Arriving back at the de Chagny estate, Raoul helped Christine from the carriage. The driver assisted with Helene and Christine's luggage and tipped his hat to the Viscomte before leaving them at the door. Christine couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief to be in more familiar surroundings again…even if it didn't really feel like home to her, and she had felt a bit like an intruder at first. Raoul's family had never welcomed her and would most likely be ecstatic upon hearing news of their broken engagement. Broken engagement. Yes, I do need to address the issue. But how…and when? Christine chewed her lip but then inwardly scolded herself when she realized what she was doing. I am acting like a child!
Raoul walked her upstairs and she sat down on her bed, slipping her shoes off and wiggling her toes. She was still barely speaking to him, and he finally seemed to notice.
"Christine, you are being terribly quiet. Is something wrong?"
She drew in a deep breath. It might as well be now. "Raoul…there is no easy way to say what I have to say."
He knelt before her. "Lotte? What are you talking about? What is wrong?" He frowned and she could see that there was an alarmed expression in his eyes.
"I…I don't know how this has happened. I don't even know where to begin…" she spoke, her eyes darting everywhere except to Raoul.
He grasped her elbows. "Christine! Tell me what is going on!" He was becoming quite upset at her strange demeanor.
"Raoul, you're hurting me!" she cried, and he released her elbows at once. "I'm…I'm so sorry…I don't know what came over me, darling. Forgive me." He looked away.
"It's alright, Raoul. What I am trying to say is…do you remember the night of Il Muto?"
"Do I remember? How on earth could I forget such a dreadful evening? A man was murdered, for God's sake!"
"Yes…I know…perhaps I should have phrased it differently. I meant to ask if you recalled our conversation on the roof of the Populaire that evening."
"Yes…" he replied hesitantly.
"I…I was…very, very frightened that night, do you remember?"
"Yes, Christine, I remember. And I told you that I would protect you and guard you…that I would hide you from that monster."
Christine shuddered. This is not going to be easy. "Raoul…I believe that…well, what I think is…that I…I turned to you because I was frightened."
Raoul's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"
She covered her face with her hands. "I don't know…I…I just think that what I felt for you…what I feel for you…is more of…friendship. I love you, Raoul…"
"And I love you," he responded, reaching for her hands.
"…but I do not believe that I am in love with you."
He froze. "What?"
She looked at him with tears in her eyes. "I cannot marry you."
"Christine?" He looked as if he were struggling to breathe. "You…you can't mean that!"
"I'm so sorry. I…I was afraid, Raoul! I was a scared, little girl living in a dream world—and you…you were like my knight in shining armor, coming to take me away and rescue me from the horrible beast…like the stories that Father used to tell us. I wanted the fairy tale to come true, Raoul, I honestly did. But life is not a fairy tale…and I am not a damsel in distress any longer." She looked down at her hands in her lap. "I have had time to think, time to breathe…and I know that I cannot join myself to you in marriage. I thought perhaps that I might need more time to see what was in my heart, but I realized the truth sooner than I expected. My feelings are not going to change. I am not the Little Lotte that you knew. Little Lotte thought of everything and nothing…and she needed to be rescued. You rescued her, Raoul…and she has grown up now. Please know that I will always love you for what you have done for me."
He stared at her, speechless, his mouth hanging open. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. His love, the woman he was to marry, had just shattered his dream. He shook his head in disbelief. "You don't know what it is that you are saying…you are simply exhausted from your week away. Get some rest and we will speak about this tomorrow," he replied coldly. He stood and backed away from her. "Goodnight, Christine." He left the room, slamming the door shut behind him.
Christine collapsed on her bed, sobbing. What did I expect? I am such a fool! Did I think that he would accept this news easily? He will not give me up without a fight, I am certain of it. I have to leave this place tomorrow. I cannot stay here any longer, she thought. She tried to form an escape plan in her mind…a plan to leave the de Chagny estate and begin her life as a new woman.
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Christine awoke early, the sun shining brightly in her eyes. Helene had come in and opened the drapes abruptly, letting in the light.
"Helene? What…what time is it?"
"It is nearly seven-thirty, Mademoiselle. Le Viscomte asked me to wake you."
Christine felt sick. "Th-thank you, Helene. Would you help me dress, please?"
Christine gingerly walked downstairs after dressing, wondering what exactly was going on. Why would he ask her to wake me at this hour? Suddenly, a fear washed over her. I am going to have to go through this all over again.
She stepped into the dining room, where she saw that Raoul was seated, reading the newspaper and sipping his morning coffee. She watched him for a moment and was startled when she realized that she felt completely numb…no emotion for this man who had saved her, who had done nothing but love her and risk his life for her. What kind of heartless woman am I? she marveled.
Raoul looked up from his paper. "Come in, Christine, please. Sit down." She did not care for his tone at all.
"I have been thinking about what you told me last night," he gazed at her sadly. "Did you mean what you said? Do you no longer wish to become my wife?"
She averted her eyes from his gaze. "I…I'm so sorry, Raoul. I did mean what I said last night…all of it. I will always love you, but I cannot become your wife."
He nodded curtly. "Very well. You will pack your belongings at once and leave this house."
"Wh-what?" she stammered. I was expecting at least some sort of…protest.
"You heard me, Christine. If you are not to become my wife, then there is no reason for you to be here, is there?" There was pain in his voice, and bitterness. "I want to know one thing."
She swallowed hard.
"Did you…were you…ever in love with me, Lotte?" his expression softened a bit.
"Oh, Raoul. I…I thought I was. But when we spent a week apart, I realized that…that what I feel for you is love, but it is not the love between a man and wife. I'm so, so sorry," she wept.
"And this has nothing to do with that…that monster?" he spat the words at her.
Oh, no. Oh, God, no. "I…I cannot honestly say that it has nothing to do with him," she replied, her stomach tensing.
"So you have feelings for him, then?" he looked at her coldly.
"I cannot say for certain," she lied. "He will always have a special place in my heart."
He leaned back in his chair. "Well. I suppose that there isn't any more to say, then, is there? I believe I understand you perfectly. I shall order my carriage to escort you to wherever you wish to go when you leave here today. Helene will help you to pack your belongings," he spoke the last words softly, and she could see that he was purposely putting up a wall against her in his heart. She stood from her chair and touched his cheek. "Raoul, I…" He averted his eyes from hers. "Just go, Christine…please, just go."
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Helene assisted Christine with the last of her garments. Several suitcases were lined neatly in a row by the bedroom door. "Mademoiselle, I…I am going to miss you," Helene smiled sadly at Christine.
"Oh, Helene, and I you," she reached out to embrace her. Helene had been the closest thing to a friend that Christine had had recently, as she had not spoken with Meg since the fire. "Thank you…for everything."
Helene left the room and Christine quickly jotted a note to Raoul on a piece of stationery.
Dearest Raoul:
I hope that someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me for my actions. I know that I was a foolish girl, and perhaps part of me still is. But I need to find out who I really am, and try to make a life for myself.
I am so sorry that I have hurt you. You have always been a good friend to me and I will hold all of our times together fondly in my heart for the rest of my life.
With Deepest Love,
Christine
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Raoul escorted Christine out to the waiting carriage. "Goodbye, Little Lotte," he said, allowing her to embrace him one last time. She pulled his head down to hers and kissed him on the mouth. "I shall always love you, Raoul de Chagny. Please forgive me." A tear trickled down her cheek as she stepped into the carriage and closed the door. She watched the estate disappear into the distance and she sighed a sigh of relief. Oh, God, thank you for getting me through this. Now…I need Your help even more. She prayed that the seamstress would welcome her with open arms, as the carriage traveled down the dusty road toward its destination.
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Erik stood looking out the kitchen windows. He felt like a desperate man praying a desperate prayer. "Bring her back to me, Lord," he whispered. "Please, bring her back to me."
A/N: Okay, I already know what you're all thinkin'...how could Raoul just let her go without a fight? But be patient, my wonderful readers! You will understand in time!
To poetzproblem: You're BACK! Thank you, I'm glad that you think the transition in Christine's life is believable. Unfortunately, poor Raoul is scrambling to catch up!
To haley macrae: Thanks again...your comments are always so kind and encouraging!
To Barbara: I'm so glad you decided to post a review! Thanks for your nice comments about the tea chapter (20). It was weird...like I could feel the tension myself! I did my best to try and convey everyone's emotions and personalities. Glad you're enjoying the story!