became too comfortable. You knew I'd always be here for you, and visa versa. We forgot to really cherish what we had. The more and more you weren't around, the bigger the void inside me got. I didn't know what I could do that I wasn't already to get your attention. After a while, I was too tired to fight a losing battle anymore. Mark was there for me, but he was never you. For months he pursued me in his underhanded way. He tried to be the new you. He knew you weren't around for me and figured he could replace you. I didn't want him, I never did. But, after that last night of sitting alone, and Mark there instead of you, I guess I just gave up. Which isn't like me at all, and will always make me sick to think that I gave up on us. I always think if there was something more I could have done…" Before she could continue, Derek butted in.
"Addison, stop! I know you said not to interfere but I can't listen to you like this anymore. Any problems in our marriage were not just your fault. I was a lot to blame for what happened, also. And, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you gave me so much power over your heart and I broke it and hurt you."
"I know that Derek. I do. These are just feelings I have had brewing inside me of late that I needed to get out. These last couple of weeks has put things in to perspective a lot for me. When I arrived in Seattle, I put up a strong demeanor because I couldn't stand more guilt from you than I already had. To be truthful, I was a mess. When I offered you those papers, I was not prepared for you to sign. I had lived the last eleven years of my life with you by my side. I didn't know how to be alone anymore, and I didn't want to know. When you didn't sign, you saved me. It scares me to think I was ever so fragile, but that's the truth. Now, five months later, I'm not as fragile."
"That's good." Addison simply nodded and continued.
"I know that you haven't forgotten what happened, you never will. I also know that you totally haven't forgiven me either." He went to object, but was quickly hushed. "I don't blame you. It's not something easily forgotten. Not a day goes by that I don't wish I could go back and change it. However, the fact that we are here, now, together, is a testament to how much we are both trying to move on. The fact that we can get even remotely close to how we used to be is as much as I could have asked for. You're my best friend, you always will be. And my love for you is eternal. I guess it comes with the soul mate territory." Addison stopped again, preparing herself for what she was about to say. Tears began to well, and she needed to get it out. "All of that said, I think we should separate."
For the first time during her speech, she made direct eye contact with Derek. He looked shocked.
"What?"
"I'm giving you what you wanted. You're free."
"Addison! How can you just spring this on me? Do you realize how out of left field this is? Are you feeling okay?"
"Derek…"
"No, Addison. I thought we were making progress. You're the one who asked me to take you back and I did. And we have issues that we are working through."
"I know that. But Derek, I love you too much to hold you back anymore. I see the way you look at her. Its how you used to look at me."
"What does Meredith have to do with this?"
"Everything. Derek, I broke you in New York when I slept with Mark. She fixed you. I saw how you looked at her today when you got off your millionth elevator ride together."
"You were there?"
"Slinked off before you could see me. Not the point. That twinkle in your eye you had when she smiled at you and you smiled back. I'd know it anywhere."
"Addison, I chose you. I chose our marriage."
"I know. And I am more grateful than you'll ever know that you did. But Derek, you did out of obligation more than anything else."
"No!" Derek slammed his fist on the table out of anger. "Addison, I love you. Why don't you see that?"
"Derek, I know you do. But be honest with yourself. You have with Meredith what we lost a long time ago."
"I don't know what to say. I'm honestly speechless."
"I know you are. And I know this is a lot to process. But I think it's for the best. I have one more request as your wife."
"I don't know if I can handle any more confessions right now."
"You won't have to. I just want a dance."
"That much I can do." Addison stood up and extended her hand to Derek. They walked out to the dance floor and began to move to the music. Their bodies were close, with Addison's head resting on Derek's shoulder.
"So, what now?"
"I talked to Richard. I'm taking off some time from work. Let everyone adjust to the new arrangements. I'll be back in about two weeks. I'm not leaving the hospital. I'm under contract and besides, I kind of like it here. Figured I can get an apartment by the water, make it my own, you know. And then, once we all readjust, we can rebuild us."
"What do you mean?"
"What happened in the last two years of our marriage was for a reason. We lost touch with each other. As husband and wife, with all the history, I don't think we can get it back. However, as friends, I think we can. We can start from scratch, whatever it takes. All I know is that you used to consider me your best friend, and I want to get back to that place with you. It will take time, and more conversations about what happened, but again I think not having the pressure of marriage will allow us to be more open with each other and get to the root of the problem. What do you say?"
"I say yes. I say I've missed my best friend. And as long as you can handle the idea of me and Meredith, than I don't want to lose you. Not again." Addison began to softly cry once again, coming to the realization that this was really it for them as a couple. "Hey, don't cry. This will be good for us. I'm not leaving again. I want us to get back to that place where we could tell each other everything with just a look. It will happen."
"I know that. These are more tears of joy that I actually got through everything without breaking down." Derek smiled at her honesty. "And, whatever happens with Meredith, good or bad, I will be here for you. It won't be easy to see you two together, obviously. But as long as I have you near me, I can still tackle anything."
The music slowly began to drift away as the song ended. Addison and Derek just remained together, moving softly to their own beat. Derek felt Addison shift as her hand came up to his cheek. She pulled him down to her, and their lips met in a moment of passion so intense that neither one was really prepared. Addison pulled back first.
"That wasn't goodbye."
"I'd like to think not."
Hope you all liked! Next chapter will pick up about either: a month later and have conversations of the past that need to get out if they rebuild….or three months later with them all copasetic. What do we think? Reviews are nice and you can plug your opinion!