As they headed back t the cabin, Sara continued to go over in her head what Jim had said and the facts of the situation. Hindsight being 20/20, she thought she shouldn't have accepted so quickly and this was for several reasons, not the least of which being she was still not 100, mentally and emotionally, that is. She liked Jim a lot, that was true, but she admonished herself for putting not only herself but him in a potentially uncomfortable situation. She didn't feel it was fair to him for her to accept his "proposal" until she was certain she was ready for a serious relationship, and that's what she wanted and she knew that's what Jim wanted, too.
They were still silent as they ascended the steps to their cabin and she went to sit on the couch while Jim made a snack in the kitchen. He'd noticed that she was quiet since their chat and truth be told, it was bothering him a bit. Maybe she was going to take it back, tell him she wasn't ready yet, which he could understand. In his mind, he thought that it was too soon for him to ask and readied himself for whatever she had to say on the subject,
whenever she'd readdress it.
It wasn't until nighttime and they were in bed, clothed, this time, that her silence became unbearable for him. She on her back and he on his side, he placed his hand on her heart and was a bit surprised at how fast and hard it was beating. Turning to face him, she offered a lopsided smile and a sigh. His head propped up on his left elbow,
he smiled uncomfortably.
"What's the matter, hun?"
It took a few moments of very uncomfortable silence before she replied.
"I like you Jim. I like you a lot. But I've been thinking that I might not be ready for a relationship just yet. I'm still dealing with what happened and to be honest, being in those situations have made me think about my life and how I want to live it. I definitely want to be with you, GOD, more than anything, but I just don't think I'm ready yet. Its not commitment, I'm not afraid of that, I just don't think I'm much good for myself right now, not to mention anyone else. I know I should have thought more before I said yes, but I was so excited and flattered that I couldn't help myself. I've always like you, that's a secret...I just hope this doesn't ruin things between us. I want to be with you, but I don't believe now is the right time."
More silence and then she rolled over, her back to him. Something in the back of his mind kept telling him to wait, to wait for her to recover some more before asking her, but admittedly selfishly, he wanted to ask then and there. He knew it was too soon and now he was mentally kicking himself...not for putting himself out in the way he did, but for his timing. He slid up behind her, wrapped his right arm around her waist and pulled her to him. Lightly kissing the back of her neck that was exposed from her shirt, he spoke softly.
"I'm sorry, Sara. It was selfish of me to ask so soon. I know you've been through a lot as of late and I should have waited...just remember though, when you're ready, I'll be here for you...now lets get some sleep" he said, kissing her neck one last time
They slept the night very comfortably, and as Jim woke periodically, he just lay there watching Sara sleep. GOD, she was beautiful when she slept, for as long as he and she had been sharing the same bed, this was always something he liked to do. It wasn't creepy or anything, he just liked to watch her sleep. The way certain facial expressions would present themselves on her face, the little noises she would make and the way she would mumble little things that he could not decipher, he loved it all.
The sun was up and so was Jim, having spent the better part of the last hour watching Sara. However, since he had to use the bathroom with some urgency, he carefully slid out of bed and shuffled his way downstairs to do his business. When he was done, he padded into the kitchen to make some coffee and having slipped into some sweats, he took his coffee and sat on the front porch and watched nature for a while. He saw a family of deer cross in front of the cabin and what looked like a family of foxes as well. He was totally relaxed when he got a feeling to turn round' and when he did, he caught a snake coming across the porch and jumped up, high tailing in back inside the cabin. Standing by the door, he watched as the snake crossed the length of the porch and into the woods. He wasn't one to scare easily, but he'd always had a thing about snakes, they'd always given him the creeps. He knew which were poisonous and which were not, but still, he just got the willies whenever he saw one.
A couple of hours later, when Sara woke to an empty bed, she put on some warmer clothes and went down to the kitchen for her own coffee and joined Jim back out on the front porch. They said nothing, save for their good mornings and sat and watched the woods, listening to the birds and other forest critters. Around noon they went into town for some more groceries and to do a bit of sight seeing. There really wasn't much to see, so the trip was short. When they returned to their cottage, Jim began to unload the groceries while Sara sat in the living room writing in her journal, the same one Jim had read all those weeks ago back in her apartment when he'd found her in bed. Having stowed everything, he joined her but didn't ask what she was writing about, his thinking being that if she wanted him to know she'd tell him in her own time. He sat beside her and propped his feet up on the rail of the screened in porch and let out a great sigh. Looking over at him and closing her book, she smiled.
"So, what do we want to do today?" she asked "Looks like its gonna rain. I saw some board games in one of the closets, how do you feel about Mancala"
"Are you sure? Its mighty addictive. One time Greg and I played for four straight hours"
"Well, there seems little else to do, so why not?"
They went inside and pulled out the board and set it on the coffee table, Jim sitting on the floor and Sara on the couch. Sara's warning, ignored by Jim, came true, in that they played for several hours before Jim looked at his watch and realized that they'd been playing for three hours. Surprised, he smiled to himself and moved his few remaining pieces to win the game. Smiling to himself, he got up and stretched his slightly stiff limbs.
"Its 16:00hrs, how bout' supper?" he suggested
"What've you got in mind"
"Eggplant parmesan with rice and steamed veggies?"
While Jim made supper Sara set the table and when she was done she stood in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, watching Jim work his magic. She loved to watch him cook. She noticed that when he was cooking he seemed to be at peace, moving in precise, deliberate silence, doing his thing. As he breaded the eggplant, she watched in amused silence as he hummed to himself and shook his butt as his humming got louder. She tried to figure out what tune he was humming but didn't recognize it.
XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX
The week had come as fast as it had come and when it was time to go back to the city both Jim and Sara were reluctant. This had been the most relaxing week either of them had had in quite some time. As they loaded up the truck they silently said good bye to the lodge and turned to each other, speaking the same words in tandem.
"We've got to come back here some time."
They both smiled and pulled out of the gravel lot and headed back home to the filth and scum of Las Vegas. By the time they got back it was nearly dark and rather than drop her at him at his place, they both stayed at her place. Dropping their bags by the front door, they didn't even bother to unpack before going to bed. They would both have the next day off, to recoup and rest before returning to work.
Around 09:00hrs, the following morning, Jim woke to the sound of someone knocking on the door. Growling, he got up, wearing only his boxers, and went to answer the door. Approaching the front door and looking through the peep hole, he frowned.
On the other side of the door stood Dr. Dellacona, flowers in hand and a big, goofy grin on his face. Jim wondered why the good doctor would be calling so early, and coming up empty, he took a deep breath and sighed. Opening the door and standing there in his shorts he watched the expression on the man's face change from one of hopefulness to confusion as he stared at Jim in his underclothes. Gripping the flowers more tightly, Sal stammered his greeting.
"I...I'm looking for Sara...Is...is she here?"
Smiling on the inside, Jim replied.
"She's asleep. Is there something I can help you with?"
Dejected, Sal just muttered something and turned on his heel, walking back down to his car, pulling out and leaving the apartment complex. As for Jim, he was still standing there, watching as the doctor pulled away, reveling in his small victory.