Title: Stupid

Rating: T

Summary: Alec and Max think about their dumb mistakes.

Stupid

Alec had done something stupid.

It's not like it was a big surprise, considering his track record. He was known for doing dumb, irrational, foolish things, usually in his chase for the perfect adrenaline rush. He supposed the hormone that pumped through his system and caused his heart to start beating faster, his palms to sweat, and his already enhanced strength to escalate even higher made him feel more alive. After living a half-life at Manticore, with no liberty to feel and no freedoms and none of the pleasant, everyday things that most humans took for granted, it was understandable for Alec to want to feel alive. But he never thought his mind - or rather, his heart - would adapt to this need in such a way.

Because it no longer took a hazardous, potentially life-threatening heist to get his heart beating faster, or get his palms to sweat, or to cause adrenaline to pump through his system. All it took was a glance from those dark, deep brown eyes. Despite the fact that the only emotions ever directed at him from those eyes were annoyance, anger, and once or twice even hatred after she'd learned of some of his more stupid actions.

She had no idea how that cut into him, the fact that she never smiled genuinely at him and never offered any of that easy caring she bestowed on her closest friends. Then again, how could she know? He went to great lengths to rile her, tease her, and push her away. To make everything about her seem like a big joke, as if she didn't matter. He supposed it was how he protected himself. She could never know just how much she meant to him. He wouldn't be able to stand the rejection. So he made himself accept what he got from her, which was a whole lot of anger and loud screeching.

He couldn't help but admit that he took selfish satisfaction in the emotions he was able invoke in her. They were always fierce and fiery, her vehemence in its own way a type of passion. And despite all her heartfelt words about Logan, she never felt anything akin to passion for the bespectacled older man from what Alec could tell. She was comfortable with him, she loved him easily, and she trusted him and the bond they'd formed. But all of it was simple and light and sweet.

He was certain that were she ever to actually give Alec a chance, he could show her what hot, furious, passionate love was. Not that he really knew himself, since his only experience with love had been bittersweet in the beginning and tragic at the end. But igniting emotions in her and firing her up were almost instinctual to him, as easy as breathing. He suspected that loving her would come in much of the same way.

But he'd never get the chance to love her.

He sighed. He'd be all right. He always was. He wanted her, but he could bury that down deep, somewhere between the things he'd done at Manticore that he'd forced himself to forget and the pain of Rachel's death. His heart was surrounded by more walls than Manticore had ever managed to build around its soldiers. And that certainly wasn't changing because he'd gone and done something incredibly stupid.

It wouldn't change just because he'd fallen in love with Max Guevara.

-------

Max had done something stupid.

It was pretty surprising, given her track record. She'd never been one to jump into something without carefully considering every detail of the situation and all the possible outcomes. She'd spent her entire life being hunted, and as such had learned caution. The only time she really stepped out of her box was when someone she knew was in trouble and needed help.

She rolled her eyes slightly. If she hadn't been such a do-gooder, maybe she wouldn't have gone and done something so idiotic. Maybe if she hadn't saved his ass nearly every week, hadn't had to look into his bright green eyes and see reluctant gratefulness lurking there, she wouldn't have let her emotions run away with her. Because whenever that hazel gaze focused on her, her heart started beating faster, and her palms started to sweat, and adrenaline rushed through her system. It didn't matter that the only emotions inside of those light green depths were amusement and cynicism at her idealistic views. It didn't matter that he tomcatted all through this city. Those things hurt her more than he'd ever know, but they didn't stop her from feeling this way.

So she hid her emotions behind a barrier of annoyance and distrust, viewing everything he did with just a little bit more criticality than was normal. She supposed it was her way of protecting herself. Because he could never know how much he meant to her. She knew that would only lead to heartbreaking rejection. So she watched him pick up those girls and flirt as they flaunted their bodies at him, and she made herself accept it.

She couldn't help but take satisfaction in the fact that none of his blonde-haired, big-breasted bimbos ever challenged him. He sent them a charming smile, and they melted like butter. By the end of his first sentence they were already pressed up against him, and by the end of the second he was leading them out of the bar. But they never stayed, and he never kept them around. She sometimes comforted herself in thinking that they were never really good enough, that they fell for his ploys too easily and didn't excite him beyond the initial attraction.

A small part of her whispered in her mind that she could show Alec what a true challenge was. She could show him how rewarding it was to work at a relationship and succeed, to be with someone who didn't fall for his charismatic attitude so easily. She could teach him how to let a woman mean more than just entertainment, and how great a feeling it could be to have a passionate relationship with someone. Not that she really knew about that, herself. Her relationship with Logan had been pleasant and comforting and exactly what she'd needed after a lifetime of running. But there hadn't been awe-inspiring infatuation and attraction. It was hardly heated, even in the time before the virus. But she suspected with Alec it would be only natural to have a passionate relationship.

Not that she'd ever get the chance to have a relationship with Alec.

She sighed. She knew him well enough to know that he wasn't safe. Oh sure, he always had her back. When she thought about all the times he'd so willingly done everything she'd asked him to do, she realized how much she trusted him despite their rocky history. But even if she relied on him to keep her safe, she didn't trust him to protect her from the most dangerous thing of all. Himself. She could never trust him with her heart.

No, she wouldn't disrupt her life and take any more unnecessary pain. She'd learned long ago to be careful with who she depended on. After her tough childhood, the loss of her siblings and the betrayal of people she'd trusted, Max knew much better than to trust people blindly and willingly. She wouldn't change her habits just because she'd gone and done something stupid.

She wouldn't hurt anymore simply because she'd fallen in love with Alec McDowell.