The Present

Jaina left the ship in autopilot after she set its course to a random outer rim planet. She had no where to go, no place she could truly call home. She shook her head at the thought of what was her apartment, that empty space with a few rooms that had once been her secret sancutary of joy with Geist. But he was gone, and he wouldn't be there to kiss her when she got home.

She would only feel that lingering guilt that she had rooted deep in the pit of her stomach for these last twelve years. It was all her fault. They could've been happy. They could've been together. They could've started a life on their own, if only she had put away her pride to leave the Jedi.

Jaina broke down into those heavy, echoing sobs that had taken over her for more than a decade. The source of her never-ending suffering had once been the main cause of her deep joy. He had become her very being and would never leave her mind, for she was no longer whole without him.

She would do anything to have him back. To go back to that point of time, not too long after they had been married, to do everything differently. To be happy now, not miserable. To feel love, to have a home, to have a point in life.

He was right of course. She lived her life riskier now than she had ever before, even more than a year ago. She wanted to die. Because she certainly had nothing left to stay alive. She knew it, she woke up every day realizing it, and doing nothing to stop it, only wishing that somehow, perhaps her training would fail her. Instead of being able to come out of everything, she wanted to lose, for it all to be over.

Her hand reached up to gently touch the deep gash on her face, caked in dried blood. That was what her life had become. An eternal wound, never healing, only opening to bleed more and more. And it would never stop bleeding if she did nothing to help it.

The Past

Jaina entered the apartment and found, to her surprise that Geist had not rushed up to greet her for the first time ever at the door. They had been married for over a year. She stood there for a moment, looking at him, unsure.

"It's absolutely killing me," he said evenly, pain behind his voice and showing in lines upon his face. "You're gone all the time, never home." Jaina rushed forward to sit right next to him, attempting to give him a kiss. He stopped her, pushing her back a little less than gently. "I want my wife to be home with me, Jaina. I can't stand this anymore. I have to ask you to do something for me if you truly love me."

Jaina looked at him, feeling tears starting to form. She pushed them back, refusing to accept them. "Come, love, you know how things have to be. Perhaps you can come with me on a few-"

"No!" he exclaimed, her jumping in surprise. He leaned forward to her, passionately, putting his hands on the sides of her face. "Jaina, if you love me...you will have to leave the Jedi. I can't do this anymore. I need you here with me."

She looked at him, stung. "You know I can't do that," she whispered. "You knew exactly what was happening when you married me."

"Perhaps I thought that you were willing to sacrifice more than you are able." He stood up and turned. "I thought that I was more important to you than being a Jedi." He left and went to their room.

Jaina curled up on the couch and began to cry softly. She stopped her tears with a shuddering sigh, wiping her face dry. She stood and walked slowly to the room, standing for a moment in the door. She watched him lie still, his back to the door in the dark room, only the dim light from the hall shining upon him. She crawled onto the bed behind him and put her hand lightly on his arm. After a moment, he turned towards her, looking at her sadly, sorry for the argument. He reached up to gently touch her face with a sigh and leaned in to give her a soft kiss. Jaina didn't let it stop there and leaned forward again to kiss him, more insistantly. He put his arms around her, where they remained in an embrace for the night.